by A. M. Kusi
She is turning into quite the business partner. She has all these ideas on how to modify the inn. No use pretending I won’t say yes, because I could never tell that girl no.
Mac
He wrote all the things that he’d never seemed to find the words to say. And finally, he wrote about finding out he had a son. In his last entry, there was a letter sealed in an envelope. It was addressed to River. Ella was tempted to read it but knew that it wasn’t for her eyes.
Her phone rang and she saw it was a Stowe Vermont number. She answered and the sound on the other end sent chills down her spine. A song played that Ella didn’t recognize, but the lyrics paralyzed her body with fear.
I dreamed about killing you last night. Just want to see your porcelain skin turn blue in my hands.
Ella hung up the phone. Her hands shook as she dialed Officer Gregory for the second time that week.
Ella saw everything in her life coming to a head. Her life at the inn, Mac’s journals, and River leaving. She realized what she had to do. Those she loved were hurt or threatened because of her, and she needed to fix it.
The next morning she called Mac’s estate lawyer and had him draw up the necessary paperwork. Next, she packed Mac’s journals and the letter he’d written for River into a box in her car and drove to Boston.
It had been three weeks since she had last seen or heard from River. Three weeks since he’d told her he loved her. Three weeks since he’d made love to her and then left her.
Ella’s stomach swam with anxiety the whole drive there. Her hands gripped the steering wheel so tight her knuckles were white as she weaved in and out of the heavy city traffic.
Chapter 24
River had spent the most magical night of his life with Ella. He had drifted off to sleep blissfully aware that Ella had just ruined him for any other woman. He had never felt that level of ecstasy with anyone ever before in his life.
When he knocked over the book by the bed and found the letters with his mother’s handwriting to his apparent biological father, River’s world had started spinning. He had been lied to by yet another woman. Knowing his mother was the cause of it all of was the icing on the cake.
He couldn’t breathe when Ella came into the room. They had been so intimate and happy just moments before, and now his heart was breaking and his mind swirling with more questions than he had answers to. He had seen the look of rejection in her eyes, and he knew she was feeling it because of him. A part of him wanted to comfort her but another part of him was angry that she would betray him like that. She actually flinched when he moved closer to her. It felt like a punch to the stomach. He really didn’t know her like he thought he did. The pressure was building, and he needed air. He needed time to think. River needed to escape.
After leaving the inn, River drove to his parents’ house in Boston, cursing himself when he arrived for not remembering they were in Japan. He drove to Jax’s house after shooting off a quick text.
River: I’m coming over. Need to talk.
When he knocked on Jaxton’s door, he was met with a cautious face.
“What’s up with you lately?” River said, pushing his way into his friend’s house without an invitation.
“What do you mean? What’s wrong, River?” Jax asked, concerned.
“My girl lied to me.” River thought he saw a tinge of relief in his friend’s eyes before it quickly turned to remorse.
“What happened?”
River told Jax what he’d found, and what Ella had told him.
“Wow. That’s a lot to take in all at once, man. Why are you mad at her though? Your mom is the one who kept that information from you,” Jax asked.
“I know, but Ella should have told me when she found out. She waited, like, a whole week,” River said angrily.
“Would you have called her up on the phone to tell her ‘by the way, I know who your real dad is?’”
River thought for a moment. “No, probably not.”
“What are you going to do? Go to Japan and talk to your mom?”
“Can you cover for me at work?”
“Yeah, I got you.”
River called his assistant, Dorothy, and she booked him the next flight to Tokyo. Jax dropped him off at the airport and wished him good luck.
River was able to get some broken sleep on the long flight, but nothing substantial. He replayed his interaction with Ella over and over, getting angrier every time. At her, at himself, his mother, Mac, and the whole situation. He felt gutted.
***
River’s mother looked surprised to find him at the door to her suite. “River? What’s wrong?”
River said nothing and handed his mother the two letters he’d brought with him. Without opening the envelopes, Sandra looked at her son, tears welling in her soft brown eyes.
Of all the questions on the list he had made for his mother on the way over, only one came to his mind. “Why?”
Sandra walked over to the couch and took a seat. River looked around, seeing they were alone in the hotel suite. His mother began to tell her story. “I met Lloyd Shaw while on a ski trip in Vermont when I was in college. We stayed at the inn, and I fell in love. We dated for a year. Times were different then. Interracial and multicultural couples were not as common, and we dealt with a lot of issues. I asked him to move with me to California where I felt we would be safer. He didn’t want to leave his inn. He had worked so hard to buy that place and to be able to support himself and his parents back in Jamaica. He chose the business over me, and I was angry.
“I found out I was pregnant with you after I’d already left him and moved back to California. I knew I wanted a better life for you. I didn’t want you to have to deal with the racism, and I was naive enough to think it wouldn’t touch us if we stayed away from the less-diverse neighborhoods and small towns. I was still angry with him, and afraid he would try to take you away from me. Being an unwed mother was different in those days.”
