by Abby Brooks
I drag my gaze away from the doctor and find my right leg in traction, completely covered by a cast from my thigh to my ankle. “What happened to me?” I look at the doctor, desperate for answers.
“There was a bomb. The blast fractured your femur and shattered your tibia and embedded shrapnel in your hip and abdomen. You’ve been through surgery and we’ve removed as many pieces as we can and repaired your leg, but now you need to rest. Because of how long it took to get you airlifted over here, infection has set in.”
“How bad?” I sit up again and pay the price as my head spins.
“Please, Captain Reed. Calm down or I will have the nurse give you something to help you sleep.”
I’m losing my grip on consciousness, but I fight through it. “Damn it. How bad is it?”
The doctor sighs. “We removed over one hundred pieces of shrapnel. The rest will work their way out over time. It’s the infection we have to worry about now. You’re receiving IV antibiotics and will have frequent dressing changes and wound care.”
“My leg. How bad is my leg?”
“It’s bad, Captain Reed, but it will heal. You’re in good hands here.”
I want to ask about Lexi. I need to know if she’s been informed of what’s happened to me, but the world is spinning too fast for me to think through it all. “My stuff,” I manage. “Where’s my stuff?”
“It’s here, Captain Reed. And it will still be here when you wake.”
“My phone…” The word slips through my chapped lips and then the world goes black as I drift off to sleep.
The next time I regain consciousness, my thoughts are much clearer. I hit the call button and wait impatiently for a nurse.
“Where’s my phone?” I ask the second she steps foot in my room.
“Your stuff was sent over from Afghanistan a few days ago.” She indicates a bag on a dresser on the other side of the room.
“Please. I need my phone.” I need to talk to Lexi. I can’t imagine what she’s been going through while I’ve been unconscious. I need to let her know that I’m okay.
I glance at my leg and then look away again.
Or mostly okay, I guess.
But more than anything, I need hear her voice, see her face. She’s the one thing in the world that is going to make me feel sane.
“I will be glad to get you your phone, but let me worry about you first.” She goes through a series of questions about my pain and then checks my leg and abdomen. She helps me sit up and positions a pillow behind my back so I’m comfortable and then she asks permission to go through my things. The moment she places my phone in my hands, I try to power the thing on, only to find it dead.
“My charger?” I ask. “Is my charger in there too?”
The nurse digs through my things while I wait impatiently. When she finds it, she plugs it in for me, checks to see if I need more water, and then leaves the room. The moment there’s enough charge, I power the thing up and then flip through a series of missed calls, emails, and ever more panicked texts from Lexi. The room is starting to spin again and my eyelids are growing heavy, but I will not fall asleep until I’ve spoken to her. One of her last emails catches my attention and I open it up. This one came in last night.
Ty-
I’m a wreck. I miss you so much I don’t know what to do. I’m withering away, filled with nothing but questions and an aching, buzzing need to hear your voice. I’ve read every single letter you wrote me over the years twice now. I’ve been through all the emails we’ve sent back and forth. All the texts I’ve saved. I’ve listened to your voicemails, just to hear you. Just to feel close to you. I’ve wrapped myself up in you and it’s still not enough. I miss you so damn much it hurts. And I’m worried. My God am I worried.
I can’t sleep.
I can’t eat.
I love you so much, Ty. So damned much. You’ve changed my life and I don’t belong to myself anymore. I belong to you.
I’ve forced myself to go to work for the last three days but I’m useless. I’ll probably call off tomorrow because I’m falling to pieces. I’m terrified something terrible has happened to you. I called Tara and she doesn’t know anything. Her advice was just to stay strong. To wait patiently and stay sane but how in the world am I supposed to do that when you’re my sanity? It’s like I’ve lost a part of myself. I sent my heart and my soul over to Afghanistan with you and now I don’t have them.
