sometimes following you dreams means breaking your heart

by Claire Gough

  Even though you won’t let me show it, I know you feel it. It’s there. I know it.

  We have these rules, that’s our pact, but I know it’s broken. That’s a fact.

  The strength I see inside I wish you knew.

  Somehow, it flows ‘til I’m strong, too.

  It’s electric, this thing with you and me.

  Even when we both denied it,

  It’s electricity.

  Electricity.”

  Tears slowly spill out of the corners of my eyes as Cole sings Fin's words. Words he wrote about me. I look at Fin, who’s smiling, mouthing along. That makes it all real for me. He really did write this. These are his words.

  I listen to Cole tell the story of me and Fin. It’s our whole week together in a song, from how I denied this connection we have to the jealousy he felt when he punched that guy in the face. He’s even managed to put in lyrics about how he told me the biggest secret he has—his name. I smile through my tears.

  God, Mitchell Finnley. How have you done this to me?

  The guys move on to a couple more of their own songs, but to be honest, it’s all a blur to me after hearing my song. I do know they finish their set with “Livin’ on a Prayer” by Bon Jovi. My tears have dried, but the swell of my heart is very much still there.

  Cole steps up to the mic again. “Thank you, everyone, and good night!”

  I watch Mitch stand from behind the drums as everyone in the room starts talking amongst themselves. He walks over to Cole and shakes his hand, saying something before moving to speak to Jay. He then moves to Brad and rests his hand on his shoulder. Brad nods. When Fin leaves the stage, his eyes lock on mine. He looks a little apprehensive, so I stand and meet him halfway. He looks down at me as I stop in front of him. I slide my hands up his chest and around his neck, kissing him softly. I feel his arms wrap around me and hold my body to his. The heat coming off him right now is scorching. I pull away slowly.

  “Thank you,” I whisper. I grasp his hand and start to pull him toward our table. Mitch stays standing, so I do to the same, frowning.

  He leans toward my ear. “I made a deal with the guys. They are packing my kit for me so we can leave early.” He steps back to read my face.

  “We’re leaving now?” I ask, looking up at him.

  He smiles sweetly. “Yeah, now…if that’s okay.”

  I smirk at him. I’m not going to argue. I pick up his leather jacket

  and hand it to him, then grab my own jacket and my bag.

  “I guess we’re leaving,” I inform Bee. She gives me a knowing smile. “I’ll text you later.” I kiss her on the cheek before following Fin into the cold night air.

  “So…,” I say, my voice breaking as we walk hand in hand.

  “So…”

  “The guys have done you a few favours tonight,” I point out.

  He laughs. “Yeah. Cole definitely owed me a couple.”

  “Fin… When did you write that song?” I bite my lip.

  “I started it Monday night as I sat in the window seat, waiting for you.” He laughs. “I finished it Friday. When I talked to Cole on Saturday, we spent about twenty minutes sorting out our differences. Afterward, I asked the guys for help putting music to my words. They all helped get the song ready for tonight. That’s why we had practice yesterday, so we could hear how it sounded.”

  “I can’t believe you did that for me.”

  “I’d do more if I could. You mean a lot to me, Lexi. I knew you wouldn’t let me say it, so I thought I’d let Cole sing it instead.” He grins, seemingly happy with himself.

  He's right. I’m scared if either of us puts words to how we feel, it will break me even more when he leaves.

  “So… Did you like your song?” he asks, sounding nervous. I think my opinion actually means something to him, especially on this subject.

  “I loved it, Mitch.” I squeeze his hand and snuggle into his arm as we walk.

  “It just proved to me this thing I feel when I’m around you isn’t one-sided. You feel it, too, and electricity is exactly the word I’ve been calling it in my head.”

  I look up and see him grinning down at me. “The song is amazing.”

  “Cole’s going to have a word with a guy at the pub about maybe doing another gig Wednesday.”

  I look at him, trying not to get my hopes up. At the end of the day, we've already been thrown one lifeline. To expect another might be too much.

  “That sounds great,” I say, trying not to sound too hopeful. I’ll give anything to keep him with me just a few more minutes, let alone a whole day.

