by Rae, Alexa
Hayley's eyebrows rose as eyed me closely. "So are you guys texting?"
"No, I don't have his number."
Hayley's interest fell. "Oh."
I didn't realize how bad that sounded until I caught the look on her face. His last words to me were exactly the type of thing that a guy would tell a girl if he wanted to get rid of her. If he really wanted to see me again then he would have asked for my number. He didn't kiss me when he had the chance. I slowly fell off cloud nine when the realization seeped in. My smile disappeared from my face as the pessimistic thoughts crowded my mind.
"Yeah," My voice sounded defeated. The more I thought about it, the more I realized how off my perception of the night was.
The frown on my face must have spurred the distaste in Hayley's voice. "Well I bet he isn't that great. He's probably some out of town loser."
I stared at her blankly, thinking if you only knew. I couldn't break the ice now. A sinking feeling grew in my stomach and I bit the inside of my cheek to fight it. My conflicted thoughts continued to pull me back to last night. Why had I been so stupid? I thought he was there with me. His mind wasn't anywhere else. Or was it? We had moments of silence. The silence felt nice. I didn't think it was the silence that needed small talk just to avoid the awkwardness.
"Ella!" Hayley snapped. I turned to her. "Don't think too much about it. He knows where you live. Maybe he'll stop by." The doubt in her voice wasn't hard to catch. I tried to smile to assure her that her words were somewhat comforting despite the way they made my stomach drop. The sudden urge to get my mind off Ben overcame me. I needed to get out of the house.
"Hayley, I have to get ready for work."
She knew what I was getting at. She got off the stool while sliding the carton of ice cream over to me on the counter. She winked, handed me the spoon, and walked to the back door. "Call me when you get off work. We can watch Magic Mike or something."
I laughed. "That movie was awful. The plot was completely ridiculous."
She shot me a sly grin. "Babe, the plot has nothing to do with the intentions of the movie."
I smirked. "Good point."
"Call me." She said and she was gone.
My smile fell and the thoughts hit me again. There was still a part of me that believed I would see him again, but the reality of the situation was hard to ignore. Ben was a rock star. I was a small town girl who worked at a diner to help pay for college tuition. I wasn't anything special. I was an idiot for thinking I had a chance.
Sixteen
"I'm waiting on my last table to leave and then I'll take off." Ava said when she walked around the bar.
Shiloh looked up and frowned. "Waiting on them?"
Ava shook her head. "I'm southern honey. Get over it." I started laughing. She turned to me, shook her head, and spoke emphasizing the twang in her accent. "You can laugh but I'm pretty sure you were raised born and raised here too."
I had no objections. "Hey, what do we know? You could have been standing on them."
I didn't mention that my mother grew up in the Big Apple. A Yankee raised me, so a southern accent never stuck. My mom and her mother scrambled to Covington when she was only fifteen to get away from an abusive, alcoholic father. My mom never mentioned her dad and wasn't much of a talker when it came to the random scars on her body. I always knew it was my grandfather who put them there. Since she never mentioned him, I never asked. As far as family was concerned, she didn't have a father, not anymore. It was another grim aspect we shared in common.
Ava smiled. "I do like to sit on people. How do you think Mallie came along?"
Shiloh held up her hand. "Stop right there."
Mallie was Ava's four-year-old daughter who was the most adorable little girl I ever had the pleasure of babysitting. Ava was in her mid twenties so I knew Mallie was a bit of a surprise, but she married her father and she seemed happy so who was I to question it?
"I'll take care of the table for you. Go home and see your daughter."
Ava leaned over and gave me a peck on the check. "Thanks sweetie." She grabbed her keys and purse from beneath the counter. "Can you babysit next Saturday? Josh wants to have a date night."
Shiloh scowled. "Which means I'm closing."
I smiled. "Sure, I'd love to."
"I'll text you the time," she told me before she left.
I took dinner orders from a mother and her two children who just came in before I came back around the counter. Shiloh met me around the same time after clearing a couple tables. I moved in front of the cash register and began to work numbers for a bill. I was waiting for her to question about the night before. I knew Hayley had already given her the details.
"Is it alright with you if I take off? My shift is almost over."
I turned to her. "Why wouldn't it be?"
She gave a small sympathetic smile. "Hayley told me about the mystery boy."
I groaned. "Why are you two treating it like a break up? A nice guy walked me home."
"Hayley said you were glowing before she smacked you with reality." Shiloh leaned on the counter watching me. "You just haven't shown interest in any guys since the beginning of school last year." I arched an eyebrow. She knew the pickings at school were slim and I wanted nothing to do with them anyway. She nodded, taking my expression for a reply. "Good point, but you know what I mean. Hayley feels bad about it."
"Shiloh, I'm fine." I said, looking her in the eye. "I'm glad Hayley knocked some sense into me. Don't worry." I smiled and decided to change the subject. "Where is Adam taking you?"
"My guess is Atlanta."
I smiled. Adam had given me the details two weeks ago. They were staying at his Uncle's condo in the city for the evening. He wanted to make the night really special. He had a reservation at her favorite restaurant and everything. There wasn't an occasion. He just liked doing things to see her smile. The thought of the two of them together always warmed my insides. They were so good for each other and it made me happy to think about that kind of love. That it actually existed for people that deserved it.
