by Sharon Green
So that was the price he’d sold me for: a business venture he couldn’t afford to begin on his own, which meant it had to be very large indeed. And he’d even thrown in the price my house would bring. That told me how determined he was, which in turn spread ice all through my bloodstream. I’d never found it possible to stand up to him before, and fear was beginning to overwhelm my anger. What if he was right … what if I did find it impossible to refuse…?
“Ah, Tamrissa, good morning,” I suddenly heard, and then Jovvi was stopping beside me. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I’ve been thinking about the conversation we had yesterday. If you intend to sell this house I’ll be glad to buy it from you, and I’m even willing to pay a bit above what others might offer. This is exactly the kind of neighborhood I’ve always wanted to live in, and you know you’ll always be welcome here—for as long as you care to stay.”
“Who is this person?” my mother demanded, for all the world sounding like someone who considered herself noble. My father hadn’t slipped so far that he actually frowned, but his ever-present good humor evaporated to a large degree before he regained control of himself.
“It really doesn’t matter who the young lady is, my dear,” he said to my mother with familiar self assurance. “The courts aren’t in the habit of allowing total strangers to outbid their longtime supporters, so the house isn’t likely to go to her. And even if by some incredible chance it did, that would hardly affect Tamrissa’s marriage. Since it’s all arranged, it will go ahead exactly as planned.”
“Are there different laws here in Gan Garee?” Jovvi asked with a smile even sweeter than my father’s. “Where I come from, all the planning in the world can’t change a refusal on the bride’s part. Without full agreement you can’t have a wedding—and I did hear you say no, didn’t I, Tamrissa?”
“What she says or doesn’t say is beside the point,” my father countered before I could speak, his manner now more sleek and self-satisfied than open and friendly. “This marriage was arranged on her behalf, and Dom Hallasser would be fully within his rights to sue both me and her if anything should interfere. Again, I’m quite certain the courts would insist on having the marriage gone through with rather than allowing me to suffer for having acted out of concern for my child.”
“Odd that you should mention lawsuits,” another voice drawled as Jovvi and I exchanged a glance of frustrated worry. My father did have a few members of the court on his side… “Tamakins has already agreed to marry me, which as a grown woman she’s entitled to do. If you and your friend try to press the matter, I’ll have to sue both of you for interferin’ with my happiness. And daddy would certainly stand behind me with every copper he has.”
And then Vallant Ro was standing beside me to my right, his arm coming to circle my shoulders. I had the strongest urge to gape at him after what he’d said, but all that support let me find something of my own to say.
“And on top of all that, you can forget about being allowed to invite yourselves to lunch,” I told my parents, delighted to see the way my father fought to keep a snarl from his face. “Even if this house wasn’t an official residence for the use of applicants only, you people would not be welcome here. Please leave now, and don’t ever come back.”
“If you’re that upset, child, of course we’ll leave,” my father said soothingly, sparing Vallant Ro a glance that said he knew he’d been lied to. “But as far as never coming back—don’t be foolish, my dear. Of course we’ll be back, and then we’ll get this misunderstanding straightened out once and for all.”
He had to put a hand to his “friend’s” arm to get his attention, and then all three of them left. The awful man hadn’t stopped staring at me the entire time, and I couldn’t keep from shivering again. My father had said that he refused to give up, and the thought of having to face him again made me sick to my stomach.
“You handled that very well,” Jovvi said once the door was closed behind them, putting her arms around me. “And don’t you worry. Now that they know they have more than just you to face, they won’t be as anxious as he pretended to be to come back again. Aside from us, Dom Ro makes an admirably difficult opponent.”
“Discouragin’ them was what I had in mind,” Vallant Ro said, having taken his arm away as soon as my visitors were out the door. “I’ve never liked seein’ the helpless bein’ taken advantage of, so if ‘Tamakins’ needs my help again, it will be my pleasure to supply it.”
