by Sue Reid
I didn’t want to stand out more. Ivy would, whatever she wore. Ivy who only came up to my shoulder, but she’d long ago lost that half-starved look.
Tonight she was in green with gold trimming. In the candlelight the gold sparkled. She looked like a duchess.
Ivy had appointed herself our lady’s maid. Sarah, already dressed, was pacing up and down the bedroom restlessly. I knew how she felt, but I wished she would sit down.
‘Sit down, Sarah, or you’ll wear out your dancing shoes before the ball’s even started!’ Ivy commanded.
Sarah ignored her. She was staring out of the tiny window. It was nearly time for the ball to begin. His lordship and her ladyship would open it, and we’d have to watch our p’s and q’s till they departed. Last year it had been near midnight before they had. By then my eyes were half shut. I’d crept up to bed long before the dancing had finished. We couldn’t lie in in the morning after our ball like they could.
Ivy stepped back and handed me the mirror. ‘Take a look.’ I almost gasped as I gazed into it. I didn’t recognize myself. ‘Shame it’s just for the staff,’ she complained. ‘It’s wasted on them.’
‘The family will be there, too,’ I reminded her.
‘Oh, them,’ said Ivy. ‘They’ll not dance with us, too stuck-up, that lot.’
‘Mr George might,’ I said. ‘He’s danced with some of us in the past.’ He danced with the pretty ones, anyway. I felt sure he’d dance with Ivy. She’d be fighting them off.
‘What? The young master – the one who has that posh car?’ Ivy’s eyes gleamed. ‘Maybe he’ll take us for a spin in it.’
‘I’d not go in that car with him,’ said Ellen, who was over by the window buffing her nails.
‘Nor me neither,’ I agreed.
Ivy snorted. ‘What a lot of cowards you are.’ She grinned. ‘Maybe he’d give me a driving lesson – if I asked him very nicely.’
She turned back to the bed, where she’d laid out little bottles and pots on a clean tea towel. She unscrewed one and stuck her finger in it.
‘Head up!’
I felt something warm smear my lips. I jerked back. ‘Where did you get that?’
‘Sssh, or it’ll smudge.’ She wiped her finger on a tissue, then opened another pot. ‘A bit of colour now … finishing touches, Jess.’
I put up my hands to shield my face. ‘No, that’s enough. I’ll look like a … a harridan.’
‘I’m wasted on you. Sarah?’
Sarah didn’t answer.
‘Ellen?’
Ellen shook her head.
‘I’ll do myself then,’ Ivy said. She dabbed a bit of powder on her face, then drew a line around her lips.
I glanced at the clock. It was time we went. My stomach did a jig. I always felt nervous before one of these occasions.
Ivy put down the pot and picked up the mirror. She gave a satisfied smile. ‘I think I’ll do. Ready, ladies?’ She held open the door. ‘Jess,’ she said. ‘You look a picture. Those are lips that are meant to be kissed.’
I blushed. ‘Ivy!’
‘She’s right,’ Ellen said, admiringly.
I just hoped no one would ask where the rouge came from. Behind us Sarah had resumed her pacing. I grabbed her by the shoulder. ‘Come on, Sarah, that’s enough.’
‘I feel sick, Jess,’ she whispered.
‘Nervous sick?’
She nodded.
‘You look lovely. You’ll be on your feet all night. He won’t be able to keep his eyes off you. You’ll see.’
Sarah nodded, but she looked unconvinced.
‘And if he doesn’t you’ll make him jealous – all the partners you’ll have.’
A tiny smile flitted across Sarah’s face.
‘Treat ’em mean, keep ’em keen, that’s what I say, Sarah,’ Ivy put in. I could hear voices and laughing in the corridor.
‘After you, ladies,’ Ivy said. ‘We’re going to knock ’em dead!’
We sashayed down the corridor.
‘Excuse me, ladies.’ Maddie elbowed past us.
‘There goes old misery,’ said Ivy.
‘Ivy!’ I said warningly.
‘Well, it’s not my fault Robert fancies me, is it? I don’t do anything.’
‘Don’t dance with him tonight. Maybe things will settle down then,’ I said.
