Why Not Me?

by Ashley Erin

  Taking a deep breath, I strip naked.

  Landon is on the other side of the bathroom door. He’s probably wearing his usual pajamas of sweats and no shirt. My heart pounds in my chest as I bounce on the balls of my feet. Shaking my hands at my sides, I close my eyes. This has always been the easy part for us, but our circumstances were so different back then. It’s not wrong anymore. Maybe Landon will find me boring. I’m not a strictly missionary type of girl, but I’m no sex goddess either.

  I summon up my confidence and open the door. Landon turns to me, his eyes widening when he sees me. He’s wearing a pair of black sweats that hang low on his hips. His body is more toned now that he’s older, that sexy V defined in a way it wasn’t seven years ago.

  Crossing the room, I press my body into him and slide my hands into his waistband to cup his ass. I tilt my head back and wait until he lowers his head down to mine, kissing me. He slides his tongue against mine, his intoxicating taste fueling me.

  Shoving his pants down his legs, I wrap my hand around his cock and start pumping my fist. Licking my lips as precum glistens on the tip, I kneel down and wrap my lips around him. Swirling my tongue around the head of his cock, I look up and suck.

  Landon’s head drops back as I take him all the way to the back of my throat, cupping his balls in my hand as I swallow.

  “Holy shit,” Landon groans, his hands winding into my hair.

  I devour him, loving the way he responds to me.

  Pouting when he pulls his hips away from me, I giggle as he tosses me onto the bed and drops his pants the rest of the way.

  I can’t tear my eyes away from him as he picks up my right leg and kisses his way up my body stopping at the apex between my thighs. My heart pounds, my stomach full of butterflies, as he lifts my legs over his shoulders and teases my clit with his tongue as he slides a finger into my pussy. He works me over, remembering every single one of my buttons, until I’m panting.

  Landon worships my body in a way I’ve never experienced before. This time is completely different from all our previous ones. They were all hurried, an attempt at sneaking in moments whenever we could.

  “Oh God.” He presses one hand down on my stomach, holding me in place as he sucks on my clit and works his fingers until I’m clenching around his finger, an orgasm ripping through my body.

  Landon kisses his way up past my stomach, my breasts, my neck until his lips meet mine in a passionate kiss. I can’t tear my eyes away from his as he aligns his body with mine, the head of his dick pressing against me. He thrusts into me, my body clenching around him as I adjust to the intrusion. It’s been months since I’ve had sex and he feels amazing, filling me until I’m quivering with need.

  Our eyes are locked as he begins to move, slowly pulling out before thrusting back in hitting my sweet spot. He hums, a low rumble in his throat, as I wrap my legs around his waist and roll my hips.

  His movements quicken as I start to clench around him. My body tingling as I can feel the release building until I fall. Landon drops his forehead to mine as his own orgasm follows.

  Landon collapses next to me, kissing me as he wraps his arms around me.

  “I’ve never stopped thinking about you or us and what we could have had. This feeling, being here with you, is incredible.” His voice is raspy, full of desire.

  His words should fill me with warmth, but instead doubt seeps in. The same doubt that I used to have when Landon continued to date Melissa even though he kept telling me he wanted us to be together. Its onset is sudden and paralyzing.

  I can’t handle going through losing him again. Being with him isn’t just a fantasy to me, it feels right. But I don’t know if it’s one-sided.

  “Landon, I need to know—is this, us, just fulfilling a fantasy? Are we an unrealistic expectation that we’ve clung to over the last seven years because it was something we couldn’t have? I guess I just need to know that this is real. Looking back, I can’t help but think about how you had all those chances to end things with Melissa, but there was always a reason not to. And now we’re here, we’re doing this, and I wonder if I’m going to meet your expectations or if the excitement is gone now that we’re not sneaking around. There is nothing left to stand in our way and is the absence of obstacles going to take away the appeal?” The words spill out, ruining what should be our post-orgasmic bliss, but I can’t help them. I need to know and I refuse to hold in my doubts like I did before.

