sometimes following you dreams means breaking your heart

by Claire Gough

  “Thank you.” I step back and smile my best fake smile. “Now go. Don’t keep James waiting.” I grasp her shoulders and turn her toward the door.

  “You sure you’re going to be okay?”

  “Of course. My sign’s coming.”

  She walks backwards until she’s out the kitchen door. I wait until I hear the front door close, then my face falls. I look at my mother’s smiling face in the photo.

  “When does it get easier, Mom?” I ask. It’s never gotten easier losing my parents. Will it ever get easier losing Mitch? The way I feel now, even three months down the line, I doubt it. It still feels as fresh as the day I stood and watched him leave.

  Once the kitchen is clean, I walk down to my room. Even though Mitch has never been in this one, everything reminds me of him. That’s my fault for painting the main wall in here gold to match his eyes. I know that’s so stupid, but I love that colour and I wanted to hold onto it. I’m still not sure I got it right.

  I make my way to the dresser and my secret drawer. I open it and smile, tears in my eyes. I pull out Mitch’s green t-shirt I wore the first night I spent with him. I lift it to my face and inhale deeply. I can still faintly smell his aftershave on it.

  God, I miss him so much.

  “Hello? Miss?” I hear a male voice from upstairs.

  I quickly shove the t-shirt back into the drawer, setting it on top of Mitch’s letter and CD, and slam it shut.

  “Coming!” I shout and jog back up to the lobby.

  “Sorry we’re early. We’re here to fit your sign,” a large, bald fellow with a grey beard says, smiling.

  I smile. “Perfect.”

  I have been waiting for this exact moment for years. I’ve been standing here for the past hour. I signed the paperwork, making a lame excuse not to go rushing out to look at the sign right away. Instead, I stood and watched them leave. I’m still standing in the lounge. I’m scared. I look at the clock. They left forty minutes ago, but I still haven’t been able to walk out there.

  “Come on, Alex. This is what you’ve been waiting for!” I scold myself, wringing my hands.

  Okay, let’s do this.

  I open the door, the breeze hitting me straight away. I shiver. I slowly walk down the drive, my heart beating in my ears. I haven’t felt my heart beat quite like this in three months. I take a few deep breaths, then slowly turn.

  Oh, my god! It’s real!

  Tears fill my eyes as I look up. The background of the huge sign that runs across the top of the lounge window is red, the writing white. I rest my hands on my hips and bite my lip. I never thought I’d see this day. I’m physically and mentally worn out. I’ve been working toward this for most of my life!

  This is for you, Mom and Dad. This is for the best ten years I could have wished for with you. I hope you’re proud of me and you can share in it as I fill it with happiness on your behalf.

  I let out a huge sigh. It’s all been worth it. The hard work isn’t over now, though. In fact, it’s just starting. In exactly one week, I have my first guests.

  “I heard you might be looking for some help.” I hear a voice behind me.

  Every single hair on my body stands on end. I feel a familiar tingling in my chest as I slowly turn around. My breathing stops.

  “Mitch?” I whisper, my eyes filling with tears.

  This can’t be real. Have I imagined him? Have I thought about him hard enough that I’ve actually dreamed him into existence?

  Wait. His hair is a little bit longer. If this were a dream or a memory, how would I imagine his hair longer?

  He's leaning against his car parked at the bottom of the drive, his arms folded across his chest, crooked smile firmly in place. He's in a white t-shirt, black jeans, and boots. God, he looks gorgeous. More gorgeous than my memory ever remembered.

  He glances up at the sign. “I hate to tell you this, Lexi, but I think it’s crooked.” He smiles cheekily. I know I should laugh, but I’m still in shock.

  “Mitch… How… Why…” I slowly walk toward him. I glance around, wincing. “I’m sorry. I mean, Fin.”

  He shakes his head, standing straight as I reach him. “No, it’s Mitch.” I can smell him, my whole body reacting to him right away.

