“Carter William.”
“After Dad.” Courtney acknowledged the name, surprised her brother had chosen it.
“He’s a good man, Court. He’s just… set in his ways.”
Courtney laughed. “Tell the truth, little brother, you were just hoping it would lessen the blow if you gave him dad’s name.”
“Shh,” Chris nodded at his son. “Don’t tell him that.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Tess looked at the monitors that were hooked up to Hillary, making sure each one had the correct numbers and was making the right amount of bleeps. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” She sat in the chair, staring at the woman in the hospital bed, her own eyes red and swollen, but not comparable to the bruising that crept up the side of Hillary’s face. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.” Tess wasn’t sure how many times she had repeated the phrase in the last few hours to the unconscious woman lying on the bed in front of her. She wasn’t thinking about anything but the image she had in her mind.
Hillary’s friend had sent Tess a message with a picture of Hillary’s mangled Trailblazer. It was a miracle that Hillary had gotten out of the accident with only minor injuries. Though she had to have emergency surgery to fix a ruptured spleen, she was basically left with a concussion, minor cuts, contusions, and a few stitches on her forehead. She had been knocked out since the ambulance ride, because they had sent her straight into surgery. Though every nurse who had been in that day had reassured Tess that Hillary was going to wake up and be fine, and Tess, being a nurse herself, knew that to be true, she couldn’t get the image of the Trailblazer and the thought that Hillary could be dead out of her mind.
She hadn’t left the side of Hillary’s bed in almost twenty-four hours and couldn’t bring herself to move. Hillary’s parents had been in and out, along with a few of Hillary’s scattered friends and relatives, but none had stayed long, and Tess never moved. The nausea and terror in the pit of her stomach willed Hillary to wake up. Please just wake up and tell me you are okay.
She thought about the last thing she had said to the woman and couldn’t remember. She scanned through the messages on her phone that Hillary had sent her over the past few weeks, finally bringing herself to read them. I’m sorry. Please talk to me. I love you. I miss you so much. I just want us to be together. With each new message she opened, another tear streamed down Tess’s cheeks. The last message had been sent just hours before Hillary’s accident. Tess’s breath caught. What if she had died…and I never even responded.
Tess wiped the tears from her eyes with the palm of her hand and sniffed roughly, swallowing another bout of tears when a nurse she recognized, Karen, came through the hospital room door with a new IV. She stopped to put a hand on Tess’s shoulder.
“How are you holding up? Can I get you anything?”
Tess shook her head, declining the offer. “What is that?”
Karen took the old IV bag down and hung the new one. “It’s just some antibiotics, more pain medicine. Most of the sedative should be out of her system, so she should be waking up any time now.”
Tess nodded and held her hand up to stop the nurse before she could inject the antibiotics into the IV. “It isn’t Penicillin is it? She’s allergic to Penicillin.”
Karen looked at Tess sympathetically. “No, it’s not Penicillin. We read the chart, and you reminded the last two nurses what she was allergic to.” She pushed the medication into the IV and started checking Hillary’s vital signs. “When was the last time you ate anything, Tess?”
Tess shook her head. “I don’t know, I’m not hungry, I can’t eat.”
When the nurse was satisfied that everything was as it should be, she initialed the chart and turned her attention back to Tess. “I’m going to have the kitchen send something up. Try to eat. You look awful. I’ll have them send up some coffee, too, you look like you could use it.” She squeezed Tess’s shoulder lightly.
Tess nodded appreciatively at the nurse, thanking her as she walked out of the room. Coffee definitely sounded good. She listened to clicking of the clock on the wall, counting the seconds as they passed. The sound seemed deafening in the quiet room. She thanked the nurse who’d brought her coffee and waved off the tray of food. The nurse scolded her, but set the food across the room anyhow. She had just taken a sip of her coffee when she noticed Hillary’s breathing had changed.
