by Sue Reid
‘Take me down,’ I said coldly. I felt the plane begin to descend. The ground was coming closer. I was angry and upset and hardly noticed the bump of landing. David’s hands leaned across me to unstrap my belt. ‘I can manage,’ I said coolly. ‘Thank you for the flight, David. It was an experience I won’t forget.’
He laughed. ‘Please will you think about it?’ he said. ‘I promise that you wouldn’t regret it. It would be fun – a lot of fun.’
He gave me his hand to help me out. I took it reluctantly, dropping it as soon as I could. I wanted to be on my own, to think about the extraordinary proposal I’d just had, but as soon as I’d climbed down from the plane I was surrounded by a horde of eager guests. How did it feel, what could you see, would you do it again? As I answered their questions, I found myself wondering what they would think if they knew I’d just had a proposal. If I’d accepted it, David would now be telling them I was to be his wife. What a way to announce it! The daring young pilot whom no girl could resist. I felt almost sure that that was what he’d planned – it would appeal to his sense of showmanship. He wouldn’t have had the least idea I might turn him down.
David jumped down and the crowd that had surrounded me now surged over to him.
Flo touched my arm. ‘You were very brave,’ she said. ‘What was it like?’
‘Wonderful,’ I said flatly. And it had been – until David had spoilt it by proposing. I looked back – so many people were pressed around David that I could only just make out his dark head. Now that I had proved it was safe, no doubt he was being pestered to take others up, too. Arabella was gazing up at him adoringly. David would have more luck with her. She wouldn’t care how he proposed. It would be a yes as soon as the words were out of his mouth.
Leaving them all crowded around the young pilot I stalked away. There was only one place I wanted to be. On my own. Flo hurried along by my side. ‘Is anything wrong, Polly?’
We reached the house. On the steps I stopped. ‘Flo, I just want to be alone.’
She looked hurt. ‘I’m sorry, Flo,’ I said. I hesitated. I hadn’t intended to tell her about David’s proposal, but maybe I should, and maybe she would tell her brother that he was wasting his time. ‘Flo, I have something to tell you,’ I said. ‘Let’s find somewhere quiet.’ I opened the door to the drawing room, looking round it to make sure that we were alone. We were. All the guests were outside still, crowded round David’s plane. David had caused a sensation. It was a party none of them were likely to forget. We sat down on a sofa, side by side.
‘What do you want to tell me, Polly?’ Flo asked.
‘David proposed to me – in the plane,’ I said.
‘In the plane?’ Flo repeated, as if she wasn’t sure she’d heard what I’d said.
‘Yes.’
‘He proposed. He actually proposed?’
‘Yes, Flo.’
She looked at me. Please tell me you didn’t accept him.
‘I didn’t accept him, but he asked me to think about it. He was very determined.’
There. I had told her the truth, though I hadn’t told her all of it. That I would never marry him, however long I thought about it, however many times he asked me.
She gazed at me. ‘Polly, it is not my business, but you know what I think about David.’
‘I do.’
‘So?’
I shrugged.
‘So you might marry him?’ She looked at me in disbelief. It would be better for her if she did believe that I was considering David’s proposal. Then perhaps the blind would drop from her eyes and she’d know me for what I was – a rebel. That I’d never be like her, or her brother. That she had made a mistake if she thought that I could ever grow to love Ferdy.
‘Flo, how can I tell you what I might or might not do. David’s proposal came as a surprise. I can’t make decisions about my future just like that.’
‘I’m glad that you told me, Polly,’ Flo said earnestly. ‘It means that we are friends – true friends.’ She gave my arm a little squeeze. A big smile spread over her face. Then there is still hope for my brother. I gave up then. She could be as wilfully blind as she liked, I’d said all that I was going to say. I got up. I could see that some of the guests were making their way back to the house, and I could hear Uncle’s loud voice outside the door.
‘They’re back. Flo, I don’t want to talk to them. I’d like to be alone now for a while.’
She gave me a serious look. ‘Will you tell me what you decide?’
‘Of course I will.’
She gave me a little kiss. ‘You know, I still hope that one day we may be sisters.’
