by Anna Adams
His sister had been talking med school, same as Noah. If she got in, she’d need to learn about bedside manner.
“Or you were so attached you decided you wouldn’t beg her to take you back.” His mother’s empathy also put him off.
He wasn’t about to bring up the fact that Lilah had accused him of being like his father. He still wondered himself if that was true, and he couldn’t stand how easy his honesty about his own past had made it for her to choose the weapon that kept him away.
“Son?” Suzannah said. “Is there anything I can do?”
His brothers and sister took their mother’s change of attitude since their parents’ divorce at face value. He knew how easy it was to fall back into old habits, and he never managed to believe completely in his mother’s reform.
“I’ve lost four years with Ben, so I’m forcing his mother to bring him here.” Might as well admit he’d blackmailed Lilah. They’d soon realize this wasn’t going to be some joyous reunion.
“Forcing?” Suzannah sat back, her eyes a little too wide. “How, exactly are you doing that? Owen, I don’t want you acting like your—”
She faltered but left the word father unspoken. Which was a good thing. The accusation was too close to his own suspicions about himself.
“That doesn’t sound like you.” Celia shut the cover on her tablet. “Why would you do that, Owen?”
“Because I loved Ben the second I saw him, and I can’t throw away another day with him.” He looked at his sister, and for once, he hid nothing.
“Doesn’t this woman know you’re staying sober now?” Emma asked.
He let himself smile. Good old Emma. She refused to believe the worst. “I’ve told her I’m trying, but she has doubts, and you can’t really blame her.”
“Why don’t we know about her? Were you ashamed to bring her down here?” Suzannah frowned. “What’s wrong with her?”
“She did come down, Mom. I just never introduced her to people here. We didn’t have a lot of time together because she worked for her family in New York, and my place was here. I didn’t want to move.”
“Maybe you also didn’t want anyone to know about your private life,” Celia said.
He glanced at her. “When you take your nose out of your books, you’re observant.”
“This Lilah must not be. If she cared about you then, she must see you’re sober now.”
They were all so desperate to believe in him. Determined to trust the promises he’d made after the last bender only a few weeks ago.
“I guess I wasn’t sober a lot when we were together.” He looked at Noah, who’d persuaded the council he could get the clinic done without drinking. “I am now,” he said. “And I’m going to stay this way.”
Suzannah reached for Owen’s hand. The moment for closeness had passed, but he let her hang on because she needed to feel she could comfort him. He was willing to let her feel better. “You can promise her all you want, but she might not be able to believe you. She’s probably anxious for her son. You can’t blame her since she saw you in those darker days.”
She sounded as if Lilah had filled her in, but no one knew how many times he’d promised himself he wouldn’t drink again. “The first time I actually went to rehab, I did it for her.”
“Which is why it didn’t work,” Noah said. “So she tried to force you to stop drinking, and now you’re forcing her to share your son.”
“When you put it like that, I realize how ruthless I’m being.” Owen recalled Lilah’s frightened expression as she’d watched him drive away with Ben for their day out.
“I’d do the same, and I defy anyone at this table to say he or she would walk away from a child. Ben’s mother wouldn’t do it,” Noah said.
“That’s why she’s coming with him,” Owen said. “At first, I wanted to just take him with me, but I was angry. When I realized Ben would suffer without her, I told her I was staying there until they were both ready to come, but she asked me to trust her not to run for Canada.”
“From Manhattan?” Chad asked. “I’d be tempted.”
“From Vermont.”
Chad whistled. “You should go back up there before you lose your chance to be a good father.”
“You think I will be?”
“I know you.” Chad’s conviction was encouraging. “You couldn’t make rehab work and I know you don’t like AA, but you love us enough to try doing it on your own. It may mean you’re beating up pieces of the barn at midnight, but you just have to keep beating them up instead of drinking.”
Everyone, including Owen, stared at his little brother. He’d thought his drinking battles were private. He looked from face to face. They all seemed a little panicked.
Chad actually blushed. “I run sprints at night after the track at school is empty.” His tone implied he had his own demons, but no sledgehammer. “What’s this about you making furniture? I wondered why I heard you out working so late at night before you and Mom donated the barn for the clinic site.”
“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me about that,” Noah said to Emma, as if he wondered if there were more he didn’t know.
“My stepmother, Megan, swore me to secrecy. That’s how she met my father. He told her he was from Bliss, and she asked him if he knew Owen. Megan bought one of Owen’s cribs when she knew she was having the baby, and I saw it at their house just before Thanksgiving. Dad’s kept the secret longer than I have.”
“Ben will be here within a week.” Owen dragged them back to the topic. “Mom, I’d like Lilah to stay with you. She wants to be near Ben, which I understand, but I don’t want her staying with me.”
“I didn’t know you cared about gossip,” Suzannah said.
“I care about Ben. He can’t think Lilah and I will ever be together as a couple. He’s already been in a day care where children live with both parents, and I’d hate it if he started hoping he could have that, too, now that I’ve found him.”