  I know there are so many things I should say or do. Instead, I throw my arms around his neck and crash my lips to his. Yes, he is definitely real. His arms circle my waist and hold me tightly. I feel the familiar warmth and electricity running through me once more. It feels incredible! I slide my hands down to rest on his chest, feeling his heart pounding against my palm.

  I slowly pull away and look into those gorgeous eyes I have missed so much. The gold colour of my room doesn’t compare at all.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have done that.” I’m not sorry at all.

  “Why?” he asks, frowning, his arms still around me.

  “You might be with someone else now.” I start to blush. I probably should have controlled myself a bit better.

  “Not a chance, Lexi. There hasn’t been anyone.”

  Not wanting to show my relief, I glance at the ground, then back at him. “How are you here?”

  “I’m back and I’m staying…if you'll have me.” His arms drop from around me, then he nervously tucks his hands into his pockets.

  I smile, even though my heart doesn’t want to believe his words. He can’t stay. He has a life somewhere else. I can’t let myself start to believe he's back. It will break me to say goodbye to him again.

  “What?” I frown.

  “Well, a little bird told me... Well, more like a little Bee told me that you’re opening in a week.” He smirks.

  Bloody Bailey! I’ll kill her…wait, or will I?

  “Bailey told you?” I ask, already knowing the answer.

  “Yeah. Bee and I have talked off and on for three months. She’s kept me filled in on a few things. I asked her to keep an eye on you for me. Please, forgive her and me. I just couldn't leave and not know how you’re doing, Lex.” Tears fill my eyes. I’d be angry at them both if it weren’t so sweet.

  “This whole time?”

  He smirks. “Yeah. I know quite a bit. I know you officially moved in here a week ago. I know you haven’t drank since the night you got drunk at that club. I know you sometimes sleep in the t-shirt I left with you.” He raises a brow.

  “Great.” I laugh. He knows everything, but I haven’t gotten a clue about his life the past three months.

  “And Bee also told me that the day I drove off, before I even got to the end of the street, you said—”

  “I loved you.”

  He smiles. God, I have missed that smile so much. I slide my arms around his neck. The electricity is still there, the same as it always has been.

  “I should have told you before you left, but it seemed so stupid. I only knew you for a week. It’s been three months, but nothing has changed, Mitch.” He wraps his arms around me again, smiling down at me. “I love you, Mitchell Finnley.” It feels so good to finally say it out loud.

  He closes his eyes, like he's been waiting the entire three months to hear those words. “I love you, too, Lexi.”

  He leans down. When his lips touch mine, it’s like a shot to the heart. My whole body feels alive again, like I’ve been living a black-and-white life since he left and now everything is in colour again. My body melts into his. He slowly pulls away from me.

  “I don’t care how long you’re here this time. I needed you to know how I felt.” I bite my lip.

  “Lexi, I meant what I said. I am here for good, if you'll have me.

  “How?”

  “You really want to have this conversation here?” He smiles, looking around, then back at me.

  “No. Come on in and see what I’ve done to the place.” I slide my hand into his and lead him up the steps.

  “Coffee?” I ask as I move to the work surface that holds my mugs. I feel Mitch’s hands slide around me from behind, pressing me against the counter.

&
nbsp; “God, I’ve missed you, Lexi,” he breathes into my ear. He moves my hair to one side and kisses my neck, then my shoulder. It feels so good to have his lips on my skin again. I feel his body heat. I can’t take it anymore.

  I turn around in his arms and face him. He bends down, our lips connecting. My hands tangle in his hair as his tongue meets mine. I groan into his mouth

  I pull away quickly. “Emergency stop!”

  He laughs, but I need space. It’s been so long, and his touch is really intoxicating. It wipes everything else from my mind, but I have so many questions right now.

  “Good call,” he says. “I’ll make us coffee.” He moves around the kitchen just as easily as he did in The Driftwood. I watch him, a smile on my face.

  I sit in the lounge and wait, letting my heart recover a little.

