by E. L. Todd
“I hope your lack of interest is temporary…”
I rubbed the back of my neck as I stared out the window and to the city beyond. “I don’t know, Rae… I just don’t think it’s for me. I had something great with you, and I messed it up. Maybe I’m just not meant to have forever with someone.”
“That’s absolutely untrue, Ryker.”
Of course she would say that.
“We both know I would have taken you back if I hadn’t…you know.”
That didn’t make this easier. “But we broke up because of my stupidity. I don’t have the maturity for a deep commitment.”
“Maybe you didn’t then, but you do now. You’re completely different, Ryker.”
I wasn’t so sure about that.
“Don’t take it off the table, that’s all I’m saying.”
As long as I was still hung up on her, it would always be off the table. I’d been living in New York for nearly two months now, and my feelings hadn’t changed. I found myself wondering what she was doing while I lay in bed alone. When I saw a game on TV, I wondered if she was watching the same one with the gang. Stupid thoughts like that popped in my head all the time. “We’ll see how it goes…”
Rae didn’t press the argument. “I just wanted to see how things are going. I’ll send a picture of my new addition.”
“What’s his name?”
“Razor.”
“Cool. I’d love to see it.”
“Alright. I’ll send it over in a minute.”
I pressed my head against the glass and felt the coolness seep into my skin. I hung on the line with her, desperate to remain connected to her but also desperate to cut ties with her. How could we be on separate sides of the country but still feel this connection? Why did I have to be such an ass to her last year? “I’ll talk to you later. Tell the gang I said hi.”
“I will. Bye, Ryker.”
I felt my throat grow dry before I spoke. “Bye, sweetheart.”
***
I called Austen a few hours after she got off work.
“I love it when a sexy man calls me.”
I smiled at her greeting, feeling the agony from earlier wash away almost immediately. “Not just any sexy man.”
“The sexiest man.”
I grinned wider. “Can I stop by?”
“Booty call time?”
“Something like that.”
“I’ll swing by in ten minutes.”
I raised an eyebrow, noticing the subtle way she brushed me off. “Any reason you don’t want me to come to your apartment?”
“It’s not nearly as nice as yours.”
“You think I care about that? I’ll fuck you behind a dumpster, for god’s sake.”
She chuckled into the phone. “I believe you. But I don’t like hanging out in my apartment.”
“Why?” Why did she live there if she didn’t like it?
“I don’t know. I just prefer being over there.”
That set alarms off in my head. “Please don’t tell me you’re married.”
Now she laughed hard over the line. “Jesus Christ, no. Fine, come over and see my place. I’ve got nothing to hide.”
I was intrigued by her brush-off, so I took her offer. “I’ll be there in ten minutes. Send me the address.”
“Just hit the button in the lobby, and I’ll buzz you in.”
I walked a few blocks to the east and found her building in a nice neighborhood. It had a doorman, so that told me it definitely wasn’t a dump. The people going in and out were dressed nicely, like they were wealthy neighbors. The lobby was clean and music played overhead. I took the elevator to her floor and tried to figure out why she hated her own apartment so much. So far, it seemed pretty luxurious to me.
After I knocked on her door, she let me inside. The apartment was definitely one of quality, with hardwood floors, new appliances, art lights, and a large floor-to-ceiling window that overlooked the city. It was a fraction of the size of my apartment, but that was its only flaw.
“See?” She leaned against the counter and crossed her arms over her chest. “No husband.”
“For now. Let’s just hope he doesn’t walk in while I’m screwing you in the bedroom.” I moved into her and wrapped my hands around her waist. I had her pinned against the counter where she couldn’t step away. I liked to corner her into things, make her my plaything. I leaned down and kissed her on the lips, feeling my mouth burn the moment we touched. We had intense chemistry, the kind that made my cock thicker than it’d ever been before. In the past month since I’d started screwing her on a regular basis, I hadn’t been with anyone else. The thought never crossed my mind because I was so satisfied by this bed heathen.
“Maybe he could join us.”
I smiled against her mouth. “I don’t do threesomes with dudes.”
“Have you ever tried it?”
“No.” My eyebrows furrowed. “Have you?”
She shrugged. “Never kiss and tell.”
I couldn’t tell if she was joking or not. The mystery surrounding this woman just made me more intrigued.
She ran her hands down my arms, feeling the muscles of my biceps and triceps. She touched my arms a lot, like they were one of her favorite features. “I missed you today.”
“I missed you too.” I repeated the words on instinct. I missed her anytime she wasn’t naked and in my bed. I missed her whenever we were apart. Liam and John were good friends of mine, but Austen quickly became a member of my inner circle. I pulled out the paper from my back pocket and decided now was the best time to give it to her. “I stopped by the doctor’s office today.” I unfolded it and placed it on the counter beside her. “I’m clean.”
She eyed it with raised eyebrows before she turned back to me.
“No condoms.”
“We aren’t monogamous.”
“I haven’t been with anyone.” I eyed her and silently asked the question. A part of me didn’t want to hear the answer. My stomach hardened in dread when I pictured another man thrusting inside her. I reminded myself I didn’t care, that I was just concerned for my own health.
