The weight of the question settles around us.
“Probably not,” Holden finally says in a low voice.
“No,” Thomas echoes.
“Me, either. I guess we’ll never know whether we would have made it to this point without the shooting and all the media stuff.”
There’s another question I want to ask. And that is this. If our dream is transformed into something other than what we had imagined, will it change us as well? A year from now, will we be the people we came here as?
But I keep this one to myself. I honestly don’t know if I want to hear the answer.
♪
THE HOUSE IS enormous. Three stories high with wings that jut off to the right and left. Boxwoods that appear to be a hundred years old line the front like guards standing watch. Cars are parked on either side of the winding driveway, and a flutter of nerves erupts in my midsection.
“Incredible,” I say, and I’m pretty certain in that moment I cannot go in that house and do what is expected of me.
As if he’s felt my conclusion, Holden reaches over and presses his hand on mine. “They’re just people,” he says. “You’ve got this.”
“I really don’t know if I do or not.”
“Yeah, you do.” Thomas places his hand over my other hand. I feel unbelievably lucky to have them both in my life.
“How about I just stay between you two all night?” I ask.
“We can be a CeCe sandwich,” Thomas says with the grin I have begun to see more of recently. I’ve missed it in these past months.
“Fine by me,” Holden says, looking down at me without the usual censoring.
“Will your dad be here?” I ask, forcing myself to glance away.
“I think so,” he says.
Thomas’s mom stopped by the apartment earlier in the afternoon and showed us the dress she had bought to wear. She’d been so excited and proud, and I couldn’t help but envy Thomas a little.
Mama won’t be here tonight. She’d had a terrible sinus infection for the past ten days and didn’t think she was strong enough yet to make the trip. She’d made me promise over the phone this morning that I would FaceTime her while at the party so she could see what it all looked like. I tried to hide my disappointment because I know how much she wanted to be here. Since the shooting, she’s all but put her own life on hold, driving back and forth from home to Nashville to make sure I’m all right.
The driver eases the limo to a stop at the front of the house and walks around to open Holden’s door.
We’ve arrived.
♪
AS A LITTLE GIRL, I had once visited the Biltmore Mansion in North Carolina with Mama. It’s one of the most extraordinary places I’ve ever seen, and the inside of this house reminds me so much of it.
The foyer is huge, a winding staircase with shallow marble stairs leading up to the next floor. To the left is what looks like an enormous ballroom where at least a couple of hundred people are mingling, sipping drinks and some talking, others listening. An incredible speaker system streams music from what sounds like every direction and the song playing is one of ours from the new album. Pleasure in the Rain. It’s strange to hear my voice filling the room.
“That’s pretty dang cool,” Thomas says as we walk into the main room.
Gazes begin to turn our way. A man with short cropped white hair and smart-looking eyeglasses starts toward us. I recognize him as the label President Henry Ogilvy. We’ve only met him once at the label’s main office, but he’s not the kind of man that you forget. Confident but gracious, he knows the music business and is said to be the force behind many of the names who have made it big over the past ten years in Nashville.
He walks up to the three of us, smiling his very white smile. He holds out both hands to me, forcing me to let go of Holden and Thomas. He leans in then and kisses me on both cheeks.
“Wow,” he says. “If y’all don’t make a picture. You look beautiful, CeCe. Good grief, America is gonna be so in love with all three of you pretty soon.”
We each offer him a slightly disbelieving smile.
“Why don’t we get you a drink?” He holds up a hand and beckons a waiter with a small wave. The waiter asks what we’d like. Holden and Thomas opt for a beer. I ask for a Perrier.
“Y’all get your sea legs,” Mr. Ogilvy says. “Relax a little bit, and then I’d like to introduce you around if you don’t mind.”
“Of course.” I nod as if mixing with this crowd is something we’re used to when nothing could be further from the truth.
When he walks away, the three of us turn to face each other.
“How long do we have to stay?” I ask.
“I think the rule is if you leave before midnight you’ll turn into a pumpkin,” Holden says.
“Right now I think I’d rather be a pumpkin,” I say.
We look at each other and a smile a small smile. It’s a really nice moment.
From the corner of my eye, I see someone walking toward us. I turn my head. It’s Mama and Aunt Vera with Case Philips. A mixture of relief and disbelief rush over me at the same time.
“Hi, honey,” Mama says, reaching out to pull me into her arms. “I hope we haven’t given you too much of a shock?”
I hug her hard and say, “No, it’s wonderful.”
Aunt Vera steps in and puts her arms around me, too. “We are so proud of you, honey.”
I feel tears start to my eyes, and for the first time in a very long time, I realize they are tears of happiness. “I’m so glad you’re here. But how did you-”
Case looks at me now with uncharacteristic uncertainty. “I flew over to Virginia this afternoon to pick these two pretty ladies up.”
“You did?” I ask, still shocked.
“I knew this was something your mama wouldn’t want to miss, so I offered to go get her.”
“Oh, Case,” I say, reaching out to give him a hug as well. “Thank you. How are you?”
