“We’ll get this good-for-nothin’ out of here, mate,” Jim assured Leo, who still appeared murderous.
“If I see you again,” Leo said to Hoodie with a menacing tone. “You’ll be eating your next meal through a straw.”
Hoodie spat on the ground as he was dragged away, clutching his groin with one hand and cradling his throat with the other.
“Are you okay?”
I shivered at the sound of Leo’s strained voice. With him right in front of me, sweaty, a little bloodied and bruised but no less intoxicatingly handsome, I had trouble formulating words.
“Did he hurt you at all?” he asked, sounding increasingly concerned.
“I’m fine,” I croaked.
Leo ran his hands through his hair and dipped his head forward. “Fuck, Juliette.” He sounded angry. He grabbed my hand and pulled me around the side of the cage then away from the crowds towards the fighters’ exit. We stopped in a small hallway with the sounds of men in pain for background noise. The rooms off the hallway must have been where the losers were trying to recover.
“What happened back there?”
“What? I took care of it.”
“I saw that,” he said through clenched teeth.
“Are you angry with me?”
“You shouldn’t be here. It’s too dangerous for someone like you.”
“Are you kidding me? Too dangerous for a poor, defenceless little rich girl, you mean?”
“Clearly you’re not defenceless, but why would you put yourself in danger like that?”
“I could ask you the same thing, Leo,” I replied indignantly. “Speaking of, you better get back in there for the final.”
“I called it a night.”
“What? Why? You can’t do that. I didn’t need saving.” I didn’t know why I was being so petulant, but I could take care of myself. I didn’t need anyone trying to be my knight in shining armour.
“No.” His brow furrowed and his eyes dimmed. “I will lose the next fight if you’re here. I won’t be able to concentrate.”
“Don’t think about me when you’re in there.” I reached out and touched his arm, pleased by the goose bumps I felt on his hot skin.
“I’ve thought of little else for the past month.” He stared at my lips with lust in his eyes. “I don’t give a shit about the win.”
His candid statement floored me. I wanted desperately to kiss him and find out what those perfect lips would feel like on mine. I swallowed hard, completely terrified by what I was feeling.
“I’m still with Richard.” It was the truth and it had to be acknowledged, but it made me feel nauseous. I watched Leo’s jaw clench and his eyes darken.
“What are you doing here, Juliette?”
“Watching grown men fight like animals. Same as everyone else.”
“Okay then. Why are you here? You are not from this world. You live in a fancy apartment, wear fancy clothes and go to fancy parties with your fancy boyfriend. Then you show up here trying to fit in but failing miserably. You’re the most goddamn beautiful girl I’ve ever seen and there’s little wonder guys are going to hit on you. Then what? He takes you out the back and rapes you, or worse? You got lucky this time, but what about next time? You don’t belong here, Juliette.”
“You don’t know anything about where I belong,” I seethed. “In case you missed it, I can handle myself. I train hard to be able to defend myself against scumbags like that and I’m actually proud of myself for handling it. And I don’t need you psychoanalysing me when you’re the one with the big mansion in the country you can’t set foot in without having a meltdown and nearly breaking my hand—then coming here and fighting like a man possessed. Why don’t we discuss that while you’re judging me and my reasons for being here?”
Leo recoiled from my harsh words. I felt instantly guilty for throwing what happened in that house in his face.
“I’m sorry.” I screwed up my face, ashamed. “I didn’t mean that.”
An awkward silence stretched for miles between us.
“I’ll let the promoters know I’m taking you home.”
“They won’t mind?”
“They won’t be thrilled, but they can go fuck themselves if they try to stop me. They can tell the crowd I’m injured.” He shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t really give a shit.”
“Okay.” I couldn’t look at him.
Leo returned in a few minutes, pulling a hoodie down over himself and flinching mildly. Even undefeated, he had sustained a variety of injuries. You don’t go into a cage with almost no rules and come out clean.
“Let’s go.” His authoritative tone was both irritating and hot. He took my hand possessively and led me out into the cold air of the very early morning darkness. His Jeep was parked close by, together with a range of other vehicles ranging from dinged-up shitboxes to the expensive and possibly stolen variety.
He opened the passenger door and waited for me to climb inside before shutting it with more force than necessary. He was clearly still pissed off with me. I watched him stalk around the front and then stop at the driver side. He just stared at me through the window, taking a few deep breaths as if he were psyching himself up to be in the car with me. I threw my hands in the air in annoyance and glared at him. I wasn’t exactly sure what his problem was, but I didn’t deserve his wrath. I hadn’t done anything wrong, and he was the judgemental one.
When he got in the car, he did up his belt and turned the ignition. He still hadn’t looked at me.
“Seriously. What is your problem?” I asked.
Without answering, he turned the engine off and leaned forward, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. After what felt like an eternity, he sat back and swivelled to face me.
“My problem, Juliette, is you.”
I placed my hand on my chest. “I’m your problem? Why exactly am I your problem? Please enlighten me.”
He just shook his head and started the car again. This time he put it in gear and took off.
I nearly said something about fifty times between leaving the fight and Leo pulling up in front of my apartment building. I was pissed off and completely confused.