  He cups my cheek, his eyes flicking between mine. “Is this a fantasy? Yes, it is. I’ve dreamt of this moment even when I fought it, when I tried to create a life without you. The only difference is, right now it has transitioned into a reality. A reality I never thought I would get. I know you’re scared, but I’m crazy about you and that’s not going to disappear. I promise.”

  I stare at him, his words appeasing me a little. The worry won’t go away immediately, but that’s part of being in a relationship, taking that leap of faith and hoping it works out.

  “Okay.” I try to sound sure, but it’s hard to shut the doubt out.

  He pulls me closer until there is no space between us. “I know what that means in woman-speak,” he chuckles ruefully, “but let’s look at this as a new relationship instead of one we’re revisiting. We’re starting fresh and we need to build that trust.”

  Smiling, I lean in and give him a quick kiss. “You’re right. We can’t compare what we have now to before. We’re older, wiser, and this is a real relationship.”

  He holds me close, the steady beat of his heart comforting. I’m appeased, but only a little. We need the time. The foundation. It took a long time for things to feel steady with Brendan and me, it’s going to take time with Landon too. I just hope that we meet each other’s expectations.

  Closing my eyes, I curl into Landon and kiss his chest. That’s how we fall asleep, wrapped around each other.

  Over the next month I work hard to show Allie that the reality is just as good as the fantasy. We finally go zip-lining in the mountains, we walk every day through the park with PeeWee, and we end each day curled up on one of our couches with both of our pets, who surprisingly get along extremely well.

  Glancing at my clock, I suppress a yawn when I realize I have one more client to get through before I get to go home to pick up PeeWee and head to Allie’s for the night.

  Shutting down my computer, I lock everything up and then head into the main clinic area. I smile when Carson walks in. He’s a thirteen-year-old boy who injured his knee playing football.

  “Carson, my man!” We bump fists as he comes in. “How’s the knee?”

  “It’s getting better. Can I play again soon?” he asks in an eager voice.

  “Let’s check it out.”

  I check out his knee and then have him do a series of exercises. It’s significantly better, but he shouldn’t play quite yet.

  “So, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want first?” I’m direct, but gentle as I sit down on the bench next to him.

  “Bad news, obviously.” Carson sighs, disappointment heavy in his tone.

  “You can’t play yet. However, you’re close. If you do your exercises, I think you’ll be ready for the field in a couple of weeks.”

  He nods, his face falling, but he works through the rest of our session like a trooper. At the end, his mom still hasn’t come back to pick him up.

  “Where’s your mom?” I glance at the clock and see she’s ten minutes late. It’s unusual for her to be late, but I also know they’ve been struggling trying to coordinate all the appointments since his dad’s out of town and she’s managing five kids on her own.

  Carson looks out the window, the crease in his brow smoothing. “There she is. She had to pick up Ty from soccer practice, it must’ve ran late.”

  He shoves the door open, waving as he heads out. “See you next week, Landon!”

  Gathering my things, I race out the door while dialing Allie.

  “Hey, babe! Where are you?�
� I can hear the smile in her voice and it’s a soothing balm to a long day.

  “I’m sorry, I just left work. Why don’t you order Chinese, and I’ll pick it up after I grab PeeWee.”

  Hanging up, I race home ignoring Josh as I grab my bag and clip PeeWee’s leash onto his collar. This entire day I’ve felt rushed and all I want is to get to Allie’s where I will finally be able to unwind.

  At the end of every day, whether the day is good or bad, the highlight is seeing her. She always manages to put a smile on my face and the couple of months that we’ve been together I’ve never been happier.

  I’m still head over heels in love with her, but I think it’s too soon to tell her. We need more time, we need to enjoy this togetherness without pushing things to move too fast. I want to savor our time, cherish each moment instead of rushing them. All our previous memories are tainted with hurry and secrets. Not this time.

