“No, she's not,” she denied what was happening, as he took hers off too, “and you're not taking hers off either…” They were laughing, and playing with each other and kissing, and he couldn't believe how much he loved her or how she excited him. And a minute later, they wound up back in his bedroom. And they didn't look at the clock again until long after midnight.
“Maybe I should just move my things in here,” she said sleepily, with a deep, sexy voice that drove him wild, and he smiled, thinking of what she had done to him and how much he liked it.
“I'm sure Mrs. Collins would be glad to help us. I'll just tell her I'm offering you my cabin for the rest of the week.” They both laughed.
“Or you could move in with us.”
“That would be nice,” he approved, and she started making love to him again, as he moaned and writhed beneath her tongue and fingers. “Oh, God… that is nice, Tanny…” They lay together until the dawn, and then she knew she had to get up before someone saw her. But she hated to leave him.
“I don't want you to,” he said sadly, watching her dress after he showered with her in his tiny bathroom. And that had almost started everything again, but this time he knew they couldn't. “What am I going to do when you go?” he asked, looking like a lost child, and she smiled at him. She wanted so badly to be with him. And she knew he was referring to Sunday when she had to leave for L.A., to continue fighting her battles.
“Why don't you come with me?” she asked, knowing it was a wild idea, but she didn't want to leave him either. But he was far wiser than she was.
“And how long would that last? What would I do? Answer the phone? Carry in flowers for you? Answer fan mail? Be your bodyguard? You'd hate me after a little bit, and so would I. No, Tanny,” he said sadly, “I don't belong there.”
“Neither do I,” she said unhappily, not sure how to resolve the problem.
“But it's your life, not mine. You'd hate me after a while.” He was smart. That was exactly what had happened to Bobby Joe. He had truly detested her by the time he went back to Texas. “I don't want to do that.”
“So what happens to us?” she asked, looking panicked.
“I don't know. You tell me. I could come to visit once in a while, for as long as you could stand it, or I could. You could come back here. You could get yourself a place here, it might do you good. A place to come to and get sane again after the kind of lunacy we saw the other night. If you lived here, it'd be different. You could live here part of the year, Tan… and I'd be here waiting for you. If I had a life with you here, going to LA. with you would make some kind of sense. I'll do anything you want, stay, let go, disappear, wait for you, I just don't want to go to L.A., give up my whole life, and watch you come to hate me.”
“I could never do that,” she said honestly. She hadn't hated Bobby Joe either.
“I'd hate myself and you'd know that. Come back here,” he said, winding his arms around her, and bringing her so close to him that she couldn't breathe as he kissed her. “I'll be here, waiting for you. Forever, if you want.”
“Will you come to L.A. sometimes, really?” She was worried about him now. What if she never saw him again? If he forgot her the moment she was gone, if he moved on to another ranch, another town, another singer? She was every bit as frightened as he was.
“Sure I will,” he reassured her about coming to L.A. “As long as it's just for a visit. What about your living here, at least part-time?”
“I've never thought about anything like that,” she said honestly, giving it some thought. “I kind of like it.”
“I think you'd love it.”
“If I bought a ranch, would you run it for me?”
“Yeah,” he said, thinking about it, as they sat on his bed, talking. “But I don't want to be your employee.”
“What does that mean?” she asked, looking puzzled.
“It means I don't want you to pay me,” he said quietly, and she could see in his eyes he meant it.
“How are you going to live then?” She was worried about him, and she wanted to work it out with him. There had to be a way they could do it.
“I've got some money saved up. I haven't worked all these years for nothing. I could buy some horses, do some breeding, do some extra work here on the ranch. I could work for room and board at your place. We could work it out,” he said, pulling her close to him again. “I'm not worried about it.” He was feeling better again, he loved her so much, he knew he could do anything with her, as long as they were on equal terms, just so he didn't wind up feeling like one of her employees. But she liked his ideas, and she was thinking about it while he kissed her.
