She was going to pray for herself, too. Right then and there, she vowed that she would pray more and write a little less in her journal. While putting all her emotions on paper had helped, seeking guidance and God’s love would help even more.
And hopefully, before too long, the Lord would help her figure out her future with Calvin.
Calvin.
She’d fought with him, and fought her own tumultuous feelings about love and marriage and relationships again and again. Little by little, she’d opened her heart to him. Lucy still was amazed that she’d told him so many of her darkest worries and secrets. Before Calvin, she’d planned to keep it all deep inside of herself. She’d been so sure that if she shared everything in her past, she would frighten another person away.
But instead of being frightened, Calvin had acted like she’d given him a challenge instead. Time and again he’d met her challenges. And had made her challenge herself, too.
Such as when he’d lost his temper and she’d pushed him away before he’d had a chance to explain himself. And when she’d realized that even if Calvin wasn’t perfect, he’d never be like Paul.
No, Calvin would never be the type of man who enjoyed hurting women.
As rain continued to splatter against the pane, and the other train passengers continued to board, Lucy looked at all of them, sometimes nodding in recognition of their inquisitive stares or hesitant smiles.
Sometimes smiling right back.
Oh, my, but what a difference a month had made! Her journey east had been filled with doubts and worries. The whole time, she’d been afraid and insecure. Doubting herself. Doubting her ability to make a difference with Mattie.
She’d been so worried about the rain, and about the weather, and about the lights turning off and on. And, then, of course, God had handed over her worst fears and had forced her to confront them.
And, just like always, she had found He had given her the tools not only to survive but to come through stronger than before.
As drops of rain beaded on the window, then dripped down the glass, Lucy shook her head in wonder. When was she ever going to learn that she was stronger than she thought? When was she ever going to remember that with God, all things are possible?
Even in her darkest hours?
“Excuse me, it looks like I’m your seat mate.”
The voice was warm and masculine. Her heart lurched as she looked up, half expecting to see the man who’d occupied all her dreams.
But it wasn’t Calvin, of course.
Now that he had her attention, the Englischer spoke again. “Hi. You, uh, might want to watch your dress. I’m afraid every part of me is soaking wet.” He rolled his eyes as the faint flush of happiness colored his cheeks. “My girlfriend was reluctant to let me go.”
His awkwardness was charming. And it was enough to shake off the cobwebs and make room for him. “Oh. Yes. Of course. Here, let me move over a bit.” She shifted about a little, taking care to keep her skirts neatly folded around her as the man, who was about her age, sat down.
“Thanks.” He smiled. “So, where are you off to?”
“I’m going home. To Michigan.”
“I’m headed to Chicago.” He grinned. “I guess we’ll be sitting near each other for hours.”
She held up the book in her lap. “I bought a book for the trip.”
“I wasn’t nearly that organized. But I’m planning to sleep, anyway. I’m exhausted. Wake me up if I start snoring, would you?”
“Of course,” she murmured.
As the train pulled out and the lights dimmed, Lucy settled herself again. Next to her, the man sprawled out and promptly fell asleep.
As a hint of a snore escaped his lips, Lucy couldn’t resist smiling. He certainly hadn’t been kidding about falling asleep. But though he was indeed snoring, she wouldn’t wake him up. He was lucky to be able to sleep so easily.
Which, again, brought her mind back to the earlier trip.
No matter how hard she’d tried, she certainly hadn’t been able to sleep when Calvin had been near! No, she’d been too aware of him. And by the topsy-turvy mixture of emotions he provoked. All just by sitting down by her side.
Lucy folded her hands neatly in her lap and attempted to think of something to do. But the hour was late, and neither reading nor crochet held any appeal. So she closed her eyes and daydreamed, remembered how warm the sun had felt on her face. Finally, she dozed.
And the dreams came again.
She was walking on a windy dirt path. Golden honeysuckle surrounded her, making the air fragrant. Making the path beautiful.
