Tess glared at her sister. “What is your point?”
“You don’t make decision lightly, Tess. You don’t do free and easy. You are a very serious, very methodical, very un-spur-of–the-moment type of person. You wear your heart on your sleeve. You cannot do friends with benefits.” Breanne shook her head at her sister’s nonsense.
Tess raised her eyebrows at her sister in challenge. “I went out to coffee with her and stayed out until nearly 4:00 am. I went to dinner with her an hour after she asked, and I also spent the night at her house, on a whim. So ha!”
Breanne studied her sister’s face and after concluding she was telling the truth, smiled. “Was all of that her idea or yours?”
Tess stared at her sister blankly.
“That’s what I thought,” Breanne affirmed. “You spent the night at her house? Did you sleep together?”
Tess continued to stare blankly at her sister, wondering if she would get away with trying to lie to save her face in this conversation, but when she opened her mouth to speak, Breanne had already concluded the correct answer.
“Do you know what the benefits part of friend’s with benefits means, Tess?” Breanne chuckled when her sister cursed. “Regardless, I like her, and if you are ‘just friends’,” Breanne air quoted, “then there is no reason I can’t meet her, right?”
Tess shook her head. “No. If or when something changes, maybe. It isn’t serious. We aren’t in a relationship, we are just friends.”
“Mmmhmm.” Her sister mumbled. “So is it safe to say the reign of the devil has ended?” Breanne frowned when she saw the look on Tess’s face.
Tess stood. “Can we please, ever, just have one conversation that doesn’t revolve around my love life?”
Breanne nodded. “Alright, alright, but if it weren’t so damn interesting, and you weren’t so damn depressive all the time, I might not feel compelled to pry.” When Tess raised her eyebrows, Breanne conceited, “Okay, I probably would still pry, but it might not make you as angry. You need to relax a little, jeesh.”
Tess’s temper flared. “Why does everyone keep telling me to relax? I’m fine!” With her sister’s sudden outburst, Breanne raised her hands in surrender and pointed in the house. “I’m going to get the cake.”
CHAPTER NINE
Tess had just finished pulling Ali’s hair up when the doorbell rang. She checked the time on her phone and then looked at herself in the mirror. “Ugh, you’re early!” Tess finally had a few days off and after much prompting from her daughter, had decided it would be a good day to keep her promise and visit the zoo. Courtney was supposed to pick them up at eleven, but as usual, Tess was running late. “Thank you, Ali,” she called after the girl who bounced out of the bathroom to answer the door. She was just lifting the mascara to her eyelashes when she heard a voice that sent her stomach into her throat.
“Hey, baby girl. Where is your mom?”
“Oh, hi, Hillary.” Tess didn’t notice the obvious disappointment in her daughter’s voice. “She’s getting ready, we’re going to the zoo today.”
Tess put the lid back on the mascara slowly and set it down on the counter. She tried to steady herself before she left the bathroom. Not answering text messages and ignoring someone who caused you pain was a lot easier when you couldn’t see their face or hear their voice. She walked into the living room equally as slowly and crossed her hands over her chest. “Ali, can you go wait in your room, honey?”
Ali nodded and went bouncing past her mom. “I’m going to go pick an animal to go with. I want to show Courtney my Panda.”
Tess winced when her daughter said Courtney’s name, wondering what kind of visit from Hillary that simple admission was going to elicit. She looked at the woman standing inside the door, and the pit of her stomach suddenly felt like it weighed more than she could carry. “What are you doing here, Hillary?”
Hillary’s smile had warped into an accusatory look. “Who is Courtney?”
Tess swallowed hard. She had hoped Hillary hadn’t caught what Ali had said, but no such luck.
“Is she the reason you’ve been ignoring me?”
Tess shook her head. “She’s a friend. We’re taking Ali to the zoo today. I would like you to leave.”
Hillary took a step towards Tess and another, when Tess held up her hand to stop her. “Why are you ignoring me? You don’t even answer when I ask about Ali.”
