“He gave me a few hints.”
“Didn’t it occur to you that my absence today was deliberate—that I wanted a timeout?”
“Absolutely. But I think a timeout is the last thing you need.”
She transferred her glare to him. “You sleep with me and now you think you know what’s best for me?”
He raised an eyebrow. “I’m your best friend, Erin. I know you. I knew you’d be doing the stress-bunny thing.”
Shame hit her. She rested her forehead against the window, her eyes burning. “I sleep with you and then I turn into a shrew. This is why us and sex is a bad idea.”
“I refuse to regret last night.”
She closed her eyes and tried to haul a halfway decent breath of air into her body. “If you look to the right,” she gestured across to the other side of the car, “you’ll see a rather spectacular waterfall.”
“Why would I want to do that when to my left I can see an undeniably spectacular woman?”
He rested his hand on her knee. Through the cotton of her capris his touch branded her. He slid his hand up her thigh and she had to bite her lip to stop a moan.
“Have you ever made love in a cable car, Erin?”
With a half sob she flung herself into the seat opposite. “This stops now! We are not making love again.”
He stared at her, his glance taking in the way her chest rose and fell and then lowered to her lap where her hands twisted together—for the life of her she couldn’t stop them. When his gaze returned to hers, he merely cocked an eyebrow. And the longer he remained silent the more her agitation grew.
“What?” she finally demanded.
“You still want me.”
God help her, she did. With every quivering cell in her body, but… “Did nothing I say to you the other day make the slightest impact?”
He leaned back, arms resting along the length of the seat and legs stretched out in front of him. He looked like a present begging to be unwrapped.
Have you ever made love in a cable car?
Don’t think about that!
“You mean the scary scenario? Where we make love, go home and start a romantic relationship that ends in tears and recriminations, with you feeling compelled to leave Belltrees?”
His words ripped her heart open. She nodded.
“Well I have a different scenario to put to you.”
He folded his arms, his eyes dark and intense, his mouth a hard uncompromising line except… Except she knew now how whisper soft that mouth could be and—
She shook herself. “A different scenario?”
“We go home and start a romantic relationship and live happily ever after—picket fence, kids, the lot.” He leaned forward, every muscle tensed and focused. “We’ll take it as slow as you like, Erin. We’ll date for a couple of years. Then, if all goes well, we’ll get married. A couple of years after that, we’ll start a family. We—”
“And what if it all doesn’t go well?” she demanded, her heart shriveling to the size of a flea at all they could lose. “What then?”
He flung himself back in his seat and scowled at her. “Why must you be so negative? Why is it always the worst case scenario with you?”
She pressed fingers to her eyes and hauled in a breath. Nothing was worth losing Josh’s friendship over—not even the best rock-your-socks-off sex of her life. “Because all my life the pattern has been that I lose the things that I love. I need… I need to prepare myself. Worst case scenarios help me do that.”
She would never allow events to blindside her like they had when she was twelve years old—losing her father, her home and her horse, and in so many ways that mattered, her mother. It had demolished her world, devastated her. She’d been cut adrift and so frightened it made her stomach churn just remembering it. She’d had no firm basis on which to rebuild her life. “I need a backup plan for when it all goes wrong.”
“It won’t go wrong!”
“You can’t promise that!”
“Fine then, make a backup plan. But just…agree to be with me.”
That was the problem. There was no backup plan secure enough to protect her from the fallout if she lost Josh.
It had taken her a long time to build a strong foundation—one she could trust—in Belltrees. Josh wanted her to risk all of that, but if it came crashing down around them she’d be that twelve-year-old again—alone, scared and utterly vulnerable.
She lifted her head and met his gaze. He paled at whatever he saw in her face. Her throat ached and her chest burned.
“I promise you, Erin. You will never have to leave Belltrees.”
Another promise he couldn’t and shouldn’t make.
Resolve settled across his features. “I love you, Erin.”
Each word sliced into her. She bit her lip until she tasted blood.
“Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Doesn’t that make the slightest bit of difference?”
She flinched at his fear and at his anger. And her own fear. “Don’t say that. Don’t say that you love me.”
“Why not? It’s true!”
“I’m…I’m sorry, Josh. I don’t want to hurt you, but…it’ll pass. Before you know it some other girl will have caught your attention and—”
He stabbed a finger at her. “Don’t project your twisted scenarios onto me!”
She swallowed at the fury in his eyes.
He stabbed that finger towards her again. It shook and she wanted to cry. “You’re a coward, Erin! You’ve become so twisted up in your fears that you refuse to live life to the full, preferring to skulk in the safe shadows of some half-life.”
Her mouth dried. That wasn’t true. She wasn’t her mother!
They were silent for the rest of the journey to Kuranda—the village in the middle of the magnificent Daintree rainforest.
“What was the second thing?”
She turned when he spoke.
“Last night you said you needed two things—condoms and…?”
She had to swallow before she could speak. “I wanted us to promise that making love wouldn’t affect our friendship.”
The cable car slid into the depot. “Last night I’d have promised you anything.”
Her heart started up a hard frightened thump. “And today?”