“Lucy!” a man called out to her. Startling her.
She began to run.
The voice came again. “Lucy! Lucy, stop!”
He was coming closer. She picked up her pace. Her chest burned as she gasped for air, pulled oxygen into her lungs. Dirt turned to dust, flying in the air, clouding her path.
Panic gripped her hard. Just as a hand reached out and grabbed her elbow. With a jerk, she turned her head. Steeled herself to see him.
But all she heard was a whistle.
Lucy gasped, filling her lungs with air—prepared to cry out . . . and then she heard the train whistle blow again.
“Toledo!” a voice rang out. Two people stood up and walked down the aisle.
To her surprise, the Englischer who’d been by her side was nowhere to be found. Because the overhead lights were on, Lucy looked around with interest. Another person left. Two others took vacant seats.
“I’m sorry, is this seat taken?”
She looked up in surprise. “Yes, it’s—”
“Me,” Calvin Weaver said.
“You!” She scrambled to her feet and reached for his hand. “Calvin? Whatever are you doing here?” To her pleasure, his fingers curved around hers instantly.
“Riding on the train. So, Lucy, is this seat taken?”
“I think so. By a man going to Chicago.” Craning her neck, she saw no sign of him. “I’m not sure where he is, though.”
“No worries. I’ll put my things in this seat here.” After he set down that orange backpack that she’d recognize anywhere, he scanned the aisles. Lucy watched as most of the people in the seats stared at him.
Abruptly, he turned to her. “You know what? Why don’t we go somewhere else? Would you like to take a walk with me? This train has a viewing car.”
At the moment, she felt like she’d follow him anywhere. “Sure,” she sputtered.
As the whistle blew and the train pulled forward out of the Toledo station, Calvin reached for her hand. Lucy held on tightly as she followed him down the rocking aisle and through the narrow passage that connected the train cars.
When they were in the viewing car, Calvin led her to a spot on the far left, where no one else was. She settled herself next to him, breathed in his scent, and finally asked the question that had been burning inside her. “Why are you here?”
“Because I couldn’t stay away.”
He sounded so sure. So confident. So like himself! Her heart started beating faster as she tried to think of the right response.
“Lucy, I know it’s hardly been a day, but I missed you terribly. The moment you left, I realized I had been wrong to let you go.” Taking one of her hands, he smiled gently. “Lucy, do you remember our last conversation?”
She nodded.
He continued. “We said some terribly important things. Things that matter to us. That mattered to me, deeply.”
“They mattered to me, too,” she sputtered. Of course she remembered.
“But as soon as you left, I realized that though we said many important things, I had neglected to tell you the most important thing of all.” He reached for her hand. “I forgot to tell you that I love you.”
Her insides melted at his words—and how could they not? Calvin’s words were every dream she’d hoped would come true.
But it felt so sudden. After all, they’d known each other only a mo
nth. And for much of that time, they’d been struggling with secrets.
“This is crazy!” she said with a laugh. “Calvin, we promised to write—”
“I didn’t want to wait that long. The fact is, once I knew how I felt—without a doubt—I ran to catch this train.”
“This train?” she clarified. When he nodded, she blurted, “Calvin Weaver, you’ve been on this train with me the whole time?”
“I have.”
“Why didn’t you find me earlier?”
“Because I’ve been trying to find the courage to face you.”
Calvin Weaver, the most confident man she’d ever met, had been nervous about seeing her? “I can’t imagine that.”
“Oh, imagine it, Lucy,” he said drily. “I’ve been sitting in my seat, trying to come up with the right words to tell you how I feel. But none of them worked. None of them were good enough. None were perfect.”
“But I don’t need perfect words.”
He smiled. “I’m glad, because even after practicing for an hour, I still don’t have them.” With care, he took her other hand and linked their fingers. Rubbed one thumb over the fine bones of her hand. Carefully, she realized. As if he would never wish to do her harm.