Sandra wiped a tear off her cheek as she continued, “I needed to keep you safe; that’s what I told myself. I met David and he loved you like you were his own. I was so happy he wanted to officially adopt you. I didn’t think you needed Lloyd because you already had a father. When you broke up with Coraline, I could see that you were spiraling. You seemed robotic, like you were not fully present in your life. I thought you needed to know your father didn’t abandon you. I’d never spoken about him and you never asked because you had David. When you asked if your biological father was dead, I told you he wasn’t and then prepared myself for the conversation. But you just seemed to assume there was no need to ask questions because he wasn’t there, and that was that.”
River balled his hands into fists and sat on the opposite end of the couch from his mother.
“I found out he was diagnosed with cancer. And he…he said he forgave me, but that he didn’t want you to see him as sick as he was. For you to meet him, just to have him leave your life. I begged him to reconsider and was hopeful for your trip. When you came home talking about the woman you’d met, I searched and found his obituary. I didn’t want to say anything because you were happy for the first time in a long time with her. If he adopted her, that means she’s technically your…” Sandra paused.
“Sister,” River finished. Lloyd Shaw, also known as Mac, was his biological father. That meant that Ella Shaw was his sister. He’d slept with his adopted sister.
River felt like he was going to be sick with the knowledge. His head swam with the deceit from his mother, the refusal of his father to reach out to him before he died, and the fact that the woman he loved was legally his sister. The woman he loved had known his father better than he ever would have.
“Does Dad know?”
Sandra looked at her hands in her lap as she answered, “Yes. I told him from the beginning, but we agreed if you asked, I would be the one to ex
plain.”
River needed time to process all of this. He needed to get away from everything and everyone. “I have to sleep.”
“Of course. The bedroom is down there,” Sandra stood and pointed to the hall.
“No, I need to be alone,” River said, squeezing the bridge of his nose. He saw the look of hurt cross his mother’s face as she smoothed her long brown skirt and nodded.
“Oh…I’ll arrange for you to have a room right now.” Sandra picked up the phone and within ten minutes, a concierge had knocked on their door with a set of keys for River.
“I love you, River,” Sandra said, as he opened the door to leave.
He hesitated. “I love you too. I just need…”
She came and placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know.”
River entered his room and closed the blinds before he fell onto the bed, giving in to his exhaustion.
He spent the next few days in Japan, noticing that without the presence of Ella, colors were duller and the food blander, even in this exotic destination. He loved her, but he wasn’t sure he could trust her. She had hidden something so important from him, just as Coraline had done.
River booked a flight and returned to Boston in time to fly out to his next consulting trip to Nevada only three days later. By the time he made it back to his home in Boston, three weeks had passed since he had last seen Ella. The more time they spent apart, the more he doubted she felt the same way as he did. The longer they stayed apart, the harder it was for him to know what to say. A piece of him hoped that she would reach out to him, show him that she really wanted him as much as he had pursued her.
When he opened his front door, he was surprised to see a beautiful brunette with brown eyes jump up from his couch. What was she doing here?
“River!”
Chapter 25
Ella pulled up to River’s brownstone just before four o’clock with the heavy box of journals in her arms. She hoped he was home. The drive there had been long and stressful. She didn’t want to have to wait on his doorstep.
She knocked on the door and felt her stomach sink at the sight of the tall brown-eyed woman she recognized from River’s pictures looking back at her.
“Can I help you?” the woman asked, confused.
“I need to talk to River,” Ella managed to spit out.
“Oh, he’s just in the shower. Do you want to wait in here?”
Ella tried to process what the dark-haired beauty was asking. But her heart was breaking in places she hadn’t known were left with the realization that River had moved on so quickly. She wanted to run back to her car and go home to her safety. She swallowed, knowing she needed to get this over with. It was time to rip the proverbial Band-Aid off.
“Yes,” Ella said, stepping into the house. His smell was everywhere, and it took every ounce of strength for her not to break down and start crying. She set the box on the bar and sat facing the stairs. Ella managed to thank the woman for the glass of water that she didn’t hear her offer.
“I’ll let him know you’re here. What’s your name?”
“Ella.”
The young woman’s eyes blinked a few times, as if registering what Ella had said. She nodded and disappeared up the stairs.
Ella choked down the water, hoping to quell the storm raging in her body. She just needed to get through this and then she could fall apart in the car. Deep breaths.
Ella watched River’s seemingly tired but still handsome light brown face as he ran down the stairs. His expression was guarded, and Ella felt a stab of pain at the sight of him. Her body still ached for him even after all that had happened. And the fact that he was shirtless with a pair of low-cut sweatpants showing off his perfect V didn’t help.
Ella spoke first. “I’m sorry. I should have let you know I was coming, but I didn’t think you would see me.”