Tess took a step back when Hillary finally stopped, directly in front of her. “I told you I needed you to leave me alone. I need time for me. You cheated on me, Hillary, for the last time. My front door isn’t revolving.” When Hillary reached for Tess’s arm, she took another step back, having more confidence in her statement than she had ever had in times past. “Don’t. I asked you to leave.”
Hillary tucked her hands in her pockets and looked at Tess with a hurt look on her face. “Please don’t back away from me. I miss you so much. I screwed up. Please, please just let me apologize. Just sit down and talk to me.”
Tess recognized the look on Hillary’s face, and though her stomach churned, it still hurt. She had feelings for the woman standing in front of her, and though Hillary had hurt her, they didn’t instantly go away. “Please leave, Hillary. I don’t want to hear your apologies. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to spend another day fighting with you. I have plans with my daughter today.”
“Cancel them. Let me take you guys to the zoo. I miss Ali too, and we could talk.” Hillary reached for Tess again, but Tess shook her head and stepped around Hillary to the front door. “I asked you to leave Hillary, several times. Please just do as I ask.”
Hillary came up behind Tess and put her hand over top of Tess’s on the doorknob. Tess’s breath caught at the touch.
“Please don’t, baby. I will leave if you want me to… just, look at me first.”
Tess felt her eyes welled and wished she wasn’t the stupid puppy that had feelings for the person who kicked her. She turned and met Hillary’s gaze. Hillary hooked a finger under Tess’s chin and tipped it up to look at her. “Let me show you how sorry I am.” Her voice was sultry and she leaned forward to press her lips to Tess’s before Tess had a chance to move. Tess stood for a moment, willing herself to move, but trying to decipher what she was feeling at the same time.
She finally snapped out of it when the doorbell rang a second time. She pushed at Hillary and swore. “No, Hillary! Damnit! That’s Courtney, and you need to leave.” Tess was pissed at herself for not kicking Hillary out the second she had seen her. “I’m not falling back into this with you.”
“So get rid of her.” Hillary chastised.
Tess shot her a look and pulled the door open, just as Ali came bouncing out of the hallway.
“Is it Courtney, is it Courtney!” Tess barely had the front door open when Ali went bouncing through it and lunged at the woman on the other side. Courtney scooped up the little girl and smiled. “Are you ready for the zoo?” Ali was shoving the Panda in Courtney’s face when Tess stepped onto the front porch, Hillary directly behind her.
Courtney reached up and stilled the little girl’s hand for a moment, reading the look on Tess’s face and the death look she was getting from the woman who came out behind her. Though she was instantly hit with something akin to jealously, she smiled brightly and pretended not to notice the tension. “Am I interrupting?”
“Yes.”
“No.”
Tess turned to Hillary. “Hillary was just leaving, you’re right on time. Ali, tell Hillary bye.”
“Bye, Hilly.” Ali barely spit the words out in as dismissive of a tone as a six-year-old could have before turning her attention back to Courtney. “Do you think the Panda’s at the zoo will look like my Panda?” Courtney fought the urge to glare when Hillary bent to kiss Ali on the cheek, but smiled instead, when the little girl brushed it off with her should and continued with the questions.
“I’ll call you.” Hillary looked back at Tess, and just to mak
e sure she staked her point to Courtney, followed with a, “We can pick up where we left off.”
Tess watched her smirk at Courtney before she made her way to her car. She suddenly felt nauseous and was afraid to look up at Courtney. What the hell is wrong with me, she thought, a sudden distaste in her mouth at the thought of being near Hillary. She looked up at Courtney, who was listening intently to her daughter’s rambling. “I’m sorry. If you don’t want to go—”
“Are you all set or do you need a few minutes?” Courtney cut her off and glanced up from Ali just long enough to make eye contact and then referred her attention back to the little girl.
Tess nodded, “Yeah, just let me grab my purse.”