“Today I offered you everything I have—I offered you me. But you obviously don’t want it.”
Her fear froze her.
He slid out of the car. “I don’t know how to go back to being just friends with you, Erin.”
Her vision blurred, every part of her body ached so hard she couldn’t move.
Before she knew what had happened, the cable car door had slammed and she found herself returning to Cairns. Alone.
CHAPTER NINE
Erin and Josh barely spoke in the two days following their cable-car conversation. When Erin pushed out of the hire car Josh had driven from the airport to Belltrees, she thought it’d be a relief to be away from him. But as she watched him power away from her mother’s house, her heart dashed itself against her ribs in protest.
In trying to save their friendship she’d lost him anyway.
Please don’t let it be forever. Please let things return to normal now we’re back home.
The rest of the Hallidays and Eunice had arrived back in Belltrees the previous day. “I suppose you’re going to head off to the clinic immediately?”
They were the very first words her mother spoke to her. Erin’s back suddenly stiffened. “Hello, Erin, did you have a nice holiday? Yes, Mum, I did thanks. What about you?”
Eunice thrust out her jaw. “No I did not. I don’t enjoy being bullied. You know I never wanted to go in the first place.”
Erin dropped her suitcase. “What I know is that what you want is always more important than what I want.”
“Don’t speak to me in that tone or—”
“Or what?” Erin rounded on her from the sink where she filled the kettle. She refused to live with the fear of h
er mother’s threats any longer. “Or you’ll kill yourself? Or you’ll remove your love from me, turn your back and never speak to me again?”
Her mother’s mouth opened and closed, but no sound came out.
“Those decisions are yours to make. They have nothing to do with me.” She slammed the kettle down and switched it on. “Things are going to change around here. I love you, Mum, but I’m tired of being unhappy. My happiness is in my own hands, just as your happiness is in your hands.”
If only she knew what would make her happy—what would rid her of this tearing ache in her chest. She knew what would make her unhappy—losing Josh’s friendship; living with her mother. At least she could do something about the latter. Crossing her fingers she prayed that time would fix the former.
“If you don’t give him the eardrops, he won’t get better! How many times do I have to tell you this, Mrs. Denton?”
Erin grimaced at Josh’s tone. She poked her head around the surgery door and met Sarah’s eyes. The receptionist lifted an eyebrow. With a nod, Erin and moved into the waiting room. “Josh, would you head on out to the Brennan farm? I promised Mark we’d inseminate his cows today and time is getting away.”
“Yeah, whatever.” He didn’t even look at her, just waved a disgusted hand over his shoulder as he stormed out.
Erin’s heart burned. She tried to ignore it as she turned to Mrs. Denton. “I know it can be tricky to give Oscar his eardrops, but if you bring him in here each day, one of the vet nurses can do it for you.”
“Thank you, dear.”
“Erin, may I have a word with you?”
Erin glanced around to find Caroline Halliday—Josh’s mother—moving towards her.
“Yes, of course.” As there were currently no patients waiting, she led Caroline straight into the office she and Josh shared and gestured for her to take a seat. “Josh has just left for the Brennan farm.”
“It’s you I came to see. I hope you’re not too busy?”
Her heart lifted. Did Caroline have a place for her to rent? Erin moved a bunch of files off the table and gestured to a seat. “We’re almost done for the day. I’m just finishing up some paperwork before collecting the kitten my mother has volunteered to take care of for the next few days.”
“Word has it she’s really taken to helping out with animals that need overnight care.”
“If the truth be told, she’s been a bit of a godsend.” Josh’s idea had been inspired.
Taking a seat, Erin leaned across the table. “Tell me you’ve found me a place to rent.”
“I have.”
“Brilliant!”
“The Thompson place will be vacant soon. It’s only a tiny two-bedroom cottage, but…”
“Sounds perfect! When can I come in and fill out an application?”
Caroline waved that away. “It’s yours if you want it. Of course if you’re after something larger, I expect you could rent Josh’s place.”
Erin froze. “I beg your pardon?”
Caroline frowned. “You do know that Josh is planning to leave Belltrees?”
A fist pounded into Erin’s chest. She stared at the other woman trying to make sense of the words. Josh. Leaving. Belltrees. “What?”
“He’s applied for a couple of jobs further up the coast. I have a feeling, though, that he doesn’t really want to go and…” Her frown deepened. “I thought he’d have spoken to you about it.”
Of course he didn’t want to go! He was doing this for her—so she didn’t feel compelled to leave.
She leapt up to pace the length of the room. His family was here. His work was here. His life was here. Josh belonged in Belltrees.
It occurred to her then that she’d been wrong—losing Josh’s friendship and then having to leave Belltrees wasn’t the worse case scenario.
Josh leaving was!
If anyone had to leave then she would, because Belltrees without Josh held no attraction for her whatsoever—none at all. He should stay, and he should be happy here.
He needs you to be happy.
She stilled. He needed her to be happy. And she needed him to be…
She spun around to find Caroline watching her. “Erin, dear, would you like me to drop that kitten in to your mother?”