  I walk into my bedroom. I feel nervous, excited, anxious, and on edge. This could possibly be my last night with Mitch. I do what I usually do when I’m in here—turn on all the fairy lights.

  Mitch stands by the door, his face serious. I think he also realises this might be our last night together. I place my bag on the bedside table and sit on the bed to take off my boots. Fin sits next to me to take off his shoes. I watch him the whole time. He doesn’t seem like himself. He stands up and walks over to my dresser. He has his phone in one hand, the other running through his hair.

  “Are you okay?” I ask in a small voice. I stand and slide off my leather jacket, placing it on top of his on the back of the chair.

  He blows out a breath. “Yeah, I guess. I’m just realising this might be our last night together.”

  The pain in his eyes knocks me back a bit. He presses a button on his phone and places it on my dresser. I give a small smile when I recognise the track. “Where I Belong”. This is why he didn’t want me drinking tonight. He wanted me to remember every second of our last night together.

  “My Lexi,” he whispers, wrapping my arms around his neck. I just stare up at him, unable to speak, unable to breathe properly. His hands glide around me, holding me tightly. He starts to sway to the music. I look into his eyes. Dark brown. I need to make them my golden colour. As if reading my mind, he bends down, touching his lips to mine. The electricity shoots through my chest. His lips are so soft and gentle on mine, as if I might break under the pressure. His tongue enters my mouth, massaging mine. I moan, making him deepen it.

  He slowly pulls away as we sway. I smile. There it is. Golden brown. When he pulls my body closer, I trail my hands down to the top of his shirt. He watches my every move as I slowly start undoing the buttons, then glide my hands up his bare chest to his shoulders, leaving a trail of goosebumps on his skin. I push his shirt off, making it puddle on the floor behind him.

  I wrap my arms around his neck once more, his hands taking their place back on my hips. I feel the heat coming from him. He leans down his lips grazing mine gently, then moves to my neck. He grasps the zip on the back of dress, pulling it down, making me shiver. He looks at me as he pushes the dress down my shoulders and to the floor. I keep my eyes on his as I step out of it. He grasps my waist again. I trail my fingertips over his chest, down his stomach, his breath catching under my light touch. When I reach the waistband of his jeans, I watch my hands as I undo the button, then look up at him under heavy lashes. He smiles slightly and leans down for another kiss. His tongue gently parts my lips, making me groan. If there was any doubt in my mind that I am his, that noise confirms it. I hook my thumbs into the waistband of his jeans and push them down. Mitch steps out of them and kicks them to the side, then pulls me to back him.

  He tangles one hand in my hair and tugs on it. His lips and tongue gliding over my skin, down my neck, then to my shoulder. I am completely intoxicated by him and his lips. I hold my breath, concentrating on the feeling of his warm lips on my skin. My hands grip his back just to keep me standing. His reaches for my bra, his fingers working the clasp effortlessly. I feel it come free. He takes a step back and gently slips the straps down my arms.

  When it falls to the floor, Mitch pulls me back to him, his lips connecting with mine. My hands rest on his arms, the ones that make me feel so safe and protected, wanted.

  “Alex�
�,” he breathes against my lips. I open my eyes to look at him. “Wrap your arms around my neck.” I frown up at him with a smile on my lips. I slowly wrap my arms around his neck.

  He scoops me into his arms, making me laugh and squeal at the same time.

  “Shush… You’ll wake your aunt,” he scolds with a chuckle.

  “Sorry,” I whisper loudly, still giggling as he carries me to my bed and lays me down, the song continuing to play on repeat.

  “Mitch, what are you up to?” I ask, biting my lip. He climbs onto the bed and kneels over me.

  “Well, it occurred to me…”

  I gasp as his fingers grasp the top of my underwear. He smirks. Slowly, he starts gliding them down as my heart speeds up.

  “If this is the last night we get to spend together, I should appreciate every single part of you.” He slips my underwear off, throwing it to the floor.