  Mitch brings two cups to my window seat. I haven’t sat here yet, but I like it. This will be my new favourite place. I stare at Mitch, waiting for him to explain. He sits on one of my new breakfast chairs. I’m just glad it didn’t collapse because I built those myself.

  “Where do I start?” he asks.

  “Well, how about how can you be here to stay?”

  “I’m only here to stay if you want me?”

  Oh, my god. That has to be the stupidest thing he's ever said. I will always want him!

  “But the guys… The band… Your job…”

  “I got made redundant from my job as soon as we got back, which didn’t bother me. I took it and tried to concentrate on the band. I really did, Alex.” I sip my coffee, my eyes fixed on him. “The band is doing really well.”

  “If the band’s doing well, why are you here?”

  He takes a sip of his coffee, then puts it down. He looks at me, like he doesn’t know how to say what he needs to say next.

  “The first thing you need to realise is the band getting signed was never my dream. It was Cole’s. I just went along with it because the guys were all I had. I couldn’t go back to my parents in Suffolk, so the guys became my family.” He sighs. “Bee said you read my letter?” I nod. “I meant what I said. You are the only thing that has felt like home to me since I was nineteen.”

  I gulp my hot coffee, burning my throat all the way down.

  “I tried to carry on with the band. I’ve written so many songs since I left. No matter how many I wrote or how many gigs we played, all I could think about was you.”

  I blink at him, pretty sure I’m dreaming. I’m scared to say anything, but above all else, I am scared to let myself believe this. If it isn’t true, it’s going to break me. I can’t say goodbye to him again. I just can’t.

  “The guys have a great new drummer. His name’s Tom. Nice guy, talented. I helped with the auditions.” He smiles. I wish I could return it, but he’s just told me he’s stepped down from the band for what? Me? That’s too much pressure! It’s not like I can talk him out of it. They’ve already found a replacement. I know he’s done it this way because if he would had told me all this first, I would have tried my hardest to keep him with the guys, with his family.

  “But you write all their songs.”

  He nods. “And I have already signed a contract to keep writing songs for them. I get royalties for each one they record. I’m sure the money from that could come in handy around here.” He looks around the lounge. “You’ve done a great job, Lexi. The place looks great.”

  I blink, frowning. He has thought all this through.

  “Wait. This is too much to take in.” I stand, running my hands through my hair.

  “Lexi, I knew if I told you any of this before, you would have tried to stop me. You have to believe me. This is what I want.”

  I look at him and run my hands through my hair again. There is nothing more I want than to keep him with me, but it feels like too much. I get my B&B and my happily ever after with the guy of my dreams? What’s the catch?

  “You’re really here to stay?” I ask, my voice shaking.

  He stands, walking toward me. “I'll say it one more time, Alex. I’m here to stay, but only if you want me.”

  I look up at him, helpless under the weight of those golden eyes. “This is going to be so much hard work, Mitch. Hard work that you never asked for, that you never wanted.”

  “I want you, Alexis. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to be with you. I want to be here with you. I would love to help you run this place, be by your side.”

  “But it’s not what you—”

  “Alex,” he sighs, interrupting. “I’ve had time to think about this and it is what I want. I want to be here. I want to be with you, if…you…want…me.”

  I look up and study those lips, those eyes, that stubble that’s just the right length, as always.

  “Then I think...I’ll always want you, Mitch.”

  He closes his eyes, a soft smile on his lips. “Thank you,” he breathes.

  His lips close over mine. I finally let all my defences down. I don’t have to protect my feelings with him. He’s here and he's mine. I wrap my arms around him, pulling his body to mine. Needing to feel his skin, I slide my hands under the back of his white t-shirt. He groans into my mouth. I grip his back to hold myself up. It’s been three months since he's kissed me like this. I feel like my legs could give way at any minute.

  I pull away, grasping his hand and tugging him toward the door.

  “Where are we going?” he asks, a mischievous smile on his lips.

  “Our room. You’re going to love the colour,” I say as I pull him into the living quarters and into our new life together.