I’ve tried to keep busy with Bailey and Michelle, and they’ve done their very best to help but the only person I want is you. The only person who would know just what to say to help me process something as big as this is you. And you’re not here. You’re my everything and what do I do now that I have nothing?
When you showed up out of the blue at Bailey’s reception, I held myself back from you. The moment I saw you, I wanted to run across the room and throw myself into your arms, but I was mad at you for leaving me in Key West without an explanation and I was scared. So scared. Some part of me knew that you were going to change my life. That you would come waltzing in and nothing would ever be the same again.
I told myself I was being strong. That I was doing what was right for Gabe. That neither of us had room for each other in our lives and everything would be better if everything stayed the same.
So, I pushed you away. I was mean to you when you were being amazing to me. But, oh, Ty. You scared me so damn much. I could feel myself falling in love with you in Key West and then, almost seven years later, I was still falling the next time I saw you. But how could I let myself fall in love with you? You left me once and were certain to leave me again. Your job demanded it. I was afraid to give myself to you. It turns out, that was a stupid thing to worry about because I was already yours.
I love you so much and you better be okay because I’m not ready to figure out how to put my life back together without you.
I need you.
I want you.
I miss you.
And I’m scared as hell that you’re not okay.
All my love,
Lexi
LEXI
I’m about to enter a patient’s room when my phone rings loudly, the flashing lights of the LED alert visible through the thin fabric of my scrubs. I stop in my tracks and fish it out of my pocket and tears fill my eyes when I see Ty’s face smiling at me in the contact picture on the screen. I accept the call with shaking hands.
“Ty? Is that you?” My entire body trembles.
“Yeah, baby. It’s me.” He sounds awful. His voice, usually strong and commanding is thin and tired.
“What happened? Are you okay?” Tears fill my eyes and I stride down the hallway, desperate to find someplace quiet where I won’t be disturbed. “I’ve been so afraid…”
“I’m okay. Or I will be. I haven’t really processed it all yet, but I had to call you. I had to hear your voice.”
“You sound exhausted.”
“I am.”
“What happened?”
“I’m not really sure. I don’t remember much. There was a bomb.”
“A bomb?” Bile rises in my belly. I step into an empty room and collapse into a chair.
“Two, actually. You heard the first one, I think. The second one…” He trails off, sounding so weak. “The second one shattered my leg and put its fair share of shrapnel in my body.”
My heart stops beating. My breath freezes in my lungs. My blood turns to sludge in my veins and the buzzing in my brain is back. I watch as dust motes float through a ray of sunlight slicing through the darkened room. “Oh, Ty…”
“I’m in Germany. They took out most of the metal the bomb gave me and then put a bunch of metal back in to hold my leg together. Pins and rods and stuff.”
“What about infection?” I ask, falling back on my knowledge because the rest is too much to handle. “Foreign bodies lead to infection, especially if they aren’t removed quickly enough.”
“I’m fighting it. They’ve got me on so many meds…”
He trails off again, sounding even more exhausted than when I first answered his call just moments ago. “I just had to hear your voice.”
“I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I love you, Lexi.”
“I love you, too.” I don’t want to hang up the phone but I can hear him fading fast and I know the best thing for him right now is sleep. “You promise me you’ll do everything your doctors say and rest as much as you can.”
“I promise.”
“And please, please, call whenever you can. I don’t care what time it is. If you need me, I’m here.” I’m already wondering how much it would cost to get myself over to Germany so I can be with him. I don’t know what that means for Gabe, especially with school starting so soon, but that’s something I’ll figure out later. I won’t bring it up to Ty, though. What he needs most is to rest, not worry about plane tickets and other silly details like that.
We say our goodbyes and then hang up. I look to the ceiling, whisper a thank you to whoever is listening, and then put my head in my hands and cry.