Ivy didn’t answer. She was smoothing down her gown. ‘You know, Jess,’ she said, ‘it’ll be the first time I’ll be in those posh rooms upstairs.’ She gave me a wink.
I pushed back the green baize door. I gasped. I felt as if I was stepping into wonderland. A whole team of waiters and lackeys had been hired for the night. The front door kept opening and shutting as staff and tenants from the estate were escorted inside – like they were posh lords and ladies. As they took off their cloaks you’d not know the difference. Over our heads the candelabra shimmered and sparkled.
Suddenly I felt Ivy dive behind me. ‘What’s up, Ivy?’ I said.
‘It’s Robert,’ she hissed. ‘Crumbs, I think he wants to open the ball with me.’
The ballroom doors had been flung open and Robert was standing at the entrance. His eyes scanned each lady as she passed. It was clear enough who he was waiting for. ‘Keep close by me, Ivy, I’ll see what I can do,’ I said.
We shuffled together up to the entrance. ‘I didn’t plan to enter the ballroom on my knees,’ Ivy complained.
‘What can I do about it?’ I retorted. ‘Keep down, or he’ll see you.’
Robert hadn’t, but someone else had, I saw – Mr George. He was leaning back against the wall – splitting his sides, he was laughing so hard. He strolled up to us, slipping on his white gloves. He bowed to Ivy, as if she was a gracious lady.
‘May I have the honour, young lady?’ He offered her his arm.
Ivy lowered her eyes. ‘Thank you, sir,’ she murmured. Even her voice was like a duchess’s. How did she do it? She was wearing proper gloves too – long white ones up over her elbow, like real ladies wore.
I watched as she glided into the ballroom on Mr George’s arm. Robert must have seen, I thought. I felt a bit sorry for him – until I remembered how heartlessly he treated Maddie. Let him have a taste of his own medicine. Him the cock of the servants’ hall!
I looked round for Sarah. I couldn’t see her anywhere. I hoped she’d found Fred and they’d made it up.
My eyes picked out Miss Penelope. She was smiling, but the smile looked a bit strained, I thought. But she wasn’t my problem tonight. This was our night, not theirs. Ellen and I took our places in our usual spot, over by the wall. My hands felt clammy. The small orchestra struck up a waltz. I felt like weeping as his lordship led her ladyship on to the floor. Wouldn’t anyone ask me to dance? More and more couples were taking the floor now. Men walked past me, and turned away as if to say, it’s not her I’m looking for. Ellen touched my arm. ‘Over there,’ she whispered.
‘What?’
‘It’s Ivy, she’s dancing with Mr George!’
We’d never seen Ivy dance a waltz, but she was dancing as if she was born to it. As they swept past us a second time, I saw Mr George’s hand tighten on her waist. He bent his head closer to her. Ivy was laughing at something he was saying, not loudly, but like a lady would. Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes sparkled. I wondered what her ladyship would think, if she realized who her son was dancing with.
‘May I have the honour?’
Cripes, someone was standing before me. Jem from the stables. ‘Thank you, sir,’ I said. He put his arm round my waist. I knew Jem only as one of the stable hands but he didn’t look like a stable hand tonight. As he swept me into the dance, I felt relieved that Ivy had gone over the steps with me. I needn’t be afraid I’d make a wrong move, or step on Jem’s toes.
It was on my second turn round the floor that I saw Sarah. Fred was by her side, they weren’t talking and both of them both looked tense and unhappy. When the dance finished I asked Jem to take me over to Sarah. Sarah look
ed as if she was trying not to cry. Fred had disappeared. ‘It’s no use, Jess, it’s no use,’ she kept saying.
‘Sarah, have you danced with anyone yet?’ I asked.
‘They all think I’m Fred’s girl. They won’t ask me.’
‘Smile, Sarah and maybe they will.’
‘You’re heartless, Jess.’
I nearly lost patience with her. ‘I’m not. I’m trying to help. Forget him for tonight; let him see how popular you are. Look at young Ivy!’
‘Her heart’s not broken,’ Sarah sniffed.
‘Well, Maddie then. She’s dancing.’ I was amazed that anyone had asked her. Maddie had turned into a right sourpuss these last few weeks. But tonight at least she was getting something right. She was smiling, she ignored Robert, who was walking up and down, pretending he didn’t care that Ivy was ignoring him.
