by Layne Harper
I’m overwhelmed. What a beautiful sentiment. I quickly grab the ring and slide it on my infinity necklace chain. My infinity necklace and old engagement ring are now together. I know exactly what I’m going to wear to my meeting with my dad - something high necked that’ll shield the world from Colin’s statements of his feelings for me. They’re for my eyes only. The media may have taken my job, reputation, and private life away from me, but they won’t take Colin from me.
I emerge from my bathroom in a dark purple mock turtleneck dress, black hose, and knee high boots. It’s my armor against the media waiting to take pictures of Colin and me together. I feel like Joan of Arc and I can take whatever’s thrown at me.
“You look beautiful, sweetheart,” Colin greets me as I hit the second floor landing. The man is in a black suit with a blue and silver tie. Even in my anxious state, I take in his beauty. Delectable is the best way to describe him. Maybe yummy will also work.
“Al has the car waiting. Are you ready?” He grins at me knowing that I just drank his appearance in.
“As I’ll ever be,” I respond.
I grab my purse, keys, and phone and we begin our trek through the hordes of media that I swear have multiplied. When they see the two of us emerging from my house together, they’re like sharks with a taste of blood in the water. Colin puts an arm on each side of me and acts as if he’s my human shield. I duck my head and walk as quickly as the reporters and photographers will allow me. Colin presses his huge body against my back as he whispers sweet words to me like, “I love you” and “You’re so brave.”
The key questions that the media scream at us for this outing are, “Colin, don’t you care about Sasha’s feelings?” and “Will you confirm that you’re indeed a couple?”
Once we are safely situated in the back of the SUV, Colin pulls me to him and kisses the top of my hair. “I love you, baby. I’m trying to step out of the spotlight so we can be more normal. I promise.”
I know that he’s referring to cutting back his endorsement contracts. I should compel him to make as much money as he can while his star’s burning red hot, but I can’t bring myself do it. Once, when I was kid, my sisters and I visited the zoo. A baby giraffe was making its debut. The mother stood in front of her baby as if she was protecting him from all the people who were staring at him. That’s how I feel about Colin. I want to stand in front of him, and not allow anyone else to look at him. I selfishly want him for myself. I want to be the only person to see my Colin in his underwear. I don’t want to share him with the world any more than I have to because of his talent.
I take off my seatbelt and crawl into his lap. I whisper into his ear. “I love you. You’re my statement. This’s part of the package. I’ll take all the media bullshit if it means that I get you in the end,” I reassure him as I hug him around his finely sculpted chest.
We ride like this the few short blocks to the attorneys’ office. We could have walked if we wouldn’t have been hounded by reporters who have nothing better to do with their time than bother us.
Al drops us off at the building’s circle drive. We’re met by Mark and his people. I’m introduced to the lady who runs the public relations division of his management agency. Her name is Kenzie Matthews. She must have formerly been employed in the entertainment industry because she looks like reporter. She grabs my hand and shakes it. She gives me a little wink and says, “You’re one lucky lady,” as she nods toward Colin.
I think, “I’m lucky because he’s as beautiful on the inside as he is on the outside.”
Next, I see Aiden. The boy that I knew in college has grown into a man. He hasn’t aged much, but he’s filled out. I immediately think what a stunning couple Rachael and Aiden would make again. I make a mental note to talk to Colin about it. The two had broken up on good terms, and I notice that Aiden doesn’t have a ring on his finger.
Aiden takes two big steps towards me and embraces me in a huge hug. “It’s great to see you again. I wish it was under better circumstances.”
I smile at him reassuringly and reply, “You look great. After all this is over, let’s go have a beer and get caught up.”
He genuinely smiles back at me. “I’d like that, but I’ve got a feeling that McKinney isn’t letting you out of his sight.”
Colin walks up to me and flashes Aiden the half smile. “Hey, quit hitting on my girlfriend, ass wipe.”
Boys! Here Aiden has his MBA and is an attorney and Colin is a professional quarterback and businessman, and they still call each other sophomoric names. It makes me love them both even more.
Colin addresses his team before we go inside. “A huge thank you to everyone for dropping what you were doing and getting on a plane last night to help Caroline and me out. We appreciate it more than we can say, but I’m sure that your Christmas gifts this year will give you an idea.” Everyone chuckles. “In all seriousness, Mark, Aiden, and Kenzie we sincerely thank you so let’s go do this.”
We all get on the elevator as I feel my stomach being left on the ground floor. In the next couple of hours, I’ll know if I have a future in sports medicine. This sucks!
* * *
The practice’s attorneys, accountants, my father, and Carmen are all waiting in a large conference room when we arrive. I’m thankful that Mark called ahead to let them know that he, Aiden, Kenzie, and Colin would be attending the meeting. I try to look my father in the eye, but he looks down. I want to cry. My own father will not look at me. Instead, I reach down deep and pull myself together. This is my future. I’m not going to let it be dictated by him.
After a round of introductions, drink requests, and last minute whispering, we’re ready to get started.