“Well, thanks for the lift, I guess,” I whispered, not having a clue where his head was at.
When he didn’t respond, I reached for the handle.
“Wait.”
I closed my eyes briefly and then turned, giving him my best glare. “I’m tired, Leo.”
“Look. I haven’t seen you in a month. It was a long fucking month. Can you stop glaring at me? I’m trying to explain.”
“Fine.”
“I think about you all the fucking time. I think about how I hurt you.”
“We agreed at the time to forget it. I’m sorry I brought it up again. I don’t usually speak without thinking like that. Why are you still dwelling on it?”
“Because I had no control over what I did to you, and I like being in control.”
I didn’t know how to respond, so I just sat there quietly, waiting to see if he would continue.
“Every day, I think about you staring at me through the cage, dressed in black, looking so out of place but daring anyone to send you away. Every day, I think about the next time I saw you, dressed in white lace, behaving like every bit the society princess you are. I feel like I’m in a constant state of whiplash.”
“Thanks for summarising my fucked-up life, Leo. Much appreciated. Can I go now?”
“God, you’re frustrating. Let me finish.” He stared at me for a few seconds with raised eyebrows, probably making sure I wasn’t going to interrupt. “I have my own shit to deal with, and whenever I see you, I feel like I’ve been in a head-on collision. I have no right to ask this, but I need you to stop going to fight night.”
“Why?” I choked.
“There’s something about you that brings out every protective instinct in me. I watched you take down that arsehole right in front of my eyes, but you’re reckless and you’re going to get
yourself hurt. I need to be there and I need you not to be there.” He shook his head, clenching his jaw. “I know you have a boyfriend and I have no right to feel the way I do about you.”
“How do you feel about me?” I whispered, my heart racing and threatening to leap right out of my chest.
Leo’s shoulders dropped, and he rubbed his forehead with his fingertips. “I feel like we were meant to meet, like we have some intense connection drawing us together. Even though I barely know you, my heart gets ripped out every time I think about you with someone else, and when I saw that guy hurting you, I would’ve ripped his heart out without thinking twice.”
“I feel it too.” Tears welled in my eyes at my own admission. “But have you thought about what I need? My bet is you think I’m a spoiled brat seeking attention through reckless activities.” I felt rage boiling up from the pit of my stomach and, for the first time, I didn’t restrain my inner voice. “You know what, you judgemental arsehole? I am so bloody sick of being judged, reprimanded, criticised and belittled. All I’ve ever done is try to be what others need me to be or do or say. You have no idea who I really am or what I go through every day trying to keep everyone happy. And you know what? It doesn’t seem to make any difference. No one is ever happy with me. I’m still judged for what I am and what I’m not. No one gives a shit who I am.” I gulped in a breath, choking back tears.
“Wow.” He bit his bottom lip and shook his head. “Are you done projecting on me? Can I answer your question?”
Tears slipped down my cheeks. “I don’t remember my question.” A sob escaped from my throat in reaction to his gentle tone.
“You asked me if I’d thought about what you need.”
“Oh yes. I guess I didn’t give you a chance, did I?”
Leo smiled. “No, you didn’t. I learnt more about you from your rant though.”
My cheeks heated and I placed my cool hands on them briefly.
“I don’t know for sure what you need or why you’re there, but from what I’ve seen, you don’t either. I think you’re struggling to be two different people and it must be exhausting. I don’t think you belong with Richard, but as I’ve said, I don’t like thinking about that. I think all this fighting is making you miserable.”
I stared at him, rendered speechless by his summation. He wasn’t judging me. He had paid attention and had come to conclusions based on everything he’d seen. I’d attacked him unfairly and he’d taken it calmly.
“I’m sorry, Leo,” I said eventually. “I’m a hot mess. I think I should go.”
Leo reached over and lightly touched my face, instantly reigniting the heat. “I’m sorry for being angry with you. You were really impressive back there.”
“Thanks.” I tried to smile, but my mind was jumbled.
“Take care of yourself, Juliette.”
“You too.”
I got out of his car and watched him drive away, feeling depressed and lonely.
Chapter Seventeen
Juliette
The only thing I achieved over the weekend was finding a dress to wear to Juniper’s wedding next weekend. Determined to avoid the designer boutiques my mother insisted my dresses be bought from, I ventured past the inner city urban edge of Brunswick Road to a shopping district with Sia. We hopped on the number nineteen tram heading north, and fifteen minutes later, we arrived in the heart of Sydney Road shopping heaven. In a two-block radius, we were presented with a multitude of fashion stores filled with relatively inexpensive one-offs. Sia always told me it was hit or miss, but luckily for me, on my very first visit, I scored a home run.
Careful to stay away from whites, ivories and creams, I opted for a navy blue number with a sequined bodice, a layered skirt and a jewelled waist band. It was feminine, and in all honesty, wasn’t dissimilar from something my mother would have chosen, other than the tiny price tag that included shoes. The difference was that I’d chosen it, I’d paid for it and if I spilt something down it, no one was going to give me a hard time. I was taking ownership of something as small as buying a dress, but it felt massive, liberating, and I didn’t think I would ever love a dress more.
