The Masquerade

by Rae, Alexa

  "But you want to," she countered. Her eyebrows rose over the rims of her shades.

  "Maybe," I shrugged, my tooth gnawing on my bottom lip. I hadn't been with Ben for very long to be considering sex, but I'd already thought about it multiple times. In fact whenever I daydreamed about him it eventually led to sex. I was definitely becoming Hayley and I wasn't exactly ashamed of it either.

  "What's his deal?" Shiloh asked when we reached my car. I frowned, thinking she was talking about Ben until I noticed her attention on something in front of us. I followed her gaze and met Eli's. He leaned casually against the side door of his black '72 Dodge Challenger, the car that his brother, Neil, drove before he died.

  I narrowed my eyes. "He's an asshole."

  "Did something happen between you two?" Shiloh asked. Hayley's head perked up. The conversation sparked her interest.

  I shook my head and pulled open my car door. "He stopped by the diner the other night and said some things to piss me off. It's nothing."

  Shiloh held my elbow forcing me to look at her. "What did he say to you?"

  "That he's tired of pining over Ella baby and decided to grow a pair and do something about it." Hayley spit on the ground when we both looked at her. She shrugged as if what she stated was obvious.

  "No," I tossed my backpack in the passenger seat. "He's just an ass."

  "He wants your ass." Hayley said.

  "That's all you're going to say?" Shiloh frowned.

  I shrugged. "It's nothing I want to talk about." I didn't feel like allowing the memories of my brother to resurface. I was just fine holding them under. "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

  Shiloh's frown slowly disappeared. "Have fun tonight."

  I smiled. "I will."

  Hayley didn't say anything but she mouthed S-E-X to Shiloh who giggled and smacked Hayley's arm with the back of her hand. My smile grew before I slid into the car. I cast one last glance through the window to see Eli watching me with one eyebrow raised. I shot him one final glare before I put the car in reverse and pulled out of the parking spot, allowing my excitement for tonight to consume me.

  .

  When I got home from school I vigorously tried to finish my homework so I could spend time getting ready. Ben had texted me just before school ended that he was going to pick me up around eight. I wanted time to prepare myself even though I didn't really need it. I was already wearing a little make up and my hair had a wave to it that I didn't bother straightening.

  I ended up wearing my long sleeve shirt with Motley Crue's Theatre of Pain album cover on it. It was one of the few band shirts I owned that actually hugged my curves in all the right places. I chose a pair of dark wash jeans that clung to legs and my black Dr. Martens.

  My dog started barking before the doorbell rang. I dashed downstairs, nearly missing the last step, and I hit the floor with a loud thump that even Ben could hear over my dog's incessant barks.

  Max trotted over to me, still barking. "Hey boy." I cooed in a higher pitch voice that I only saved for animals. I rubbed his head repeatedly, squeezed his ears a few times, which evoked a few groans from my big baby that my mom and I found hilarious.

  After calming him down I ran to the door and pulled it open. Ben stood under the porch light, his hands shoved in the pockets of his black jeans. His black hair was tousled and his bangs pushed to one side. The corner of his mouth pulled up into a smile as my eyes traveled down and back up, taking him in. He wore a black leather jacket with a white shirt underneath. I'd never seen him wear white before and the thought of him taking his jacket off to allow me more exposure was enticing.

  "Hi." I said, my voice light. I could feel my dog nudging me from behind so I stepped out and shut the door before he could escape.

  "Hey," he responded, his eyes traveled lower now that I stood under the light. I fought it but I blushed anyway.

  "So what are we doing?" I asked, walking down the steps with him.

  He shook his head. "It's a surprise."

  I stopped seeing the motorcycle sitting in the driveway. I was struck with worry that Adam heard the engine when Ben pulled up, but I shook the thought away, knowing he was probably playing video games in the basement with his friends. They wouldn't come up for hours.

  "You've never ridden one before."

  I shook my head. "Nope and I would face the wrath of my mom if she found out."

  Ben chuckled. "She sounds dangerous."

  "Probably more than that thing," I pointed to his bike. He handed me the helmet that was sitting on the seat. I stared at the large object in my hands.