  Thirty minutes later we’re walking into Allie’s condo. PeeWee races off after I unclip his leash, searching for Blade.

  Allie is nowhere to be seen, so I carry the Chinese food to the kitchen table and set everything out. I just finish setting the table when arms wrap around me from behind.

  Turning in her embrace, I lean down and kiss her. I love being able to kiss her after a long day at work. “This, this is one of my favorite parts of the day. Nothing compares to your smile.”

  I wish when I was coming home to her, that this was our home. My head has moved into overdrive. Despite agreeing to start fresh, from scratch, my brain hasn’t quite gotten the memo. Every time I see her, all I can do is imagine where we could be instead of where we are.

  My brothers have moved from harassing me about crushing on someone in a relationship to harassing me about being so mushy. I just laugh right back at them because one day they’ll be in my shoes. I love Allie and I’m not ashamed to show it.

  “It’s my favorite too. That, and having dinner with you and talking about our day.” She sits down at the kitchen table, breathing in the delicious aroma coming up from the spread on the table. “This smells amazing. I’m starving, my meeting ran long and I didn’t get to eat lunch today.”

  We dig in, Allie telling me how the park is progressing. She’s been so stressed out over it, but despite the strain and the immense weight on her shoulders, she loves what she does and her hard work is why this town is as beautiful as it is. She doesn’t realize that she is imprinted all over, her touch creating beauty everywhere you look.

  I had no idea until one of our evening walks just how much of an impact she’s had around the community. Now whenever I drive through town, I get to enjoy it more knowing the woman I love has made it the place I love to live.

  Every part of this town that I’ve always thought is perfect came from Allie. It makes total sense, she’s had this hold on me from the moment I met her.

  “I was thinking, we should get away this weekend. Take the critters with us and go camping or something. Blade has gotten better with his harness, I think he likes being able to go outside. You’ve been working so hard, you deserve a break.” Pulling out the pamphlet, I show her the idyllic campground I found that’s only two hours away.

  There’s a stunning lake with a hiking trail that goes around the entire circumference. Along the trail is a gorgeous, sandy beach that’s secluded in a little cove, and since it’s a ten mile walk from the campground it tends not to get to busy.

  Allie flips through the pamphlet, checking out the photos. The campsites all need to be hiked to, and are surrounded by gorgeous trees and shrubs, giving complete privacy from the other campers.

  It’s perfect for a romantic weekend getaway.

  “Landon, this place looks amazing. I’d love to go with you.” She pauses, glancing back down at the pamphlet. “You know, with the park now underway, things should be settling down at work. I’ve banked up quite a bit of vacation time. Maybe we can go for a week, instead of just a weekend.”

  A smile spreads across my face. “You want to go on a week’s vacation with me?”

  She shrugs her shoulders and bites back a grin. “I mean, I guess that would be fun. You’re all right.”

  “You’re pretty ‘all right’ yourself.” I smirk and wink at her.

  We finish eating and then clear the table together. It’s incredibly domestic, something I’ve never had before. Melissa and I never ate together. Even though she seemed determined to make things work with us, we hardly spent any time together. It falls on both of us, I was only invested in the relationship because of what I lost, and she was only invested in it because she liked the way we looked together.

  That’s what makes me appreciate every moment with Allie, even the seemingly mundane ones. They’re what’s been missing in my life. It’s not the huge events that make a life, it’s the compilation of the small moments, the moments that are often overlooked.

  I don’t want to take any moment with Allie for granted, you never know when they will be stolen from you.

  The dishes washed and a fresh pot of coffee percolating, I fold Allie into my arms and kiss her softly, loving the way she fits right into me.

  “Let me know when you can book your vacation days and I’ll arrange everything else. In the meantime—” I bend down and throw her over my shoulder. She screams, her hands pressing into my lower back to push herself up a bit.

  I stalk to her bedroom and gently toss her on the bed, my lips crashing against hers. Grinding into her, I groan as she deepens the kiss and wraps her legs around my waist.