Erin grabbed her handbag. “Would you mind? And could you ask Sarah to lock up? There’s…there’s something I need to do.”
She didn’t even hear the other woman’s answer as she raced out the door.
Erin brought her station wagon to a screeching halt in the Brennan’s driveway, gravel kicking up all about her.
Please don’t let her be too late!
Josh had to stay.
He had to stay with her.
She bypassed the house and made for the outbuildings and cattle yards out the back at a run.
“Jeez, is everything all right, Doc Timms?”
She skidded to a halt when Mark Brennan emerged from the other side of the cattle trace where Josh worked. “Oh, uh…yeah.”
“You were going like a bat out of hell. I thought there must be an emergency.”
“Um, no… Just burning off some calories.” Josh didn’t so much as glance at her.
The farmer pushed his hat off his head to scratch his forehead. “In this heat?”
She gave up. “Yeah, it’s official. I’m an idiot.” In more ways than one. “I just wanted to talk to Josh about something.”
Josh didn’t break stride from inserting a straw of bull semen into the cow he was inseminating.
Baxter, Mark’s cattle dog, came up to her, tail wagging and tongue lolling out, but he moved to the shade of a nearby grevillea before she could pat him.
She frowned. That wasn’t like him. Not that she blamed him. It might be after five o’clock, but the sun still held a lot of heat. He rested his nose on his paws, a sigh shuddering out of him.
“Well…talk,” Josh shot at her.
He used the same unfamiliar neutral tone he’d adopted with her since they’d returned from Trinity Beach. She hated it.
She thrust out her chin. “I think I’ll just relish the sight of you arm-deep in cow first.”
Josh scowled.
Mark chuckled. “It’s the last one, so you best make the most of it.”
Baxter didn’t move at his master’s voice. He didn’t even flick an ear forward.
She studied the dog, her frown growing. “Baxter doesn’t look like his normal chipper self.”
Mark planted his hands on his hips and frowned too. “This latest heat wave has knocked him around a bit.”
For the last week the temperature had barely dropped below forty degrees Celsius. Still… “He’s a young dog, isn’t he?”
“Coming up to four.”
Josh removed his arm from the cow and pulled the protective sleeve from his arm as he too glanced at the dog. “Baxter,” he called.
The dog rose, but before he could take a step his back legs wobbled.
She and Josh kicked straight into action. Josh picked up the dog while she moved to Josh’s truck and lowered the back gate so he could place the dog onto it. She lifted Baxter’s lips—the dog’s gums were pale.
“He’s anemic,” Josh said from beside her, loosening his hold on the dog and moving around to her other side.
“Tick,” they both said at the same time.
Mark swore.
“Ooh, you’re a good boy,” she crooned to Baxter as she checked first his left ear and then his right. It could be hard to locate a tick in an animal’s ear.
“Snout,” Josh said, pointing.
It was so well camouflaged she didn’t see it till he pointed it out. She held Baxter’s snout firmly while Josh removed the tick. They checked him all over and removed two more.
Mark ran his hands up and down the sides of workpants, glancing from Erin to Josh and back again, his heart in his eyes. “Is he going to be okay?”
Josh met her gaze and she nodded, reading the concern in his face. “Mark, Baxt
er is young and strong, but he needs a shot of the anti-serum as soon as we can get it into him.”
Josh was already drawing it up in a syringe. She cooed to Baxter while Josh administered it.
Erin rose. “With your permission, I’ll take him back to the surgery and keep a general eye on him to be on the safe side. He might need some IV fluids.”
“No expense spared, you hear me? Baxter gets the very best care,” Mark ordered.
“I’ll treat him like my own,” she promised.
Mark picked Baxter up in his arms. “I’ll carry him to your car.”
Before she could follow, Josh touched her arm. “You wanted to talk to me?”
“Yes.”
He stared after Mark and Baxter, dragged in a breath and nodded. “I’ll drop around to the surgery once I’m finished here.”
“Thanks.” She turned away before he could see how much his evident reluctance to be anywhere near her made her eyes fill.
Josh pulled in a breath before opening the surgery door and striding into the practice he and Erin shared.
Not for much longer.
A fist tightened about his chest. The notion of not seeing Erin every day tore him to shreds. But seeing her and not being able to hold her, kiss her or tell her how much he loved her—that tore him to shreds too.
He’d wrecked everything! He’d pushed too hard, too fast. He’d failed to win her love…and he’d failed her. His hands clenched to fists. That was the real kicker. He couldn’t settle for just friendship and that’s exactly what she needed from him.
At least he could make sure that she didn’t feel the need to leave Belltrees. That was one thing he could do for her.
Erin glanced around when he entered their little hospital ward. “Baxter’s doing okay.”
He let out a breath he hadn’t known he was holding. “I should’ve noticed he wasn’t well.”
She shrugged and led him into the office they shared. “You weren’t out there to examine Baxter.”
“Doesn’t change the fact that I wasn’t on the ball.”
She leant against her desk and met his gaze. Something she’d barely been able to do since they’d returned from their holiday. It sent a surge of need roaring through him.
“You’re not as on your game as you usually are,” she agreed.
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