by Beth Manz
July 1998
Okay, here's the sequel to my first story, The Inevitable. (Which was a sequel to Sentinel Too.) Hmmm, I see a sad pattern forming here. If you haven't seen the episode or read my story, you might be a little confused.
Once again, Megan Conner does not appear in my story. Although I believe Anna Galvin is a fine actress, I do not see the purpose for her character in the show and thus, cannot write for her. Thank you to everyone who was kind enough to write to me regarding The Inevitable. Your words of encouragement meant a great deal. A special thank you to Shiloh for her generous recommendation of my story. Just proves what I had suspected all along, Sentinel fans are one classy group of people.
Okay, without further delay....
The Undoing
by Beth Manz
She was a fool.
He watched Alex Barnes as she stared up at Jim Ellison's loft. She actually believed she could go in, kill Ellison and snatch Sandburg before either man knew what was happening. She had no idea who she was dealing with. She'd never defeat the two of them. Not even come close. But he could. He'd almost done it before.
Lee Brackett let his gaze linger over Alex. When his "superiors" had first told him that they'd gotten wind of another sentinel, he had pictured someone like Ellison.
He had pictured a man.
He liked the picture before him better.
The fact that she had shown up in Cascade confirmed in Brackett's mind what he had suspected all along. Blair Sandburg was more important than even Blair himself knew. It was the only explanation for the stunning coincidence. The only way to explain both Sentinels finding the one living Guide in existence. On a subconscious, primitive level both Jim Ellison and Alex Barnes had been drawn to the young anthropologist through some kind of Sentinel / Guide link that even they were unaware of. But it was a link Brackett planned to exploit fully.
He walked up behind Alex and snaked an arm around her waist. She leaned into him.
"Feel better?"
She nodded. "You were right." She turned to face him, kissing him long and deep.
Brackett returned the kiss, his hands traveling slowly over her body. She was beautiful but stupidly impulsive. If she had actually managed to kill Sandburg...
He had contracted with her partner, Carl, to get the nerve gas. A test of her "special abilities". She had passed with flying colors. And Brackett had promptly disposed of Carl. His superiors believed that with the little training she had already received from Sandburg and a little more from Brackett, Alex would be a useful weapon. But Brackett hadn't been able to train her at all. Instead, she'd lost what little control she'd had. Seemed almost to be slipping into madness. Now, standing outside Ellison's loft, she was calm, as close to normal as he'd seen her.
"Did you hear Ellison?" she asked, her husky voice redirecting his focus to her.
He shook his head, playing a hand over her hips, 'round her backside.
"He knows I'm back. Promised Blair I wouldn't get near him." She threw her head back and laughed.
The unstableness of the sound chilled Brackett.
He was once again in the jungle. Once again on the hunt. Ahead he could see a temple through the overgrown jungle. Movement caught his eye. He pulled an arrow and strung the bow he carried. The wolf crossed his path. Without hesitation, he pulled the bow tight and released the arrow. The wolf fell to the ground, dead. Slowly, it transformed into Blair Sandburg.
Jim Ellison jerked awake, the images of the dream following him up from sleep. Momentary panic washed over him before he remembered that Blair was home, asleep downstairs in his room. Safe. Still, he closed his eyes and reached out with his senses, needing to be sure, needing to hear...yes, Blair's heartbeat, slow and regular. He let out a low sigh of relief.
Yet, the dream still plagued him. Why had it returned? He had thought the dream was a warning, that once he'd managed to save Blair from drowning that the dream would disappear. And it had...until tonight. The first night that Blair was home.
Was it simply the return of Alex that had triggered it? Or something more?
A sound from below drew his attention. Jim sat halfway up in bed and cocked his head to the side. He could hear Blair muttering softly to himself as he padded out of his bedroom toward the bathroom. Jim hesitated only a moment before pushing back his blankets, grabbing his robe and heading downstairs. Moonlight filtered in through the balcony doors, casting long shadows across the floor. Night's chill hung in the air. He glanced at the clock over the fireplace as he made his way down the steps. 4 a.m. Jim took a seat on the couch and waited. Moments later, he heard the bathroom door open and Blair began his quiet trek back to his bedroom. Jim shook his head, smiling to himself when he realized that Blair hadn't flushed the toilet. He now owned half the loft but he was still following the Ellison rules: no toilet flushing after 10 p.m.
