by Abby Brooks
Ty grips my ass and pushes my hips into his. “I am a fan of that idea.”
I get ready quickly and decide to stop at Michelle’s before I make the drive out to Grayson to request time off. So much is happening so quickly and I need to talk to someone about it and see if I’m being as crazy as I think I am. I hate that Bailey is still on her honeymoon in Bora Bora, because I could use her input, too. I mean, I don’t really hate that she’s on her honeymoon because if the way she feels about Liam is even remotely the way I feel about Ty, then good for her.
As I pull into the driveway at Carmichael Farms, I realize just how ridiculous that thought was. I’m comparing the way I feel about Ty, a man I’ve only just met, to the way Bailey feels about Liam, a man she loved enough to commit the rest of her life to. Am I really that narcissistic or am I falling in love with Ty? Is love even possible after such a short time? I sit, stunned into frozen silence by the thought. Maybe it’s a good thing I decided to stop at Michelle’s because it seems like we have a lot more to talk about than I initially thought.
Thunder rumbles in the distance as I take the steps up to the front door of the stately farmhouse. A strong wind whips the trees into a frenzy and I swear the temperature has dropped ten degrees from yesterday. When Michelle opens the door, the wind rips the screen door from her hand and it bangs open.
“Wow. Looks like we’re in for a doozy of a storm,” she says and then takes one look at my face and freezes. “Okay. That’s all I needed to see. Get in this house and spill it.” Her hair flutters around her face, caught in the wind. “On second thought, do you care if we sit on the porch? With the weather, everyone is inside for the day and I think we’ll have a bit more privacy out here.”
“I don’t mind at all. I love watching storms. They make me feel small.” And given how much is happening right now, I could use a good dose of being put in my place by mother nature.
We take a seat in two Adirondack chairs. I’m too nervous to sit so comfortably, so I perch on the edge of mine while Michelle leans back and draws her knees up close to her body. “What has you looking so frazzled?” she asks.
“I don’t even know where to start.”
“Why don’t you just start talking and we’ll see where it takes us.”
I stare out at the gathering clouds and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. “Ty asked me to move to Hawaii with him.”
Michelle’s eyes go wide. “Excuse me?”
I tell her about the last few days, explaining how neither one of us is ready to be without the other and how he promised me he’d come up with a solution. “And that was his solution.” I watch the trees bending in the wind. “And the crazy thing is that I didn’t immediately turn him down.”
“What did you say?”
“I asked him if he would give up the Marines in order to come here and live with me.”
“That’s a good question. What was his response?”
“He wasn’t prepared for the question and he didn’t say no, but it was obvious it would be something he had to put a lot of heavy thought into.”
“So, what are you going to do?”
“Obviously, I can’t move to Hawaii.” I look at Michelle as the first few raindrops splatter on the sidewalk in front of the house.
“It does seem a little premature.” Her eyes are locked on mine. “But if you’re even considering it for a second, then that must mean you think there’s something between the two of you.”
“There is most definitely something between us. It’s so powerful I can’t even begin to explain it. He makes me feel like a better version of myself, like simple things are better when he’s around. And we sit and talk for hours that feel like minutes, yet each day we spend together might as well be a year because I feel like I know him better than anyone.”
A smile pulls up at the corner of Michelle’s mouth. “Lexi Stills. Are you falling in love?”
“I don’t know.” I sit back and pull my legs up underneath me as the rain starts in earnest. “I’ve never felt like this before, not about anyone.”
“So, I have to ask again, what are you going to do?”
“I’m driving to Grayson after I leave here to see if I can cash in on my vacation. I’ve got almost three weeks accrued. If they say yes, then it looks like Gabe and I are going to Hawaii with Ty for an impromptu vacation.”
Michelle claps her hands together. “That’s perfect.”
“It’s not crazy?”
“Of course it’s crazy, but that’s why it’s perfect.” She shrugs, smiling dreamily. “Does Gabe know that Ty is his dad? How are you going to handle that?”
Lightning flashes across the sky. “We told him this morning and I don’t think it could have gone any better. Gabe gave Ty a huge hug and said he already knew.”
“That sounds just like him.” Michelle stretches out her legs and crosses her ankles. “How did he know?”
“Who knows. Gabe said he just knew.”
Michelle shakes her head and gathers her hair over her shoulder. “This is amazing.”
“Is it?”
“Yes! Oh my goodness! This is the stuff life is made of, taking risks, stepping out on a limb and whisking off to Hawaii for a couple weeks because you just happened to meet your soulmate.”
I smile at the word. Soulmate. I know it’s crazy but I really think Ty and I were made for each other. “What if those few weeks turn into the rest of my life?” I ask.
“Do you love him?” Michelle counters.
“What?” I’m stunned by the question because I was just asking myself the same thing. “How can I know that? I haven’t known him long enough to know if I love him.”
“That’s totally false. That’s what people want you to believe because so many people settle for staying in a relationship because it’s safe and comfortable instead of being brave enough to make a change. Believe me. I know this from personal experience. You met my ex-husband, right? I stayed married to him for way too long. From the moment I met David, everything about him was different. True love is real and it’s something you know from the start. You don’t grow into it. You don’t grow out of it. It just grows on its own.”