“That doesn’t matter.”
My eyebrow rose. “You’ve been with someone?” I immediately wanted to ask who it was so I could snap his neck and leave his body in a dumpster.
“No. But that could change.”
Relief washed over me, but then the dread returned in full force. “The sex is amazing. Do you disagree?”
“Of course I don’t disagree—”
“Then let’s be exclusive fuck buddies. I don’t want to wear a rubber anymore. It’s fine for a few rounds, but after a while, that shit gets old.”
Irritation immediately burned in her eyes at the direction of this conversation. “I told you from the very beginning that nothing would ever happen between us. This is purely physical and will never mean anything. I’m not looking for a boyfriend—”
“Shut up.” I pressed harder into her, smashing her into the counter. “I’m not asking to be your boyfriend. I’m not asking for anything emotional. You keep being paranoid that I’m going to develop feelings for you. Trust me, I never will. You will always be just some woman that I screw—nothing more. You mean nothing to me—less than nothing.”
Her eyes shifted back and forth as she stared me down, so close to my face that she couldn’t get my entire face in a single view. Her expression remained exactly the same, but her eyes hardened in offense.
“You changed the rules when you slept over the other night. Now I want to change the rules because I want to go bareback. Safe sex is important to both of us, so I don’t understand why we can’t be monogamous until one of us gets bored with it or meets someone else. You’re being a drama queen and making it into something bigger than it really is.”
She crossed her arms over her chest, putting something in between us so we would remain separated.
“So what do you say?”
“Is this an ultimatum?” she as
ked.
“No. A friendly request.”
“Then my answer is no.”
I wanted to strangle her. “You seriously want to keep using condoms?”
“I don’t want to be committed to anyone.”
“We aren’t committed to each other. If you find someone else you like, then we go back to condoms. That’s it.”
She shook her head. “No. That’s my final answer.” She migrated away from me and moved to the other side of the kitchen island, the counter between us.
I did my best to get what I wanted, but it backfired in my face. She was so set in her ways that she wasn’t willing to entertain another way of life. Only someone who had been seriously screwed over would act that way. “What happened to you?”
“Excuse me?” she whispered.
“Something happened to you. A guy fucked with your head, didn’t he?”
When her eyes slightly widened in fear, she revealed her answer. She did her best to hide it, but raw emotion was a powerful thing. She couldn’t deny what happened. She couldn’t go back in time and erase what transpired.
“A woman fucked me over too, Austen. But you know what? You’ve got to move on. I’m not some asshole who’s going to pull you through the mud. I will always give it to you straight—even if you don’t want to hear the truth.”
Austen still wouldn’t open up to me. She didn’t ask me a single question about Rae because she didn’t want a question in return about the man who broke her heart. She remained silent for minutes, just staring at me. After a while, she finally spoke, the confidence in full force. “I told you what I wanted from the beginning. I’m not going to change my mind. If that’s not good enough for you, you know where the door is.”
I snatched the paper off the counter and shoved it into my back pocket. I could go out and pick up a hot number from the bar, take her back to my place, and have wild sex. I could get a short-term monogamous partner until my desires were fulfilled. But I didn’t want to do that. For the time being, Austen was the only woman I wanted. The sex was absolutely incredible, mind-blowing. Even with a rubber, she was still one of the best lays I’d ever had.
I walked around the kitchen island, my shoes thudding against the hard floor as I maneuvered to where she stood. I slowly approached her with my hands by my sides, my eyes locked on to her face. I walked up to her and looked down at her, sensing the chemical tension that rose between us. Despite her rejection, I still wanted this woman. I gripped her by the waist and set her on the counter so our faces were level. I yanked up her dress then pressed my mouth to hers, giving a kiss that expressed all my frustration. I kissed her hard with domination, claiming her even though she didn’t want to be claimed.
The second her lips touched mine, she was on fire. Her hands went to my jeans and got them loose so my cock could pop out and greet her. She went for my shirt next, pulling it off my chest before she ran her hands over the slab of muscle.
I yanked a condom out of my pocket and pressed it into her hand. “Do the honors, sweetheart.”
She ripped the foil then unrolled the latex onto my length, doing it quickly and efficiently. She cupped my balls at the end, massaging them in a sexy way as she sucked my bottom lip into her mouth.
She drove me crazy.
I pushed her onto her back on the counter then yanked her hips over the edge. With anger, I thrust myself inside her hard, pushing into her tight pussy and stretching her wide apart. The latex numbed the sensation, but it still felt so incredible that I forgot about our fight altogether.
I fucked her like I always did.
Chapter Twelve
Austen
I started to feel guilty for not telling Madeline and Jenn what was really going on with Ryker. I told them everything, just as they told me everything. And worst of all, I had no one to talk about my issues with because it was a secret.
And I’d never been good with secrets.
I knew they wouldn’t tell Liam, so I didn’t need to worry about that. And even if they did, it didn’t seem like Liam cared all that much. It was none of his business anyway, so it shouldn’t be a surprise. If he and Madeline hit it off, it’s not like I would intervene.
