by Oriana Small
When Jeff and I got into an argument over me refusing to do a bukkake, our contract was over. He screamed at me over the phone and I was physically shaken, as usual. This time though, I could see that it was ridiculous. I was a grown woman, not a frightened little girl. Jeff told me that I owed him a JM bukkake—a scene where sixty or so men jerk off onto a girl’s face.
The guys that perform in these scenes are basically off of the street. JM puts an ad in the LA Weekly with a phone number to call if you want to “get into the porn business.” They call it the Bukkake Hotline, a recording on Jim’s answering machine that tells the guys where to get tested and when to show up. The end result is a collection of the rankest porno dudes that are ever caught on video. They define a whole genre of creep that still has yet to compare to anything I've experienced inside or outside of porn.
I knew about the bukkake series and made it clear that it was something I would never do. It’s a fine idea as long as I’m not the one doing it. Nothing could sway me to get ejaculated on by the gnarly minions. Jeff sort of respected my decision over the years and didn’t pressure me until now. He’d mention it from time to time, and tried to make me feel guilty for being his only contract girl that refused to star in the bestselling series. I’d been in a couple of the bukkake films, but only frying cum and putting it in a blender. I handled all of the grey, green, brownish, yellow loads. The consistency of bukkake cum is of infected phlegm. The stench of the room ends up reeking of unclean bleach. Infected bleach.
I thought we had a working compromise when I helped create the lesbian bukkake. Instead of a roomful of hideous men, I settled for fifty-five porno girls squirting on my face. Some of them pissed and the others squeezed ice-cold douche water up their cunts and sprayed it onto my half-naked body.
When Jeff called me up screaming, he was also pissed about the lesbian bukkakes because I had been standing out of the scenes for the last few movies. I was supposed to be one of the girls squirting. I thought he knew about it already because he watched every scene in every movie before it went to duplication. I wasn’t trying to deceive him. The girls in these scenes were also not from the usual talent pool. They often had highly contagious staph infections. Staph goes around like wildfire in the porn business, and it leaves scars if you have to get it cut out. I was afraid of having contact with any of these women. I made an executive decision and took myself out of the scenes. I couldn’t explain anything to Jeff. He said, “You’re doing a bukkake or you’re fired!”
It was shameful to let this man make me sick with fear. I couldn’t bring this kind of conflict into my life now that I shared it with Dave. I had to have some respect for myself, and for the one I loved. I had been dependent on my salary from JM Productions for three years straight. Having that steady income and reliability was somewhat institutionalizing for me. I would have to go back into the general talent pool again and compete for DPs with girls five and six years younger than me. My ego was on the brink of suicide. Don’t do this! Everyone will call you a crackhead. You’re not young anymore. Porn has used you up and is done with you. JM is all you’ve got. The voice of doom wouldn’t quit. I did it anyway. On February 13th, 2007, I called Jeff at JM and resigned. The conversation was short and polite, but I was lightheaded from it.
At first my split with JM Productions felt like a breakup with a long-term boyfriend. There were bitter feelings of betrayal on both sides. But it didn’t last long. They were just growing pains. Jeff and Sandy turned out to be supportive of my decision to end my role as their contract girl. The Girlvert, however, would live on. I would continue the series as a free agent. On that common interest, we all saw eye to eye and it made for an amicable new working relationship.
JM Productions was dismissed of all the obscenity charges in November of 2007. Only one movie was deemed obscene by the city of Phoenix, Arizona. Gag Factor 18, starring an old pal of mine, Christie. The jury found this one movie to be too violent.
During the whole film, Christie is saying to the camera how she wishes she could be just like Ashley Blue.
Epilogue
AS I passed the six-year anniversary of my first porno scene, I was becoming what the business refers to as a lifer. It would have bothered me if someone had prophesized it years ago. My original intention was to just do a couple scenes to get me to a rock concert. I have gone so far with it, farther than I’d ever imagined.