“Helpless,” I echoed, feeling even worse as I straightened away from Jovvi. “Everyone thinks I’m helpless, but I refuse to let all of you be right. I will be strong, and I won’t give up no matter what they do. And for the sake of sanity, don’t ever call me that nauseating name again!”
I left Jovvi and Dom Ro looking completely confused, and marched back into the library before leaning against the closed door and shutting my eyes. I’d meant to apologize to Dom Ro for what I’d called him and should have thanked him for helping, but instead I’d yelled at him and then had stalked off in insult. And all because he’d gotten even on his own by calling me helpless.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes, then walked slowly to a chair and sat, feeling very tired. I hated the idea of being helpless, but the condition was so obvious that two new acquaintances had felt obliged to come to my rescue.
Maybe I’d been deluding myself into thinking I could win, in the tests as well as against my parents. Maybe I ought to just give it all up, pick a direction, and simply walk away. I’d heard it said that if you wander too far, you can never find your way home again.
Even if you actually have a home … or something to make you want to go back … instead of wanting to be dead…
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Vallant watched the girl Tamrissa disappear into the library, wishing he’d bitten his tongue. Of all the attractive and charming things it was possible to call a woman, “helpless” had to be at the top of the list.
“She wasn’t really angry with us, you know,” a gentle voice said from behind him. “She’s horribly frightened of what those people want to do to her, and she thinks her courage failed. It didn’t really, but I can’t think of a way to tell her so that she’s likely to believe.”
“Not bein’ a quitter is so important to her that even I can feel it,” Vallant said, turning to look at Jovvi Hafford. “But she said she meant to be really strong from now on, so I guess I didn’t put my foot in it as deep as I might have.”
“She wasn’t telling the truth,” the beautiful woman said with a sigh, pain showing in her lovely eyes. “She was feeling despair rather than determination, and I can only hope she manages to pull out of it. That awful man… I’d kill myself before I’d let him touch me.”
Vallant was shocked to see Jovvi shudder as she said that, a reaction he never would have expected from her. He’d met few women who seemed completely self-possessed and capable, but Jovvi Hafford certainly was one.
“Are you talkin’ about the prospective bridegroom?” he asked, definitely disturbed. “I didn’t get a very good look at him, because he’s so unimpressive that he’s easy to ignore. Aside from all those rings. I admit he seemed to be smitten with Tamrissa, but”
“No, not smitten,” Jovvi answered quickly and firmly. “He has … centered on her as an object he means to possess, an item of obsession that won’t let him rest until he owns it. I’ve come across people like him before, and they never take no for an answer. Her father’s a fool for thinking he can deal with someone like that, because the man will use anything including him to get what he wants.”
“I think I knew someone like that once,” Vallant said with a frown as a distant memory surfaced. “That man wanted my daddy’s business, and set about tryin’ to ruin it when Daddy refused to sell. I was young then and only startin’ to ship out, and the man brought a bunch of paid bullies on board my ship one night. They were supposed to wreck the ship while he came after me, intendin’ to kill me to pay Daddy back for refusin�
� his offer. He said as much before tryin’ to throw me overboard near the place on deck where I slept.”
“What stopped him?” Jovvi asked, her brows high. “He obviously didn’t succeed in killing you, but I can’t imagine what would have changed his mind.”
“Dyin’ stopped him,” Vallant said, more disturbed than before but not because of the memory. “He and one of his bullies had Water magic and meant to use it to drown me, but they were both of ordinary strength. They were the ones who ended up overboard and drowned, and then I put out the fires and chased off the rest of his men. He had a bad reputation, so nobody official ever asked any questions about exactly how he’d died… And you think this Hallasser is one like that?”
“I’d be willing to bet every copper I possess on it,” Jovvi answered, her disturbed certainty adding even more weight to the contention. “He’s determined to have Tamrissa no matter what he has to do to accomplish it.”
