Going day by day sounds like the worst possible way to live. How could you ever know where you'd end up? "But I'm not where I need to be. Not music-wise, anyhow. Melissa found another route but there isn't one for me."
"No? No other orchestras on the planet, no other groups you—"
He stops because I'm shaking my head. "Toronto Philharmonic was my goal. Since the day my dad took me there when I was ten. And now..." I shrug. "It'll never happen. Of course there are other orchestras, and most musicians audition for every last one they can find, but that path's not right for me. That may seem stupid to you, it sure seems stupid to Galen, but it's how it is. It had to be the Philharmonic. That's what I planned for, that's what mattered to me. That was the goal. Nothing else would be right."
"Then maybe it's too restrictive a goal?"
I pull away. "It's not my goal any more. It was. But it's behind me now. I have new plans that don't involve music, and I'm going to make them happen, and that's that. Can we drop this?"
Austin, wisely, doesn't push me. "Of course. After I tell you I am truly sorry your dream didn't come true."
I can see in his eyes that he is, and I can see a deeper sadness too. "You had a big dream you couldn't reach too, right?"
He blinks several times. "What makes you say that?"
"I... no reason," I say, though the emotion that made me say it is still in his eyes, because I can tell he doesn't want to discuss it. "You're just being so nice to me, I thought you maybe did."
He still looks startled but he says, "I told you yesterday, I don't have dreams. Makes life easier."
I don't believe him, but the boat's slowing down so I say, "Well, you're probably right about that. I'll try it from now on." I won't, though. It's not my style not to have everything planned out. And anyhow, all my focus is on Georjenna now, and that's reality not a dream.
He reaches out and gives my hand a squeeze. "I hope it works for you."
I squeeze back, loving the feel of his strong hand in mine.
"Ask me that question again afterwards, okay?"
I look at him, surprised by the way the words rushed from him like he was afraid he wouldn't get them out, and realize he looks as confused as I feel. "About the dream thing? Okay. Will do."
He smiles, gives his head a little shake as if he's trying to dislodge something, and releases my hand before he says, "Moving on. Before we get into the water I need you to rub your hands all over my back."
I raise my eyebrow, surprised he'd suggest such a thing but not opposed to the idea, and he laughs and produces a bottle of sunscreen from his bag. "Just wanted to see your face."
My cheeks go hot, and I roll my eyes. "Get your shirt off, buddy."
He winks. "If you insist." He pulls his t-shirt over his head and I get a glimpse of a sleek and well-muscled chest before he turns an equally fit back to me.
I smooth the sunscreen over him, trying not to get overheated at the feel of his warm skin against my palms and not doing a good job, then say, "Return the favor?"
"Thought you'd never ask."
I turn away before getting out of my shirt, then close my eyes as his sunscreen-slicked hands slide over my shoulders and upper back. I've never been the bikini type but now I wish I'd brought the tiniest one imaginable instead of my sensible one-piece suit because it only takes him a few seconds to cover all my exposed skin and his touch feels so good I want it to last forever.
"There," he says, taking his hands away as the boat docks. "You won't get burned and your brother won't try to kill me."
I chuckle. "Galen's not the killing type," I say, then turn to him as I add, "But thanks."
The heat and hunger in his eyes send shivers through me even as he says in his usual light tone, "You are so welcome."
We sit frozen for a moment, our eyes locked and electricity crackling between us, then that same confused 'math problem' expression crosses his face and he pulls back and turns away. Without looking at me, he says, "Ready to snorkel?"
I am, since spending all day staring at him isn't an option, and once we've put on our flippers and flotation vests we do. We say only a few words to each other the whole time since we're mostly face-down in the water, but Austin knows this area well and guides me to the best spots by gently catching hold of my hand or wrist. He doesn't keep holding onto me after he's drawn my attention to whatever he wants me to see, and I wish he would because I love his touch, but it's still great fun.