  “I’m so glad you turned up a week before opening day,” I say, looking for something suitable to wear for my short trip from our bedroom to the kitchen.

  “Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Mitch rolls over to face me. The sheet draped over his naked body is dangerously close to revealing more. If it does, I doubt I'll be leaving the room to go cook.

  “Well, you’ve only been here one night and I think I’ve gotten all of two hours’ sleep.” I slip into shorts and a vest top, which I grabbed from the floor.

  “Complaining, Miss Duke?”

  I smile. “Nope. Not one bit. I'm just glad I have a whole week of this before guests show up and interrupt it.”

  He grins and rolls onto his back, revealing a little more of that gorgeous V-shape that I love so much. I’m now willing the sheets to move.

  “Now, I can’t offer you the first cooked breakfast in the new kitchen, Bee robbed that title yesterday, but I can offer you the second,” I say, pulling my hair back into a loose ponytail.

  “Deal.”

  “Then we'll unpack your car and get you moved in.”

  “Perfect.” He watches me slip out of our room.

  I sing along to the radio as I finish Mitch's breakfast. I heard a door opening and closing, but he hasn’t walked into the kitchen yet. I start to turn around to shout that breakfast is ready, but I see him standing in the doorway, already showered and dressed, his arms behind his back.

  “I think you’re going to need this,” he says, presenting me with my old pink apron from The Driftwood.

  “You kept it?” I grin slowly, taking it out his hands.

  “Of course. I only took it because I was planning to bring it up and return it myself before you opened. I didn’t know I would be staying, though.” He slides his arms around me as I run my hand over the apron.

  “I can’t wait to see you in it again,” I say, smiling up at him.

  He laughs. “And I can’t wait to wear it again.”

  When his lips touch mine, I realise I am no longer scared of next week because I am not doing this alone anymore. My dream has now become our dream. With him by my side, I no longer need to feel scared.

  THE END

  Acknowledgments

  There are so many people I need to thank, or this book wouldn’t exist.

  I guess I have to start right back in late 2014, early 2015, when I was finally brave enough to share one of
my stories with a friend. That friend convinced me I should start taking my writing seriously. Back then my writing was rough, I mean so rough. I’d never had to shine and polish my writing because it was only for me, they were silly stories I made up and wrote to amuse myself. I have no idea what you saw in my work back them Emma Tromans but I’m glad you did see whatever it was. Without you I wouldn’t be writing like I am now. I wouldn’t have actual characters in my head night and day that won’t leave me alone…I’m not sure I should be thanking you for that bit. Anyway, crazy pants, thank you from the bottom of my heart for putting me on this journey that I know already, I can’t stop. Writing books is what I’ll be doing till the day I drop, and that’s all thanks to you. Thank you so much. Love you forever and always my Lobster. XxX

  Next, for the never-ending support, and you know, giving me life. Mommy kins, thank you for putting up with my endless book babble and being one of what I call my Alpha readers. Not that I gave you much choice, but thank you. I know sometimes to you it must sound like I am talking total gibberish, and maybe I am, but you let me, so thank you. Thank you for the family day trips to Blackpool growing up, they started my love affair with the city that has never left me. Love you lots and lots, hope I can make you proud with my work.

  My Lil Anne. I dedicated this whole book to you because, well, who else could it be for? Your never-ending support and optimism is so comforting to me. You build me up when I think I’m done. You always know what to say to put that smile back on my face. I love you so so much. Thank you, I hope I can continue to make you proud.

  My Alpha team. Some I have already mentioned so far. These are the people who get the first rough copy of a book, just so I can judge the outline and the plot.

  They are :

  Mike,

  Mom,

  Lil Anne,

  Anita.

  Without your support, critique, and kind words, I would have given up long ago. Thank you for your honesty. I can’t wait for the other stories I have in mind for you all. Anita especially, who has read my roughest of rough work and is still willing to read it. You my dear are a brave, brave soul and I love you for it, thank you.