No.
Healing comes in death alone.
Chapter 10 - Remi
What Paxton calls a holding cell is more like a room with a large, thick door and a padlock on the other side of it to keep in prisoners. Gabe leads me to the room without saying a word. I don’t blame him for not talking. I don’t say anything either. There is nothing to say.
At least I’m not cuffed. The almost empty, windowless room is lit by harsh, white incandescent lights. An ominous single chair waits for me at the other end. I walk to it without having to be told. Gabe stands at the door, his eyes hanging on me.
“You don’t have to say anything, Gabe.”
He lets out a sigh. “Why did you bring the gun?”
“Same reason you didn’t bring enough ammunition,” I come back. “Poor judgement.”
His eyes are fixed on me firmly now, but I’m the one to turn away.
“I don’t want you to take the fall,” I say. “There’s no reason for both of us to be punished.”
“I never asked you to do it,” he says.
My head jerks to him and I can feel my neck and cheeks getting hot. He had basically asked me to break into Headquarters for him. “You didn’t exactly protest my offer when I made it.”
“I was afraid this was going to happen,” he says. “I just didn’t think you’d be dumb enough to bring the gun.”
“Well, I wasn’t exactly expecting Paxton to come along, was I?”
Gabe shakes his head. “I wasn’t either.”
“What’s going to happen next?”
Gabe shrugs. “I'm sure the elders are going to talk it over. You might be sent away. I don’t know. Paxton isn’t a terrible man, he’s just untrusting. If he thinks he can’t trust you, he’s not going to want you here at all.”
“Will they at least let me tell my side of the story?” I ask.
His face seems to lose color for a minute.
“I’m not talking about mentioning Shadowface,” I say. “Just that I really want my weapons back.”
“I don’t know if they will let you talk. You’ve already incriminated yourself. You did break into Headquarters and steal the gun. Regardless of your reasons, you are guilty in their eyes.”
Gabe was right. They were going to throw me to the dogs and there was nothing I could do about it. He stands in the doorway for a few more moments. I want to tell him to go away, that our friendship isn’t so deep that he should feel as guilty as he does. I’ll find my way. I’ll take whatever Paxton and his elders give me. Finally, Gabe says that he will keep me updated, and turns to leave.
“I’m sorry about Skip,” I say. It sounds half-hearted but I mean it. No one deserves to end like that.
Gabe stalls for a moment as if he wants to say more, then he closes the door behind him, locking it securely.
The room is silent but for my steady breathing. I’m not scared. There is no reason to be now. Being locked away in a room keeps me safe from the greyskins. I’m safer in here than on the outside - at least, for now I am.
It’s just like me to do something stupid like this. It’s just like me to feel the need to take a stolen gun and then use it. It’s been three months since I killed a greyskin. Seeing them surrounding us like they did…I just couldn’t handle it. When I ran out of ammo, I had no other choice but to pull out the gun. In fact, wasn’t it smart that I brought the gun? Didn’t I save my life? Our lives?
Throughout the next few hours I try to focus my hearing in every direction possible. I close my eyes in deep concentration, doing my best to locate the second floor of the headquarters building. I’ve found that the longer I’ve stayed at a place, the better I am at locating sounds. If I’m unfamiliar, I can’t determine the direction of the noise nearly as well. The only problem is that now I hear nothing. Paxton’s meeting with the elders hasn’t started, or it’s taking place somewhere else.
I let my senses dull and stare down at the cold, blank floor in front of me, unsure of how I came to this. Immediately, I know… I stole from Paxton, but in a way, I also stole from Crestwood. How had I gone from a fun-loving, college party girl to a rifle-wielding, greyskin-stabbing, cold girl? But I know I’m not unique. There are a million like me. Unless they’re dead.
I had been well-liked in my former life. I had many friends, but none of them close. I guess even before all this greyskin stuff started, I kept people at a distance. I never had much of a relationship with my family, especially my parents. It’s something that I feel like I should regret, but knowing that they are all dead, I don’t see the point in it. Part of me knows I should have been closer to them all, but another part of me feels relieved that I had been distant for so long. It made it easier to swallow the fact that all of them were probably eaten and gone. I try not to think about the possibility that they still roam the world, turning more of their victims into mindless creatures just like themselves.
I’ve been truly close to only two people in my life…both of them are probably gone forever. I can feel the tears start to sting my eyes so I shake my head as though to fling the thoughts away.
I focus my hearing again, doing my best to erase all the extra noise throughout Crestwood. This time, I can hear noises on the second floor of Headquarters. I think I hear four distinct voices, Paxton not among them. I haven’t been around many of the elders much, but I have heard each of them speak before and I know what they look like. There’s Lillian, the only woman out of the five elders. Then there’s Gavin. He’s a small man who wears glasses and sniffs a lot when he talks as though he has an allergy. Kenneth is the country type that likes to wear flannel and boots. He has a deeper voice than all the others. Avery used to be a medical doctor. I can picture him now as he talks, his white beard moving up and down with every word. Then there’s Paxton, but he doesn’t seem to be present with the others yet.
“But we ain’t scheduled to be here ’til tomorrow,” Kenneth says.