She jumped up so fast she nearly spilled the coffee on herself before she could set it down. She checked and rechecked all the monitors before checking the IV and then laying a hand on Hillary’s head to make sure she wasn’t getting a fever. She was pulling her hand back, frowning at not being able to account for the change of breathing, when Hillary’s eyes opened and she reached for the hand Tess had been pulling away.
“Oh, God, you’re awake. Are you okay? Can you talk? Do you want a drink?” She reached for the water beside Hillary’s bed with her other hand and leaned towards Hillary so she could drink. After a few sips, she took the water away. “You don’t want to drink too much, just little sips until you’re sure you can keep it down.”
Hillary nodded and looked around the hospital room, her voice coming out in a harsh whisper. “What happened?”
The tears Tess had been trying to hold back began streaming down her face again in waves. She tried to choke back the sobs to get the words out. “You got hit by a truck… Well your SUV did. It took them an hour and a half to get you out. Do you remember anything?” When Hillary croaked the word “no,” Tess continued. “You had to have emergency surgery on your spleen, and some stitches, but you are going to be alright.” Tess sniffed, finally calming the wave of tears.
“My car?”
Tess shook her head. “It’s totaled.”
Hillary grimaced, causing Tess to panic. “What’s wrong, are you in pain?”
“I loved that car.” Hillary whispered, and asked Tess for another drink of water. Tess complied and held the straw for her while she took a few sips. “Can I sit up some?”
Tess shook her head. “I don’t think so yet, I don’t know if they want you putting pressure in your waist area.”
Hillary groaned in irritation but turned her attention to Tess. “You’re here.” She smiled and reached for Tess’s hand again. “I’ve missed you. If I would’ve known all it took was totaling my car to get your attention, I would’ve done it sooner.”
Tess rolled her eyes and smiled. “Of course I’m here, where else would I be? I had to make sure they didn’t mess up your face.” She frowned at the purple bruising on the side of Hillary’s face and the nasty-looking stitches on her forehead.
Hillary smiled. “Does that mean you forgive me?”
Tess shook her head. “We can talk later, right now you need to rest.”
Hillary tried to shake her head, but groaned in pain and reached up to feel the stitches on her forehead, causing her to grimace again. “Last time you didn’t talk to me,” she whispered, “I ended up here. I don’t want you to disappear on me again.” Hillary looked around the room. “Besides, we are alone, and it seems we have some times.” She squeezed Tess’s hand. “I love you.”
Tess felt like someone was squeezing her stomach tightly. She wasn’t sure what the feeling was, but she tried to push it aside. She opened her mouth to say it back, but closed it again, her mouth suddenly dry. She thought about what had happened between them. Images of her throwing Hillary’s clothes on the front lawn filled her mind, but she pushed them down, trying to think of the good times they had shared. She thought about how long they had known each other and their friendship. She thought about the smiles and the fun and looked up Hillary’s bruised face. You could’ve died. “I love you, too.”
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Breanne stopped at her sister’s to pick up Ali. When she walked through the door, her sister was sitting at the coffee table clicking the top of a silver pen and staring intently at a tablet on the table. She looked up when Breanne came in and she saw the dark circle
s under her eyes. “You look like hell.”
Tess rolled her eyes sarcastically. “Gee, thanks.”
Breanne set a container of food on the table next to the tablet Tess was writing on. “Eat something. When was the last time you ate anything?” She sat on the couch next to Tess and glanced at what was written on the tablet on the coffee table before turning an accusing look back at her sister. She knew how the conversation she wanted to have would go, as she had gone through it with her sister many times before, so she tried a different angle. “Have you talked to Courtney lately? Ali asked about her yesterday.”
Tess shook her head, ignoring the pang in her chest. “Just a few quick texts. I’ve been busy at the hospital.”
Breanne frowned. “When are you going back to work?”
Tess waved her hand at her sister, not looking up from the tablet.
Breanne decided her round-about way was not working and braced herself for what she was about to do. “Dignity.”