I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed tightly. "Have fun."
"Thanks El." She pulled back and looked at me. "Don't go crazy tonight."
"I won't have sex with anyone. Not even if they pay me."
She nodded, her expression serious, "I mean it. No slutty business while I'm gone."
We laughed together and she eventually left after helping me clear another table. By the time was gone it was a quarter past nine and the diner was empty. I cleaned the floors, countertops and even straightened a few pictures from the seventies on the wall just to pass the time. It was fifteen minutes before closing and I was in the kitchen just after Mack left. He had taught me a how to cook everything on the menu a few months ago for nights like this if we had the random customer come in before closing. It rarely happened. Tonight was the rare occasion.
The bells chimed from the front door, announcing the entrance of a customer. I wiped the irritated expression off my face and pushed away the urge to stone the perpetrator. Those people who come in minutes before closing at a restaurant earn corporal punishment if they order something other than a soda. They usually did.
I put a smile on my face and pushed past the swinging door of the kitchen that brought me directly behind the countertop. "What can I get for ya?" The person sitting on a bar stool in the middle of the counter looked up. I froze when his eyes met mine.
"Eli."
He threw his head back to move strands of his brown hair out of his eyes. He gave a small, friendly smile. "Ella."
I swallowed trying to think about the last time I had seen him. I couldn't point out a specific date, which proved it had been a while. His hair looked longer. There were dark circles under his eyes. He leaned onto the counter watching me, watching him.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, my voice sounded small.
"I'm hungry."
"Right," I shook my head. "What can I get for you?'
> "Coffee"
I should have figured as much coming from him. I didn't want to admit it, but I already knew how he liked it, "Black?"
"Like my,"
"Heart" I finished for him. We shared a brief glance before I cut it off. I turned away from him and got the porcelain cup from the rack while grabbing the coffee off the stove with my free hand. I placed the cup in front of him and kept my eyes strictly on the dark liquid until it was full. I wanted to avoid any more accidental eye contact.
"Don't worry it's still black." He told me.
I rolled my eyes. "You're hilarious."
"How are you?" I heard him ask when I had my back turned to him to put the coffee away. I hated that question. It was a horrible conversation starter and every reply was a lie to comply the lack of interest of the receiver. I moved in front of him, placed my elbows on the counter, and leaned on it casually. The close proximity of our faces would have given me chills two years ago. Now, I felt nothing.
"You know I hate that."
He smirked. "Because you hate when you realize people actually care. I know."
"Why are you really here?" His eyes dropped down to the coffee between us as an answer. I shook my head. "You haven't touched it."
"It's hot."
I shrugged, "That hasn't stopped you before."
He smiled. "What are you doing later?"
I frowned, remembering Davey's same words. "No, Eli."
"C'mon, are you busy?"
The discomfort was unsettling as two parts of me fought to answer. Part of me missed spending time with him and the other part of me wanted to smack him for asking. I made myself clear last year. Just because I hadn't seen him didn't mean I hadn't heard about his endeavors outside of school. Two months ago I heard he was arrested for battery. The Eli I missed wasn't the Eli sitting before me.
He noticed the uneasiness in my eyes immediately. "What's wrong?"
"Can you not?" I asked him, holding up my hand.
"Why? It's not like I don't care Ella. You know that."
"I know you care, Eli." I said without looking at him.
"I'll leave if I'm making you uncomfortable."
I shook my head. "I'm fine."
"I'll call bullshit on that."
I rolled my eyes. "Oh blow me."
He smirked. Our conversations we shared in the past managed to stay the same. They always resulted in my vulgarity. I liked to swear, but I usually bit my tongue. When the word fuck comes from someone you least expect it makes the element of surprise more enjoyable. I liked to shock people. It made life interesting. However, Eli managed to bring out the worst in me.
When I turned back to him his eyes were calculating as they stared at something behind me. The muscle in his jaw worked. I realized his 'hunger' didn't bring him to the diner. He had something on his mind.
"Eli, I'm not oblivious. There's a reason you're here."
His gaze flashed to mine. "I'm sorry about last year."
He sounded sincere. I leaned back and crossed my arms over my chest. "I don't like to think about that night. So please drop it."
"I need to know who threw Davey off you, Ella."
My stomach dropped. After the past couple days, he chose now to ask me. I didn't believe in coincidences, but I wasn't going to give Ben up. The cool expression remained on my face. "I told you I don't know."
His eyes tightened. "Lie."
I shrugged. "Believe what you want."
"You know what I believe?" He stood up, crossing his arms over his chest the way I had. We stared each other down. He was definitely built and much taller than me, but he didn't scare me. "I believe you're protecting him and I want to know why."
"He saved my life." I told him firmly. "No one else was there and he was. If he hadn't been there, you know Davey would have had his way with me. That kind of trauma would have sent me over the edge and you, of all people know that." I swallowed, pushing back the memory of that night.
His jaw locked. "I tried to save you."