Beyond six, seven, eight years, I don’t feel damaged from my experiences in porn. I am at ease knowing that there are hundreds of videos with me naked and getting fucked. I don’t have a problem with watching people in the nude having sex. It is a natural urge. The sex business has taught me compassion and tolerance, more than I believe I would have understood in an otherwise typical Southern California life.
The drugs were damaging. Drugs are for the young, and I got it out of my system at a good time. Older people look so stupid when they are fucked up and trying to hold on to something as intangible as youth. Youth can never be brought back, swallowed back, held back, or sold. I still worry about Tyler. Last I heard, he’s in The Program. He may be surrounded by bible-thumpers, but I am happy to know that he’s still alive. If Dave hadn’t come along, I don’t think I would have stopped in time to have any part of a brain left.
My experiences in porn have been so unique, and I cherish them. I have an appreciation for even the darkest hours. They contain for me a truth of existence that nobody can take away. Now that the pimply, eighteen year old razor-rash herpes-asses and the shit, piss, vomit, blood, gonorrhea, and cum-farts are gone, I can truly say I pushed myself into unknown passages—my senses, my body, and my mind worked out in extremes that are forever my own. I am obsessed with reduction. The definition of reduction to me is a large, mysterious mixture made smaller, concentrated, stronger, and containing the finality of truth.
If it weren’t for porn, I would have never met Dave Naz, my husband. Our relationship is the most important thing that’s happened in all of my years in porn.
I don’t exactly know what I’m doing now. I have been put out to pasture, in a way. I am a married lady and a writer. I still do work sometimes, sometimes for other people, but mostly for Dave. Life after a six-year full-time porno career is not full of appetizing offers. Many fading starlets turn to high-priced escorting to make the same amount of money as they did in porn.
I am not nearly as busy as I used to be. That’s just the way it goes with the nature of instant fame—poof! And then it wanes. It is somebody else’s turn to reign in the spotlight. I’m happy for the new faces I see in the business. In them, I see myself. I want to warn them of all the things people warned me about, the things I myself had ignored. Don’t do too much coke, and pay your taxes! They will find out on their own.
I am painting and drawing again. Just when I thought all of my natural talent had vanished from prolonged drug use, I found that it was only lying dormant. Since I have a clear mind, the more traditional visual artist in me has returned. The hardest part is remembering how to be free from character. Navigating the unknown is scary. There is no acting on the canvas. It’s a different type of freedom, of reality. I used to have the honor of pretending to be someone else. Ashley Blue’s scenes were demanding, but not as challenging as facing a blank canvas.
Is pornography art? It’s something that is appealing or repelling just by looking at it, so I will say yes. Can a regular girl end up being in the sex business overnight? In my experience, the answer is yes. But can a porno girl ever become anything else in life but a warm hole? I want to say yes. I am trying to incorporate these two colliding worlds into a harmonious union. The pornography I’ve done, and periodically continue to do, will never go away. It’s with me beyond forever, even after I’m dead. It is something that I will be remembered for. Porn is just a part of life. Then you move on because there are other things out there. I’m twenty-nine years old and fading out of porn gracefully. It will not be all that I am remembered for. There are other
contributions I want to make to the world besides inciting orgasms, though I’m honored for the ability to do that, too.
This experience is my truth. I own it. I bear witness to my own life. I value this more than anything.