  “You have no idea how incredibly beautiful you are, Lexi. I just want to make sure I have appreciated every single part of your body, committing it to memory.” His words make my temperature rise. I’m sure he can feel the heat rolling off me.

  “And how do you plan on doing that?” I ask as his body covers mine and his lips instantly start to trail down my neck.

  “Well, for starters, I plan on kissing you all over.”

  I close my eyes. His voice is deep and sexy. I think I’m sinking into it. He takes my hand in his and gently puts my fingertips to his lips, then my palm. It’s such a sensual feeling. He gently glides his lips up my forearm. I feel each little kiss all over my body. I bite my lip and close my eyes.

  He moves to my shoulder, my chin, then my lips once more. I return the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. I feel him smile against my mouth, then he pulls away. He unwraps my arms from his neck softly placing his lips all down my other arm.

  His lips briefly return to mine, then move down my chin to my chest. He gently caresses around my nipple before taking it into his mouth. I groan at the sensation. He bites down gently, making me gasp.

  He takes my other nipple into his mouth, giving it the same attention. He’s driving me crazy. I want him so badly. He’s teasing me so bad right now, and he knows it…and is loving every minute of it.

  My eyes closed, I savour each and every sensation. I feel him shift and grasp my leg, his lips trailing up the inside of my thigh. I moan at the sensation as my back arches a little. My breathing getting faster as his lips move further up my thigh, until I hold my breath, waiting to feel where his kiss lands next. I feel his warm breath on my core as he pulls my legs farther apart, his lips landing on my clit, his tongue moving in slow, sensual circles.

  “My god, Mitch…”

  My hand slides along his shoulders and into his hair, grasping it, keeping his head there. His tongue working softly and slowly. He grips my thighs tighter as his tongue moves faster.

  “Jesus, Mitchell!” I grip tighter his hair as he teases me repeatedly with his tongue.

  “Lexi, you’re making it so hard. I still have your other leg to kiss yet.” He chuckles, but I am a panting mess. I feel him turn to the other leg, kissing the inside of my knee.

  My hands fall to the mattress heavily. He kisses the inside of my other knee and slowly moves up my thigh again. I don’t know how he's going so slowly right now. He obviously has more willpower than I do.

  He smirks as reaches my inner thigh again, his tongue gliding up my skin, his lips landing between my legs. My hands grasp his hair as his tongue slowly glides along my clit again.

  “Shit,” I gasp.

  Suddenly, I feel Mitch move off the bed. I open my eyes, seeing him slide out of his boxers.

  My god, he is incredible.

  Climbing back onto the bed, he smiles and puts his hand on my legs, pulling them apart as he crawls up my body. I lace my fingers in his hair and pull his lips to mine. He moans into my mouth. I feel his hand slide down the outside of my leg. He grips it, then wraps it around his waist. When I gasp, he pulls away, his eyes searching mine. His gaze moves to the bedside table and he reaches out to the drawer. I grab his arm.

  “Mitch, I’m on the pill,” I blurt out. I didn’t feel the need to tell him before because I didn’t think it was any of his business, but now?

  He studies me for a long second. “Lexi, I—”

  I shake my head, cutting him off. I know he's about to give me the regret speech again, but I don’t want to hear it. I’m sure I will never regret anything when it comes to him. I lift my head off the bed, pushing my lips to his shoulder. His eyes close under the soft touch. I grasp his hair and pull his head to the side, moving my lips roughly up the side of his neck to his chin.

  He turns his head back to face me and kisses me forcefully. I know he's still deciding whether to reach for the drawer. I wrap my other leg around him and hold him to me, hoping this convinces him. He rests his left elbow next to my head, his other hand gripping the outside of my thigh tightly as his lips still move fiercely on mine. With no more hesitation or warning he enters me.

  “Jesus, Mitchell,” I gasp. The feeling of him inside me is intoxicating.

  He rests his forehead on mine as his hips move slowly. His grip on my thigh tightens. I slide my hands down his back, I can feel the muscles tensing and relaxing. It’s such a turn-on to feel his amazing body working mine like this.

  He eyes lock with mine. “You are amazing, Lexi Duke,” he breathes out, then starts kissing my neck.