“Doing better,” he says. “I have to tell you, your mama here is one of the main reasons why.”
I glance at Mama, aware that I’m not hiding my surprise very well. She and Aunt Vera both give Holden and Thomas a hug.
Case shakes their hands and says, “You three are making me very proud. I can say I knew a good thing when I saw it.”
“Thank you, Case,” Holden says. “We wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you.”
“Not true,” Case says. “You’re here because you’ve got some incredible talent, and the world’s gonna want to hear it. Henry sent me a link to the new album. There’s not a song on it that’s not great. Y’all know how excited he is about you?”
I shake my head and try to say something in response, but nothing wants to come out of any significance, so I just murmur, “Thank you, Case.” He gets the same from Holden and Thomas.
Case asks Holden about the guitar he played on the record, and the three of them are soon in deep conversation about things only guitar enthusiasts know about.
“I need to powder my nose,” Aunt Vera says, heading off in search of the ladies’ room.
Knowing her as I do, I’m sure she is trying to give Mama and me some time alone. I take her hand and say, “Want to get some fresh air?”
“Yes, of course,” she says and follows me along the edge of the room to the open French doors that lead out onto a balcony. A wrought iron railing encloses the terrace. We stand looking out at an enormous field where horses graze in the moonlight.
“Are you angry with me, honey?” Mama asks.
“Why would I be angry with you?”
“I wanted to tell you that I was coming after all, but Case thought it would be a nice surprise.”
I study her for a few moments. “Is there something you’re not telling me about you two?”
Mama looks down at her hands and then back at me with a small smile on her mouth.
“I’m not sure I even believe it myself yet, but he’s been coming to see me in Virginia.�
�
“He has?” I ask, failing to hide my surprise.
“I know,” she says. “It’s crazy, isn’t it? A man like that wanting to see me?”
“No,” I say. “Of course it’s not crazy.”
“He just started calling me at night, and we would talk for hours sometimes. I guess he needed someone to talk to who might not judge him about how he was trying to manage his pain.”
“I heard he might be drinking,” I say because I can’t help feeling suddenly protective of her.
“He was,” Mama says.
“And he’s not now?”
“No.”
I shake my head, still a little stunned. “Mama, is this romantic?”
I don’t know that I ever remember seeing my mama blush, but she’s blushing now. And there’s a light in her eyes that gives me the answer before she even says the words.
“Maybe. But honey, I’m not looking past today. I’m not even looking as far as tomorrow. For now, we’re just enjoying each other’s company, and that’s all.”
“In a romantic way,” I tease.
Mama’s cheeks light up again even as she says, “It’s nice to hear a smile in your voice. And you look absolutely beautiful tonight.”
“Thank you.” I smooth a hand across the front of my dress. “You don’t think it’s too fancy for me?”
“I think it’s perfect for you. Do you know how proud I am of you?” She reaches out to pull me to her, hugs me tight. “Promise me something.”
“What?” I ask.
“That you’ll let yourself enjoy this, that you won’t feel guilty about it. You worked hard to get where you are. Anybody who knows you knows that.”
“Thank you, Mama,” I say, a crack in my voice.
“All right, then,” she says, smoothing her hand across my hair. “I’ve monopolized you enough. You need to get back out there and enjoy your party.”
“It wouldn’t have been the same without you here. I’m so glad that Case came to get you.”
“Me, too, honey. Me, too.”
“The two of you. . .it’s really nice.”
Her answering smile makes me happy in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.
♪
55
Holden
Thomas and I are standing in a circle, talking with some people who work at the label. Case walks up and steps into the group. He makes small talk with the ones he obviously knows, then looks at me, saying, “Have you got a minute, Holden?”
“Ah, sure,” I say. Thomas raises an eyebrow at me. I have to admit I’m wondering what this is about.
Case leads the way. I follow him through the foyer and out the main door of the house. It’s dark now, and the lights shining out from the windows throw shadows across the huge old boxwoods. We follow a rock walkway to a bench where Case sits down. I take the spot beside him. His phone buzzes. He pulls it from his pocket, turns off the volume and then sticks it back again.
“How you doin’, Holden?” he asks.
“Fine,” I say. “How about you?”
“Some good days. Some bad days,” he admits.
“I can’t imagine how hard it’s been.”
“Holden, you were as much a victim as any of us.”
I start to reply, but not knowing what to say, I just nod once.
“Are you and CeCe seeing each other?”
His question surprises me, and at first, I’m not sure how to answer. “No, we’re not,” I finally say.
“Why?”
“I don’t really know the answer to that.”
“Is it because of Beck?”
“I think it’s really just everything that happened. I guess it’s been more than any of us could make sense of.”
“Here’s the thing, son. Life’s short. We hear it all our lives, but none of us really get it until we lose someone precious to us. We don’t get a second go around. If I didn’t know that before, I know it now.”
I nod once, not trusting my voice to respond.
“Her mama’s worried about her,” Case says then. “I told her I would speak to you. Neither one of us wants to overstep our bounds, but here’s how I see it. A whole lot of things got broken that night. Whatever it is that you and CeCe have, that doesn’t need to be one of them.”