“I don't want to leave you,” she said again. He knew she meant that week and not that morning.
“Then don't,” he said hoarsely, wanting to make love to her again. He had never had another relationship like this one. It challenged him to his very soul, and physically she drove him crazy. “Don't go.”
“I have to. I've got a bunch of engagements for the next few weeks, and I have to cut a record.” And then she thought of the concert tour she'd agreed to. She told him about it while she got dressed, and he listened. “Gordon, would you come with me?” It would mean exposing him to the press, but sooner or later they both knew that would happen, just so long as they were ready for it.
“I'd come if you want me to,” he said, thinking. In a funny way, it appealed to him, in another way, it didn't. He wanted to be with her, and to protect her from all the garbage she went through. But the idea of being part of all that really scared him. But he knew that if he was going to be with her, he had to at least share in her world some of the time. He couldn't expect her to spend all her time hiding with him in Wyoming. “I'd do it,” he said, and she kissed him. “I don't know what we're going to do, Tan. Your life is pretty complicated, but we'll work it out if we have to.” And then he asked her an odd question.
“What about kids? How come you never had one?” He had been wondering about that since he met her. She was such a warm, caring person that it seemed strange to him she'd never had children.
“The time was never right. I was always married to the wrong person at the wrong time, being pushed around by managers and agents. They probably would have killed me if I'd gotten pregnant.” He nodded, it made sense to him, but he was sorry for her. He thought she would have been a good mother.
“Would you still want one?” he asked, looking at her thoughtfully, and she was startled by his question.
“I don't know,” she said honestly, “I did a few years ago.” She had tried to talk Tony into it, but he hadn't wanted more kids, and he said it was too much trouble. “My doctor thought it might take some real effort at my age.” But just his asking about it made her think about it again, and she was surprised to realize, the idea was appealing. And then she laughed, he was certainly turning her life around. He was trying to talk her into moving to Wyoming, living on a ranch, and having a baby. She said as much to him and he laughed. “Talk about a change of lifestyle. I feel like Heidi.” And then she looked at him honestly. “I might want a kid, would it matter if I didn't?”
“Whatever you want,” he said, leaning over to kiss her again and starting to take her clothes off, but they both knew she had to leave before the ranch came alive and everyone started working. “I just think it would be great to have a child with you,” he said. He hadn't felt that way in years. He hadn't felt any of this, and then she told him about Zoe's baby, and asked how he'd feel about it if Zoe left Jade to her. She had meant to ask earlier but never had the chance. But he didn't see any problem with it. As far as he was concerned, that was up to Tanya.
It took all the strength she had to tear herself away from him, and finally she was dressed, and he was in his jeans and barefoot, standing in his living room. He was holding her in his arms, and he never wanted to let her go, not for a single minute. It was six o'clock, and in three hours, they'd be riding together again, but she didn't want to leave
him.
“I can't leave you for three hours,” she said with huge eyes looking into his. “How am I going to leave you on Sunday?”
“I don't know the answer to that either.” He closed his eyes and held her for a long moment. “You'd better go though.” He glanced at his watch, and he knew that any minute the wranglers would leave their cabins for the corral, and most of the employees would leave for breakfast. “Will you come back tonight?” He looked at her with worried eyes, and she smiled.
“What do you think?” She kissed him good-bye, and with a wave she was gone, hurrying up the road in the early morning sunlight, as the first fingers of sunshine streaked across the top of the mountains. She looked up as she walked along, thinking of him, and the time she had spent with him. He was everything she had ever wanted, and never expected to find. And now, suddenly here he was in Moose, Wyoming. There was a lot to think about now, to figure out, to plan, to decide. All she knew for sure was that, in a single week, a cowboy from Texas had changed her life forever.
Chapter 19
On Monday morning, when Tanya got back, Zoe was already up and making herself a cup of coffee. She was feeling fine again, not even as tired as she had been before she had come to Wyoming. And she looked up when she saw Tanya come in, and wagged her finger at her.