The practice’s lead attorney, a man named Barney that I’ve known since I was eight-years-old, stands up and addresses the room first. Barney looks like a praying mantis. He’s wirey thin, very tall, and has a slightly hunched back. Even his face is long and thin. When my sisters and I were little, we were scared to death of him. Chelsea said he looked like Ebenezer Scrooge.
Barney essentially recaps the issues at hand. I’m a sports medicine doctor, who happens to be dating one of the world’s most famous athletes. All the football teams have banned their players from our practice because they think that Colin will be privy to information that will affect the outcome of games. In a nut shell, dating me gives Colin and Dallas an unfair advantage.
Next, the accountants report that they’ve audited all of the medical files of our professional football players and there were no irregularities. I hold my head up and straighten my shoulders. The fact that my integrity had been called into questions was infuriating to me. I’m very pleased that at least the people in this room know that my integrity is intact.
However, then they start presenting the financial models that show just how devastating that losing the football niche of our patients is and will be to the practice.
I feel completely deflated. It’s one thing to have heard my dad say it last night. It’s another to actually see the evidence in black and white. I know without a doubt in my heart of hearts that we have to do something. My dad will have to go back to accepting insurance and seeing weekend warrior type patients again. This is not a death blow to the practice financially, but it makes it so that my dad will have to work much harder to keep his income level where it is.
While the accountants are going through all the results of their models, Colin grabs my hand under the conference table. I know that he’s trying to reassure me, but instead it makes me uncomfortable. I feel like showing affection in front of my dad is rubbing his nose in our relationship.
Colin and I deciding to not fight Sasha’s story has led to this moment. My mind begins to reel thinking of all the “what ifs.” What if Colin and I had waited to sleep together until he had a chance to end his relationship with Sasha? What if we’d taken the start of our relationship slower? Maybe the professional football teams wouldn’t have jumped to such conclusions? I wish Col
in and I had handled ourselves differently. However, this is my reality. Our impulsive actions led us to this terrible moment in this conference room listening to experts tell us how our relationship is financially ruining everything that my father’s worked for.
I focus again on the accountants when Mark says, “May I ask you some questions?” He’s directing his statement at the head accountant.
Mark doesn’t wait for his acknowledgement. “Did you run financial models that showed what would happen if the practice marketed to baseball players or soccer players or basketball players instead of professional football players?”
The accountant begins explaining why you can’t assume that kind of information. Mark isn’t dumb. He’s just setting this poor guy up. Mark patiently lets him ramble. Then Mark asks, “Isn’t it accurate to say that most of the marketing expenditures for the medical practice are targeted at football players?”
I glance at Colin. He’s trying to keep the smug look off his face, but I see it. This’s why Colin pays Mark. He’s the best.
The accountant starts going over our financial spreadsheets. I know the answer. We donate money to football supported charities. My dad is on the board of an organization that works to prevent head and spine injuries in football youth. The other board members all have something to do with football. I attend a lot of local fundraisers that are football focused.
The accountant finally admits that yes indeed our marketing expenditures for the practice are targeting professional football players.
Now, Mark says, “I’d like you all to keep an open mind and listen to Kenzie Matthews. She’s a public relations guru whose expertise is in media relations and sports marketing.”
Kenzie stands up and walks to the head of the table. She doesn’t have any notes, spreadsheets, or presentations prepared. I have no idea what she’s going to say, but confidence radiates off of her. I instantly know that I’d purchase whatever she’s selling.
Kenzie quickly rattles off her career highlights. I’ll give her credit. She’s young and incredibly accomplished. She’s worked for two professional football teams in their public relations departments, and she’s been a sports reporter.
The public relations strategy that she suggests is for Colin and I do a sit down television interview with a sports reporter named Allison Katz. She’s a freelance reporter who’s very well respected in the media circles. She wants Colin and me to talk about our fairytale romance. Love lost. Love found again. Then, she wants the interview to focus on my work as a doctor - to discuss my integrity and charitable involvements. She doesn’t want to directly address football players leaving our practice, but to sell my personal integrity enough that it should answer those questions. Colin will also have to agree to do a one-on-one with Allison where he’ll have to address some of the accusations that Sasha’s article brought to light. Colin, who doesn’t do personal interviews, is going to have to put himself out there more than he ever has before.
I glance at him while Kenzie is making it clear what the interview will entail. His face is passive. I assumed that this was debated ad nauseum while I slept, blissfully unaware of what Colin was agreeing to. Here I don’t want the world to see him in his underwear any longer, but if I agree to this, the world will see him bare his soul.
In conjunction with the interview, Kenzie wants a letter to be sent to every team president that outlines our practice’s confidentiality policy beginning with how we schedule appointments to be sure that athletes do not run into each other in the waiting room, to the confidentiality agreements that all employees must sign, and our building’s security.
Her final suggestion is that I move out of my father’s practice so we aren’t in the same building. She makes the argument that the appearance of me being gone can be achieved without my father and me severing our professional relationship.