I consider this for a few moments and then say, “To be honest with you, Case, I’m not sure I have a lot of say in that.”
“If you want her bad enough, then I guess you’re gonna have to be willing to fight for her, son. Even if she’s the person you’re fighting.”
“You’re a good man, Case. I hope people tell you that a lot.”
“Got a lot of sins to make up for,” he says with a half-smile. He stands then. “I’d better let you get back to the party. They’ll be wondering where you are.”
I stand and stick my hand out, “Thanks, Case. I mean it. For everything. You’ve been incredible to us. We wouldn’t be here tonight if it weren’t for you.”
“Don’t sell yourself short. Real talent will always find its way to the top. You three have definitely got that.”
“That means everything coming from you.”
We walk back inside, and just as we step through the door, I see CeCe talking with Michael Parker. Parker currently has a number one song. It doesn’t take a genius to get that he’s into her.
Case tips his head in their direction, raising an eyebrow. “See. You’d better get on it, son.”
I decide then and there that I’m going to take his advice.
♪
56
CeCe
Michael Parker is telling me about the ranch he grew up on in West Texas and how he used to write music out in the pastures by himself, using the cows as his audience.
He laughs and says, “You know, I actually feel guilty about that now. They were really bad songs.”
I laugh, too, and the sound is completely unexpected to me. He’s not exactly the way the few articles I’ve seen about him described him as being. He’s down-to-earth, and unlike a lot of guys I’ve met who’ve started to hit it big, doesn’t seem to feel the need to recite his list of accomplishments to date.
Holden walks up and drops a cool nod at Michael. “Hey, man,” he says.
“Holden. Hey, buddy,” Michael says, sticking out his hand. “Congrats on the record. Everybody’s expecting big stuff from y’all.”
“Thanks,” Holden says evenly. “I appreciate it. Congratulations to you.”
Michael smiles without any evidence of arrogance or pride. “Gotta say it feels about as good as they tell you it’ll feel, hitting that number one spot. But I expect y’all are gonna find that out soon enough. Could you give me a few weeks to enjoy the ride before you knock me out?”
Holden looks like he’s having trouble believing that could ever be the case and, honestly, so am I.
“I don’t think you have to worry,” Holden says.
“Don’t underestimate yourselves. Once this roller coaster starts picking up momentum, it kind of takes on a life of its own. My head’s still spinning from everything that’s happened with us. Some days me and the guys in the band can’t believe we’re not playing frat nights back in Texas.”
Silence takes over the conversation, and the three of us stand for a few moments while I start to feel uncomfortable.
Michael’s expression has gone serious when he says, “I hope y’all know how glad everybody is that you’re here tonight. You sure as hell deserve it after everything that happened–”
“CeCe, I need to speak with you for a moment if I could?” Holden says, interrupting Michael. Truthfully, I’m glad, although I do feel a little guilty about the quick flash of hurt in Michael’s eyes.
“All right, then,” he says, taking a step back. “CeCe, I hope to see you again real soon.”
The fact that he hasn’t included Holden in the statement rains another shower of awkwardness down on us.
“You, too, Michael,” I say.
To my
surprise, Holden takes my hand. Linking his fingers through mine, he leads me across the crowded room, weaving and winding, “Excuse me, pardon me, sorry,” all the way until we reach the terrace doors again where Mama and I had gone out to talk. He pulls me outside. The cool night air assaults the heat in my cheeks with a feeble attempt at relief.
“What in the world, Holden?” I round on him, the skirt of my dress swishing out in an arc.
“Is he where you’re headed next?” he asks.
“Michael?”
“Michael.”
“We were just talking, Holden.”
I fold my arms across my chest and stand straight and stiff, as if preparing myself for an assault. He watches me, and even in the dim light of the terrace I see emotion darkening his eyes.
“That night when Thomas came home drunk, I thought you and I were on our way back to finding each other. But you shut me out again, and I’ve let you do it because I thought it was what you needed.”
“Holden-”
“CeCe, in that hotel room in D.C. I told you I loved you. And you said you loved me, too. When we said those words to each other, we had no way of knowing what was going to happen that night. But as bad as it was, as horrible as the months afterward have been, none of it changed how I feel about you, because I meant every word I said. Every word. Did you?”
I hear the pain in his voice and guilt tightens my throat. I don’t want to lie and say that I didn’t mean it because I did. “I just don’t know if I’m strong enough to love you, Holden. I don’t know if I’m strong enough to love anyone.”
“What does that mean?” he says, a broken note in his voice.
“That love is risk. That a person has to be fearless to love the way I felt when I fell in love with you.” A sob rises up out of my throat completely unexpected. “I’m not fearless anymore, Holden. I’m the opposite of fearless. I’m terrified. If the wind catches the door and slams it hard, I jump. I’m afraid to go to the mall by myself. I hate how I am now, but I don’t know how to change it! I don’t know how to fix it!”
Nashville - Boxed Set Series - Part One, Two, Three and Four (A New Adult Contemporary Romance) Page 32