“And what have you been up to? Let me guess… a religious retreat!” It was a lie Zoe had once told for her, to cover for her with her parents, when she had gone away for the weekend with a boyfriend.
“How did you guess?” Tanya laughed, beaming from ear to ear, not just because of the fantasies she and Gordon had shared for the past thirty-six hours, but the feelings she'd discovered for him.
“Does this mean you're giving up Hollywood, and moving to Wyoming?”
“Not yet,” Tanya said, helping herself to a cup of coffee.
“Is this just a passing affair, or should I be hearing wedding bells?” After only a week it was more than a little premature, but the ranch seemed to have a remarkable effect on the people who met there.
“I think that's a little soon,” Tanya said sensibly, “and he's smarter than Bobby Joe. But then again, he's a lot older. He says he won't come to L.A., except to visit.”
“Good for him,” Zoe approved. “It would eat him up in about five minutes. I'm glad he's smart enough to know that. It's not that I don't think he's up to it. I just don't think he'd like it.”
“Neither does he. He got a taste of it the other night, and I think it turned him off forever.”
Zoe nodded seriously. “Mary Stuart told me. Tom called last night, he said the bus is okay again. He was able to replace or fix everything but the curtains.”
“Do you believe that?” Tanya asked in disgust, just as Mary Stuart joined them, looking sleepy.
“Believe what? Hi, Tan, how's your sex life?”
“Be sure not to beat around the bush, will you?” Tanya laughed. She loved the relationship they shared, and it was so wonderful being back together.
“So how is he?” Mary Stuart asked with interest.
“Will you stop!” Tanya hit her with a pillow, and Mary Stuart laughed mischievously. She wanted all the details.
“Look, I haven't slept with my husband in a year. Now I'm involved with a guy who doesn't think we should do it till I figure out if I'm getting divorced or not, what else is there for me to do except live vicariously through my friends?” She turned her glance then to Zoe. “That goes for you too. Any action with Sam when you get back, I want to know it.”
“Hopefully, by then, you'll be getting yours too.” Zoe gave it right back to her and they all laughed.
“God, we're all a mess, aren't we?” Mary Stuart shook her head as she assessed them, but the truth was, they knew they weren't. They had all had good lives, but hard ones, enormous advantages and tremendous pains, they had paid high prices for all the blessings they had had, and now was no different. Each one of them had to leap through a hoop of fire in some way, to get what they wanted.
“Actually, I think we're pretty great,” Tanya said, looking at her two best friends with pride. “And I love you both, just in case you want to hear it.”
“Ahhh… the postcoital haze of love for mankind…” Mary Stuart said, and Tanya hit her with the pillow again.
“You're disgusting,” Tanya said, still laughing, and then she looked at her friends again, wanting to share at least something with them. She could hardly stand it. “I'm in love with him,” she said, glancing from one to the other and they both laughed, but Zoe answered.
“No kidding,” she said. “We figured that out.”
“I don't mean, I'm just lusting for him, I mean I love him.” They were both quiet then, as they watched her, and Mary Stuart spoke to her gently.
“Your life is awfully complicated, Tan. Make sure he can make it better for you instead of worse. Make sure he can handle it before you leap off the cliff hand in hand.”
“I will,” Tanya said, but it was Gordon who was being truly careful. “He's scared to death of all that. He's smart that way.”
“I'm glad,” Mary Stuart said, and then told them the plan she'd made with Hartley. “I'm going to London.”
“Back to Bill?” Tanya looked startled, wondering what had happened in her absence.
“No, just to talk to him,” Mary Stuart explained. “I was going to wait until the end of the summer, but I don't want to. I guess I knew what I wanted to do when I left New York. There's really no point waiting.”
“Are you sure?” Tanya asked her quietly. They were all making such enormous decisions.
“Very much so.”
“Does he know you're coming?”