They spent half the ride to the zoo in silence, except for Ali’s rambling. When the girl finally silenced, having fallen asleep in the back seat, Tess finally broke the silence. “Thank you, for doing this still. I would’ve understood if you didn’t want to…”
Courtney had been trying to concentrate on driving and not on the woman who had come out of the house behind Tess. She was not a jealous person, she was not a dramatic person, and she had always considered herself to be very level headed. So when she had the sudden urge to trip Hillary as she walked passed, the intention had irritated her. After all, Tess had made herself clear from the very beginning that she wasn’t looking for anything, that she was coming out of a messy relationship, and Courtney knew some were messier than others. So she couldn’t put her finger on the feeling in the pit of her stomach or why the sheer sight of the look Tess had on her face when she came out the front door had bothered her to her core. “Why wouldn’t I?” She glanced at Tess and feigned a smile.
“Well, because… Hillary was there, and… don’t know, it was an awkward situation, and I would understand if it bothered you.” Tess wrung her hands in her lap and fought the urge to chew on her fingernail.
Courtney didn’t want to deal with the way she felt and didn’t want Tess to know she felt the way she did. She also didn’t want Tess to pull away from her. That thought alone bothered Courtney as well. “Why would it bother me? It isn’t any of my business who you spend your free time with, Tess.” The last sentence was a little more direct than Courtney would have liked it to be.
Tess studied Courtney’s face. She felt like the woman was keeping her at a distance, almost void of emotion, but wondered if it was her own paranoia, because the woman was smiling at her. She felt like she owed Courtney an explanation. “No, I wasn’t spending time with her. She just showed up a few minutes before you got there. I was just asking her to leave…”
Courtney met Tess’s gaze. “You don’t need to explain yourself to me, Tess. I’m not your keeper. It’s okay. We’re friends. Let’s just have a good day at the zoo.” Courtney smiled at Tess and reached over to squeeze her hand lightly, almost dismissively. She didn’t want to admit to herself that the admission from Tess that Hillary had been there only a few minutes had eased the feeling in the pit of her stomach, because it still bothered her that the feeling was there.
Tess was grateful for Courtney’s brush-off of an awkward situation, but wasn’t sure she liked that the situation seemed to roll right over Courtney. Maybe I’m putting too much into how she feels about me. Tess frowned, wondering if she spent far more time contemplating her relationship, or lack thereof, with Courtney than Courtney did.
They spent the first three hours at the zoo making sure they saw every animal exhibit. They had to spend a full ten minutes at every station because Ali wanted every word of every description read to her while she studied the animals. Courtney and Tess took turns holding her up and reading descriptions to her. Several times their hands had brushed together, or they had bumped hips. Tess was unpleasantly surprised when Courtney had ignored the touches or apologized for the bumps, moving away. Though they were unintentional, each one shot straight to Tess’s nerve endings, and she was confused that Courtney, once playful and flirty, seemed to brush them quickly aside.
Just to draw out the excitement, they saw the Panda exhibit last. Courtney stood back while Tess held Ali up, reading the description to her and listening to her gawk over the baby Panda. She had tried to stay platonic today, thinking with the way she felt, it was best to keep an emotional distance. Emotions. Yuck, Courtney thought to herself. She wanted to tell Tess that she had missed her. Several times she had fought the urge to put her hand on the small of her back or tuck a strand of hair behind the woman’s ear. Instead, she had focused all her attention on Ali, making sure the child had a great time. Not only did it take her mind off of Tess, she genuinely enjoyed spending time with the kid. She had laughed more at the insight of a six-year-old today than she could remember having laughed in months.
“Courtney, come look.” Ali motioned for Courtney to stand beside them and handed her the stuffed Panda bear. “You were right, they look exactly the same!”
Courtney smiled warmly at Ali. “Hey, do I know Panda’s or do I know Panda’s?”
“This is so awesome!” Ali started rambling on and on about the zoo on the way to the gift shop. Courtney avoided Tess’s gaze while she let Ali pick out souvenirs.
