“How can a mother act indifferent to her child getting slashed by a knife?”
It was a question I’d turned over in my head for the last nineteen years. I shrugged. “I have no idea but she is the reason I have this scar. My mom didn’t want to go to the hospital. Doug was a nurse so he patched me up the best he could.”
“I’m sorry but from what you told me, your mother sounds like a horrible person.”
Up until eight hours ago, I would have argued with Andrew, throwing out excuses for her behavior like toilet paper. Now though, Big Ted had shattered the illusion my mother loved me. Her one true love was drugs and dying was her own selfish way of getting out of the mess she created.
My voice was sucked dry of any remorse. “She was.”
With the pad of his thumb, Andrew swiped away a tear that escaped. He titled my chin up and brushed his lips against mine. While brief, it was electrifying.
Andrew’s gaze was a concoction of endearment and lust as he pulled back. “You’re mother did do one thing right.” He smiled. “She had you.”
I stared up at the ceiling, restless and unable to sleep. Andrew had generously given his bedroom to me while he slept upstairs in his office. Frustrated, my feet shoved the covers to the end of the bed. The kiss we’d shared gave me a worse caffeine jolt than coffee. I felt energized from head to toe. Also, it didn’t help matters that his room smelled like his cologne. Spicy with a hint of danger.
“Damn it,” I groaned.
Why did Andrew have to be such a gentleman? It was as if he was born in the nineteen hundreds or something. Having sex wouldn’t ruin anything between us, unless it was bad. I could say with one hundred percent certainty though—it would be the opposite of bad. His lips were just as talented as his hands. I should march up to his office and claim the orgasm I desperately needed. Flipping over on my stomach, I threw a pillow on top of my head. My two-year dry spell was turning me into a crazed lunatic. A couple beats passed as the ache at the center of my sex ebbed.
Dishware crashing sounded from the kitchen. Nerves skittered down my spine as I sprung upwards. I cocked my ear thinking I was mistaken. Another crash was heard but this time it sounded like glass shattering. My street kid instincts kicked into high gear. On the balls of my feet, I walked across the hardwood floors and cracked open the door. Andrew’s apartment was pitch black. Grabbing the nearest object, an umbrella, I ventured into the hallway. Adrenalin sent my pulse to rise. If Big Ted was in the apartment, he was in for a surprise. I raised the umbrella like a baseball bat as I neared the kitchen. Muttered curses floated in the air. The voice sounded male, although, it was hard to distinguish whom it belonged to. My money was on Big Ted because why would Andrew be burglarizing his own apartment at 3:00 a.m.?
Big Ted had showed his true colors this afternoon and they weren’t pretty. He was desperate enough to kill but armed with only an umbrella, it wouldn’t be easy to take Big Ted to the ground. Feeling my way along the last three feet, my hand groped for the light switch. Located, the kitchen was bathed in blinding white light.
I jumped from my hiding spot around the corner and swung before looking. “You can’t get me that easily, motherfucker.”
The umbrella cracked against a body part—which one I had no clue—but it connected followed by a manly scream.
“WHAT THE FUCK, HAVEN?”
Andrew’s voice snapped me out of ninja mode. Blinking, a pissed off Andrew glared at me with a red bump already forming on his forehead.
I stared at him dumbfounded. “You’re not Big Ted.”
“No, I’m not.”
Looking around, I saw the kitchen in a state of disaster. Plates lay cracked on the floor, glass littered the counters, and cupboards were wide open. “What happened?”
Andrew rubbed his forehead. “I came downstairs to grab a glass of water and forgot my glasses. I’m incredibly blind without them.”
“Can you see me?”
“Kind of. You’re a very pretty blob.”
Laughing, I set the umbrella to the side. Relief it was Andrew and not Big Ted in the kitchen dropped my adrenaline rapidly, causing my hands to shake. Big Ted had planted a seed of fear in my mind.
“Do you turn into the Hulk when you’re blind? You made a huge mess.”