I smile. “I think I might be in love with him, Mish. I think I fell in love with him in Key West and never fell out of love with him. And to make matters all the more amazing, I just keep falling deeper every time the man opens his mouth. Or I think about him. Or he touches me.”
“I’m so happy for you, I don’t know what to do with myself. Bailey is going to lose it when she comes back from Bora Bora and finds out she missed all of this.”
“She really is.” Even though the sky is dark and rain pelts the ground, I feel happy and complete.
“So what are you waiting for?” Michelle flares her hands wide. “Why aren’t you on your way to Grayson to request your vacation?”
I scooch to the edge of my seat and pause. “What if they turn me down?”
“Then I say you quit on the spot and move to Hawaii with the man.”
“Michelle!”
“This is why we live, Lex. To find the people who make the world make sense and then love them for the rest of lives.”
TY
The day with Gabe is good. We work on his Lego house. We throw the football in the backyard. We eat a man lunch of meat and cheese. When Gabe gets tired, he hangs out on the couch while I bombard him with questions about his interests and he returns fire with questions about being a Marine. By the time Lexi arrives home, I feel like either one of us could pass a trivia test on the other with flying colors.
“How are my two favorite men?” Lexi asks as she dashes her keys on the table near the door.
“Good,” we call out in unison and then start laughing.
She comes around the corner, catches my eyes, and gives me a thumbs up and a massive grin.
“Is that a yes?” I ask, sitting up straighter and taller, excitement building in my stomach.
“That’s a y
es.” She paces into the living room and perches on the edge of the couch next to me. “I can’t believe it, but they gave me a full three weeks off.”
“What? I thought you said you had just under three weeks.”
“I know.” She bites her bottom lip, her eyes gleaming with excitement. “I did. But when I explained why I wanted the time off, the department head was so taken with the story, she told me to take three. I’ll pay for it when I get back, of course, but for now, I don’t even care.”
“That means you guys will be there for the Fourth of July. I’ll take you out to Magic Island to see fireworks. Although, I have to warn you, it’s so beautiful there, it’s not my fault if you fall completely in love with me.”
“And what if you fall completely in love with me?” Lexi’s tone of voice is lighthearted, but the look in her eyes is way more complicated than that. Did I stumble into a landmine here?
I opt for a lighthearted response in return. “That’s totally your fault. Of course.”
Lexi bobs her head. “Right. Of course. How silly of me.”
I put my hand on hers. “So, just to be super clear, this is happening?” A list of all the things we need to accomplish has already started forming in my head. Plane tickets. Packing. It’s a lot and we have very little time, but I’ll make it work.
“This is happening.” Lexi nods, her eyes wide and full of wonder.
Gabe, who has been sitting quietly next to me, watching the conversation with confused interest up to this point, sits forward. “What’s happening?”
I look to Lexi who grins. “Oh, you know. Not much,” she says, as her grin becomes a full-on smile. “Except we’re going to Hawaii with Ty.”
Gabe leaps to his feet. “For real?” We nod and he does the most ridiculous happy dance I’ve ever seen in my life. When he finally comes to a stop, he tilts his head to the side and says, as seriously as can be, “What’s Hawaii?”
The official list of shit to do just got significantly longer. I’m packed. That’s no big deal. But Lexi and Gabe need to pack for three weeks and we need to figure out last minute flight arrangements and I need to make one more trip out to see my sister and her son who came home from the hospital yesterday. I want Gabe and Lexi to come with me to meet Paige. My sister wanted a cousin for Leo, and well, it’s in my nature to give my sister what she wants.
To the average citizen, this might seem like an impossible amount of stuff to get done before we drop Gabe off at the Carmichael’s for an overnight this evening--thank you Michelle for small favors--but I am not your average citizen. I snap into badass leader mode and start checking shit off the list at a near frantic pace.
Plane tickets? Done.
Three weeks’ worth of clothing packed for two people? Done.
Snacks and entertainment planned for a long-ass flight with a six-year-old? Yep. That shit’s done, too.
“You didn’t think I could do it, did you?” I ask Lexi as we lock up her house on our way to see Paige.
“I had my doubts. That was an impossible list.”
I place my hand on the small of her back and lead her to the car. “I keep telling you—”
“Nothing is impossible,” she says, laughing. “I know, I know. The best part is, I’m starting to believe you.”
Paige lives across town, which doesn’t mean much in Brookside. Eight minutes later, we pull into the driveway in front of her quaint little ranch-style house. It’s small and dated, but well cared for, although the grass could use cutting. I knock on the door and then let myself in.
“Your grass is a little long,” I call out as I hold open the door for Gabe and Lexi to enter. Lexi looks appalled, but I just shake my head. Paige knows I’m full of shit and can dish it out just as easily as I can.
“Gee, Ty, it’s so good of you to drop by.” Paige comes out of the living room, bouncing a fussy Leo in her arms, her words dripping with sarcasm. “I’m sorry the landscaping isn’t up to your standards. I’ve been a little busy. What with the new baby and all.”