“Robert called us here,” Lillian chides.
“Did we find out who broke in then?” Gavin says in his mousy voice. Sniff.
“Robert will tell us when he gets here,” Lillian says. I haven’t talked to her much, but I can see her looking down her pointed nose at the others sitting at the table on the second floor. To me she always seemed like the type to be very proud to be an elder, thus taking a non-official leadership role, second only to Robert himself. I had never heard anyone call Paxton Robert before Lillian. It seems too personal.
There are footsteps coming down the stairs from the third floor. The door opens, and Avery is the first to speak.
“You mind telling us what this is about, Paxton?”
I hear Paxton move to the table and finally take his seat before answering anyone. I can imagine they are staring at him with confused looks on their faces, wondering what could be so dire that they would need to interrupt their day for an elder meeting.
“We lost a man today,” Paxton says. A couple of gasps float up in the air, most notably from Lillian, who I’m sure is sitting right next to him.
“Who?” I think Kenneth asks.
“Skip,” Paxton answers. “I was out there with the team going to Sturgis.”
“I’m assuming then that we didn’t get the town cleared?” someone asks.
There is no audible reply, but Paxton probably shakes his head. “We’ll do the normal ceremony bull crap that we usually do, but that’s not why I called the meeting.” A beat. “I’ve found the culprit. Some of you might know her. She calls herself Remi.”
“I know her,” Lillian says. “I thought she was the one. Ever since I laid eyes on her I knew she would be trouble.”
My jaw clenches when she talks. Lillian has barely even said hello to me, how could she have pegged me as a lawbreaker?
“How did you find out?” Gavin asks.
“I found the gun on her,” Paxton says.
“Have you questioned her about it?”
“Didn’t need to. She offered no explanation. S
he didn’t try to deny anything. She’s the one. I’m bringing this up because we have to figure out what to do about it.”
“This is the first time we’ve caught someone stealing,” Avery says.
“It cannot be taken lightly,” Lillian agrees.
“So,” Paxton says, “what do we do? It’s not like we have written laws about what we do with thieves. We have no judges, juries, or lawyers.”
“This is why I’ve been urging us to come up with laws,” Avery says, obviously irritated. “How many times have I mentioned this? If we have set laws, we don’t even have to meet. We will know what needs to be done.”
“But you open up a whole can of worms along with it, Avery,” Kenneth says. “Do we let the people decide the laws? Do we decide the laws for them? How bad do we punish somebody? What about the different degrees of theft? Killing? It’s not as simple as saying, anyone who steals must have their hand cut off. What if they were taking something they thought was theirs? What Paxton says is right, it’s not like what it used to be.”
“So, we just let these things go unpunished?” Avery says.
“Of course not,” Paxton says. “Why do you think I’ve called all of you in? We are here to decide what to do with Remi. This isn’t a meeting about writing new laws.”
There is a hush in the room. It’s uncomfortable and I don’t like it. I wish I could see in there, though I know I don’t have to. My imagination shows that Avery is stroking his white beard, while Kenneth’s knees move up and down rapidly. Gavin probably stares at the table, too afraid to voice his own opinion. Lillian stares dutifully at Paxton, waiting for him to ask her what her opinion is, but Paxton ignores her, staring straight ahead until someone else talks first.
Finally, Kenneth speaks. “Well, what I said about cutting off her hand ain’t a bad idea.”
“This isn’t the Middle Ages, Kenneth,” Gavin says, finding the courage to confront the large man. Sniff. “Don’t be ignorant. The people won’t like it. It’s barbaric.”
“Maybe,” Paxton says, “but I’m not ruling out anything. Sometimes even the smallest crime should warrant a big consequence. The bigger the consequence, the less likely one is to repeat one’s actions.”
“What are you saying?” Avery asks.
“Killing her,” Kenneth says. I can almost hear the smile in his tone.
“I’m just saying it’s on the table,” Paxton says.
I feel my gut lurch. I expected the talk of banishment. I even accepted Kenneth’s ridiculous notion of chopping off my hand, but killing me? Has our world changed so much that people would kill someone for stealing such a simple thing as a gun? It’s not like I took the gun and killed someone with it. Arguably, I even saved Paxton’s life with the gun. He should be thanking me, not suggesting that I die for my crimes.
“You people are absurd,” Gavin says, echoing my thoughts. “How can you be thinking of killing her?”
“Robert just explained it to us,” Lillian says. I wonder how she would be in a fight. I would love to see.
“So, what, you want to drag her out to the street and shoot her in front of everybody?” Avery asks. “You don’t want to do that, Paxton. These people have been through enough already. We don’t need death.”
“Then we need something as good as a death sentence,” Lillian says, “but not gruesome.”
“What do you suggest?” Paxton asks.
“Send her on her way,” Lillian says. “No weapons. No food. Just the clothes on her back. And make a spectacle of it, too. Let the whole town show how you deal out judgement to her. Let everyone know that if you are caught stealing, you must suffer the consequences - death by banishment.”
It would be better just to shoot me, I think to myself. The pit in my stomach is growing. I had truly thought they might think of something a bit more simple…hard labor for a few months…locked up for a year…something else. Something different than banishment, because Lillian is exactly right. To be banished from these walls is to declare the death penalty.