  He leaned down, brushing his lips against the side of my head. "I'll keep you safe." He murmured into my hair. He took the helmet from me and helped me adjust it on my head. He swung one long leg over with ease, looked over his shoulder, and motioned for me to join him. I managed to climb over without much trouble. Ben reached behind him, took my hands, and wrapped them securely around his waist. I smiled and relaxed into him before he kicked on the engine and it roared to life.

  We drove for about twenty minutes until he pulled off the main drag and onto a dirt road just outside city limits. He followed it until it came to an end when he killed the engine. He helped me off the bike, holding my hands in his to steady me on the ground when I stumbled slightly.

  Nothing but woods surrounded us. My eyes followed the lines of the trees and I couldn't stop myself from wondering if this was the place where he intended to hide my body. Something deep within me told me I should be afraid, but I wasn't. I wanted to be with Ben. Nothing else mattered.

  He kept one of my hands in his and led me into the woods. I followed him, my eyes still on our surroundings. The darkness of the night blanketed the woods, but my eyes adjusted to the dark and I could put one foot in front of the other without tripping.

  "Is this the part where you kill me?" I joked.

  He shook his head. His laughter echoed throughout the woods. A bird, in one of the trees around us, shrieked. The high-pitched screech rang in my ears. My eyes wandered up, half expecting to see a bird fall out of its nest. The sound still rang in my ears reminding me of a funeral where life acquainted itself with death.

  I didn't realize I stopped until my hand slipped out of Ben's. "You coming?" He threw a glance over his shoulder. His eyes gleamed like polished gemstones in the dark night. I nodded and picked up my pace again. We continued to walk into the unknown, side by side, until we reached a clearing. A gasp left my mouth when my eyes settled on the scenic view.

  A plane of grass exploded from the depth of the woods behind us, the long blades danced in the direction of the soft breeze I felt against my cheeks. To the left there was a large pond that wrapped around the island of grass in front of us. A stream of still water trailed through the open land and into the woods to the right. A wooden bridge, old and decaying, connected the two grassy planes together. There was a willow tree close enough to the shoreline so that its long, thin branches dipped into the water. The reflection of the moon glimmered across the water. The light cast onto the land complementing the serene area with a dark blue hue that allowed my eyes to focus on its beauty.

  I stepped into the clearing, my mouth still open in awe. "How have I not heard of this place?"

  Ben moved next to me. "Not many people are aware it exists. Last I checked the body of water doesn't show up on the GPS." I made my way over to the bridge. "I found this place years ago and its still managed to remain the same because no one knows about it."

  "And now I know." I said gently, my eyes on the water.

  We were quiet. I moved to the top of the bridge and leaned over the railing that was sturdier than it appeared. My elbows carefully leaned against the splintered wood while I looked out at the water. I smiled lightly as my eyes took in the view from another angle.

  "I wrote our first album here."

  My eyes flashed to Ben's. "Really?"

  A smile tugged at his lips from my reaction and he nodded. I smiled watching a
few water bugs dart across the water, creating little ripples which expanded into larger ones until they disappeared against the shoreline. "I loved that album." I murmured. "Every song has this rough edge that grips me with your pain and your loss. Your screams are," I swallowed, almost afraid of the word, "sexy."

  I could feel the burning intensity of his eyes. I adjusted my gaze to catch a glimpse of the expression on his face. He stared down at me. In his eyes I could see the ice chipping away. The constant darkness, I always sensed around him was slowly fading. I turned and leaned back against the bridge, my elbows on the railing for support.

  I cocked my head to the side. "What?"

  I struck something within him but he couldn't address it and I wouldn't question it. When he spoke his voice was deep. "I really want to kiss you right now."

  My chest swelled and as much as I wanted it, I turned away and skipped down the hill of the bridge and onto the separate piece of land where the willow tree was located. I glanced over my shoulder and found that he was still standing on top of the bridge, staring after me in what appeared to be amusement.

  When he finally moved and made his way over to me I asked him, "Why did you bring me here?"