“Hmm?” Tess looked up from the tablet, a confused look on her face.
Breanne repeated the word. “Dignity. Add that to the list. You’re going to need to pick some up for yourself when you get Hillary’s things.”
“Not now, Bre.”
Breanne stood. “Yes, now, Tess. This is ludicrous! She gets into a fender bender, and suddenly you’re her little puppet again. Spend all your time at her side, don’t go to work, don’t eat, and move her back in here. If nothing else, what do you think that does to Ali, Tess?”
“I’m not moving her back in here.” Tess willed her voice to raise with her anger, but she couldn’t seem to muster the strength. Partially because she was physically and emotionally exhausted and partially because there was probably truth in Breanne’s statement, and she knew it. “She’s living alone and she needs help while her spleen heals. She’s just going to stay here so I can help her while she heals.” She looked up at Breanne with irritation. “That is what you do when you care about people, Bre.”
Breanne’s anger flared with the implication. “Don’t you dare give me that holier-than-thou-I’m-being-a-saint attitude. How many times have I peeled you off the ground when she stomped you into it with her cheating and her lies? How many times have I politely smiled and bit my tongue when you let her back into your life?” She ground out the next sentence as if she were chewing on glass. “Because I care about you Tess.” She threw her hands in the air at her sister’s ignorance. “You can sit here and lie and tell me you are just helping her, but we both know where this is going. You’re the bug, and Hillary is the bug zapper. She draws you in, and ZAP, you’re on the ground again!”
“Just stop! Stop it, Breanne!” Tess stood, her voice and her own anger rising. “You think I don’t think about Ali? I think about Ali with every move I make! Hillary has been in Ali’s life since she was born! We have six years of history, of almost being a family!” She ran her hands roughly through her hair. “Hillary isn’t the only one that has made mistakes here. I have too! She could’ve died, Bre!” When tears sprang into the corner of her eyes, she ground her fingers across to stop them from falling.
“Look at you!” Breanne pointed her hands at her sister. “You look like you’re wasting away. Almost being a family, Tess, Almost! You just said the word yourself. You and Hillary are never going to be a family because she can’t be trusted! She makes you miserable! Ali’s getting older, Tess, and she is going to start seeing what the rest of us do. You’ve spent six years of your life playing this yo-yo game! Yes, she could’ve died, but she didn’t. Any of us could die at any time. That doesn’t mean we stop living our lives!”
“I can’t, Bre. I can’t do this right now. Please just take Ali and go, Brad will pick her up in an hour.”
“What if Courtney got in an accident?”
Tess rolled her eyes. “Just stop, Bre. You’re being dramatic.”
“I’m serious, Tess. What if she was getting coffee and someone walked into the coffee shop and shot her tomorrow and she died.”
Tess felt the pang in her chest again. “Stop, Bre, she doesn’t even drink coffee.”
Breanne threw her hands up in frustration. “That isn’t the point and you know it Tess! The point is, something traumatic happened, and you are running on guilt and emotions and you are making the wrong decision, little sister. Answer me honestly. If something happened to Courtney tomorrow, would you be satisfied with where you are standing?”
Tess stood, wringing her hands in silence.
Breanne nodded. “That’s what I thought.”
“This is my life, Bre, just let me make my decisions and respect them.”
Breanne nodded. “I have, Tess, but not this time. If you move her back in here, if you choose to keep her in your life, you count me out. She is not welcome in my home. She is not welcome around my kids or my family, and don’t you dare coming crawling to me when she breaks you again. You’re being reckless.”
Breanne turned and made her way to Ali’s room. She smiled at the sleeping girl and reached down to pull her into her arms. She carried the little girl back through the living room and stopped in front of her sister so she could kiss her daughter’s forehead. “She deserves better than this too, Tess.” She stopped at the front door, her hand on the knob and turned back to her sister. “Take a good look in the mirror, Tess. Family doesn’t make you look like that.” She shook her head again and mumbled on her way out the door, “I love you, little sister”.