All too soon, the boat crew blows a whistle to call us back onto the ship, and since we happen to be near it we're the first back on board. Austin helps me peel off my flippers and we drop all of our gear into the appropriate bin, then he points to a set of two seats away from the rest. "How about over there?"
Once we're settled, we sit in silence for a moment. I don't know whether he seriously wanted me to ask again, but I already know him well enough to know that he'll just make a joke and brush me off if he didn't, so I clear my throat and say, "I told you all about my big dream I couldn't reach. Your turn. What's in your past, Austin?"
For a second I think he's not going to respond, and I'm taking a breath to tell him to ignore me when he says, "I thought I'd be a husband and father."
The pain in his voice surprises me almost as much as the words I'd never have expected him to say after what Melissa told me. "You still can. You're hardly too old to—"
He's shaking his head. "It's not that. It's..." He looks down at his lap. "Forget it."
"I'll protect you from the spines, man," I say, knowing it's not the perfect quote for the situation but hoping an additional movie reference will amuse him.
It does. He gives a bark of laughter and turns to me, smiling. "You'd better. In the movie the guy got his shorts shredded when the cactus fought back and I only have this one bathing suit here."
The idea of him swimming naked, the mental picture that gives me, literally takes my breath away. I make myself calm down with a replacement breath then say, "You can tell me anything. I'm good at keeping secrets."
So true, given Georjenna.
"I bet you are." He shrugs. "When I was a little kid I told everyone I wanted to be a daddy some day, a daddy just like mine. Then mine walked out, or got kicked out by my mom, I've never been sure which, and I haven't seen him since. Mom's got her own money so she didn't need him for that, and she and I and Nicky and Owen lived on our own a bit then moved in with her next man. All I ever saw was people saying they were madly in love and then walking away the next week." He shrugs again. "So I don't believe in... love or any of that stuff. I mean, I know it happens for other people, like Melissa and Nicholas, but I don't believe it's out there for me. But I used to. And sometimes I wish I still did."
I link my arm through his, wanting to comfort him. "I can see that. It's sad, but I can see it."
He pulls me closer. "Did your background have the same effect on you? Or am I just a freak?"
"Well, you are a freak," I say, because I know he wants me to.
He laughs, and I smile at him then add, "But mine's kind of the opposite, really. I watched my mom doing everything on her own, raising two kids and never seeming even a little stressed, and it made me believe I could do anything." I sigh. "Then the orchestra thing happened, and now... now I don't know. I've put it all behind me, made new plans for my life. But still... I'm never sure I'm doing things right."
I'm surprised I told him that, but even more surprised by how much I mean it. With all of my plans, how could I not be doing things right?
"Yeah," he says softly. "I hear you."
We sit together, arm-in-arm, without speaking, until the boat begins to slow down as it approaches the dock. Then he says, "I have never told anyone else all that. You working some sort of magic on me?"
"If I am you're doing it right back to me, because I don't even bother thinking about the orchestra any more never mind talk about it." I lean into him. "It's the ocean, I guess. It's always making noise so we have to talk too."
"Fate worse than death."
He gives my arm another squeeze, then we dock and he helps me off the boat.
"How was it?" Shari positions herself so she's clearly only talking to Austin.
"Great," he says. He looks at me and says again, his neck going red, "It was great."
*****
Austin and I hang out, chatting about nothing and loving it, down the beach from the peacefully reading Melissa and Nicholas, while the others snorkel. When we all board the ship after a few more amazing hours lounging on the beach Glenn says, "I need a shower before dinner," and takes off to his cabin to have one. Shari says, "Me too. But first..." She holds out her arms to Austin. "Need to say goodbye to my horse buddy."
Austin grins and hugs her with no hesitation, and I find myself annoyed at all three of us. Shari for demanding a hug, Austin for providing it, and myself for caring. I should know better. Yes, there's heat between us, but he's probably got that with everyone. I can't be jealous when someone I'll never see again after Saturday gives out hugs.