Ivy swept across the floor towards us. ‘He’s a one, isn’t he, that Mr George,’ she said.
‘Got your ride in his car then?’ I was joking.
‘Ahhha. That would be telling.’ She gave a sly smile.
‘You watch him,’ Sarah said. ‘He got young Emma into trouble.’
‘That’s just gossip,’ I said. ‘But you be careful, all the same. He’s wild, Mr George.’
‘Well, why did she leave so suddenly? You tell me!’ Sarah said querulously. I shrugged. I felt that whatever I said now Sarah would object to, and I wanted to enjoy myself. It was our special night and not even my best friend was going to be allowed to spoil it for me.
But I wondered why Fred had shot off like that. He’d still not come back. Was he nervous of me because I was Sarah’s best friend, or because I was Miss P’s maid? Then I wondered what on earth had made me think that. What had Miss P to do with him? I reasoned with myself that Sarah had put the thought into my mind, with all her unreasonable and jealous suspicions, but as my eyes scanned the room again I realized that I hadn’t seen her for a while either. I wasn’t going to let my mind go down that path though. It didn’t have a chance to either. Another young man came up to ask me to dance. I was almost sorry when the gong sounded for supper. But I was proud that I had a partner to take me in. A grand buffet supper had been laid out in the dining room. I didn’t know what half the food was, but it was all delicious. Behind us, the orchestra was still playing. So this was what it was like to be a lady. But would I want to spend all my days and nights like this? Tonight, I knew I would. I wanted it to go on for ever.
I was almost asleep when I heard the door creak open. Ellen was in bed, too – asleep, I judged from the snoring – but I hadn’t seen Sarah since supper. Light steps tiptoed across the floor. I kept my eyes tight shut. Please, Sarah, don’t ask me to talk. Just get to bed. In a few hours’ time I’ve got to get up.
‘Jess. Are you awake? Please, Jess.’
She sounded desperate.
Oh well. She was my best friend after all. I opened my eyes. Sarah was standing next to the bed. ‘Do you want me to help you off with your gown?’ I said as brightly as I could manage in the middle of the night.
Sarah sat down on the bed.
‘It’s over, Jess. Fred and me.’
‘Oh Sarah.’ I sat up. ‘What happened?’
‘I couldn’t stand it. We danced only once, but he didn’t seem to see me, he hardly spoke, I could feel he didn’t feel as I did. So I asked him. He left when supper was over. I saw him go and followed him. He said we weren’t right for each other.’
I could hear tears in Sarah’s voice. I felt for her hand and squeezed it. ‘He said … he said … we wanted different things. He knew that I just wanted to settle down, but he didn’t. He told me he wants to leave service, make something of his life. He’s never talked like that before, Jess. I don’t believe it, I just don’t.’ Sarah laid her head down on my arm and cried.
I stroked her hair. I tried to think what to say. ‘I should unpin your hair,’ was what came out.
‘Is that all you can say?’ Sarah raised her head, and wiped her eyes with her sleeve.
‘No, I’m really sorry, Sarah, but it’s best you know now, isn’t it?’
‘It’s that girl, that wretched girl, it’s since she came here!’ Sarah burst out.
I put a finger to my lips. ‘Sssh. You’ll wake Ellen.’
‘Well?’ Sarah said truculently, not even trying to lower her voice. ‘Aren’t I right?’
‘Miss Penelope?’ I said, uncomfortably.
‘Yes, her. Who else?’
‘I’m sure you’re wrong,’ I said.
‘She’s put ideas into his head. She’s bewitched him.’
‘Sarah, it’s nonsense!’ I exclaimed, forgetting to keep my voice down. ‘She can’t marry a stable hand. You know she can’t.’
‘She can make him forget his place.’
She had a point, but I wouldn’t admit it.
‘We were so happy till she came along.’ She laid her head down on the bed and wept. I stroked her hair.
‘Let me take those pins out,’ I said. ‘And maybe you’ll see things differently in the morning.’ I usually did. A new day, a new beginning, Mam always says to me.