Mary Stuart shook her head in answer. “I thought I'd call him in a few days.”
“What if he tells you not to come?”
“I'm not giving him the option,” she said simply. “Those days are over.”
“Amen,” Zoe said, always the independent spirit among them.
“How's Sam?” Tanya asked as she went to get dressed.
“Still crazy,” Zoe said with a broad smile, and then she told them she was going into town that afternoon to see some of John Kroner's patients.
“I thought you were supposed to be on vacation,” Mary Stuart scolded.
“It's no big deal. I'd really like to do it.”
“When are you going in?” Tanya asked with interest.
“I thought I'd ride this morning, have lunch with all of you, and then go into town. Charlotte Collins said someone could give me a ride.”
“I'll take you on the bus, I want to go into town myself this afternoon to do some errands.” She asked Mary Stuart if she wanted to go into town too, but she said she wanted to stay with Hartley. And with that, they all went to get ready. It was almost like getting dressed for classes every morning, and they reached the stable looking bright and fresh-faced a little over an hour later, after breakfast. Gordon was disappointed to hear that Tanya had other plans that afternoon. She said she had to go into town with Zoe.
“Will you come back to the cabin tonight?” he asked, looking like a kid, as they rode ahead of the others.
“If you'll have me,” she said, and they exchanged a look that would have been worth millions to the tabloids.
“I love you,” he whispered, and she answered him, and then they loped across the field side by side in total harmony. It was as though in the past day and a half their souls had been welded together. She felt bonded to him, and he would have followed her to the ends of the earth, anywhere except LA., she teased him, as they headed back to the others.
“I told you, I'll come for a visit.”
“When?” she asked, pinning him down, knowing how busy she'd be for the next month. But he explained that he couldn't leave the ranch now for more than one day a week till the end of August.
“When can you come back here?” he asked, more to the point, but she didn't have much spare time either. She ran through her commitments in
her head, and figured out that she had a free week at the beginning of August.
“I could be back in three weeks,” she said, and he nodded as Hartley joined them. The doctors from Chicago had left that weekend, as had Benjamin and his parents.
“That seems like forever,” Gordon whispered to her before Hartley could hear them. But it did to her too. But there was nothing she could do for the moment. She had free time again in September, and he could come back to L.A. with her. It was going to be interesting. Commuting to Moose, Wyoming.
“It's beautiful today, isn't it?” Hartley said, looking up at a Wedgwood sky as Gordon and Tanya grinned at each other and nodded.
They had a good ride till noon, and then went in to lunch, but Gordon didn't join them. His horse had thrown a shoe, and he had paperwork to take care of. New guests had come in the day before, and although he didn't have to ride with them, since he was already assigned to Tanya's group, he still had to make sure that the other wranglers were doing their jobs and there were no problems with the horses. In the end, it was just as well that Tanya was busy that afternoon, since two women from New York fell off their horses during a loping lesson in the corral, and he had to take a mare to the vet that had sprained her ankle.
Tanya dropped Zoe off at the hospital that afternoon, and John Kroner was waiting for her, and then she went off to do her errand. She had made an appointment that morning. And it worked out perfectly. Everything was taken care of in time for her to get some shopping done too. She bought a pair of turquoise cowboy boots, and picked Zoe up in plenty of time to get back to the ranch for dinner. They were waiting for her outside when Tom pulled up in the bus, and John Kroner waved when they left. Zoe looked tired, but pleased, as she lay down on the couch across from Tanya.
“How was it?” Tanya asked with a warm smile.
“Interesting. He has some very nice patients,” Zoe said, and they had been so grateful to meet her. It was almost embarrassing, and the staff had made a huge fuss over her. But she had really gotten to like John Kroner. She had invited him to join them for dinner one night with his friend. He was a radiologist and had moved to Jackson Hole the previous year from Denver. They were nice young guys, and had both been extremely kind to Zoe. “I really like him.”
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