Austin steps back and Shari gives him a big smile and says, "See you later," then waves at the rest of us and leaves. The rest of us stand in silence for a second before Melissa says shyly, "Corinne, if you really wanted me to sign your book, I'd be happy to do it some time. But don't worry if you'd rather not have my scribble in it."
"Are you kidding? I'd love it." I smile at her. "Can we do it right now?"
She blushes. "Sure."
Austin nudges her. "This your first book signing?" When she nods, he says, "Then we should all come along and watch and take pictures. Corinne, can your cabin handle visitors or should you bring the book somewhere else?"
"Are you suggesting I'm messy?" I pretend to be offended, giving myself a chance to cast a mental eye over my room. Is everything put away? I wouldn't want them to see my big bottle of clearly labeled prenatal vitamins, or the books about pregnancy and child-raising I brought.
"Hey, I am, so I'm not one to judge. So? Are you?"
Galen laughs. "Not even a little bit. She's the queen of neatness."
Austin gives a theatrical bow. "To your cabin, then, your highness?"
Since I'm quite sure there's nothing incriminating lying around I tell Melissa, "I'd really like it, if you're okay with it."
She's smiling like she can't hold it back. "Okay? I can't think of anything I want to do more."
I lead the group to my small but well-laid-out room. I find Melissa's novel easily, since it's right by my bed, and she takes it from me with reverent hands then sits down at the little desk and says, "I have no idea what to write in it."
"I'll help." Austin moves over to her.
She pushes him back. "You won't. I can't trust you any further than I can throw you."
Austin shakes his head and says to me, "You see what I put up with? Constant abuse."
I rub his shoulder, pretending sympathy and enjoying touching him. "And I'm sure you never deserve it."
"Never," he agrees, catching my hand and giving it a squeeze. He releases me and looks around my room. I see him notice my cruise brochure, bristling with stickies of all colors from my planning, but he says only, "I've never been in a cabin without a balcony. It's a lot nicer than I'd expected." Then he says, "Except for that. Why is that here?"
I turn, surprised and afraid I did leave something incriminating out, to see him pointing at my "Sex and the City" DVD set on the desk beside Melissa. Relieved, I say, "What's wrong with it?"
He raises his eyebrows. "You're on a cruise, Corinne. You should not be sitting in here watching hours of dubious television."
"It's not dubious," Arabella and Melissa and Nicholas say in unison, and we all laugh.
"Nicky, what's happened to you?" Austin shakes his head. "You actually watch that?"
He nods, not looking bothered by his brother's disgust. "Melissa got me into it. It's fun, actually. Fluffy, but fun."
"I'm the only man in my family," Austin says, then grunts when the grinning Nicholas punches him in the shoulder with what looks like all his strength. "Okay, that hurt. I guess you've made your point. Maybe you're a man after all. But my point still stands. There's an ocean out there to look at, and all the excursions to go on and the spa to visit and..." He winks at me. "Me to hang out with."
"Might have had her until that part," Melissa murmurs.
Actually, that's the best part.
He ignores her and says to me, "At least when Mel and Nicky are lost in books they're out in the fresh air doing it. You should be spending all your time on the cruise either sound asleep or with me. So you don't need it." He grins. "I've got an idea. I'll hold onto it for you, then you won't be tempted to sit in here and watch it instead of being out with me."
Melissa turns to Austin, her forehead wrinkling, but she blinks that away and says, "How could anyone pass up that offer?" in a tone so heavy with sarcasm it could sink the ship.
"Beats me," he says, without looking away from me. "Well?"
I love that he wants me with him, though it surprises me that he seems to be pursuing me so hard when Shari is all but throwing herself at him, but I know he expects at least a bit of protest so I narrow my eyes and say, "You promise you'll keep me entertained?"