I just smiled. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her that we would never be that. And that it had nothing to do with what I said to David.
I opened the drawing room door and made a dash for the stairs before anyone saw me and tried to waylay me. I had told Flo the truth when I’d said I’d wanted to be on my own. It was still only eleven o’clock and lunch would not be served for another two hours. Surely no one would miss me if I kept to my chamber. And my chamber was almost the only place where I knew I’d be safe from David and Ferdy. I sat on the bed. I had a problem and I didn’t know what to do. Two young men were eager to marry me. But I didn’t want to marry either of them. There was only one person I did want, but he hadn’t asked me.
I was so lost in my thoughts that I was surprised to hear Baxter’s knock. My anger at David had subsided and I even felt a tiny flicker of pride. I’d had a proposal – in my very first season. And, whatever Flo thought, I knew that any number of girls would have been eager to accept David’s proposal.
‘Yes, what is it, Baxter?’ I said.
‘Didn’t you hear it, Miss Polly? The gong has gone for lunch.’
Was it that time already? I leapt up.
‘Sit down and let me do your hair, miss. It’s a bit wild.’
I dabbed at it vaguely. ‘Is it?’
‘Yes, miss, sit down and I’ll do it properly for you.’
I sat down obediently at the dressing table. I looked at myself in the mirror. Baxter was right. It was a bit wild. Flo was too well bred to have said anything, of course, but neither had anyone else. It was as if the morning’s excitement had banished such important matters as appearance from our minds.
I felt Baxter’s nimble fingers take out the pins that should have held my hair in place.
‘What happened to it, miss?’ she said.
‘Did you see the plane, Baxter?’ I asked.
She smiled. ‘Yes, Miss Polly, I saw it come down and then go up again – more than once, too. Someone said that the pilot was one of the guests.’
‘It was. He took me up. I got a bit windblown, I expect.’
‘Miss Polly!’ Baxter gasped.
‘You should try it, Baxter,’ I said, as if to fly in a plane was the sort of thing you did every day.
‘You’d never get me up in one of those things, thank you, miss!’ Baxter shuddered.
As soon as she had finished I hastened downstairs, slipping into the dining room just as the door was closing. I’d wanted to enter without anyone noticing but by being late I’d made myself conspicuous. Everyone looked up. There was one vacant place – next to Ferdy, of course. But beyond asking if I had everything I wanted, Ferdy was too nervous to say much to me. David, I was relieved to see, was at the far end of the table, on one side of Arabella. She shot me a triumphant glance, and I felt sure she had arranged for him to sit next to her. I amused myself wondering what she’d think if she knew that David had proposed to me. He was paying her a lot of attention. As we sipped our coffee afterwards I heard her say that she had enjoyed her flight enormously – and how she was longing to fly again. It had certainly added to her popularity. A group of guests not brave enough to fly had gathered round her. I wished I could think of an excuse to leave – I was weary of hearing her boast. But when a footman came to tell us that the horses were ready, if we’d like to make our way to the stabl
es, I was in a quandary. I’d told Baxter to put out my riding clothes, but now I found I couldn’t bear it if Fred saw Ferdy and me together again. When Ferdy came up to me, as I knew he would, I told him I was too weary to ride. He did his best to hide his disappointment. ‘I’m sorry,’ I said. ‘Please make my excuses.’
‘I wi-wi-will, of course, Miss Penelope,’ he said.
As the party began to break up, I picked up a book. David had remained behind, too, and I prayed he wouldn’t pester me again. But I needn’t have worried. He had settled himself down near Arabella, leaning over the back of her chair and laughing at her remarks. If it was an attempt to pique me it failed.
I kept my head in my book, turning the pages as if I was very interested in it, but I could hardly focus on it at all. My boredom was intense, and I felt my resentment grow. If it weren’t for them, I’d have been on Starshine now, riding across the fields, Fred by my side. I put the book down. After the big lunch I was beginning to feel sleepy. I felt my eyelids droop.
When I opened my eyes again, I saw that most of the guests had departed and the room was quiet except for the chatter of some of the older guests. I must have fallen asleep.