SELECT FILMOGRAPHY
5 Guy Cream Pie 2, 2002
Assault That Ass #2, 2002
Barely Legal #27, 2002
Don’t Tell Mommy! 2, 2002
Down The Hatch #9, 2002
Fast Times At Deep Crack High Vol. 8, 2002
Girlvert #2, 2002
Grrl Power! 11, 2002
More Dirty Debutantes Volume 227, 2002
School Bus Girls, 2002
Service Animals 10, 2002
7 The Hard Way, 2002
Spring Chickens, 2002
Straight To The A #2, 2002
Throat Gaggers #3, 2002
Young & Anal 2, 2002
18 & Ready To Fuck #2, 2003
18 Yr Old All-Star Whores, 2003
Ass Cream Pies 4, 2003
American Gunk, 2003
Ass Lickers Vol. 1, 2003
Best Butt In The West 6, 2003
Bitches Behind Bars, 2003
Black Up That White Ass, 2003
Bootylicious 41: Swirl, 2003
Glazed And Confused, 2003
I Fucked My High School Teacher 3, 2003
I Like It Black And Deep In My Ass 2, 2003
Internal Combustion, 2003
Italian Sausage, 2003
Little White Slave Girls 4, 2003
Loose Morals 2, 2003
The Most Beautiful Girl In The World, 2003
Pull My Hair And Call Me Stupid, 2003
Attention Whores, 2004
Bust My Hole, 2004
Cock Attack, 2004
Cum Buckets!, 2004
Cum Dumpsters, 2004
Dyke Club, 2004
Gag Factor 15, 2004
Guttermouths 26, 2004
Lesbian Bukkake, 2004
Liquid Gold 9, 2004
Oral Hygiene 3, 2004
White Trash Whore 30, 2004
American Bukkake Twenty-Six, 2005
Bootylicious: Slaves for the Black Man, 2005
Irritable Bowel Syndrome, 2005
Meatholes #3, 2005
Piss Mops #2, 2005
Anal Full Nelson, 2006
The Cream Team, 2006
Greatest Cum Sluts Ever!, 2006
Jam Packed Assholes, 2006
Reverse Bukkake, 2006
She Swallows Black Dick #2, 2006
Skater Girl Fever, 2006
Barely Legal Christmas, 2007
Bondage & Perversion In L.A., 2007
Clusterfuck, 2007
Crack Addict 7, 2007
I’ve Been Sodomized 4, 2007
Throated #11, 2007
White Wife Black Cock #8, 2007
4 in the Pink, Four in the Stink #3, 2008
Anal Beach Buns, 2008
Circa ’82, 2008
Gapeman 2, 2008
It’s A Secretary Thing!, 2008
L.A. Lust, 2008
Perverse, 2008
Slave Dolls Volume 3, 2008
Strap Attack 8, 2008
Sugar Town, 2008
Young Hollywood, 2008
Digging In The Gapes Vol. 3, 2009
L.A. Girls Love Big Cocks, 2009
Cheating Housewives, 2009
Pretty Sloppy 2, 2009
Make Them Gag, 2010
Turbo Rock, 2010
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Thank you, Dave, the best husband ever, for encouraging every word.
I hardly deserve all that you do for me.
A Barnacle Book and Rare Bird Lit for all of the work put into this! Tyson & Alex Cornell, Joseph Mattson, Devri Richmond, Julia Callahan, Aaron Petrovich, Charles Day, Tamra Rolf, Emi Kamei, Nick Cimiluca, Ray Hartman and Scott Rothstein.
Mike and Sandy Norton of JM Productions for sharing Girlvert with me.
Jim Lane, Ed Powers, Jim South, Mr. Marcus, Hannah Harper and Alan Higbee for permission to be part of my story.
Dennis McGrath for his beautiful and brutal documentary photographs.
Max Hardcore for being so hardcore.
Belladonna for being an idol.
Special thanks to: AVN Magazine, Howard Stern & Howard Stern TV, Playboy TV, Howard Stern Show, Hustler, Anabolic, Evil Angel, Elegant Angel, Sin City, Kick Ass, Red Light District, Judge Mathis, Topco, Dr. Rigg, AIM Healthcare, Corey Smith, James Frey, Katie Arnoldi, Ben Greenman, HarperCollins, Rachel Resnick, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Adrian Colesberry, Tesco Vee, Coco de Mer, Flanny and all at Largo.
