Ben watched Chase catch up with Ali at the dining room door and walk her to the elevator. When the doors opened, they got in together; and Ben forced back the urge to run after her and pull her back. He’d gotten what he wanted. He’d wanted her to be angry. To understand he was a bastard and not good enough for her. He’d needed to stop this thing between them before it got started. Before she made a choice that she’d regret the rest of her life. But this thing between them hadn’t just begun. It started a very long time ago.
“Is this a good time to talk?”
Ben looked around, surprised to see the room had emptied out except for some of Josh’s family and Cynthia standing beside him.
“Oh. Uh, yeah, sure. But first, I…I don’t think I can go out tonight.”
She looked at him knowingly before responding. “And I don’t think you just remembered a prior engagement. In fact, I think this has something to do with a pretty, little, brown-eyed science teacher. Sounded like you’re on her shit list.” She hesitated. “Is this about what I said last night?”
He had to think for a moment to figure out what she meant. “No, not at all. It’s just—I’m not any good for her.”
Cynthia laughed. “You’re not just good for her. You’re everything for her.” She tilted her head. “This is kind of what I wanted to talk to you about. To apologize for what I said at the club. And see if you thought I should apologize to Ali.”
“You never let me apologize to you.”
“I know. I should have.”
Josh’s family had gone and besides Ben and Cynthia, the only people in the room were the bussers clearing tables. “You want to talk here or go upstairs?”
“Here’s good.”
Ben gestured to a bench near the door and let her take her time before she went on. “You were an asshole that afternoon.”
“Agreed. That’s what I would have said if you’d let me. I was sorry then, and I’m still sorry about the things I said, the way I said them.”
“You did say it—calls, texts, emails, an actual letter. And I read them all. I did give the flowers away, but I kept the card for years.” Her smile was rueful. “After I left your place that day…I missed…well, really my only friend. And I was humiliated then hurt then angry. But in time—the things you’d said—I heard them. I guess I was still too embarrassed to talk to you.” She fiddled with the bottom of her sweater. “In spite of how out of line I was last night, I have a better filter now.” She raised her shoulders and quirked her lips. “I even have friends, real friends.” Gesturing to the table where they’d been sitting earlier, she added, “Not just the old gang where it was all air kisses and status checks.”
“I’m glad. And I was sorry to hear about your divorce.”
“Thank you. It turned out Trent had a zipper problem I couldn’t live with.”
“A zipper problem?”
“Yeah. His wouldn’t stay closed.”
Ben almost chuckled at her deadpan delivery.
“All these soulful wedding glances got to me last night, and I drank too much. Not that that’s an excuse for being so far out of line.”
“Cynthia, really. It’s okay. No harm, no foul.”
“That’s sports talk for it didn’t cause any problem with Ali, right?”
“It didn’t.”
They sat for a minute, both lost in their own thoughts. Then she asked, “Did you assign Chase to babysit me last night?”
Ben shrugged and felt the first real smile since Ali had left his room this morning. “How did he do?”
“He cut me off. Nothing but club soda on his watch. And he was a perfect gentleman. Since when did Chase Collins start turning down slutty wedding sex?”
Ben flinched at the words. “Maybe we’re all growing up.”
“He said to call him sometime when there’s no party, and we’ll go out for pizza. Pizza. What’s with pizza?”
Chuckling at her perplexed expression, he shook his head. “I have no idea.”
Apparently her mind had jumped to another track because her expression had turned serious. “I’m holding out for the look.”
“What look?”
“The look. The way Josh looks at Bree, the way Jack looks at Hannah when he’s rubbing that damn baby bump. The look that says the sun won’t come up tomorrow if you’re not in my life. The way you look at Ali.”
Ben leaned back against the wall and studied the ceiling tiles. “There’s something she needs to do, and I’d only hold her back.”