Suzannah touched her heart.
“Don’t get all sentimental,” he said. “How could I ever trust a woman who hid my child from me? Just tell me you’ll take Lilah in and give her a room.”
“I may understand what she did, but you’re my son. How am I supposed to be polite to this woman?” Suzannah asked.
“By remembering that she’s my son’s mother, and all these problems are between us.”
“She was not generous enough to remember you were her son’s father.”
“Which is why she needs to stay with you while I get to know Ben, and he gets used to having two parents who live separately.”
Suzannah hesitated. “If she doesn’t mind staying with your mother, I’ll take her in, but how long is this odd little family grouping going to last?”
“Well, I can’t go to Vermont until after I finish the clinic.”
“How long can she stay here? How does she make a living?”
“She runs a gallery that’s part of her family’s business. She sells antiques and art pieces. She’s fond of the work I do, and I think she’ll find other artisans in the mountains, along with pieces in the little shops all through the area.”
“Are you sure we aren’t too rustic for this woman? Haven’t you seen that crib Emma was talking about?”
“Mom, help me out. I built it.”
“All right. I said she could stay. I find it pretty questionable that you have this whole side business of carving and cabinetmaking, and you never told any of us. As if you really were ashamed of us.”
“I figured you all would doubt me.”
Noah grinned an apology, as if he agreed it was true. Owen gave him a rueful smile in return. He hadn’t meant to whine, but not one of them would have been surprised if they’d had to come pluck him off the barn roof, singing boozy songs while he toasted th
e next full moon. Why would they believe he had a successful furniture-making business?
“Why are you doing all the contracting work if you can sell your furniture?” Chad asked.
“I need contracting to afford to do the work I love.” He looked up, seeing the parade of pizzas coming. “Thank goodness. Let’s eat.”
* * *
LATER THAT NIGHT, at home in the small cabin his great-grandfather had built on the property, Owen settled with a cup of coffee in the recliner that was his one extravagance. He picked up his phone and stared at the icons lined up along the top. He could put off calling Lilah by dealing with work issues. Those matters, he understood.
He called Lilah.
“Owen,” she said by way of answering.
“We need to talk logistics. I thought I could fly back up and help you drive down. You’ll want a car.”
“How long do you plan on us staying there? I didn’t expect to need my own car. I thought I’d rent.”
“It’s going to be a few months,” he said. “I’m at the beginning of this project.”
“I can’t stay in Tennessee for months. Are you crazy?”
“I’m determined to know my son, and—”
“I stole years from you. I know. Keep beating that drum, but I am not living in Tennessee for the foreseeable future.”
“That’s fine by me.” His voice deepened as his throat squeezed shut. “I’ll bring Ben back to you after I finish my work on the clinic.”
There was silence. Thick with anger and frustration. Hers and his, but Lilah’s only annoyed him more. She never realized what she’d done, but he was willing to remind her if he had to.
“I’m not leaving Ben,” she said, and her surrender was there in her voice.
“I’ll fly up,” he said. “You can come by plane with Ben, and I’ll drive your car down, if that’s okay with you.”
“It’s not,” she said. “You can fly down with Ben so he doesn’t have to spend two days in a car. I’ll drive myself.”
Even to be with Ben she was too prickly to accept a favor.
“Whatever you say, Lilah.”
“It’s not what I say. We’re doing everything your way. But don’t think I’ll put up with this forever.”
She was so desperate to keep her past quiet, she’d let him blackmail her. He couldn’t imagine the pain she must fear of having her kidnapping all over social media. She knew what it was like to face public scrutiny, and this time she had Ben to think of.
His conscience made him uncomfortable for a second. Then he remembered. Four years of Ben’s life. He could never get one second back.
“I’ll send you my flight details,” he said and punched the button to end the call.
CHAPTER SIX
LILAH HAD ONE GOAL. To remove Owen Gage from Ben’s life.
That shouldn’t be difficult. He’d exited hers without looking back until her brother had put that photo on the gift tag. And who sent wine to a guy like Owen anyway? Tim had known better.
She couldn’t imagine how shocked Owen must have been to see a face so like his own on a Christmas gift. But he’d never asked himself why she cut him so completely out of her life after he left rehab. He’d never even considered she must have had a vital reason to insist on rehab.
She’d been happy with their long-distance relationship for two years. It had started out as just fun. She’d never drunk the way he had. She’d known how to say enough, a feat Owen couldn’t master, but she’d told herself she was just keeping him company as he continued to bend his elbow, and she’d started on water or coffee.
After she’d realized Ben was coming, she hadn’t let herself care about Owen anymore. She’d given him the chance to get sober, and he’d failed. She needed to keep her son safe. That was what moms did.
So the morning after Owen left Vermont, she made a few calls. One to her lawyer. One to her parents, warning them that she hadn’t been entirely honest about Owen’s feelings toward their child. Oddly, Lilah’s mother hadn’t understood the decision she’d made and she’d ended the call with a frosty silence.