Tess closed the door behind her sister and leaned against it, slowly lowering herself to the ground. She buried her face in hands and tried to breathe slowly and deeply. The phone in her pocket chimed, and her stomach flopped, first because she thought it was Hillary, then because she thought it might be Courtney. She took a deep breath and looked at the message. Seriously, Tess, how long does it take to go to the store? You need to learn how to drive!
Tess frowned and stood up to make her way to the bathroom. She hadn’t showered yet or made it to the store. She took Breanne’s advice and looked at herself in the mirror. Deciding she didn’t like what she saw, she turned and reached for a washcloth. She texted a quick I’m hurrying back to Hillary, followed by give me an hour, please, before she set the phone down and stepped into the shower. She just had the water turned on when it chimed again. She sighed and reached through the curtain to check the message. Whatever, was the reply.
She sighed and turned the shower water on until it all but scalded her skin and stood while it cascaded down her face. She thought about what she had told Bre about Courtney and turned so the water ran down her back. The last time they had spoken, she had apologized to Courtney and told her that she needed to be there for Hillary and that she needed some time to figure things out. Well, not exactly spoken, Tess thought, thinking of the text message she had sent Courtney in shame. Courtney had just responded with an okay, and they hadn’t spoken since.
Tess reluctantly reached for the shampoo, wishing she could spend the entire day in the steam of the shower. She had spent all week doing nothing but thinking. Breanne had accused her of being reckless, but she hadn’t been. She had spent countless hours trying to wade through her feelings and her decisions, trying to figure out what the best thing to do was. Not reckless, but lazy maybe, she thought. Maybe I’m taking the easy way out. It’s too hard to try to wade through everything, so maybe I’m just coasting. She grimaced into the water and reached for the conditioner when her phone chimed again. I’m hurrying, Hillary. I’m hurrying.
~~
Thirty minutes later, Tess walked into Hillary’s hospital room and stopped short when she noticed the woman sitting on the corner of Hillary’s hospital bed. She watched the two exchange glances before the dark-haired woman stood up.
“It’s about time, they’re about ready to discharge me. Did you go to Africa for that stuff?” Hillary sat up, reaching for the bag Tess handed her.
“Sorry, I grabbed a quick shower.”
Hillary rolled her eyes and
sneered at the dark-haired woman. “You see what her idea of a quick shower is.” She glanced at Tess’s wet hair that she had pulled into a pony tail, and groaned. “You could’ve at least done something with yourself, we are going to be in public, you know.”
“Sorry, I was in a hurry.” Tess sat her purse on the chair next to the bed and directed her attention to the woman standing beside Hillary’s hospital bed. “I don’t think we’ve met.” She looked at the woman suspiciously.
The woman smirked at her and then directed her attention to Hillary. She leaned down and whispered something in Hillary’s ear that caused the woman to nearly giggle before planting a light peck on Hillary’s lips and standing back up again. “I’ll call you later.” She gave Tess a once-over and smirked again on her way out of the hospital room.
Tess watched the display, completely void of emotion. A blind, deaf, mute could have sensed the sexual tension between Hillary and the dark-haired woman, and yet Tess stood, watching the display and felt nothing. Nothing.
Hillary, realizing that Tess was looking at her, rolled her eyes and groaned. “Really, Tess, let’s not cause a scene. Tara is just a friend. I’m allowed to have friends.” When Tess still didn’t say anything, Hillary kept talking. “You really need to get over this whole jealous, I’m-sleeping-with- everyone thing. This is never going to work if you keep throwing everything in my face.” When Tess smiled, Hillary was taken aback. “This is funny?” She shook her head and started going through the bag Tess had brought her. “I really cannot deal with dramatics right now.” She nearly dropped the shirt she had pulled from the bag when Tess started laughing.
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