  My hands slide up his back and hook over his shoulders. I am committing this moment to memory—the feeling of his lips on my neck, his breath along my ear, the delicious feeling of him moving inside me. This moment is the most perfect thing I have ever experienced, and I don’t want to forget one second of it.

  “God, Lexi…”

  My body arches as he groans my name, his voice barely audible. He grips my thigh, keeping me in place as he flexes his hips. I slide my hands down his back, feeling every thrust. He releases my thigh, but I keep it around him. I don’t want to risk changing how this feels right now.

  “Mitch,” I practically squeal, my fingers clamping onto his back as the sensations become too much.

  His breathing changes as he moves faster, thrusting harder inside me. His lips crash into mine as I feel the delicious tremors start to build. My body arches as it falls over the edge.

  “Mitchell...,” I groan.

  I feel him tense, moaning, sexy tremors rippling through him. He rests his forehead on mine, panting. We both lie there and try to get our breathing under control. The only other sound in the room is his phone still playing on the dresser.

  “Lexi…” He shakes his head a little, looking like he wants to say something else.

  I close my eyes. “Yeah, I know,” I whisper, running my fingers up and down his hot skin. He grasps my hands and holds them next to my head. We both lie like this for a few moments, soaking in each other.

  “Lexi, your alarm.”

  My heart drops. Tuesday morning. We have been awake most of the night, taking advantage of our time together. Still, morning has come too soon, no matter how we tried to hide from it. His hand trails up and down my back.

  “I don’t want to move,” I say into his chest, planting kisses on it. His arm closes around me, stopping me from panicking.

  “I'll go and see Cole. You get ready for work. I’ll meet you in the kitchen.”

  He slides to the edge of the bed. I appreciate every inch of his skin, every single muscle and movement. I feel like I haven’t appreciated him enough…and now our time together is almost over.

  “Have my apron ready for me, okay?” He grins as he fastens the button on his jeans and puts his shirt back on. I know he's trying to make light of the situation, so I smile as best as I can. He slips out of the room. I pray to all the gods out there willing to listen to me that I get to keep him at least one more day.

  I make myself busy in the kitchen, but I have no clue what I’m doing. Luckily, it’s second nature to m
e. Glancing at the windowsill, I see the photo of my mom and me.

  “Mom… I wish you were here right now. I don’t know how to deal with this.”

  When I hear movement in the lounge, I quickly wipe my tears. My heart stops. I prevent myself from running out there. Instead, I get the juice and milk out of the fridge and top off the jugs to take out to the tables. My heart is in my throat as I walk through the kitchen door.

  I see Mitch sitting with Cole. When he looks up, I freeze at the expression on his face.

  It’s today.

  He’s leaving today.

  My heart sinks, breaking at the same time.

  “I’m sorry, Alex,” Cole says as I walk over.

  I can’t speak. The look on Mitch’s face has taken away that ability. Still sitting, he wraps his arm around me and rests his head on my hip.

  “We’re being sent to a recording studio to record an EP. We have to be there 2:00pm tomorrow,” Cole announces.

  Despite my heart breaking, I smile. I’m happy the band is finally on its way, just like Mitch wanted.

  “There was a guy at the gig last night who's pretty sure he wants to sign us,” Cole adds.

  I run my hand over Mitch's hair as his grip tightens. He looks up at me.

  “It was your song that clinched the deal,” he says in a soft voice.

  I smile. I am happy for him. He’s worked so hard, he deserves it. It’s weird how our connection to each other has moved us toward our dreams. It’s a shame those will also be the things to pull us apart. Being with Mitch this past week has given me the strength and the kick I need to achieve my own dream. And thinking of me made him write the song that might just get his band signed.

  Mitch clears his throat. “Come on. We have work to do.”

  He stands and grabs my hand, leading me toward the kitchen. I hand him his apron and watch him get to work like he’s always been here.

  I am determined to enjoy every last minute of our time together. This is one of those times I’m going to miss. Mitch in my apron, helping with breakfast. Neither of us has spoken about him leaving.