“Is that your opinion or hers?” When he didn’t answer, Cynthia stood up. “Thanks for letting me apologize. Now I get why you needed to. I’m sorry it took me so long to let you.” She leaned over and brushed a kiss on his cheek and started toward the door but stopped before walking out of the room. “She looks at you that way, you know? I don’t know what happened, but I can’t imagine there’s anything either of you needs to do that’s more important than this. Don’t screw it up, Ben. Not everybody gets this chance.”
Chapter 19
Between sobbing and throwing things into her suitcase and make-up bag, Ali stopped every couple of minutes to sit on the bed and stare into space. She’d been so sure they were making love. But then that’s what she’d wanted to believe. Had he just played her for one night to satisfy his curiosity after all these years? Then why had he said those things? Saying he’d stay over another night and they could go out, have time together. Inviting her to come out during Spring Break. Was it all lies? Realization hit her with a sickening thud. They weren’t lies; they just didn’t mean…
A knock at the door took her out of the endless loop of trying to sort it all out. Housekeeping. She’d seen the cart in the hallway when she’d dashed into her room, but she didn’t need her room made up…because this isn’t where she’d slept last night. The sobs started again and so did the knocking.
“Ali? It’s me.”
Bree. Crap. She didn’t want this drama to mess up Bree’s wedding weekend, but avoiding her would only make her worry. When she dragged herself over and opened the door, Bree took one look at her and pulled her into a hug. “Ali, what’s wrong? Pippa said I should check on you. What’s happened?”
“Oh shit, Pippa.” She took a breath that was more like a hiccup. “I didn’t think about Pippa. She doesn’t really know anyone here, and she needs a friend right now.”
“Why does Pippa need a friend?”
“She broke it off with Timothy?
“What? When?”
Ali’s sobs started again and her explanation came out in a long wail. “Because Ben is having sex with Cyndy right now because she’s an old friend too and Tim was smug and I went off on him when it’s really Ben I’m mad at and then we found out he’d cheated on both of us for months and I called Ben a liar then Pippa dropped her ring in the cheese grits. See?”
Bree shook her head as if to clear it. “Not exactly. Ben is having sex with Cyndy. Cyndy Crawley? I seriously doubt that, but if it’s true, it’s sure not anything to write home about. I just saw her in the lobby, telling Hannah and the crew going over to The Village that she was running upstairs but would be back down in four minutes. Talk about your quickie. And what was that about Pippa and cheese grits?”
“When I was telling Timothy off, I said he broke up with me two days before he moved and got engaged to someone he’d only dated five months. Turns out he’d been dating Pippa for months before he dumped me. When Pippa realized he’d still been with me all that time, she took off her engagement ring and dropped it in a bowl of cheese grits.”
Bree tried to swallow her laugh, but it escaped as a snort. “Cheese grits?” Then they were both laughing so hard they sat down on the bed and fell back. Bree managed to say, “And I missed all the fun saying goodbye to the great aunts? Wonder if he dug around in the grits for the ring or asked for a takeout box?”
This visual set them both off again, but when their laughter finally stopped, Ali’s tears filled her eyes. “Bree, what
’s wrong with me?”
“There is nothing wrong with you. Timothy is a jerkwad.” Her tone turned cautious. “And why were you mad at Ben?”
“I spent the night with him last night.”
“We’re not talking BFF slumber party, are we?”
“No.”
“How was he?”
“Bree!” She squeezed her eyes shut. “It was…it was the most wonderful night of my life. I didn’t even know it could be like that.”
“He’s that good, huh?”
“It was just more. More everything.”
Bree reached over and squeezed her hand. “So what happened? The two of you were pretty connected last night. Then today, not so much.”
“He said he’d try to shift his schedule and stay another night, so we could go out. Have some time alone. He asked me to come out to LA during Spring Break. I thought it was the beginning of…I thought it was something it wasn’t. I took the little things he said about the future, about ‘next’ time and turned them into what I wanted. But he made it clear when he got to the brunch that I was way off base.” She tried to swallow. “He said last night was ‘fun’ and that he’d try to catch me later.”
“That lying bastard. You did the right thing to call him on it.”