“All I hear are excuses.” I wrap my sister in a one-armed hug. “Our little lion sounds angry.”
“He’s been testing out his roar all day.” Paige smiles at me and then looks at Lexi and Gabe in turn, her smile deepening.
I wrap an arm around both of their shoulders. “Paige, I’d like you to meet Lexi and Gabe.”
My sister lifts a hand in greeting. “It’s a pleasure to meet both of you.” She grins at me, pleased as punch to have us all at her house. She swoops us into the living room and before I know what’s happening we’re all laughing and talking like old friends. When Leo settles down, Lexi takes a turn holding him and Gabe cracks himself up by trying to emulate Leo’s funny faces.
There are several defining moments in a man’s life. His first crush. The first time he has to defend himself. The first time he finds himself in a situation with no clear right answer. The first time he realizes a friend is dying. You don’t always know when they’re going to happen, but you know you will leave the situation forever changed. The way you react, the things you see, they propel you forward into a new version of yourself, weaker, stronger, more understanding, less satisfied. This is one of those moments. Sitting here with my sister and her son, watching her laugh with Lexi and Gabe.
It’s such a simple thing. There’s nothing happening, no bombs exploding, no sirens going off, nothing more than idle conversation with the people I care about most in this world, but I know I want more of this feeling. If I could capture it, I’d bottle it up and sell it and solve all the problems of the world because surely, surely if people felt like this more often, there’d be no war, no fighting, no petty squabbling over power and gold because all that matters is right here.
We finish up with my sister and I squeeze her tight. “I love you, Paige,” I say.
“You better,” she replies. There was a time she used to finish that statement with because you’re all I have in the world. She stopped saying that right around the time she met her husband, and now, with Leo in her arms and a smile on her face, she looks like a woman who has all she could ever want. “You be safe,” she says before pulling out of my arms.
The drive to Carmichael Farms takes us away from the populated part of Brookside and out into farmland. The road narrows and stretches out in front of us, infinitely long as it cuts through the landscape. We pass small farms, with dilapidated barns standing out proud against the cloud-dotted sky and then long sections where trees stand tall on either side of the road, the fading sunlight filtering through the canopy of leaves. When I was younger, staying in Brookside sounded like a life-sentence of monotony with a whole lot of not much to do and nowhere to go. But now, after being gone so long, I realize how beautiful it is here. The simplicity is peaceful. I wonder how long I would feel that way if I stayed.
When we pull into the driveway at the farm, we find Claire waiting out front with their dog Pogo. Girl and dog both bound across the yard towards the car, her hair and his ears streaming behind their respective heads. Claire grabs Gabe by the arm and pulls him into the house, his overnight bag bouncing against his back. David and Michelle are on the front porch, reclining in a pair of Adirondack chairs. They stand and wave and we’re engulfed in a swirl of activity until the women follow the kids inside so Lexi can say goodbye to Gabe and I’m left standing in the grass with David as the sun sets behind us.
“You sure about this?” David shoves his hands in his pockets and stares me straight in the face.
“Zero doubt, my friend. Zero doubt.”
He shakes his head. “I never thought I’d see the day where you even considered a serious relationship with anyone but your fellow Marines.”
“You and me both, my friend.” I slip my hands into my pockets and lean against Lexi’s car. “But I’m wrestling with big thoughts, man. Stuff I don’t really know what to do with. Stuff that’s bigger than me. Bigger than the Marines, even.”
“Bigger than the Marines?” David
rakes a hand through his hair. “Like what?”
I let out a long breath, searching for words to explain feelings I haven’t made sense of yet. “It’s like I don’t just want to provide for Lexi and Gabe, I want to be there for them, too.” I shake my head, dissatisfied with the explanation. “I want to create a family like you have here but I can’t for the life of me figure out how to do that with things as they are now. I’m a Marine. That’s not just my job, it’s my definition of self, you know? I’m nowhere close to retiring, and let’s say I resign my commission. What am I as a civilian? How do my skills translate into something I can make a living with?” I suck in my lips. “I don’t know how to be the kind of father I want to be and remain who I am at the same time. I’m afraid that those two versions of myself can’t exist together.”
“Then why go through all this? Why get closer to them if you’re not sure you’re going to stay?”
A rush of anger lights in my belly. “Because nothing is impossible, man. Nothing. Just because I don’t see the solution yet doesn’t mean I won’t find the solution.” I smile at my friend, quenching the anger with positivity. “And this way, I’ve got three more weeks to figure it out.”
LEXI
After a solid round of goodbyes with Gabe and the Carmichael clan, we slide back into my car and hit the road. It’s been a long day with so much happening in such a short amount of time, I should be exhausted, but I’m not. I’m wired on adrenaline and excitement. It’s like the trip to Key West all over again. An abrupt change in routine, a bit of adventure, all of it seemingly random and yet it feels like I’m following some course laid out before me by something bigger than us. I should be terrified but I’m not. I look over at Ty to marvel at what’s happening and find him already staring at me, a strange look on his face.
“What?” I ask, worry twisting in my stomach, wringing out the happiness like water from a wet towel.