Lilah never appreciated her parenting decisions being questioned, especially not one as important as this.
Her last call was to Tennessee. It might be a hopeless cause, but she wanted to know how the children’s services office felt about a known alcoholic who blackmailed his child’s mother into giving him visitation.
“We’ve had no complaints about Mr. Gage,” the caseworker she spoke to said.
“He has no other children.”
“He has no record with the authorities either.”
“Do you live in Bliss? How could you not have heard of Owen Gage and his drinking?” Lilah sounded desperate, but she had to make them check him out.
“And you’ve never allowed this gentleman contact with his son?”
“No, because I never considered him safe for my child. He went to rehab while I was pregnant and celebrated his release by getting drunk and coming to my home to tell me drinking mattered more than me.”
That much was true. That night had convinced her.
“Did he threaten you?”
“No, but he made sure I knew he didn’t intend to stop abusing alcohol. What if he drinks while he has my son with him? What if my son has an accident or becomes ill, and Owen is too drunk to drive him to a doctor?”
“We can’t take children from parents based solely on a series of what-ifs. If we did that, no child would live in his own home.”
If that was the county’s philosophy on child welfare, the woman was already on Owen’s side.
“Look, I’m not trying to paint him as a child abuser. I simply need to know if he’s done anything that would make your office or me think he might be too dangerous for my son to live with him.”
“I’ve taken your information, and I’ll let you know what our investigation uncovers.”
“Thank you.”
She ended the call with a shudder. Contacting the authorities gave her no delicious sense of revenge. She felt as if she’d betrayed Owen as the conversation replayed in her head. It was so humiliating, she hardly slept for the next week.
The night before he was due to pick up Ben, she packed for her son, who questioned her every move.
“Why am I going to visit Own?” He pulled his stuffed giraffe from the small suitcase. “I like here.”
“I like here best, too, but Owen wants to get to know you better.” She swallowed, choking on the words that would reassure her son. “You like him, don’t you? He’s a good man, and he’ll take good care of you. I’ll be down there as soon as I can make it. Two days. No more.”
“But you come with me, Mommy.”
“I need to drive, baby. I don’t know how long we’ll be in Tennessee, and we’ll need our car. You’ll have a good time with Owen. You did when he was here?”
“Yes. Will he let me play with his goats?”
She hesitated, imagining a herd of goats all raring to head butt her son. “If you’re careful with them.”
Ben already liked Owen, and she loved her son. She didn’t want him to be afraid.
Owen showed up at the appointed time on the appointed day to pick up her son. The doorbell rang like a death knell, and Ben darted past his little bag and backpack waiting by the front door. He tugged at the door handle, not yet having mastered the dead bolt that was still out of his reach.
Lilah turned the dead bolt and covered his hand with hers on the doorknob. “Let me help you, baby.”
“I can do it, Mommy.”
She helped anyway and barely managed not to wrap him in her arms. They opened the door together, and her breath caught as she looked at Owen. It was like looking at a stranger. When he’d arrived before, she’d been so upset she w
asn’t sure she’d really seen him.
Tall and lean, but broader than he’d been when they were together. He was almost thirty now and seemed more mature. His dark hair was neatly cut. His ice-blue eyes were free of dark shadows. He’d cleaned up for this new turn in his life, and he took her breath away.
Until she remembered the times he’d cleaned up before. Let a problem arise, or boredom strike. That would be Owen’s true test.
“Lilah,” he said, his gaze on their son with the hunger of a father who’d been denied four years of hugs and laughter and tears.
“Come in.” She stood back to make room for him.
He scooped up Ben, who crowed his name. “Own.” And pressed his hands to Owen’s face. “You came back,” he said.
“I’ll always come back for you.” Owen kissed Ben’s forehead. “You can count on me.”
“Mommy says I’ll have a good time with you.”
“You will. And my mom will be there. So will your aunt and uncles.”
“And the goats?”
“And chickens and cows, and a dog or two.”
“Okay.” Ben scrambled a little, the universal toddler’s request to be put down. “I’m ready to go now.”
Owen twisted back the cuff of his jacket and checked the time. “We do need to leave soon. I’m not sure of the traffic. Sorry to be so quick, Lilah.”
She dragged her gaze from his and tried her best to look cheerful. “Ben.” She knelt beside her child, plucking his jacket from where she’d left it, draped across his suitcase.
“Mommy, are you crying?”
She’d smile if her face broke. “Not a bit. You have a lot to learn about Owen, and I’m excited you get to spend some time with him. Hold out your hands.”
After she got his arms in his sleeves, she put gloves on him. “You’ll remember all this, Owen? You’ll make sure he’s warm.”
“And that he eats, and I’ll check he’s covered up in bed before I go to sleep.”
That brought his mother to mind. He hadn’t said great things about her before, and she’d be caring for Ben while Owen worked. Maybe she was the one the child services office should look into.