“Have any of you considered imprisonment?” Gavin asks, echoing my thoughts. “What about giving her a job that no one wants - like cleaning septic tanks or something like that?” Sniff.
“We don’t have the manpower for imprisonment,” Paxton says. “Once people start to see that they can get away with petty crimes, they’ll start testing the limits. They will not be afraid of being guarded. Soon we’ll have more prisoners than guards.”
“You lack faith in your own people,” Gavin says. I suddenly feel guilty for thinking less of the man. He seems to be the only one on my side.
“The point remains,” Paxton says, “the more heavy the punishment, the less likely we will have to deal with this again. I’m not running a prison here, it’s a community. A community stands together in mutual benefit. Once a person sees that there is no benefit in working toward the betterment of her neighbor, the community falls.” I hear a rap on the table in front of Paxton. “I’m not going to keep prisoners here. People can abide by the rules, or they can leave.”
“It would be better if they had a written set of rules to follow,” Avery says quietly.
“Fine!” Paxton belts out. His voice sounds furious. “If you steal, you’re banished. If you murder, you are banished. If you do anything to purposefully disrupt this community that I have created, you are banished. Write it down, pass it around.”
"No!" Gavin shouts. Sniff. "This isn't right! Let's lock her up. Put her in jail until she has paid for what she has done."
"I think I agree with Gavin on this one," Avery says. "She hasn't done enough to be banished."
I don’t know how long the conversation goes back and forth like an unending tennis match. Finally, a chair scoots out from the table, and Paxton stands. "We all obviously disagree about all this." He takes a deep breath and sighs. "But I'm afraid you all might be right, despite what I want to do. We'll imprison her. We'll discuss how long later tonight."
I don’t want to hear any more. The pit in my stomach has grown so large that I feel like it has swallowed me from within. I can’t think about banishment, imprisonment, or any other possibilities. Regardless, I'll be weaponless for all of it.
It’s an hour before Gabe comes to the room and unlocks the door. He’s here to tell me about the decision I already know. I want to wave him off before he comes in, but even now I don’t want him to know about my ability. I haven’t told anyone except one person in my life. He’s gone now, so I’m the only one that even knows and it’s going to stay that way.
“They’re going to imprison you,” Gabe says.
“I figured as much.” My eyes stay on the floor.
“Remi, I’m going to tell them it was my idea," he says.
My eyes go from the floor to his. “No!” I say, teeth clenched. “All that will do is get you tossed in jail with me. There’s no point.”
“But I should have never said anything to you about Shadowface or anything. Now you're being punished for it.”
“Better than both of us,” I say.
“I just can’t let it happen this way,” he says.
“If you say anything to Paxton about your involvement, once we’re both in jail, I'll bash your head in with a chair."
He looks at me with confused eyes.
“This is the best, safest place around,” I continue. “I’m not going to let you screw up your life for me. I don’t even know you. I don’t even like you.” I know the words sting him. He doesn’t say anything, but his eyes leave mine and he looks from one side of the room to the other.
“You care about me enough to make sure I don’t get involved in this,” he says. His voice sounds thick.
“I don’t want you around me,” I say. It’s a lie for the most part. I would welcome his company, but who is to say we would even see each other while imprisoned? “If you say anything to Paxton, I will deny it and tell him you are crazy-in-love with me and would say anything to keep me from punishment."
“He wouldn’t believe you,” Gabe says.
“Just…don’t,” I say. “Let it be.”
“I’m going to figure something out,” Gabe says.
“Don’t.”
He starts to walk out of the room.
“If we both get in trouble, I swear I’ll kill you!”
The door shuts behind him and he locks it.
If I’m going to be locked up, I’d rather it be alone. No one else should have to face this.
Especially Gabe.
Chapter 11 - Waverly
The herd was still roaming about Foley the next day, and by noon, Walter, Barry, and a few others decided it would be a good idea to go out into the city to distract the herd and attempt to move the greyskins out of the city.
“Oh, it’s a very dangerous operation,” Hank whispers as we walk the school halls. “They sneak out into the cars or trucks and drive out of the sensor area and make as much noise as possible. Usually it’s enough for most of the herd to follow it while the rest of us go out and kill the stragglers. The key is to be certain that none of the greyskins are attracted to the school.”
It is interesting to see how this group operates together and I can’t help but envy their sense of unity. With Walter and Barry outside, Hank is left to lead the other members of the community within the school. He sends men and women alike to patrol the halls, check all the exits to guarantee they are secure, and to keep everyone’s noise level down. He also instructs them to keep the volume low on their radios to avoid unwanted echoes through the halls.
Gilbert, Ethan, and I sit with Hank near the front lobby of the school listening to the radio reports coming in after the brief walk through the silent hallways. Most of them are from the school patrols, but the ones we wait for are the reports from the outside.
“The hardest part,” Hank tells us, “is making sure they don’t get surrounded or trapped when trying to draw in the greyskins. It has happened before.”
“Were you able to save them?” Ethan asks.
Anywhere But Here (The Starborn Ascension) Page 12