Blair was two steps from his room when Jim called out, "Hey, Chief."
Blair jumped, throwing himself back against the wall, his eyes wide. "Jeez, Jim, did you see me tip-toeing here? Did you know I thought you were sleeping?"
"I'm sorry, Chief." Jim struggled to hold back his laughter. "I'm just glad I waited until after you'd gone to the bathroom."
Hugging himself for warmth, Blair crossed to him. "You're funny, man. That's what I missed most about you, that sharp sense of humor." He sat on the couch, cross-legged, facing Jim. He cringed slightly from the simple movement and Jim knew he was still sore from the bruises he'd sustained in his fender-bender. Probably stiff from the move today too, he realized. But Blair hadn't said a word about it if he had been hurting. Because that was what Blair did. He watched out for Jim's well-being, quietly, efficiently and without complaint.
The entire time he'd lived with Jim, Blair had managed to make changes in Jim's life and lifestyle. For someone as loud and outgoing as Blair was, he had done it all with quiet finesse. The loft changed around him, had become a home finally, and Jim hadn't even been aware of it. Until Blair was gone. Only after Blair had told him that he couldn't go back to their old life had Jim really begun to realize how much his partner meant to him. Before then, he had made jokes to Simon about trying to housebreak Sandburg. And yeah, the kid could be cluttered. But he was never irresponsible. Never backed down from a dangerous situation. Never refused to do anything Jim asked.
And Jim was just beginning to understand why.
"Seriously, man," Blair said, his voice drawing Jim back from his thoughts. "Why are you sitting out here scaring me? What's going on?"
Jim looked at Blair, sitting in his sweats and T-shirt, his feet bare, shivering because he'd just planned on making a quick trip to the bathroom and then right back to his warm bed and hadn't bothered putting on his robe. Yet, he didn't seem in any hurry to get back to sleep. Seemed perfectly willing to stay up the rest of the night if Jim needed him to.
And that might be exactly what would happen.
"Simon called after you fell asleep." Reaching behind him, Jim grabbed the throw blanket from the edge of the couch and tossed it to his partner.
Blair pulled the light blanket around his shoulders. "You don't have to say it, man. I already know. Alex is back, isn't she?" He shivered again but Jim thought it was more from the cold of the room than fear. Because Blair's heart rate had not jumped as he had expected it to. His breathing had not increased. In fact, Blair seemed perfectly at ease as if the return of the woman who had tried and nearly succeeded in killing was nothing to worry about.
"Jim, I'm sorry." Blair's voice was low, defeated. "I brought this to your door and I'm sorry."
And Jim understood. Blair wasn't afraid of Alex. Blair felt guilty for his association with her. "Chief, I
don't think you can take the blame for Alex coming into our lives."
"I approached her. I initiated the relationship."
Staring at Blair's somber expression, Jim knew this was a conversation they should have had long ago. Would have had if Jim had just been thinking straight. "Blair, I sensed Alex before she ever hooked up with you. I saw the jaguar during that holdup in the convenience store. Right then I knew something was wrong and I didn't tell you. Right then I started feeling like I needed to distance myself from everything and everyone. Get back to basics."
"That makes sense," Blair said, nodding as he turned this new information over in his mind. "I mean think about it. This is your tribe. Cascade is your territory. It's very possible that only one Sentinel can exist in one tribal area at a time. That's why you freaked. Her presence threw off that balance. You had some kind of primal response." His words ran one over the other as his theory poured from him. "You were working completely on instinct, man."