  He shrugged when he stopped in front of me. "As far as I'm concerned this place is mine. It's a piece of me and I wanted to share it with you. No one can take this from us." His eyes moved to the water. I couldn't shake the haunting aura his words left hanging over my head.

  I frowned, watching him. "Why do I get the feeling you think we're doomed or something?"

  "I'm bad," he began.

  "And dangerous. A monster. I get it." I crossed my arms over my chest. "Do you think I can't handle it?"

  He gave a dry laugh. "You wouldn't be so quick to accept me if you knew the truth."

  "Well since you refuse to give me the truth I'm going to stare at the glass half full."

  "I want this to work but," he stopped himself and I couldn't tell if it was on purpose or if he just wasn't sure why he was holding himself back.

  "This won't last forever." I said, hoping to help with whatever he was unable to say.

  He finally turned to me, his eyes torn. "I want it to."

  I tried to fight back a smile. This wasn't a movie. If he was expecting me to end it between us right then and there because it wouldn't last then he was wrong. Nothing lasts forever. I wanted it to, but I wasn't ignorant to the reality of it. His expression fell to a frown when I laughed.

  "Ben, lighten up." I shook my head, still laughing. "Just in case you haven't realized, nothing lasts forever. Even if it did, I wouldn't want it to. If forever was real everything beautiful in this life would be taken for granted and I'd hate that." I smiled lightly. "So unless you want me to walk away from this, I'm staying with you for as long as I can. Just live in the moment with me. Don't worry about anything else because it doesn't really matter." I raised my hand and gently brushed a chunk of his hair out of his eyes. "I've got a bit of a thing for you Ben and from what I've seen you feel it too. So just go with it."

  He took my hand that rested on his cheek and pulled it into his own. A smile broke into his tense features and the light slowly seeped back into his eyes.

  "A thing?"

  I raised my other hand, my finger and my thumb separated to give him an estimate. "Just a little thing." I teased and took a step back.

  He arched one of his dark eyebrows. "Really?"

  I shrugged. "You just don't turn me on the way other rock stars do."

  His eyes, dark with hunger, narrowed. "Take it back."

  "You know," I told him, walking backwards. "I was always a bigger fan of Cam." I parted my lips attempting the seductive glare Hayley used frequently. "He's hot."

  A low moan-like-growl, one that built up in the back of his throat, left his mouth. Before I could blink he was in front of me. I'd never seen anyone move so fast. I screamed in surprise before he reached for me. I backtracked and tried to make a mad dash for the willow tree. I didn't make it five steps before his hands grasped either side of my waist and lifted me off the ground. He spun me with ease, so that I was facing him, before he crushed my body to his, supporting my weight with his arms.

  My squeals turned into fits of laughter as his arms tightened around my back securely. "Ben, put me down!" It was odd being held by someone. I didn't look at myself as heavyweight or anything, but every girl saw herself as a larger size than she actually was. I hoped my weight wasn't difficult, but he seemed to be at ease as he held me.

  "No." He gave a devious smile, knowing I wouldn't be able to scramble out of his hold.

  "Yes!" I shouted, laughing and pushing against his chest. "Put me down."

  He smirked. "I'll put you down, just kiss me." My eyes trailed down and I became surprised by the distance that was separating my feet from ground. Ben laughed. "I'm stronger than you could possibly imagine, Ella. I'll hold you all night."

  "I weigh more than you think." I challenged with raised eyebrows. His face was composed, showing no sign of strain in his expression. He held me easily and the serious glint in his eyes told me he wasn't letting me down.

  "You're perfect." He said and I nearly melted in the sincerity of his voice. I wouldn't be able to refuse when he asked me again. I liked being chased, but I enjoyed the captivity of his arms more.

  He knew what I wanted from him. "Kiss me," he said darkly, waiting for me to oblige.

  I wrapped my arms around his neck. I stared into his eyes, the humor disintegrated in them when he realized I was giving in. I leaned down and placed my lips to his. He reacted immediately, his lips claiming mine hungrily while he bounced me up to adjust my weight in his arms. I gasped into his mouth, which evoked a moan from him in response.