"You were the reason I needed saving." I sighed, realizing the conversation was getting us nowhere. I motioned to the door. "I'm supposed to close. You need to leave."
He made no motion that told me was planning on leaving just yet. "Have you thought about Noah lately?"
My stomach immediately clenched. The temperature in the room seemed to drop ten degrees at the mention of his name. I blinked and sucked in a deep breath before speaking. My voice was tight. "He was my brother. Of course I think about him. I think about him all the time."
He nodded and he adjusted his gaze to the windows. "Would you do anything to see him again?"
"What kind of question is that?"
He didn't answer. "I miss Neil. I know you miss Noah."
"Everyday, now please go." I was begging him now. My brother was a touchy subject that even my friends never brought up. My mom was the only one I could share a conversation with involving him and that took ages to break.
He finally looked at me. He stared long and hard so that I could catch the desperation in his eyes. It almost frightened me. It wasn't like him to look so uncontrolled.
"What if they weren't dead?"
A sharp pain ruptured in my chest. I shut my eyes tightly in an attempt to push back the numbing images of my brother that were branded to my memory. I knew what happened when I begin to relive the nightmares of my past and it wasn't something I ever allowed anyone to see. I needed Eli to leave, now.
"Eli," I spoke through my teeth, but it was obvious my voice was breaking. "Leave."
"Don't you want your brother back? Don't you want to see him again?" He pressed his hands against the countertop. "I need to know who saved you."
He was on something. He had to be. The fact that he was dragging me back into the unwanted memories of my brother's death while he was under the influence made me want to scream. How could he do that to me? After everything we'd been through together, how could he shove my brother's death in my face?
"Get out!" I shouted at him, pointing to the door.
"They're still out there, Ella."
I hated drugs. My hands clenched into fists at my sides, feeling the anger roll off me in waves as I glared at him. "Our brothers are dead!" I screamed at him. "I found Noah's body. I was there when they put his," my voice broke and my hands started to shake violently. I tried again, "I watched as they put his body in a bag!" A sob ripped out of my chest at the sight of my brother's open, lifeless eyes when he lay on the cold tile floor. I knew when I found him that I had lost him.
"Noah!" She screamed when she snapped out of the frozen state.
She dropped to the ground. Her knees seemed to sink into the pool of blood that his shirt was soaked in. Blood. There was so much of it she could hardly see anything but red. She choked back a sob as she picked up his head and cradled him in her arms.
Her tears streamed down her face, she could taste the salt in her mouth as they ran over her lips. She screamed again, but she couldn't hear the sound. Her mouth remained open as she held her brother. His eyes, glossed over with the frost of death, gazed up at her.
He was gone.
"Please, no!" She cried, gargling on the spit that formed in her mouth. "Wake up, Noah! Please! Don't leave me!" She cried. She screamed. She shouted. His body was still. He was heavy in her arms and she continued to hold him, ignoring the dark wound in his chest.
There were sirens. There was someone behind her, pulling her back. The twelve-year-old girl screamed at him, but his hands tightened underneath her arms and pulled her away from her brother's body. There were other people in the room, rushing around her, but she paid them no attention.
Adam held her on the ground as she cried. He turned her away from her brother so that she couldn't see, but she didn't have to look. She still saw him in her mind, his blood. His shallow eyes, his conscience lost to the world. The last memory she had of her brother scarred her.
The memory snapped like a rubber band and my body jer
ked as if a bolt of electricity had shocked me back into the present. I blinked. Eli was watching me with wide eyes. I realized I was shaking when he held up his hands in surrender.
"I'm sorry." I heard him say.
I couldn't speak, but I made sure that my eyes told him what I wanted. He moved to the door without a word. When he pulled it open he turned to me. His voice was soft when he spoke.
"Not everything is as it seems, Ella."
Then he was gone. The weight of the world crashed around me when the door closed. I staggered back, hitting the countertop behind me. My trembling hand clasped my mouth when a sob erupted from the back of my throat. I felt as though the walls were caving in. I needed to get out of the diner before I suffocated.
Gasping for air, I stumbled around the counter and dashed for the door. Just before I reached it the door opened and I crashed into someone's chest. I was still sucking in short rapid breaths when the stranger's arms immediately wrapped around my shaking form.
"Let me out!" I shouted against him.
We were outside before I could say anything more. I turned my face to the side, feeling the cool air against my cheeks. My hands, balled into fists and pressed against his chest, were still shaking. His arms tightened around me, holding my body securely against him to minimize some of the tremors. One of his hands ran gently through my hair, a simple but soothing gesture that allowed my thoughts to focus on his touch instead of the grotesque images of my past.
Minutes passed before my breathing began to even. I noticed my arms were no longer trembling. The cold air hadn't affected me much. The warmth that radiated from his body shielded me from the cold. I practically melted under his touch. The electricity thrived under the contact of our skin. I knew whose arms were wrapped around me, but it was slowly beginning to register what I exposed him to.
I slowly lifted my head up to find the worry in his eyes. He had just witnessed the side of me that I concealed from everyone, the side that I fought every day to hold back. The hospital had witnessed me lose it. After a week I was released, but I continued to have episodes, usually after nightmares where my demons were let off their leash.