Jim agreed. Looking back at the whole thing, he knew that was exactly what he had been doing. But he now knew something else as well. "Blair, do you remember when I asked you what the odds were of two Sentinels both showing up in Cascade and both hooking up with you? You gave me some vague, non-answer about cosmic convergence or something. But it's more than that. Alex has the same instincts that I do. I think she came to Cascade because you're here. And that's why she's back, Blair. For you."
The last two words seemed to hang in the air between them. Echo through the stillness of the loft.
"I wish I'd never laid eyes on her." Blair pulled the blanket more tightly around himself, pushed up from the couch and padded to the balcony doors. He stood with his back to Jim, silently staring out at the cool, star-filled night sky.
Jim watched him, wishing he could tell his partner that everything was going to be all right. That he shouldn't worry. But he couldn't do that. There was still too much between them. Too much about Alex that they hadn't yet worked out.
Standing, Jim crossed to him. "Blair, when you were in the hospital, you said that I didn't need you as my Guide anymore." He glanced down at the smaller man beside him. Blair had gone utterly still, as if he knew where this line of conversation was going and didn't really want to take the ride. But Jim had no choice. They had to talk about this. Jim had to make Blair understand what had pulled them apart so that it would not happen again. "Were you so eager to help Alex because you didn't think I needed you anymore?"
Blair let out a long, slow breath. His shoulders slumped forward. "I don't know. Maybe," he answered honestly. "I mean, come on, Jim, you've had your senses under control for the last year. You can dial them down when you need to and I can't even remember the last time you zoned." Blair kept his gaze forward, unwilling or unable to look at Jim. "I've been more your partner the last year than your Guide."
"They're the same. You back me up."
"Anyone can do that," he offered quietly.
"You really don't know, do you? Sandburg, I'm sane because you found me." The dejected look on Blair's face did not change. Jim had to get through to him, had to make his understand. "You knew all about Sentinels and were able to train me. How?"
Blair shrugged one shoulder. "Guesswork mostly."
"No, instinct. I think you were meant to be a Guide the same way I was predisposed to be a Sentinel. That's why Alex showed up in Cascade. That's why Incacha made you a Shaman."
Blair shifted uncomfortably where he stood, his gaze dropping to the floor.
Jim reached out and placing his hands on Blair's shoulders, gently turned him until they were facing each other. "I know we've never talked about Incacha since that day, that you have a hard time accepting the title he gave you. But it's what you are, Blair."
"I'm not like you, Jim." He looked up, his uncertainty in himself magnified in his wide eyes. "I don't have any special abilities."
"Don't you? You always know what do. You've never let me down."
"Guesswork."
"Instinct," Jim insisted. "Blair, what do I contribute?"
Blair's brow creased in sudden confusion. "What do you...? Jim, you're a Sentinel, man."
"But what do I contribute? How do I hone my skills?" Jim didn't wait for an answer but plowed on. "By listening to you, following your lead. You're out there on the streets with me every day. Do you even know how amazing that is? Blair, I have my military and police training, I have a weapon and I have heightened senses. You have your wits and the occasional cell phone. Have you ever stopped to think just how dangerous that is for you?"
Blair blinked several times as Jim's words washed over him. And Jim knew that Blair had never thought about it. Sure he'd been afraid on a case or two, had even been somewhat reluctant early on in their partnership to be used in a sting operation. But never once had he told Jim he wouldn't go with him. Never once did he decide that something was just too dangerous and he had to stay behind. When Blair finally spoke, his voice was low, unbelieving. "I guess I never thought about it in quite that way."
"Why not?"
"I don't know. It's just…" His voice trailed off as his confusion increased.
"What? Where you're supposed to be? What you're supposed to be doing?"
"I guess, yeah, that's how it feels."
"You know what amazes me even more? That I let you do that. That Simon does. That no one in Major Crimes thinks it strange that I've been partnered with an anthropologist for the last three years. Three years, Blair and no one's made a stink about it and they should have, someone should have by now."
"What are you saying, Jim?"