“I went to go grab a glass but my elbow knocked off a plate instead. It was like a bad game of dominos.”
“So you’re just incredibly clumsy?”
A blush heated his cheeks. “Guess so.”
“Ok. I’ll grab your glasses and then we clean up.”
“Thank you. They are in the guest bathroom.”
“You got it.”
Andrew’s office was what you would describe as neat chaos. The pull out bed had his laptop and a pile of sketches piled near his pillow as if he’d fallen asleep working. Standing on the threshold, an overwhelming urge to snoop came over me. I knew it was wrong. However, I wanted to know more about the mysterious woman attached to the bath products found in the guest bathroom. I glanced over my shoulder to make sure the coast was clear. Swiftly, I walked to Andrew’s desk and searched the top drawers. Paper clips, highlighters and other office supplies. The bottom ones proved more interesting. Shoved toward the back sat a pile of letters and faded Polaroid pictures tied together with a string. As my hand reached to grab them, I ignored the blatant breach of trust between Andrew and me. Setting the evidence on his desk I carefully untied the string and read the first letter.
My dearest Andrew,
You are my heart, my soul, and the air I breathe. Without you I’m nothing.
Jealousy stabbed me in the gut as I realized they were love letters. Moving on to the pictures, they were just as beautiful and laced with undying affection. A woman’s red hair flowed behind her as she ran through a meadow of sunflowers. Her brown eyes locked on the person behind the camera. A secret smile titled her sensual lips. Flipping over the picture, the date and description was written.
August 12th, 2013 – The day I proposed.
Shock stole the air from my lungs. That was a little more than a year ago. What had happened to Andrew’s fiancée? I was about to reach for another Polaroid when he called out my name.
“Haven? Did you get lost?”
Hastily, Andrew’s past was hidden away in the dusty confines of his desk drawers. “Sorry, I’m coming.”
I found his glasses and dashed down the winding staircase, my thoughts racing. Andrew didn’t have an ex-girlfriend. He had an ex-fiancée, which proved a hell of a lot more messy than expected. On top of that, what had caused the demise of their relationship? It seemed Andrew had a secret past I didn’t know about.
Andrew and I worked quietly as we transformed the kitchen back to its original state. Every few minutes, I snuck a glance at him; confounded he was once somebody’s fiancée.
He dumped the last remaining shards of glass into the trash. “I think that’s it.”
“Next time wear your glasses, will ya?”
“Pinky promise. I’m not normally that clumsy though.”
“Uh-huh, sure.”
Grinning, he poured water into a teakettle and turned on the heat. Amidst the chaos, I hadn’t noticed his silk striped pajamas. All he needed was the smoking jacket and his Hugh Heffner impression would be complete.
A laugh rose out of my throat. “Where’s your blonde bimbo and pipe?”
He looked over his shoulder baffled. Gesturing to his outfit, awareness dawned but his
expression rapidly closed. “My ex gave them to me.”
The elusive ex whose ghost haunted the halls. I jumped on my chance and pried open the door Andrew cracked. “Your ex?”
“Yeah, she gave them to me for my birthday because I was always complaining about being hot at night.”
“She sounds like a thoughtful lady.”
Andrew didn’t comment. He opened the cupboards, grabbing a bag of raw sugar and a honey bear. It was a blatant attempt to appear busy.
I di
dn’t give up easily though. “What was her name?”
“Camilla.”
The wistfulness in his tone made me hate this Camilla with vengeance. It was such a rare emotion I was at a momentary loss. I wasn’t an envious woman. Whenever a guy and I were dating, it didn’t bother me if they had a wandering eye. They could sleep with whomever they wanted. My relationships were never serious enough to demand devotion. Andrew’s past poked the green-eyed monster to the point where I wished it didn’t exist. However without his past, Andrew wouldn’t be the person I’d fallen for. The teakettle whistled. Andrew prepared the mugs and poured the hot water inside.
“How long were you together?” I asked.