“I’m goin’ to talk to her,” Vallant decided aloud, straightening a bit where he stood. “She won’t want to hear anythin’ at all from me let alone somethin’ like that, but she has to know. I really do appreciate the help you gave her, and I’ll … talk to you later.”
“It was my pleasure,” Jovvi answered, now apparently amused about something. “She and I have become friends, so if either of you need me again, please don’t hesitate to ask.”
Vallant nodded his thanks for the offer, then headed directly for the library. If he hadn’t been so distracted with worry about Tamrissa, he would have wondered about Jovvi’s amusement. As it was, he reached the library door, knocked once, then walked in without waiting for a response. Tamrissa was in a chair, her beautiful face looking drawn and pale, and Vallant gave her no chance to order him out.
“I know I’m intrudin’, but don’t let it disturb you,” he said quickly, closing the door again behind him. “There’s somethin’ you need to know, and then I’ll get out of your way again. But first I’d like to apologize for what I said. Somehow it came out soundin’ as if I was callin’ you helpless, but I really wasn’t. It was the situation—”
“You came in here to apologize?” she interrupted, suddenly looking annoyed. “For the second time, when I haven’t done it even once? You seem to make a habit of apologizing when you aren’t guilty of anything, Dom Ro, but I suspect you don’t do it for everyone. Those who aren’t helpless undoubtedly have to manage without.”
“I was tryin’ to say that that was a misunderstandin’,” Vallant replied, swallowing down a flash of his own annoyance as he moved a few steps closer to her chair. “That bunch thought they could make you helpless, but they were as wrong as it’s possible to be. Even if Jovvi and I hadn’t come along to help, you still would have been able to handle them.”
“Only I wasn’t handling them, and we both know it,” she said, the bitterness clear in her voice. “That means you’re lying in an effort to make me feel better, which would be absurd if your reason wasn’t so obvious. Helpless women need to have their fears soothed, and men who consider themselves gentlemen are honor bound to perform the task. But now that it’s been seen to, Dom Ro, I’d like you to go away and leave me alone.”
“I’m not in the habit of lyin’,” Vallant said through his teeth, frustration adding itself to his increasing annoyance. “You’re in a situation so bad I can’t even imagine what it must feel like, to have your own parents care about nothin’ but how they can use you. If it was me I probably would be helpless, but you’re managin’ just fine. Jovvi thinks so too, so why don’t you ask her.”
“Jovvi’s a friend so what else would she say?” the beautiful female mule responded with a gesture of dismissal, a stubborn glint now in those incredible violet eyes. “And for someone who’s not in the habit of lying, you seem to do well at it. Or was it my imagination that you said you’d asked me to marry you? No wonder you have trouble with women. Being a Knight in Shining Aspect will do it every time.”
“That wasn’t a lie, it was moral support,” Vallant stated, now thoroughly annoyed. “You listen to me, little lady, and you listen good. I don’t have trouble with ‘women,’ I have trouble with beautiful females who have too much spirit for their good and mine. You could have agreed to whatever your father said, which you would have if you really were helpless. Instead you stood there defyin’ his right to use you like a worthless piece of trade goods, and that took more courage than most men have. It’s easy to stand up for yourself when the person givin’ you grief is a stranger, but it’s damned hard when they’re somebody who’s supposed to love you. You are not helpless, and I don’t ever want to hear you say you are again.”
By that time she sat there blinking at him wide-eyed, obviously unsure of how to react or what to say. Men usually jumped to agree with him when he used that tone on them, men often twice the size of the slender female who sat looking up at him without a word of the agreement he’d demanded. Briefly, Vallant wished he himself were female, so he’d be free to scream in frustration the way he so wanted to do. How was he supposed to get through such thickheaded resistance?
“Now see what you made me do,” he grumbled after a moment of useless searching for the right thing to say. “I came in to apologize, and ended up yellin’ at you instead. Just for that I ought to punish you by takin’ a kiss.”