The next couple days pass in a blur of relief. Ty texts and calls frequently and most of the anxiety that had been building up inside me slowly fades away. The stronger he gets, the longer we talk, the better I feel. He has a long road ahead of him, recovery wise. He’ll be in a cast for weeks and has already started physical therapy, but that will continue for months. They have him up and moving as much as he can, but I can’t imagine what that means. How can they expect him to walk and put weight on a leg that’s fresh out of surgery and still encased in cast?
As far as how long it will be before he makes it back out into the field? It could be months. I don’t know what he’s going to do with himself while he heals but he seems to feel positive about it and that’s what matters most.
The more I bring up traveling to Germany, the more Ty fights me. Some of his reasons make sense—he doesn’t want to stress out Gabe by leaving him with my mom or make him miss the first weeks of school by taking him with me. I used up all my vacation time and he doesn’t want me to lose my job. I haven’t told him yet that I intend to quit my job and move out to Hawaii with him. That conversation deserves to happen face to face, where I can take his hand and let him see just how serious I am about us.
A week passes and then another. Gabe starts his first day of first grade with a video chat with Ty and ends it with a phone conversation where he gives his Dad a play by play of everything that happened. When Gabe hands me the phone, Ty fills me in on how his physical therapy is going. He has months of PT ahead of him before things get back to normal. My heart sinks because I’m so ready to wrap myself up in his arms and breathe him in that I might just wither and die before we ever get there. We say our goodbyes without any mention of our future.
As happy as I am to know he’s alive and his recovery is coming along nicely, I feel like I’m living in limbo. I’ve decided I’m moving and so nothing here in Brookside feels permanent. Not my job. Not my house. Not Gabe’s school or the friends he’s making. Not Bailey or Michelle. And yet, without a solid plan regarding the future, how do I handle my present? The next time I talk to Ty, I have to tell him that I’m ready to move to Hawaii. I don’t care how impersonal it is to have the conversation over the phone. I’m ready to move forward.
Gabe and I spend Friday evening at Bailey’s house with the McGuires and the Carmichaels and then wake to a typical Saturday morning filled with pull-ups, pancakes, and an exhibition of Gabe’s newest football techniques out in the back yard. I smile and cheer him on as the sun warms my skin and I wish for the billionth time that Ty were here with us. My phone buzzes with a text from him, almost as if he felt my need for contact all the way across the ocean.
Ty: Hey, you.
Me: Hey. I’ve been thinking about you
Ty: Right back atcha, kid
I consider launching right into my conversation about moving to Hawaii but decide to make sure he’s in the right frame of mind first.
Me: How are things out there? Won any races lately?
Ty: You know me. I’m the fastest thing on two legs and crutches around here.
Me: I don’t doubt it for one minute.
The fact that he’s joking tells me now is a good a time as any to initiate a heavy-duty conversation like the one I want to have. I let Gabe know I’m heading inside and then push through the back door and tap out a response. My heart pounds and I can’t stop smiling. I am so ready to move forward with the next part of our life.
Me: Do you have a second? Can we talk? Maybe call or video chat?
Ty: I was going to ask you the same thing, but this would be easier if you’d open your door. Texting is so impersonal.
I drop the phone onto the counter and it clatters against the coffee pot as I run to the front door and throw it open. There he is. Standing right in front of me with that damn shit-eating grin lighting up my entire world. His hair has grown out some and he’s leaning on crutches, but he’s here. I step into him, careful not to knock him over, and bury my face in his chest and cry. He wraps his arms around me, enveloping me in his strength, his scent wrapping around me, pulling me tighter and tighter against him. All the things I want to say disappear. All that matters is the two of us in this moment. His skin on mine. The birds singing in the trees. The way his breath rushes in and out of his lungs. He’s here. He’s real. He’s mine.
“How?” I ask, blinking back tears, my voice muffled against his chest. “I thought you had months of physical therapy?”
“I do. But that’s going to happen here in Ohio.”
I pull back and look into his eyes. This is the moment I’ve craved for months and now that it’s here, I’m so overwhelmed I can’t do anything but touch him and look at him and touch him some more.