“Ella, I—”
Ella held her hand up and interrupted him. “Please let me explain why I am here, and then I will leave you alone and not bother you again.”
River took a step closer and she found it harder to breath. His eyes didn’t appear angry, but she couldn’t let herself hope.
Ella handed the yellow envelope to River. “These are the documents you will need to sign and then the inn is yours. All I ask is that you keep the employees on, no matter if you decide to sell or take it over.”
“What?” River asked in disbelief.
Ella explained, “He was your father, and you should have been the one to inherit the inn. Had I known, I would have given it to you in the beginning.”
“But that inn is everything to you. How much do you need?” River asked.
“I told you, River, I don’t need your money. This is not about that. This is about what’s right. I am hurting those I love. I hurt you, and now I need to fix this,” Ella explained, trying to hold back the tears blurring her vision.
“What do you mean?” River asked. He stepped closer, setting the sealed envelope on the counter.
Ella’s eyes flickered as overwhelming emotions rose in her chest, threatening to spill out. “It isn’t your problem anymore. I’ll be gone within the month. Maggie will help you get the hang of things at the inn if that’s what you choose.”
“Ella, why are you doing this?” River demanded.
A tear escaped her eye. “I found Mac’s journals.” Ella pushed the box towards him. “Inside the most recent is a letter he wrote addressed to you. I promise, I just found it this week. I haven’t read it. He would have wanted you to have them. In fact, I have everything of his packed in boxes in his office and bedroom. You can go through them when you’re ready.”
Ella felt the rush of tears as they threatened to erupt from the anguish of love and loss that raged within her body.
River paused, blinking a few times. Ella took his silence as her cue to leave. River’s hand reached for her as she passed. Ella flinched; it hurt knowing that this was the end.
River immediately let go.
“I have to go,” Ella said, feeling the fire of River’s intoxicating touch still burning her skin.
River asked, “Did Mac adopt you? Are you my sister?”
Ella looked up at his green eyes, shocked. “No. He was like my father, but never legally. I used his last name when I changed mine…in order to hide. But he never legally adopted me.” She could see the relief on River’s face; he must have been happy that there were no ties left between them.
She took one more look at him, trying to commit him to memory, starting with his face, his hands, his lips, and lastly, his hazel eyes.
A sound came from the stairs, interrupting her thoughts.
***
River saw Ella turn towards the hallway. He watched as Ella’s face paled, and then she reached for the door knob. He felt as if everything was in slow motion. His heart wanted one thing while his mind was still reeling from the information Ella had just dumped on him. Why would she do all of this? Was it to make up for the argument they had? He hadn’t gotten to explain anything to her, but he wasn’t ready. He wanted all the information before he decided how to proceed. He remembered her words from their conversation a month ago. It’s more than an inn to me. It’s my independence. Yes, part of it is me wanting to make Mac proud. This inn is his legacy. It was like his child. It’s a part of him that I will always hold close to my heart.
“I’m sorry,” Ella choked, opening the door and walking down the steps as fast as she could.
River wanted to say something to make the tears go away. He wanted to tell her how sorry he was for how he had left things. He wanted to tell her he still loved her. Instead he watched her run out the door, leaving his life for good.
His sister walked the rest of the way down the stairs and slapped his arm. “You should go after her. I can see it on both of your faces. Chase her. She loves you, River.”
Could she? River ran out the door, down to the passenger window of her car, catching her just as she put her blinker on, and banged on the window.
Ella jumped, and rolled down the window, tears flowing freely. “What? What else could you possibly want from me?” she demanded, choking back a sob.
River saw the pain in Ella’s face. Knowing he was the cause shot him straight through the heart. “Why are you running away and leaving the inn to me? Is this another way for you to punish yourself?” He hated himself the moment the words were out of his mouth.
Ella bit her lip and looked directly into his eyes. “I’m leaving? River, you left me! I asked you in the beginning to let me know when you were done with this relationship, and you promised me you would. Instead, you disappeared and dropped off the face of the earth. You said you loved me and when the first challenge came our way, you left me without a word.”
River felt the full impact of Ella’s words, realizing how he had messed everything up. He wanted to cry and beg her to stay, but he couldn’t find his voice. There was so much information and so many questions reeling around in his head.
Ella wiped a few tears off her cheeks angrily, and continued, “Still, I should have driven here to Boston the moment I found out. I have a feeling that would not have mattered though. I’m leaving because the inn is rightfully yours. Though you never got to know Mac, you deserve to have a piece of him. Despite what you think, I care enough about myself to fight for my life. I’m leaving because I don’t have a choice…I wanted you to know…despite everything, I love you.”
Ella put the car in drive and pulled out onto the street, speeding away from him as he stood frozen on the sidewalk. River watched as Ella disappeared down the road, his mind processing everything she’d said. I love you. She loved him, and what had he done but stayed silent and watched her drive away?