"I'm saying no one's said anything because everyone looks at us and thinks that our partnership is natural, that it's the way things should be." His hands tightened on Blair's shoulders. "You don't know your significance. Your importance. I can only control what I do because I know you're there. It's your voice I hear in my head when I need to bring myself down. It's your presence beside me that keeps me centered. Without you…" He didn't finish the sentence. Didn't even want to consider that possibility. "Every Sentinel needs a Guide. You told me that the first day I met you. That still holds true."
"If you're right, then why was your instinct to push me away when Alex showed up? I would think if anything, your instinct would have been to stay closer than ever before." Jim could hear the pain behind the words, knew this was a question Blair had wanted to ask for some time.
Jim hesitated. For the first time in this conversation, he didn't want to tell Blair the truth. Wanted to run from what he couldn't admit before and still didn't want to now. "Because I was trying to protect you."
"Protect me?" Blair repeated, incredulous. "How could pushing me away possibly protect me?"
"I didn't tell you everything that happened when Alex was here before." He dropped his hands from Blair's shoulders and crossing back to the couch, dropped down heavily. This was the part he'd dreaded the most. The part he wished he didn't have to share. Not now. Not ever. "I had a dream," he said, the words simple. Yet, they opened the door to Jim's biggest regret.
Blair remained where he was, not moving, seeming to barely breathe. But Jim could hear the slight increase in his heart rate. Could see the lines of worry around his down-turned mouth. "What dream?"
"I should have told you about it but I just didn't want to believe it could really happen." Jim rubbed his eyes, suddenly feeling very tired.
Hesitantly, Blair made his way to Jim. He sat on the low table before the couch, facing his Sentinel. "Come on, Jim, you're scaring me, man. What did you dream?"
Jim kept his eyes on the carpet beneath his feet, unable to face Blair. "I was in the jungle but I knew I wasn't alone. I could sense another presence, something that felt like a threat of some kind. Just as those feelings went through me, I saw a wolf a few feet away. Without any hesitation at all, I pulled out an arrow and shot it." He looked up at Blair, needing to see his partner's reaction when he spoke the final words. "The wolf was you, Blair. It became
you."
Blair's gaze shifted slightly, until he was staring at a point behind Jim.
"Chief?"
Blair held up a hand, stopping him. The blanket he held around him slipped down, forgotten. His eyes narrowed slightly. Jim knew that look, knew Blair was sorting through the information he had just been given, trying to understand it. "The wolf becomes me...is me." He shifted his gaze back to Jim. There was no judgment in those blue eyes. No condemnation. Just curiosity. Intelligence. "My Spirit Guide maybe?"
"Maybe," Jim answered, relief spreading through him. He had been so afraid that if he told Blair about the dream, he would blame Jim for what had happened to him at that fountain. Yet Blair sat in front of him, looking at all of this with the objectivity of a scientist. Doing what he did best: trying to find the answers Jim needed.
"The first time I had the dream," Jim continued, wanting to reveal it all now, "I thought it was meant as a warning of some kind. I thought it was trying to tell me that I should put as much distance between us as possible in order to keep you safe. That if you stayed with me, I would somehow be responsible for your death. But after you were... hurt, " he shook his head. "I don't know. I guess I was wrong. I guess I should have kept you near."
"There is another possibility," Blair began, his voice tight, his eyes troubled "You're a Sentinel, Jim. Your job is to protect the tribe and its people. I endangered the tribe by helping Alex. Maybe...maybe in order to save the tribe, you were supposed to let me die," the last part came out Sentinel-soft.
Fear clenched Jim's gut, stiffened his back. "Blair, don't say that. Don't even--"
"Jim, I know you feel responsible for me but you aren't."
Reaching out, Jim pulled the blanket back over Blair's shoulders. "Sandburg, I'm your 'Blessed Protector' remember?"
Blair stood, letting the blanket fall to the floor. He pulled his hair back from his face, frustration clear in the stiff movement. "I wish I'd never said that, man, because that is not your job. It's mine."
"And you do it every day." Jim tracked Blair's movement as he began to pace before him. "Blair you did it the first day I met you. If you hadn't pushed me out of the way of that truck, I would be dead now."