I found them at the table in the back of the bar, sitting at their usual black booth in the corner. It could easily accommodate ten people, but we liked to hog it anyway. “What’s up?”
“We got your cosmo, girl.” Jenn pushed the pink glass toward me. “I tried to order two for you, but the waiter said I needed to pace myself.”
I shook my head. “That guy doesn’t know shit about pacing.” I took a long drink just to defy the nameless waiter. “I’ll straighten him out.”
“I’m sure you will,” Madeline said. “So, what’s new? There’s this new club that opened downtown. I thought we could check it out.”
“Everything is new to me,” I said. “So I’m down for anything.” My parents were from New York, but I went away to college, and before that, I was in a private school in Connecticut. So I didn’t spend a lot of time here in the city.
“Then we’ll go on Saturday,” Jenn said. “It’s set in stone.”
Now that I was with both of them, I felt the guilt grow in my gut. I’d been fooling around with Ryker for over a month now, and neither one of them knew anything about it. Madeline thought we slept together just one time, but that was only scratching the surface.
“You okay?” Madeline must have seen the disturbed look on my face because she flashed me an expression of concern.
“Uh…kinda.” I cringed as I looked at both of them. “I need to tell you guys something.”
“Uh-oh,” Jenn said. “Please don’t tell me you’re knocked up.”
“No.” I’d be shocked if I were, since I was on two forms of birth control.
“Then what?” Madeline asked.
“So…you know how I said Ryker and I hooked up one time?” I stirred my drink and eyed the pink alcohol as it swirled around.
“Yeah…” Madeline narrowed her eyes.
“Actually, this is news to me,” Jenn said. “How was he?”
“The best I’ve ever had.” There was no doubt about that. I was madly in love with Nathan once upon a time, but Ryker smoked him in the bedroom. “One thing led to another, and it happened again…and now we’re fuck buddies.”
“Like, a booty call situation?” Madeline asked.
“Yep.” I waited for the taunts and the criticism. I was going back on the promise I made to myself years ago.
“Honestly, I think it’s great,” Madeline said. “When you said you were never going to sleep with the same guy twice, I knew you were still heartbroken over Nathan. But if you want to keep seeing Ryker, I think that means you’re in a good place.”
That wasn’t what I expected her to say. “But I’m not seeing Ryker. I’m just sleeping with him.”
“It’s still a start,” Jenn said. “You guys must do other things besides screw the entire time.”
There was dinner and conversation in between the sex. I even slept over there. “Well…yeah.”
Madeline wore a yellow strapless dress that looked perfect on her, highlighting her skin tone perfectly. She was one of those girls who was naturally beautiful without wearing a drop of makeup. “I think this is a good start. Besides, he’s sooo hot.”
“It’s never going to lead to anything. I told him that, and he agreed. But then yesterday he said he wanted to be monogamous so we could stop using condoms.” I almost caved when he cornered me, but I managed to hold my ground. When he was silent and brooding, he was even sexier. I nearly gave in to him.
“What did you say?” Jenn asked.
“No, of course,” I said. “That’s not what I’m looking for. I told him I just wanted a fling—that’s it.”
“What’s the big deal if it turns into something more?” Madeline asked.
“You know I’m never going down that road again.” I didn’t need to remind them of what I’d been through. “I�
�m happy with the way my life is. I’m not going to change it.”
“For now.” Jenn had her hair in spirals, gold hoops in her ears. She wore a skintight black dress, making all the guys glance in our direction. “What about when everyone else gets married and has kids?”
“And we’re just going to stop being friends?” I asked incredulously. “We’ll still hang out.”
“But you won’t have what we have,” Madeline said. “You’ll be missing out on a great experience.”
“I’m sure I’ll be fine, guys,” I argued. “Lots of women don’t get married and have kids.”
Madeline and Jenn exchanged a look like I couldn’t be more wrong.
“You know what?” Madeline said. “We’ve been really understanding up until this point. We know you went through a hard time because Nathan was an absolute jackass to you. You were hurt, and you needed time to lick your wounds. We totally get that. But, Austen, it’s time you moved on.”
“I have moved on.” I was over what happened. I’d been with other men, and I was happy with my life.
“Not really,” Jenn said. “You’re absolutely terrified you’re going to get hurt again. You’re so scared, you aren’t even willing to give anyone a chance.”
“Not true. If I ever meet a guy I can’t live without, I’ll go for him.” But I suspected that would never happen.
“But how will you know if you never give anyone a chance?” Madeline asked. “Why don’t you start seeing Ryker seriously? He seems like a nice guy. He’s successful, good-looking, polite, and honest.”
I thought Nathan was the greatest guy in the world until he proved me wrong. “I know you guys mean well, but I simply don’t agree. I’m gonna keep doing my thing because I’m happy. I just wanted you to know about Ryker because I felt guilty for hiding it from you. And don’t mention it to Liam, by the way.”
They both stared at me like they didn’t buy my little speech.
I changed the subject before things became more uncomfortable. “So…Nathan called me the other day.”
“Shut up.” Jenn turned to me so fast she knocked over her drink, and it spilled onto the floor. “Shit.” She grabbed a handful of napkins and threw them on top of the pool of alcohol.