“But he’s not a liar! I mean I called him that, but he didn’t lie. He even told me. Twice. It’s ‘just us,’ like we’ve always been. And now, I guess, there are supposed to be benefits. Maybe we’ll hook up when he’s in town. I can go visit him, and we’ll hang out. Have hot sex.” She hiccupped and sniffed. “I can’t do that.” In a wobbly whisper, she added, “I love him.”
“I know you do.”
They were both quiet until a thought popped up as Ali inventoried what was lost. “Oh jeez, what if I’d mentioned looking for apartments at Spring Break?”
“Apartments? In LA? I thought you were going to grad school next fall.”
Embarrassing as it was, she might as well get the whole thing out there. “I applied to three programs. I got the Caltech acceptance letter last week.”
“And you would choose Caltech over Harvard? Because of Ben?”
“No! But see? That’s why I haven’t told anyone. I knew that’s what everyone—especially Ben—would think. Pathetic Ali McKenna chasing Mr. Hollywood.” She sighed. “And I admit being close to Ben is—well, was—a big benefit.” Her laugh sounded fake, even to her own ears. “Bad choice of words. I had a few daydreams about walks on the beach at sunset. More than a few. But I’m not quite enough of a…whatever…to choose a grad school based on daydreams. Do you remember Drake Emerson?”
Bree frowned and shook her head.
“He was at Vandy as a postdoc. I had him for molecular machines. He—”
“Wait, I remember. Wasn’t he the one who took you to dinner and tried to talk you into going straight to grad school instead of teaching for a while?”
“That’s him. He and his fiancée took me out. She told him I knew what I was doing and not to pressure me.” Ali smiled at the memory. “They married that summer and have two little girls. Anyway. I tracked him down for a recommendation when I was putting together the application packets. He’s at Caltech now and made a case for why that’s where I should be. He has a big grant operation and sent me all kinds of preliminary research to read. Said to let him know as soon as I got the acceptance, and he’d get me on his team. I’d get to do actual research right away, and they’re doing some really exciting work in alternative—”
Bree chuckled. “If you say so.”
“Sorry.” Ali sighed and hiccupped again, and her eyes burned with more tears. “For just a little while, it was like everything I wanted was right there. All I had to do was grab it. But now, I don’t have anything. I’ve even lost Ben’s friendship. If only I hadn’t taken that stupid bet or told him I was going to have slutty wedding sex or—oh shit.”
“What?”
“That’s why he did it. I told him…I was joking. Well, kind of…oh, criminy. I told him I planned to have slutty wedding sex. He was doing me a favor. That’s all it ever was. He didn’t think anyone would hook up with me. And he was right.”
“Ali, that’s crazy. Besides, Chase would have hooked up in a heartbeat. I heard him flirting with you.”
“That’s just Chase, and he was being nice because he knew I was upset. I’m hardly his type.”
“For someone so smart, I don’t get how you can be so clueless about this. You don’t pay attention. You’re every guy’s type.”
“That’s what Ben said, but it’s not true. Last night was just a pity fuck. Something one friend does for another. When I told him about the wedding sex, he said he’d take care of it. And then when we got back from the bar, it was…it wasn’t romantic or anything…he just kind of backed off and said I should decide if this is what I want. And that it would be okay if I didn’t. Like he’d be fine either way.”
“I’m not buying any of this, by the way. But I’d say if he’s already planning other ‘hook ups’ then he was as impressed with last night as you were.” Bree gestured to the open suitcase. “You’re checking out?”
Ali nodded. “I’ll be at dinner tonight. Chase is picking me up at my house. But I don’t think I can go to the club. Ben has a date.”
Bree started to say something, but stopped and thought about it before she offered, “I could get Josh to talk to Ben.”
“No! Talk about humiliating. I’ve done a good enough job of that already. And Josh would probably just tell me ‘I told you so.’”
“Josh? Why would he say that?”