“My God, how I’ve missed you.” Ty cups my cheek in his hand and kisses me. I stop thinking, stop worrying, stop wondering how in the world he got here and just drink him in. He pulls back and smiles down at me. “So, are you going to invite me in or are we just going to stand out here all day?”
I laugh and hold open the door. He steps into the living room just as Gabe comes in through the back. He takes one look at his father and the football drops from his hand. It bounces once on the kitchen tile as Gabe’s lips part. Without a word, he runs across the room and then wraps his arms around Ty’s waist. He closes his eyes and his lips tremble and then tears roll down his little cheeks.
“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Gabe’s voice is thick with tears and I swipe away my own.
Ty’s eyes water and he brushes at them with the back of one hand. “Me, too, son. Me, too.”
After the shock of his appearance wears off, the three of us sit on the couch, Gabe and I tucked under each of Ty’s arms and his leg propped up on the coffee table.
“I didn’t expect to see you for months.” I say.
“There was no way I could wait that long.” He takes a long breath. “This leg of mine is going to be okay, but it’s going to take a long time and a lot of work to get there. It’ll be months before I can get back into the field. Months before I can do anything other than sit behind a desk and I’m not cut out for that. A year ago, this injury would have sent me spiraling into a depression so deep I don’t know if I would ever climb back out of it.”
I bury myself in closer to him. “I know.”
“But I’m not depressed, Lexi. Not even a little bit. This injury brought me clarity. I didn’t want to leave you two. When I got the orders that night in Hawaii, my first impulse was to tell my commanding officer right where he could put those orders and that was a brand-new experience for me. I didn’t understand it or know what to do with it so I just swallowed it back, said yes sir to him and goodbye to you. It didn’t take me long to realize that was a huge mistake. I thought I’d make it through this tour, get back to you, and then we’d figure out how to move forward. But then things went sideways and I knew without a doubt that the moment you stepped into my life, you ch
anged it forever. With this injury, I can’t be the Marine I used to be, but it’s more than that. Even if I could go back to the way things were, I’m not willing to choose the Corps over the two of you. There’s nothing more important to me than the three of us being together.”
I sit up so I can meet his gaze.
Ty shifts in his seat. “I resigned my commission Lexi. With my leg like this, I’m useless to my men, but here, in Brookside with the two of you, I have a purpose.”
“What are you saying, Ty?”
“There’s a physical therapist in Cincinnati. Her name is Chelsea Santoro and she is supposed to be the next best thing to a miracle worker. It’s a long drive, but if she’s everything she’s cracked up to be, and I get to be here with you, then the drive will be worth it. I’ll be running races in no time.”
“But what are you going to do? You hate it here. And what about work?”
“My family is here. My sister and nephew. You and Gabe. Somewhere along the line I realized that’s more important to me than chasing bad guys across the desert. As far as work goes, I have a couple ideas and I’ve built up enough of a savings to support us while I figure it out. I’m nothing if not resourceful. And there’s one more thing.” Ty reaches into his breast pocket and pulls something out in his fist. “This would be way more effective if I could get down on one knee, but I hope you’ll forgive me for doing it right here on the couch.” He opens his hand and shows me a diamond ring nestled inside. “I want to marry you, Lexi. I want to claim you as mine and give you and Gabe my last name. I want to put another baby in your belly and be the husband and father I always swore I would be.”
Tears fall from my eyes as I smile up at him. “I was going to tell you that I wanted to move to Hawaii. I’ve been waiting for a chance to tell you face to face, but I finally decided that I couldn’t hold it in any longer. I was going to tell you today. This isn’t home anymore because home is with you. I’ve been planning it for weeks, trying to decide how much of my stuff I was going to bring, when to tell work, when to tell my friends, whether I should let Gabe start at his school here or make him wait until we moved out there. I was ready to pick up my life for you because you are my life. The three of us together, happy and healthy, that’s all that really matters in the world.”