Sarah raised her head. My eyes had adjusted well enough now to see the fury in her eyes. I could feel it too; she was looking at me almost as if she disliked me. Me, her oldest friend. ‘You just don’t understand, do you, Jess? Maybe if you’d ever cared about someone…’
I snatched back my hand. If she’d slapped me, she couldn’t have hurt me more. How could she be so cruel? I wouldn’t want any part of a love that made you so selfish and heedless of other people’s feelings.
I lay down and shut my eyes.
‘Jess.’
I didn’t answer. I didn’t want to talk to her.
I heard her get up off the bed and make her way to hers. Then a sob that sounded as if she was trying to stifle it. I felt like crying too but I wasn’t going to get up and go to her. Light was creeping in at the window. It would soon be time to get up. Was it true what I’d said to Sarah? I thought bleakly. A new day, a new beginning? Or was our friendship over, too? I didn’t know. I just didn’t know. I buried my face in the pillow.
DOWNSTAIRS
‘Sit down, Jess.’ Mrs Smithson was smiling, but she looked worried too. I couldn’t think why. I’d been pleased when she’d summoned me to her parlour. I sat down behind the desk, smoothing my skirt. I was looking forward to hearing what she had to say. Jess, we’ve found a lady’s maid to replace you. A proper lady’s maid, who’ll escort Miss P to London. Then perhaps Sarah and I could make up – it was bound to be easier once I was no longer at Miss P’s beck and call.
‘Jess, we’ve been very pleased with the way you’ve handled your duties. It can’t have been easy…’
I looked up at her expectantly.
Mrs S drummed her fingers on the desk. ‘As I told you, it was only ever a temporary position…’
I smiled. Here it came.
‘…and a new lady’s maid has been appointed. However, I have just had a letter from the woman’s sister. It seems that she is seriously ill and will not be able to take up the appointment, at least for some weeks, or it may even be longer. As you can imagine this has put us in a very difficult position. The family is about to depart for London for the season, and there isn’t time now to find a replacement.’
Mrs S was looking at me as if she was hoping that I’d jump up and say, I’ll do the job. No, I’d let her say it.
‘Her ladyship has suggested you remain in the post for now. Miss Penelope has been consulted and is happy for you to remain her maid.’
But what about me? Why weren’t my wishes consulted?
‘Of course in London you will not be expected to carry out any housemaid’s duties,’ Mrs Smithson added.
‘It is just temporary then, Mrs Smithson?’ I said, seeking confirmation. She must have seen how my face had fallen. It was the last thing I wanted.
‘It is just temporary.’
‘Very well
.’ I didn’t seem to have any choice.
‘It will be an excellent training for you.’
But I don’t want to be a lady’s maid. How many times do I have to spell it out?
‘Everyone speaks very highly of you, and I know that Miss Penelope in particular will be pleased. London is unfamiliar to her and coming out is an important moment in a young lady’s life. It will be a great help to her to have you looking after her.’
What about my life? I felt like crying. Why did no one ever bother about the lives of us downstairs? I wished I had the courage to tell them to stuff their stupid job. Ivy would have. She’d have got up and walked out, head held high. But I was no Ivy. And besides, what would I do? How would I support myself? I stood up, the interview over. As I walked back along the passage to the maids’ sitting room, I thought about what I’d been offered. I didn’t want to go on being Miss P’s maid, but maybe it was as well that I’d be away from Langdown for a time. Ever since our row the night of the ball, Sarah and I had hardly spoken. Maybe things would have blown over by the time I got back.
I sat down, resting my head on my hand. London! At least that was something to look forward to. I’d never been there. It would be exciting to spend some weeks in a great city.
‘Penny for them.’ I looked up to see that Ivy had flopped down on the sofa beside me.
‘I’m staying on as Miss P’s maid for now,’ I grumbled. ‘The new lady’s maid is ill and there’s no one else.’
‘Well that’s a piece of good news,’ said Ivy. ‘Then you’ll be going to London. So am I! It’ll be fun. We can see the sights on our afternoons off.’
‘I’ve never been to London,’ I said.
Ivy was in a dream. ‘And we’ll take in a show or two.’
‘I won’t be able to do that,’ I grumbled. ‘I’ll be waiting hand and foot on her ladyship.’
‘Miss Penelope? She’ll be out in the evenings, won’t she?’