Kenzie never says to move my side of the practice to Dallas, but I know that Colin will point out if I’m moving to a separate building that I might as well move to Dallas. Logically, I know that Kenzie’s right. It’s a great suggestion. However, I can’t help feeling manipulated into making a life changing decision. I’m almost expecting her to say something like “you know Doctor Caroline Collins can set up her new practice somewhere like. I don’t know. Hmm… Maybe Dallas?”
I drop Colin’s hand that I had reluctantly started holding. He desperately tries to grab it again, but I sit on my hand so he doesn’t have a prayer. I glance at him through my peripheral vision. He’s trying hard to not make a scene, but it’s clear. Colin McKinney doesn’t like me denying him my touch.
After Kenzie is done presenting her public relation plan, my father asks Barney if just he, Barney, and I can meet in Barney’s office.
Mark quickly leans over to me and tells me not to go. Colin gives me pleading eyes, but I choose to ignore them both.
When I stand up to follow Barney and my dad out of the conference room, Colin tries to grab my arm as he mouths, “I love you.”
The desperation in his eyes cuts me to my core. I push his feelings away. I need to focus on taking care of me right now. This is my future that’s about to be discussed. This’s my career. I compartmentalize Colin for the moment and focus on me, which is terribly hard to do when I know how much he desperately needs some reassurance. I smile and pat his arm. It’s about the best that I can do right now. I avoid looking at him as I leave the room because I know the look on his face will break me. In order for me to stay focused on my career, I have to push Colin to the back of my mind. I focus on surviving the private meeting with my dad and Barney.
Barney has a corner office. When I was a kid, he had a wet bar in it. Now, that Barney’s on the wagon, the wet bar has been replaced with a bookcase.
As soon as Barney shuts his office door, my father turns to me making eye contact for the first time. “Caroline, I would like to hear your thoughts on the meeting.”
Without missing a beat, I reply. “Obviously my relationship with Colin has created a conflict for the practice. However, I think the two options that you presented to me last night were premature and harsh. I cannot deny my relationship with Colin, and I’m not ready to walk away from our practice. I’d like to take the weekend and consider Kenzie’s media approach to salvaging our professional relationship.”
My father begins to pace. What is it with pacing men in my life? Then, he stops and turns to me. “The things that Colin spewed at me last night were hurtful. I’m not sure that I wish to continue a professional relationship with you if he remains in your life.”
I knew last night that I’d be presented with some sort of ultimatum, but I’m a bit taken aback that my father made it this cut and dry. The little girl inside of me that craves her daddy’s love wants to crawl into the fetal position and beg him to not turn his back on me. However, after years of therapy, I know that my father did not divorce me so many years ago. He divorced my mother. I cannot make someone love me, and the only actions that I can control are mine. I summon every bit of courage inside of me and ask the most devastating question to come out of my mouth. “Does that mean if Colin remains in my life that you will cut me out of yours?”
Doctor Jack Collins gives me the same look that he probably gave my mother so many years ago. “I love you Caroline and will always love you, but you will have served me the greatest insult by condoning Colin’s words.”
I nod my head. “I appreciate your candor. I’ll have an answer for you on Monday.”
I turn and walk out of Barney’s office shutting the door behind me. I don’t go back to the conference room. There’s nothing else to be said. My dad changed the playing field. This is personal and only personal. This isn’t about our practice’s financial statements or reputation. This is my dad asking me to choose between him and Colin. I can feel the tears streaking down my cheeks as I frantically punch the down button for the elevator. I need to get out of here before Colin or anyone else gets to me. I need to be alone. I need my father, and his b
ruised ego, and my manipulative boyfriend to give me some time. I need breathing room.
Fortunately, I make it into the elevator without being followed, but I quickly remember that I don’t have my purse, phone, or car. I can’t go anywhere. I can’t call a cab or Brad to pick me up. I’m trapped in my own personal hell, and I’m unable to escape. Then, it dawns on me. I have my security. Colin can get a ride with Aiden or whomever.
I flag down the black SUV and jump inside. Al shoots me a confused look. I reply, “Colin’s getting a ride with someone else.”
Al nods and pulls away from the curb. Within the blink of an eye, I’m back at my town home. My plan is to quickly go inside. Grab my spare car keys, some cash that I keep hidden in my house, and check into a hotel. I’m not planning on running away or doing anything dramatic like that. I just want some time to myself, away from controlling and manipulative men, to think about my situation and decide what’s best for the both of us. I need breathing room to give me the perspective that I need to see the bigger picture. What I told Mark is the truth. I want what’s best for Colin and me, but I can’t lose myself. I can’t lose myself. I CAN’T LOSE MYSELF!
I make my way through the reporters on the front lawn, as Phil opens the front door for me. I hear him say, “She’s here.”
Chapter Fourteen
MY SECOND floor is filled with my sisters. All of them. I quickly note that Chelsea, Julie, and Amy are preparing something in the kitchen. Tiffany and Sarah (technically they’re my half-sisters, but I don’t think of them like that) are getting plates and cups out of my cabinets. My mom is icing a cake. Rachael! Rachael is here. She must have flown in from Washington D.C., and she’s sitting at my kitchen island.