  Our lips still bound together, I felt my body being lowered. The grip he had on my waist loosened as I felt him lay my back gently against the grass. I opened my eyes when he pulled away for a brief moment. His hands were outside my arms, pushed against the grass for support as he hovered over me. One of his knees bent in the gap between my legs while the other rested against the ground outside my left leg.

  I smiled softly. My hand on the back of his neck, I pulled his face down to mine. Our lips collided, continuing the fervent embrace we shared before. His body brushed over mine as we kissed, sending waves of heat in my body below the waist.

  One his hands slid down the curve of my waist and moved underneath the hem of my shirt. I sighed against his lips, feeling his calloused fingers trace small patterns on my skin.

  He muttered something like, "Soft" against my cheek, his breath caressing my skin. His hands ran further up over my breasts. His touch coaxed moans from me that he claimed with his mouth as he kissed me harder. His kisses became hard as they crashed over my lips, my neck, below my ears. Anywhere he could reach, his kisses seemed almost vital to his survival.

  In Ben's presence, time ceased to exist. When he pulled away, I had no recollection of how long his lips preoccupied mine. It could have been minutes or hours, I lay beneath him, dazed. My chest heaved as I stared up at the night sky with parted lips. My eyes wandered over each star while I allowed my breathing to even. Ben leaned back, his eyes, darkened with lust, still held mine captive. He was smiling as he watched me lay underneath him, blanketed with warmth and clouded by bliss.

  He rolled beside me so that he lay next to me, staring up at the stars, his hand grazing over mine. I listened to his steady breathing. He was perfectly composed. He had no trouble pulling himself together after a kiss like that.

  I sat up and stared down at him incredulously. His gaze flicked to mine. He took in my expression with a smirk and an arched eyebrow. "Lots of practice." He said, reading my mind.

  My hand lightly hit his chest. He laughed, a deep and rich sound that I found to be mesmerizing. It was difficult not to be entranced by his voice. I adjusted my sitting position to face the water, noting each of the stars slightly distorted reflection due to the ripples caused by the breeze that br
ushed over the water.

  I felt Ben's large hand on my back, his fingers slowly traced over the fabric of my shirt. I almost jumped at the frigid touch, as though there was nothing separating his skin from mine. He chuckled at my response, but said nothing while I relaxed into his touch. He was always cold, but his touch spread warmth underneath my skin that radiated throughout my body. It was amazing.

  It was in that moment that I knew. I didn't just have a thing for Ben. It was more, so much more than that. I would never be the same. I craved his touch. The feeling of his lips on my neck was imprinted in my skin. I could still feel them running over my collarbone. I wanted him again. I would always want him. I had only known him for a short amount of time. I knew absolutely nothing about him, other than what I read on the Internet, but it didn't matter. Together, we made sense. I couldn't see myself ever being with anyone else. It was Ben and it always would be, but I wondered if I would ever really know him.

  "Ben?"

  "Hmm?" He managed to say, his voice raspy. His attention was clearly elsewhere. The dirty part of my mind kicked in and wondered where his thoughts were pulling him.

  "Tell me something about you."

  I caught his hesitation, even after he tried to hide it. "Like what?"

  "Like your family, where you grew up, do you have any pets?" I shrugged. "Tell me something, anything."

  He was quiet for a moment. When he spoke his words weren't open the way someone would eagerly tell their life story to a crowd of uninterested listeners feigning fascination. He stated facts, like they were rehearsed.

  "I had parents, an older sister, Rebecca. I was close to them. I fought with Rebecca a lot, but I secretly looked up to her. Above everything else, she taught me to cherish the people I loved because they wouldn't be around forever." His hand froze on my back. "They died."

  I turned to him, my eyes wide. "All of them?"

  He nodded and sat up as he said, "It was a long time ago." His eyes moved to the sky, his thoughts far off. Sensing my empathy, he turned to me, his expression softened. "And you?"

  My gaze turned back to the water. The lump in my throat returned. It nearly killed me to think of my brother and I absolutely hated my father. His absence hurt too. I envied Ben's ability to shut off the pain. He didn't seem bothered when he mentioned his family, but I saw behind the mask he so carefully devised.