I glanced at the clock; it was almost time for tea. I still felt sleepy. A walk in the fresh air would wake me up. I had just time for a stroll before the riders returned.
Sam, the hall boy, opened the door for me and I walked down the steps. At the bottom I turned right, rather than left, to the ornamental gardens. There I ran no risk of running into returning riders, and I could avoid Ferdy’s unwelcome attentions for a little while longer. I strolled along a winding gravel path that led to the Elizabethan knot garden. It was pleasant there, and there was a stone bench I could sit on and look out across the gardens to the rolling hills beyond.
I turned into the knot garden. The bench was already occupied. David and Arabella were sitting on it side by side. David was whispering something in Arabella’s ear, then he took her face in both hands and gave her a kiss.
They couldn’t have heard my gasp, but they must have felt my presence. They both looked up. David flushed red, but he quickly recovered himself. I saw a slow smile spread over Arabella’s face. So – you see that it is not just you who has admirers. Let her savour this moment while she could; it wouldn’t be for long. I walked up to them.
‘You can forget your proposal of marriage, David,’ I said.
I glanced at Arabella. She looked stunned, but nothing it seemed could disturb her composure for long. She gave a little laugh. ‘Surely you don’t think I care?’ she said, but I saw her shift slightly away from David.
‘No,’ I said, ‘I don’t think you do. I don’t think you care about anyone – either of you.’
I turned on my heel.
‘Wait!’ David said.
I turned back, expecting a plea for forgiveness, or at least some sign that he felt sorry. But he was smiling. How could he!
‘Surely you don’t object to a little harmless flirtation?’
What had he said? I shivered, as if a cold blast of air had suddenly swept through me. I felt as if I had seen into his heart, and I knew, as clearly as if he had told me, what marriage to him would truly be like.
‘Do you really think I’d consider marrying you now!’ We were talking to each other as if Arabella didn’t exist. She looked at me with hate. I felt sure that she’d never forgive me.
‘We’ll see, shall we?’ His eyes looked into mine. I felt as if he’d thrown down a challenge, but I had no intention of picking it up.
‘Flirt with whom you like, David, it means nothing to me,’ I said. I turned quickly away from them. I heard him laugh.
I walked on, hardly knowing where I was. I had to try to calm myself before I could go in to tea. At least I no longer needed to bother about David – heartless David. Flo had been right about him, and I had been right when I’d said that they didn’t care about anyone but themselves. They suited each other.
I made my way into the drawing room. The footmen were laying out trays on tables with steaming teapots and china cups. Aunt saw me and beckoned me to her side. ‘You haven’t been riding, Penelope?’
I shook my head. ‘I was too tired. But I’ve been out in the fresh air and I feel better now.’ I sat down beside her. She gave me a searching look. Did the strain I still felt show on my face?
‘How did you enjoy your flight?’ she asked.
‘Very much. He is a capable pilot, and I felt quite safe.’
Aunt gave me another thoughtful look. Was she trying to draw me out? She must have observed David’s attentions to me. But if she had she wasn’t inclined to explore further.
‘If I hadn’t thought so, I’d never have let you up with him,’ was all she said.
The footmen moved amongst us, handing out teacups and plates. David and Arabella had still not returned. A tiny frown settled on Aunt’s face. ‘Did you see Arabella while you were out?’ she asked. ‘She should be here to help me look after our guests. I wonder…’ She glanced up at the clock. ‘Yes, she should be here by now.’
‘She may have forgotten the time,’ I suggested. ‘She was in the garden earlier.’
‘It seems that she has,’ Aunt said, dryly. She got up and tugged the bellrope. Barrett answered at once. I wondered what Aunt was saying to him. ‘Be so good as to send a servant to the garden to inform Miss Arabella that it is time for tea.’ What would Aunt say if they were found together? I’d like to see Arabella attempt to explain herself. What sweet revenge that would be!
I finished my cup of tea. Aunt had drifted away to talk to Lady Waterlow, and Flo took her seat by my side. ‘You didn’t ride then?’ she asked me.