He gives me an even more theatrical bow than before. "Your highness of neatness, I swear I will. I swear by... by the wide ocean and the blue sky and the sand I've got in my bathing suit at the moment."
I squeeze my eyes shut. "That's a hell of an image. If I agree, will you never say anything like that again?"
"Please," Melissa adds.
"Deal."
I open my eyes and smile at Austin. I wanted to spend time with him on the cruise, and if he wants it too? Yes. It's not part of my plan, and that scares me, but I can't resist him. "Then deal back at you."
His smile seems genuine. "Perfect. Now, the Pressfields and I need to get going for dinner with Mom, but how about a drink after dinner?"
I pick up the DVD package, which I haven't even opened yet, and hand it to him. I can feel Galen radiating disapproval but it doesn't stop me saying to Austin, "Sounds like a plan."
Chapter Five
I sit in the comfortable but elegant grill restaurant finishing up a great lunch with Austin, feeling so glad he invited me to join him.
Only me.
At the end of our after-dinner drinks last night, he'd turned to me and said, "So, want to have lunch with me tomorrow?"
I was starting to say yes when Shari said, "Ooh, sure, where are we going?"
Arabella giggled, clearly realizing what Austin had meant, then turned it into a cough when Shari glared at her, and Austin calmly said, "I owe Corinne a significant amount of entertainment after the deal we made earlier, so I think it had better be just us. Not sure I can provide that level of fun for multiple people."
Shari hadn't been able to find a response, and his smoothness in getting rid of her had impressed me, at least until I was back in my cabin getting ready for bed and realized Austin's probably had a lot of experience separating a single girl from her group of friends on board this ship.
Still, he chose me this time, and I'm not going to worry about who he'll choose next. When I woke up this morning I decided I should pull back from the deeper level of conversation we'd reached yesterday, since our relationship isn't going to last past Saturday and I want us to have as much fun as possible, and he seems to feel the same way. We've been joking and flirting and teasing each other but we haven't talked about anything more serious than whether the chicken or steak would be tastier. Part of me misses the intensity we had before but flirting with him is wonderful too, even though he also flirts with the waitress. I'm not sure he's capable of not flirting, but he's so good at it I can see why he does it so much.
When we're finished our meal we leave and head toward what
Austin says is the spot with the best view on the whole ship. "You come out of the elevator on the top deck and turn to the left and there it is."
I smile at him, wondering if we might have our first kiss at this special spot and ready to find out. "Let's go."
"On second thought, it's probably too busy now, and it's prettier at night anyhow. I'll take you there tonight after dinner," he promises. "If you want to."
If? "Sure. Where to now then?"
Before he can answer, we turn a corner and he points at a sign by a room. "Feel like taking Grandma lessons?"
The sign reads, "Learn to crochet".
Almost before I register the words I stop walking as though I've been caught by a massive crochet hook and my heart starts racing. Then my stomach churns, and I have to bite my lip to keep from whimpering.
Austin has taken a few more steps forward, not realizing I'm frozen, but he turns back and his eyes widen. "What's wrong?"
I shake my head, since I can't speak. I can barely breathe.
He hurries over and puts his hands on my shoulders. "Are you sick?"
I shake my head again. "It's that class," I manage to whisper.
He frowns. "Aw, hell, I hurt your feelings with the Grandma thing? I'm sorry, I didn't know you crochet."
I give a strangled laugh. "I don't. I did but I don't. I don't do anything."
Austin slips his arm around me and guides me to some chairs off to the side of the hallway. "Sit down," he says softly. "It's okay."
I do sit, but it's not okay. The mere sight of the stupid sign is bringing up so much pain and confusion in me that I'm not sure I can get through it all.
He let me go when I sat down, but he takes a chair and again wraps his arm around me. "It's okay." His free hand takes mine. "I'm sorry. Do you want to tell me?"
"I don't even know. " I move closer and rest my head on his shoulder. "It's all... I don't know."
Plan Overboard (Toronto Series #14) Page 4