“You don’t need one of everything in the shop, Ali. Just pick one.” Tess stopped her daughter from racking up a hefty bill. When Ali had pouted and picked one item, setting the rest down, Courtney had waited for Tess to turn around and gave Ali a thumbs up and a “shhh” before scooping up the items Tess had made the child put down and sneaking to the register to pay for them quickly. She handed Ali the bag when they got to the car, and Ali giggled hysterically at the look her mother shot Courtney.
The ride home was similar to the ride to the zoo. Ali again fell asleep half-way through, and the two woman rode in relative silence. Again, Tess broke the tension. “Today was fun.”
“Mmmhmmm,” Courtney murmured.
Tess wanted to ask Courtney why she was being so distant, but thought she already knew the answer. I don’t know why it bothers me anyways, I was the one who made it clear I wasn’t looking for anyone. Tess frowned to herself. Then why does it bother me that she is simply acting like the friend I keep claiming she is? When Courtney pulled in the driveway, Tess realized she was still frowning and had to make herself stop. When they got Ali inside, she begged Courtney to stay, but before Tess could say anything, Courtney declined.
“It’s getting late, and I have a few errands I need to run before work tomorrow.” She leaned down and hugged the little girl before promising they would do something again soon. When Ali ran back to her room to play with her souvenirs, Tess followed Courtney outside.
“Did I do something wrong?”
Courtney stopped and turned to look at her. “What do you mean?”
Tess frowned. “You’ve been different today.”
Courtney nodded. “I haven’t meant to be, I thought we had a great time.”
“We did…” Tess frowned again, not sure how to broach the subject of her possible imaginary cues. “Never mind. I’ll talk to you later?”
Courtney feigned a smile. “Yeah, of course.”
Tess watched Courtney climb in the car and drive away and instantly regretted not saying more. She picked up her cell phone, but then set it back down again. She wasn’t in high school, she wasn’t going to start texting Courtney a splay of questions as she drove away. She wrung her hands again and thought about the night at Courtney’s house and then about today. She went over the playful banter they had shared over the last few months and the way it had suddenly changed. I’m not crazy, she thought, but I am the one at fault. I keep holding her at a distance and then wonder why she gives me what I want.
She clicked the door shut behind her and leaned against it. What the hell am I going to do?
CHAPTER TEN
Courtney pulled in the driveway and jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She had spent the latter part of the morning arguing with her boss about a job offer she had been given that would require her to t
ake out-of -town appointments, which meant she would be on the road and living out of a hotel for nearly two weeks out of each month. Since she was the only employee without kids, she was offered the job. Though she soon found out, the offer was less of an offer and more of a request. She had spent the better part of the afternoon working on mainframes, and contemplating a new career.
She was slamming cupboards in the kitchen when Chris came up from the basement apartment twenty minutes later. “What crawled up your ass?” He winced when Courtney turned and could’ve sworn fire shot from her eyes.
“Not now, Chris.” Courtney slammed the cupboard she had been touching, not sure what she was even looking for, cursed when it flew back open, and slammed it shut again. She also hadn’t talked to Tess in several days and was aggravated with herself because the woman seemed to never leave her mind.
“You need to get laid.” When Courtney shot him another look, he pointed to the living room. “I’m serious, sis, even the dog is cowering. You haven’t stopped slamming things since you walked through the door, and frankly you’ve had a bug up your ass all week.”
“Not now, Chris.” Courtney ground the words out a second time and shot her brother a look, warning him not to speak again.
He shook his head and grabbed the basketball from the hall closet. “Suit yourself, but you still need to get laid.” He didn’t wait for Courtney’s reaction before walking out the front door.
She glared at the door for a few seconds before grabbing a few crackers from the cupboard and making her way to the living room. She tossed them to Jasper and ruffled his ears. I do need to get laid, she thought, glancing back at the front door. Or maybe I just need something really mindless and physical.
Ten minutes later she was out the front door in a t-shirt, shorts, and sneakers. She snatched the basketball from Chris, jumped and swooshed it from the other side of the driveway. When it bounced back, she grabbed it again, turned and chucked it at her brother’s chest. “Come on!”
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