“Lucy, all I do know is that you’ve become so special to me. I want you in my life, by my side.”
Wordlessly, she stared back at him. The words he was saying were so special, shattering all her memories of Paul. Taking a deep breath, he spoke again. “Lucy, I want to marry you. I want you to come live with me in Jacob’s Crossing.”
Her chest felt so tight, Lucy felt as if all the air had been pushed out of her.
Mistaking her silence for confusion, a shadow of worry entered his eyes. His speech quickened. “I know you’ve been hurt in the past. And though I’ve said this before, I’ll say it as many times as you need to hear it. Lucy, I will never lay a hand on you. I never want to make you cry. I promise. My only goal will be to make you happy.”
Sitting there, their hands linked, her heart beating so loudly she felt the world could hear it, Lucy believed him. Now she trusted him. Trusted him enough to realize he would only care for her. That he wanted to be her partner, not her superior. “Calvin, I know you will make me happy,” she said simply. Because, really, nothing else seemed to matter. She trusted Calvin like she’d never trusted anyone else in her life. And she longed to be with him, like she’d never wanted another man before.
Again, his expression filled with doubt. And resolve. “Lucy, if you’ll give us a chance, I’ll follow your lead. We can take things as slow as you want. We can be engaged for as long as you’d like. For as long as it will take for you to trust me. To trust us. I mean . . . that is . . . if you decide you want me, too.”
Lucy smiled. “I do, Calvin Weaver.”
“You do . . . what? You do want me . . . ?”
“I do want to marry you,” she said, feeling so sure. So happy—perhaps feeling the happiest she’d ever felt in her life. God had just given her a gift. A gift of love and a happy future. She felt His approval. And His love for her . . . and for Calvin. “Calvin, I do not need a long time to know that my heart will be safe with you.”
The pure joy that lit his eyes made her smile. “You’ve made me terribly happy.”
“I feel the same way.” As they stared at each other, there in the near-empty train car, Lucy couldn’t help but feel giddy. Words could never convey what she was feeling.
But perhaps they didn’t need to?
“Are you sure you won’t mind leaving Michigan?” Calvin asked.
“I wouldn’t mind at all. I want to start over,” she said. “I want to start over someplace where I only have happy memories, where the two of us can plan a future together. I can’t think of a better place to do that than in Jacob’s Crossing.”
Calvin squeezed her hands. Exhaled. Almost looked content.
Almost. His gaze drifted to her lips. Almost as swiftly, he looked away. Suddenly shy.
Lucy realized he wasn’t going to kiss her or even hug her without her permission. He was too afraid of spooking her. Of pushing.
But now that she knew what love was, Lucy realized she had no fears at all. A quick inspection revealed that they were still alone in the train car. As alone as they were ever going to be for the next many hours.
She leaned a little closer. “Calvin, perhaps you’d like to kiss me?”
One of his palms released her own and cradled her jaw. Unable to help herself, she pressed her cheek against his hand, enjoying the feel of his hand on her skin.
“You wouldn’t mind?”
“Not at all.” She bit her lip, then continued: “I want to kiss you. I mean, if that . . . if that is what you want—”
She wasn’t able to finish because his lips were on hers then. Tenderly kissing her. Tenderly making her feel loved.
Caring for her. Just as she’d cared for him. Little by little, she leaned closer. Rested her palms on his shoulders. Calvin’s hands skimmed her arms, then lightly closed around her back. After too short a time, he broke away.
Lucy felt a shiver run through her. Everything with Calvin was so perfect. So sweet. So worth waiting for.
He looked into her eyes and smiled. “Lucy, when I stopped being afraid to give you my heart, I realized something.”
“And what is that?”
“My heart wasn’t in jeopardy with you at all. Instead of being hurt, it would be cared for. By you.”
“Always,” Lucy said. “I will always care for you.”
As they sat together, side by side on the train, Lucy knew that she could finally look forward to the idea of always. Of Always . . . And Forever.