  Allie tips her chin back as I bury my face into her neck, kissing and licking my way down to her collarbone. She runs a hand through my hair, cupping the back of my neck.

  Capturing her lips with mine again, I revel in the way she tastes. The softness of her lips against mine as we savor each other.

  Allie sighs when her cell rings. Rolling off her, I smirk as she smooths her hair before answering. She sighs when she hears who is on the other line. Covering the mouthpiece she says, “Why don’t we pick this up in the shower? I’ll make this quick. I promise.”

  She walks out into the hallway, irritation heavy in her tone.

  Instead of a shower, I turn the faucet on the tub. Once the temperature is perfect, I dig below her cabinets until I find her bath salts. Sprinkling them in, I check the temperature before putting the finishing touch and lighting candles.

  Stripping down, I climb into the tub and wait for Allie. If you would have asked me a year ago where I’d be now, I never would have thought it would be here. Chewing on my lip, I find Brendan absorbing my thoughts as I hear Allie’s voice muffled through the door.

  He’s the one topic we don’t touch. I know Allie misses him, but she feels guilty about missing him because she feels like it’s a betrayal to me. If I’m honest, I don’t know how I feel. I know that she doesn’t want to be with him, but a part of me doesn’t know if they can transition into being strictly friends.

  Sliding down, I sink under the water. I guess it’s a non-issue, I doubt either of them are willing to deal with the discomfort of that situation—again—but I feel bad knowing that out of everything she’s given up to be with me, she lost her best friend.

  Sitting up, I run my hands through my hair and shake off these thoughts. Life is messy, and I believe Allie and I are prepared to handle the messy bits.

  When the door creaks open, my mouth dries as I see Allie lean against the doorframe. Completely naked. She’s stunning, her skin silky and smooth. Her curves flowing in a soft, feminine way that I can’t get enough of.

  Her hips sway enticingly as she crosses the room, her long legs teasing me as she climbs into the tub and straddles me.

  “Now, where were we?” Her voice loses the edge it held earlier, lowering into a seductive tone.

  She reaches into the water, fisting my cock. My eyes practically roll back in my head as she sinks down over me. Allie rides me, our lips locked. Every part of us is touching, my arms holding her close becau
se I don’t feel like we’re close enough still.

  Reaching down, I circle my thumb over her clit when I feel her begin to clench around me. She leans back, her hands on my shoulders as she rocks faster. Her breath quickens as her release rocks through her body. Her pussy grips me like a vice, ripping my own orgasm from me.

  Allie drops her forehead to my shoulder, a breathy chuckle rushing from her lips. “We lost most of our water to the floor.”

  We both look over to where water covers the tile. Shrugging, Allie lifts from me and positions herself on the other side of the tub facing me, splashing me with a giggle.

  We don’t get out of the tub until the water is cold, talking about anything and everything that comes to mind. We finally drain the tub, but when I try to clean up the mess on the floor, Allie grabs my hand and pulls me to her bed.

  We crawl under the covers, lying on our sides facing each other.

  “Tell me something I don’t know. Something you don’t share often.” Her eyes are intense, the hazel more green than usual, and it feels like she sees everything.

  At first, that feeling intimidates me, but then I realize I want her to see everything. I want her to know me like no other.

  “Two years after I ended us, I looked you up. I couldn’t get you out of my head, things with Melissa were awful, and I just wanted to see you. So, I went to the university and found you. You were sitting alone in the library, at your favorite corner table, and you were so beautiful and focused. It felt like I could breathe again. And then, before I could summon the courage to approach you, Brendan took the empty chair next to you. The way your eyes lit up, the brilliance of your smile, I couldn’t take that away from you again. I went back home to Melissa and never told anyone, until now.” My voice is sad, the weight of what I lost hit extra hard as I stood frozen watching them.

  Recalling that day is painful. It was the first moment I saw what I could have had. Instead, I went home to Melissa. We were both so miserable but too stubborn to end things for our own reasons.