“At the reception, he said Ben lives in a different world now. I think he was warning me not to get my hopes up. Even my dopey brother is right every now and then.” Ali was trying to joke, but her sobs started again, and Bree pulled her over against her shoulder.
“Oh, Bree, I went to his room, and I knew it might be just one night, but I thought…I thought there was a chance. Then when he said...”
“What? What did he say?”
Mine.
Ali shook her head and tried to sound breezy which didn’t exactly work with her sniffles and hiccups. “Hey, I’m not the attorney here, but even I know what a guy says when he’s in the middle of an orgasm won’t hold up in a court of law.”
“Ah, the Orgasm Defense. That’s a good one.” Bree chuckled and squeezed Ali’s shoulders. “But it doesn’t necessarily mean the words weren’t true.”
“Just one word.” Ali kept shaking her head. “He doesn’t feel about me the way I feel about him. And it’s not like I can blame him for how he feels.”
“Well, I sure as hell can blame him for how he’s handled it. And I’m not feeling quite as forgiving as you are. I’d like to cut off his nuts about now.” Bree’s hand brushed over something on the bedspread, and she held up the zebra pendant. “Don’t forget your necklace.”
“Just put it on the nightstand. The last thing I need is a reminder of what an idiot I’ve been.”
. . . . .
The elevator slowed, coming to a stop on Ali’s floor, and Ben didn’t know if he hoped she was standing there when the doors opened or hoped she wasn’t. She wasn’t. Bree stepped in, but before he could say hello, her eyes narrowed. She’d been talking to Ali. He nodded, the only sound in the blanket of silence was the doors sliding closed.
“I’m not speaking to you because there isn’t anything I would say right now that I wouldn’t regret later.”
He just nodded again. “I understand. It’s okay.”
When he stepped out on his floor, she grabbed the door. “No. It’s not okay. Nothing is okay.” With that, she let the door shut.
The housekeeper had cleaned his room. The bed was made. The desk chair turned around, properly in place. The shower spotless. Every trace of last night wiped away, just as completely as his “friend” routine at brunch wiped away everything between them. Ali. There was a knock at the door, and he threw it open, hoping in some crazy way tha
t it was her, reminding him he’d promised her a naked afternoon.
But Bree charged in. “I changed my mind. I have a lot to say, and I may regret it, but so be it. I’ve known you for nineteen years, Ben Harrison. Never once have I known you to be cruel. And you do this, you asshole? To any woman, but to Ali of all people? How could you? It’s always been you for her. Even when she had other boyfriends, they never measured up to the Ben-standard. Turns out that was a pretty damn low bar, but I think it’s always going to be you.” He kept his eyes on her but made no attempt to defend himself. What defense did he have?
“You at least owe her an explanation she can live with, one that lets her salvage her pride. You’re the man with all the words, make up some shit. You broke her heart. She’s humiliated and feeling about as attractive as last Tuesday’s meatloaf thanks to you. She asked me what’s wrong with her. With her!”
His stomach churned. She was angry at brunch. She’s supposed to be angry, not thinking…
“There’s nothing wrong with her.”
“You’re damn right there isn’t, but thanks to your little pity fuck, as she calls it, that’s what she’s feeling.”
What the hell? “There was no pity fuck.” He spit out the crazy words. “Where’d you get that idea?”
“She told you she wanted slutty wedding sex. You said you’d take care of it. You and I may not be as smart as Ali, but how hard is it to put two-and-two together?”
He wanted to yell but managed to keep his voice calm. “It sure as hell wasn’t that, and it wasn’t the one-night stand Josh said…” His voice trailed off as he realized he shouldn’t have brought Josh into this.
“Josh again. Exactly what did Josh say?”
“Look. She’s his little sister—”
Bree cut off his defense. “No! She may always be that to him, but he’ll have to learn to put a sock in it because she’s a competent, grown-ass woman who’s been in love with you forever. She doesn’t need anybody managing her life for her.” She pointed to his lower jaw where the bruise was probably showing. “Did Josh do that?”
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