He expected to see her laugh or get angry at that, the usual reaction that could be expected from a woman. Instead she went pale again, so quickly and completely that Vallant was shocked. And she’d begun to tremble! What in the name of the Five was wrong?
“No, please, I was only jokin’,” he said as fast as possible, immediately crouching and reaching up to touch her hand. It was ice cold, and that look in her eyes—! “I’m not goin’ to hurt you, I’d never hurt you. Are you all right?”
It took a long moment before she nodded, but Vallant still made no effort to straighten. Looming over someone you’d just frightened wasn’t the way to reassure them, and he also reluctantly stopped touching her hand. She hadn’t pulled it away from him, but it certainly seemed that she wanted to. It had to be the worst possible time to ask questions, but he simply had to know.
“What was it that frightened you so badly?” he put as gently as he knew how, watching her face. “I see now that it was a rotten joke, but do you dislike me that much? If so, I’ll certainly leave at once—”
“No,” she interrupted, clearly trying to pull herself together. “It wasn’t really you at all. I—had an unpleasant marriage, and the ghost of it keeps haunting me. I don’t want you to think you were responsible, not when you were just trying to help me. That would be very unfair.”
Unfair. Vallant stared up at her without changing expression, but how he managed it he’d never know. If a thoughtless, offhand comment was able to terrorize her like that, it wasn’t possible to really know what her marriage had been like. Unpleasant couldn’t be anything like a proper description, but she’d pulled out of it just to reassure him. Vallant wished briefly but fervently that it was possible to get his hands on her former husband. If he had still been alive, he wouldn’t have remained so for long.
“Tamrissa, I want you to hear me and believe what you hear,” he said then, slowly but deliberately reaching for her hand and taking it gently between both of his. “There’s nothin’ in this world that will ever make me hurt you, and what’s more I’ll never let anybody else hurt you either. I mean to be there if your daddy comes back with that friend of his, and if I’m not you’d better make sure I’m called. Will you do that?”
“Certainly,” she agreed after a short hesitation, her hand unmoving between his bigger ones, a spot of red on each of her fair cheeks. “If that’s what you want, I’ll be glad to see to it. May I have my hand back now?”
Vallant would have been much happier if he could have ignored that request, but it wasn’t really possible. With great reluctance he released her hand then straightened, wondering in passing why she now looked so reserved. Well, whatever th
e reason, at least she wasn’t terrified any longer. And it would have been heartless to return her to the state by telling her what Jovvi had said about Hallasser. That would have to wait for another time.
“Since it’s nearly lunchtime, I think I’ll go and freshen up,” Vallant said when the silence grew too heavy. She sat staring down at her hands, obviously waiting for him to decide to leave. “I’ll see you in the dinin’ room.”
She nodded without looking up, so he had no choice but to leave the way he’d said he would. The hall was empty when he stepped back out into it and closed the door behind himself, so he crossed it to the stairs and went to his room.
There were any number of things disturbing Vallant’s thoughts, but one of them kept returning while he washed his hands in the room’s basin. She’d said she believed his determination to stand beside her, but something about the way she’d behaved led him to believe she hadn’t been telling the truth. She didn’t believe him, but why in the world would she doubt—
The answer came so suddenly that Vallant groaned, feeling like an idiot for not having seen it sooner. He’d told Tamrissa he would be there for her, but they’d already established that he would not be there, not at all. As far as she knew, he was determined to go home as soon as he could, so how could she expect him to be there for her? He’d let his emotions speak for him, making him both a fool and a liar.
But had he been lying? There was something about Tamrissa Domon that drew him more strongly than any other woman he had ever met, maybe even more strongly than the need to go home to the sea again. How he would get around his problem with closed-in spaces he had no idea, but suddenly he wanted to get around it. He had to stay to help her, but the matter still came down to whether his affliction would allow it. He’d given his solemn word, but would he be allowed to keep it?