His hand knocked over the honey as if the question had fuddled him. Grabbing it before the sticky liquid marked the counters, Andrew cleared his throat. “Eight months.” He answered my next unsaid inquiry. “We broke up six months ago.”
“What happened?”
“Life. Do you want any cream or sugar in your tea?”
Andrew was undeniably done with this conversation. While I wished for further facts and details, I didn’t push. He would divulge when he was ready.
“Cream and honey. Please and thank you,” I said.
“It’s cute when your manners come out.”
He made my tea to my liking. Handing it to me, we walked into the living room together and plopped onto the couch. Like two magnets, our bodies were drawn together. Side to side, knee to knee, we cuddled. Outside, pale pink streaked the sky, welcoming a new day.
“Do you want a blanket?” Andrew covered our legs with a cashmere throw. “It can get chilly in this apartment due to the cement and exposed brick walls. I keep telling the super to caulk the windows but he doesn’t listen….”
Queen of nervous rambling, I recognized Andrew was doing exactly that. Rambling to fill in a silence that didn’t need to be filled.
I patted his knee. “Let’s drink our tea and enjoy the beautiful sunrise.”
“Oh, thank God. Most women want to talk all the time. It can be exhausting.”
“I’m not most women.”
Andrew interwove his fingers through mine and squeezed my hand affectionately. “I’m starting to realize that.”
My heart fluttered in my chest and in that moment, all I wanted to do was feel Andrew’s mouth against mine. Let him take me to a place only he could, where rainbows and unicorns did exist. Where everything was light and color. Where nothing bad could happen. Where I was safe. I set my cup down and tenderly cupped his face into my hands. His eyes sparked to life. I leaned in and Andrew met me halfway. Our lips collided in a symphony of sensations. Goosebumps erupted on my arms and I pressed my chest into his, seeking warmth. Andrew tangled his fingers into my hair, exposing my neck. Hungry kisses were planted against my skin until he reached my ear. I moaned as he nibbled my earlobe.
“Andrew,” his name was a desperate plea. “Please.”
“So beautiful.”
Our lips found each other again. The barrier that was there between us before had shattered and raw lust consumed our desires. Andrew’s fingers slid underneath my t-shirt, running a trail of fire as they traveled over my stomach. I arched into his touch.
“You feel like velvet,” he said against my mouth.
“And you taste like every dessert I’ve craved.”
A groan tore out of his throat while his tongue swirled with mine. I gripped the waistband of his pajamas, desperate to feel his thick hardness in my palm. Andrew’s hand stopped me from going further. Our breaths came out ragged as we separated.
“What’s wrong?” I asked.
“Nothing. You’re perfect and you feel like heaven but….”
“But you don’t want to go further?”
“Yes.”
Death by blue balls was a distinct possibility right now. “You’re killing me, Andrew. Are you like a virgin or something?”
“Nope but like I said, I don’t…”
“Want to rush things? Yeah I know.”
My bottom lip jutted out in a pout. Andrew laughed, put his arm over my shoulder and pulled me into his side. “I promise when it does happen, it will be magic.”
The next night after a typical soul-crushing shift at Rogue, I stood on the sidewalk and waited for Andrew to pick me up. He said he would be there at 2:00 am. Looking at my cell phone, I saw it was fifteen minutes till. A cold wind snapped off the lake and I buried myself deeper in my coat. The kiss Andrew and I had shared still burned on my lips, but the notes I’d found couldn’t be forgotten. We were diving head first into the shallow end of the pool. While dangerous to my sanity and heart, the gears had already begun spinning. I had to hold my breath and hope the impact wasn’t lasting. Down the street, a flash of neon red caught my eye. Monica.
She looked like a woman on a mission as she approached. “Where the hell have you been?”
Shame crawled up my cheeks. Monica had called me several times but my finger found the ignore button more than I would like to admit. It’s not that I didn’t want to talk to her; it was just that I didn’t want to explain everything.
“Sorry,” I said. “I have been busy.”
Monica’s eyebrows hit her forehead. “That’s a lame excuse. I had to hunt you down like an elusive snow leopard.”