I struggled out of bed on Monday morning. I was sure I’d caught a few hours of sleep here or there, but I had so many thoughts running through my mind it was difficult to shut off. The recurring thought was that my adolescence and young adult life was a sham, glossed over by my futile attempt to save my mother. The worst part was that on some level, I’d known it was futile, but I’d done nothing about it. Actually, it was worse than that. I’d just dug myself in deeper by staying with Richard for so long.
I knew what I had to do. I didn’t love him, I never would and I didn’t think he loved me either. He had already seen my façade begin to crack. My feelings of guilt were solely for my mother and how miserable her life must have been to focus with such blinkered determination for her role of puppeteer. I would find a way to make her understand.
Two espressos from George later and I was as ready as I was ever going to be to face a new week. Crossing the bridge into the city, I was shocked to see council workers with bolt cutters removing the padlocks. Despite the sadness I felt for all the genuine love represented there, I was thrilled, and a small chuckle bubbled out of me. If I’d been looking for a sign, surely that would’ve been it.
When I got to my desk, I slumped down in my chair and sighed. It was going to be a really long day and it had only just begun. As if sent to taunt me, the first email I saw was from Richard confirming he’d pick me up after work at seven for dinner with our socially acceptable married friends, Fraser and Stacy. Richard and Fraser worked together as financial advisers, and Stacy and I had gone to school together. I’d seen my mother’s tight smile and I could’ve sworn her blue eyes turned green when she found out Stacy was pregnant. I was happy for them, but I just didn’t want the same things at twenty-five. I didn’t want them with Richard at any age.
Thanks to my impossible workload, the day passed quickly, and at seven on the dot, Richard texted me. He was downstairs waiting. I shut my computer down and stared as the fading screen turned to black before gathering my things and heading to the lifts. I wanted nothing more than to just go home, change into my pyjamas and go to sleep with the covers over my head. Instead, I had to pull myself together and suck it up.
Richard was leaning against a ‘No parking’ pole, talking on the phone when I exited the building. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but he appeared flustered and more worked up than I’d seen him before. I moved closer, intrigued.
“It’s all under control. I’ll take care of it.”
I presumed it was something to do with work, but it was unusual to see him rattled. He liked to be seen as the big man of the finance world, invincible and above everyone else. My career was of little consequence to him, and the only time he made any reference to it was with smutty secretary jokes. When he ended his phone call and looked up, he appeared startled to see me so close. His nervous expression disappeared and a mask came down, revealing smooth features and a fake smile. I could actually see it happening and I wondered if I’d just been oblivious to it before. Perhaps I didn’t know him any better than he knew me.
“Who was on the phone?” I asked without greeting him.
He looked guilty for some reason. “Oh, um, that was just a punter.” He took a few steps closer. “Nothing for you to worry about.”
If I’d known who was on the phone and that it was me being discussed, I might have pushed. I might have pushed so hard he would have hit the ground. Then I might have crushed his skull into the pavement, spilling his worthless brain matter into the gutter where it belonged.
“So, where are we having dinner?” I asked, happily changing the subject.
Chapter Eighteen
Juliette
Dinner was more excruciating than I’d expected. Stacy drivelled on and on about her pregnancy like she was the first woman ever to experience it. Intermingled with that riveting conve
rsation topic, I also endured Richard and Fraser discussing the commissions they’d made that week. I could’ve sworn they licked their lips when they referred to their clients as ‘punters’ and the latest deals as ‘money for jam’. Considering my mother’s foundation was one of his major clients, it made me sick. Their attitudes were what gave financial advisers a bad name, and I was embarrassed I had just let their behaviour slide. I had an overused self-preservation mechanism. I heard words come from people’s mouths and my subconscious knew when to nod, smile or make a polite, innocuous query. But I had never really listened. Until now.
“Hey, Juliette. I have a new joke for you,” Richard said, gripping my thigh under the table when we were seated at dinner.
I cringed, pushing his hand away, knowing another bad secretary joke was the last thing I wanted to hear from his mouth at that point.
“Richard,” I said through gritted teeth. “I’d really appreciate you not belittling my job in front of our friends.”
He laughed and took another long swig of his wine, either oblivious to me or pretending he hadn’t heard.
Fraser and Stacy laughed nervously. I’d always just gone along with Richard’s jokes at my expense. I’d never stood up for myself before. Richard was too busy swigging his wine and laughing. My mind was flooded with memories of all the little things he’d said during our relationship. A little jab here and there, his pretentious behaviour in public and our absolute lack of chemistry. I shuddered, remembering his rude behaviour towards Leo at my mother’s Yarra Valley function. It all flooded in and I felt a rage welling in my gut.
Slurring slightly, he began. “A secretary was helping her new boss set up his computer—”
I slammed my hand down on the table and cut him off. “I told you I didn’t appreciate your rude jokes at my expense.”
Richard waved his hand at me dismissively. “Don’t be so sensitive, Juliette.”
My thoughts turned into words and they spilled out of my mouth before I had a chance to restrain them. “I was going to wait till later, but I want you to be sober enough to understand what I’m about to say.”
Collision Page 9