‘No,’ I said, toying with my teacup. ‘I didn’t feel like riding this afternoon.’
I said it in such a way that she wouldn’t say anything more. I looked around at the guests, idly chatting and gossiping as they sipped their cups of tea. Was this all that life was to hold for me? Just this – day after day? For ever? I felt panic rise inside me again. I felt trapped – a bird in a gilded cage. Was this how Mother had felt? No wonder she had fled.
‘Doesn’t all this bore you, Flo?’ I found myself saying suddenly.
She looked bewildered. ‘I don’t understand.’
No, I thought, you don’t. Marjorie would. She would understand how wrong I felt among these people. I gave Flo a rueful smile. ‘I’m sorry, Flo, I’m not myself today.’
‘Well, you had a proposal this morning, Polly. It would be surprising if you didn’t feel … well … unsettled,’ she said gently.
‘I’m not going to marry him, Flo,’ I said. Oh, what made me say that? Flo was beaming at me as if I’d handed her a present. Did she truly think that I’d turned David down for her brother? And here he was, sidling up to us, flushed and hopeful. I put my cup down. ‘I … I have something I have to do. Excuse me.’ I made a dash for the door. I’d been rude, but I didn’t care. I was halfway to the stairs when a door off the hall opened. Arabella was standing there. Her eyelids were red and swollen. I could see that she had been crying. I’d never seen Arabella cry before. I didn’t think she knew how.
‘You,’ she said. ‘How could you?’
‘It is David you should blame, not me,’ I said.
She dabbed at her eyes with a handkerchief. ‘That wasn’t what I meant. You told Mother where I was.’
Her moist eyes glared accusingly at me.
I felt a glimmer of guilt. But I banished it. I couldn’t forget how often she’d gloated over me, the numerous petty unkindnesses. ‘She asked if I had seen you,’ I said coldly. I could feel my dislike of her increase with every second I stood there.
‘Why did you come here?’ she said. ‘Why didn’t you stay in – in India?’ She spat out the word as if it tasted unpleasant.
‘I didn’t choose to come here,’ I said, stepping back up the stairs. We were standing a good few yards apart, but it wasn’t far enough for me. Her resentment seemed to breath
e at me from every corner – to be woven into the very fabric of the house itself. I remembered how unwelcoming I’d always found it. So much of that was to do with Arabella. ‘I’d leave today, if I could.’
‘Oh you would, would you?’ she said. ‘I don’t think so.’ Her cold grey eyes glinted maliciously.
I fought down the panic that threatened to overcome me. She was guessing. She couldn’t know about Fred and me. It was power Arabella sought, power over me. I kept my face as still as I could. I would not let her see how I felt.
‘Arabella,’ I said at last, ‘if you have something to say, say it.’
She smiled – again, that cold reptilian smile. The snake bites only when it is threatened or afraid. We held each other’s eyes. It was Arabella who dropped hers first. She gave a little laugh and walked away. I looked after her departing back. I wanted to go to the window, and fling it open to blow away the malice I felt all around me. I went slowly on up the stairs. I felt exhausted, as if I’d fought a battle. Arabella I knew would never forgive me. She stored up insults the way others stored compliments.
What was I to do? If I married Ferdy… I tried to imagine myself as Ferdy’s wife. Ferdy was good and kind, and I would never have to see Arabella again. But it was hopeless. I just couldn’t imagine it at all. I couldn’t marry Ferdy, just to escape from Arabella. There was only one person I wanted to be with – but the prospect of that seemed further away than ever.
UPSTAIRS
‘Miss P-Penelope?’
I wheeled round at the sound of Ferdy’s voice. ‘Yes, what is it?’ I said, trying to keep the impatience out of my voice. I was weary of the way he’d been following me about, like a puppy behind its master. How could I ever have thought I could marry him?
‘I-I have something I want to say to you…’ He looked almost as if he was in tears as he struggled for words. ‘A-a-alone, please.’
It was coming. I felt sure of it. He was going to propose. I had hoped to spare him this. I’d said nothing to encourage him. He must know what my answer would be.