Whenever things went south with a guy, she binge watched the Discovery Channel. Over the years, the random facts she’d gathered found their way into conversations.
“I said I was sorry.”
“Whatever. At least tell me you have been having hot monkey sex with that hunk of man meat that was in your shower.” Monica jumped on my beat of silence. “OMG! I knew it! Ok, you’re totally forgiven.”
“We are not having sex.”
Her face crumpled as if I had delivered the worse news possible. “What? Why not? I know it’s been two years since you’ve gotten some but let me remind you. Sex is when a man puts his penis into your vagina.”
“I know what sex is,” I snapped.
“Jesus, you really do need to get laid.” She hitched her purse higher on her shoulder. “Then what have you been doing? Drinking hot cocoa and talking about politics?”
There was no way going around it. I had to tell Monica what Sumiko did and the resulting consequences. Unstitching my wounds, the story spilled out.
When I finished, Monica had murder in her eyes. “That bitch. I don’t care if she thought she was protecting you. You don’t steal from family. It’s like in the bible or something.”
“It wasn’t her that did it. It was the drugs.” Once again, I found myself making excuses for my family’s shitty behavior. “Never mind. I take that back. She had no excuse.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you’re finally seeing clearly. So Andrew offered to harbor you until things blow over?”
“Basically. I have no clue why though. He’d only known me for less than twenty-four hours when he did.”
Monica sighed. “Because he likes you. Why else?”
“He must have a thing for crazy then, because I thrust him into a shit storm of it.”
“Your life isn’t boring, that’s for sure. Have you seen Sumiko since the incident?”
The last ten phone calls to her cell had gone straight to voicemail. As much as I wanted to strangle her, I was worried Big Ted would hurt Sumiko like she said he would. I had to somehow get the remaining seven hundred dollars, which was the equivalent of two weeks of work. I had a feeling Big Ted wouldn’t wait that long.
“No, I have not,” I responded. “She wrote me a letter but that was the last I heard from her.”
“Man, I thought my family was messed up, but yours take the cake.”
Monica’s dad had gone to jail for armed robbery while her mother abandoned her at the age of five. In the care of her eighty-year-old grandmother, she made sure Monica stayed on the straight and narrow. While Monica veered off the path a handful of times, she turned out better than she would have without her grandmother’s
influence.
“Do I get a trophy or something?”
“Nope, but….” She dug into her cleavage and unearthed an individually wrapped chocolate. “You get chocolate if you want it.”
My mouth scrunched to the side, revolted. “I do not want your sweaty boob chocolate.”
“Your mistake.” She popped it into her mouth and smiled. The dark chocolate coated her teeth.
“Your gross.”
Swallowing, Monica shivered. It didn’t matter if it was negative zero outside; she refused to wear a coat. Call me crazy but I didn’t understand suffering in the same of fashion. Since I was wearing as many layers as an Eskimo, I draped my ugly purple coat over her shoulders.
“I don’t want you turning into a Popsicle on my watch,” I said.
Gratefulness twinkled in her green eyes. “Thanks, bestie.”
“Anytime.”
Monica glanced at the vacant street. “Are you waiting for somebody?”
“Yeah. Andrew said he would pick me up at 2:00. Did you walk here from work?”
“Duh. I wouldn’t wear this outfit otherwise. It practically screams rape me.”
I took in the minuscule skirt and corset type shirt with strings crisscrossing on the front. My outfit wasn’t any less revealing. Except instead of a skirt, I wore booty shorts stamped with Rogue on the ass.
“We need to get better jobs,” I mumbled.
“True that, but at least you get a handsome man to pick you up. Speaking of, how’s it going, living together without sex?”
“I understand how nuns feel now.”
“Perpetually frustrated?”
“Yup.”
A belly laugh erupted from her, tugging a smile free.
“It’s not funny. Andrew is like a real live porno, constantly reminding me of what I’m missing.”
Jagged Love Page 7