All of my friends for their kindness and support: Dodd Bates, Lillian & Carlos Batts, Adrianna Suplick, Sarah Moraga, Eric Kroll, Ruth Waytz, Chris Cooper, Steve Diet Goedde, Cynthia Patterson, Victor & Susan Lightworship, Peter Kavadlo, Dawn Veronica Ciarlotta, Sarah Froelich, Don McCarthy, John Griffin, Josh Haden, Samantha Tradelius, Karry Brown, Michelle Salamaca, Valerie Beck, Ira Levine, Nina Hartley, Octavio Arizala, Hollie Stevens, Michael Daniels, David Hurles, Dian Hanson, Scott Fayner, Rich Brigham, Harold Loren, Enrique Machuca, Derek Harvie, Paul & Amanda Fishbein, Heidi Calvert, Rick Castro, Christopher Daniel Zeischegg, Eon McKai, Stacie & Bill Stevenson, Lincoln Camm, and Violet Blue.
My extended family. My mom especially. And my sister, Dawn.
The Hernandez family. And the Smalls.
All fellow performers and directors that have enriched my life in their own unique ways: Missy Monroe, Cherry Poppens, Audrey Hollander, Johnny Thrust, Weed, Genesis Skye, Naughtia Sinn, Steven French, Gia Jordan, Brandon Iron, Hollie Stevens, Wesley Pipes, Joey Silvera, Nautica Thorn, Christie Lee, Brian Pumper, Katrina Kraven, Hershel Savage, Amber Wild, Dirty Harry, Otto Bauer, Brijaye Love, Desire Moore, Jasmine Lynn, Misti Mendez, Mark Davis, Billy Glide, Mark Ashley, Jay Ashley, Byron Long, Mike John, Tyla Wynn, Julie Night, Alec Knight, Lexi Love, Jake Malone, Eric Swiss, Kaci Starr, Scott Lyons, Mr. Pete, Arnold Schwartzenpecker, Veronica Jett, Buster Goode, Sledgehammer, Jiz Lee, Alex Devine, Ava Divine, Chelsea Rae, Alex Sanders, Julius Ceazher, Gorgus Drae, Michelle Avanti, Carly Parker, Cindy Crawford, Venus, Kat, Haley Scott, Dominique Swift, Rick Masters, Jenner, Skeeter & Brigette Kerkove, Ron Jeremy, Brett Rockman, Nikki Nite, Danni Woodward, Gia Paloma, Nadia Rio, Nadia Styles, Gauge, Taylor Mother-Fuckin’ Rain, Arianna Jolie, Ken Wilkes, Colonel Rob, R. Dog, Catalina, Aurora Snow, Ginger Lynn, Sarah Shevon, Kristina Rose, Rio Mariah, Tiger, Sapphire Rae, Khan Tusion, David Stanley, Ben English, Jonni Darkko, and Trent Tesoro.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
ORIANA SMALL is a writer and visual artist from Southern California. As Ashley Blue, she appeared in over 300 adult films, including the infamous Girlvert series (JM Productions), directed seventeen adult film features, co-hosted Playboy TV’s Night Calls Hotline, and has won numerous adult film industry awards, including AVN’s Female Performer of the Year in 2004 and Best Supporting Actress in 2005. She lives and works with her husband, photographer Dave Naz, and her cat and dog in the Hollywood Hills.
Table of Contents
Modeling and Recreational Sex
Trent and Ashley
Dirty Debutante
Breaking Me In
Spring Chicken
Jolly Roger
Double Anal
Tyler’s Blue Pill and Ashley’s Little Brown Predicament
Ecstacy Dealers?
Pissmop
Gonorrhea
Heart Attack
Choked Out
Anal Fisting
Ass Herpes
A Night with Max Hardcore
Swingers
A Weekend in Vegas
Liabilities
Clusterfuck
My Mother
Christmas Vacation
Kris and Randa
Judge Mathis
Ass Cream Pie
Performer of the Year
HIV Breaks Out
White Trash Whore
Channeling th
e Inner Girlvert
Disappointment
Attention Whore
At the Ritz
Obscenity
Dave Naz
Bukkake (Death) and Taxes