At last.
A Letter from the Author
Dear Reader,
I was on a cruise when I learned I had a new contract with Avon Inspire. How neat was that? I was thrilled. I celebrated! I love writing, and was I very excited to get home and start on a new series.
However, God had other plans. When we got off the ship and were in the Ft. Lauderdale airport, I checked our home messages and discovered my mother was in the hospital. She’d been having some heart problems and was disoriented.
Suddenly, everything I thought mattered so much didn’t matter so much at all.
Over the next few weeks, I flew to California, spoke to doctors, and called my brother and sister more than I’d called them in years. Our mom would get better, things would settle down, then one of us would get another phone call and find out she was in the emergency room again. It was a frustrating and very hard time.
Yet, it was also an incredibly meaningful time. I discovered that my siblings and I still had a strong bond that not even years spent living thousands of miles apart could break.
During all of this, I began writing The Caregiver.
Now, looking back on those weeks, I have to smile. It was so obvious that God was right there with me! He helped me craft what I’d originally planned to be a somewhat light, upbeat story into a novel far more meaningful.
He helped me with Lucy’s character, too, as I imagined what kind of a woman would leave her family, travel to another state, and volunteer to care for someone going through chemotherapy. At first, I was sure that woman would have to be an independent, incredibly strong woman.
But then I started thinking about Lucy some more. I started asking questions, too. What if she wasn’t very strong? Or even better, what if she was stronger than she ever imagined she was? A woman like that, I decided, would make a great heroine. A woman like that was Lucy Troyer.
I hope you enjoyed Lucy’s journey to Jacob’s Crossing, her romance with Calvin Weaver, and her calling to become the type of person she was meant to be.
I hope you’ll continue with the series as the people of Jacob’s Crossing have even more adventures. I promise, Calvin’s Uncle John is about to go on quite an emotional roller coaster, as does the rest of the Weaver family. Even little five-year-old Katie has some growing pain
s!
Finally, if you’ve ever smiled at the grocery-store clerk when you were sad, happily volunteered when you really wanted to cry, or said you were “just fine” when maybe you weren’t “just fine” at all . . . this book is for you. God bless you.
With my thanks,
Shelley Shepard Gray
PS: To everyone who’s asked your library to carry my books, thank you! To all the librarians who’ve recommended my novels and asked me to speak at their libraries, thank you, too. I’m really looking forward to visiting and meeting your patrons.
In the meantime, please visit me at www.shelleyshepardgray.com or on Facebook, or write to me at: Shelley Shepard Gray, 10663 Loveland-Madeira Rd. #167, Loveland, Ohio 45140. I’d truly love to hear what you thought of the book.
Discussion Questions
1. Lucy and Calvin are on the train to Cleveland by chance. However, that one coincidence changes their lives in numerous ways. Can you think of an experience in your life when a “chance” meeting led to a life-long friendship?
2. Calvin’s personality is far different from Lucy’s. While she’s reserved, he’s outgoing. Where she is timid, he is sometimes too gregarious. Do you think they really were a good match? What qualities did Lucy and Calvin each bring to their relationship that the other lacked?
3. After twenty years, John Weaver returns to Jacob’s Crossing. He hopes to reconnect with his extended family. John’s story continues through the next two books in the series. What do you think will happen to him? Can you ever really go home again?
4. Do you think John will stay in Jacob’s Crossing? Already, he’s interested in two different women, Jayne and Mary. Do you think either woman will be the right partner for him?
5. While Mattie Lapp endures chemotherapy, she’s struggling with her faith and depression. Was there a time in your life when you also experienced a crisis of faith? If so, what helped you cope?
6. Was Lucy the “right” person to be Mattie’s caregiver? Why or why not?
7. As I wrote about Lucy, I often thought she was one of the strongest heroines I’ve ever created. She survived years of abuse and the death of a spouse and was able to still reach out to others. Is there anyone in your life who has displayed a great strength that you admire?
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