Plan Overboard (Toronto Series #14)

by Wardell, Heather

  After a lot of thought, I send back:

  Thanks for the good wishes, Clay. Yes, I've had her. We're doing well so far. Fortunately I had an excellent air conditioner during the worst of the heat so it wasn't all that bad. I appreciate your email, and everything else you've done too.

  Corinne

  I don't attach a picture, because it feels wrong somehow. Jenna is my future. Clay is my past. There's no connection between the two.

  Chapter Twenty

  "I win!"

  Laura laughs and says over her shoulder, "Yeah, but you've got a week's head start at this stuff. And that's a lot when Jeremiah's only two weeks old. I'll get better. I'll catch up to you."

  We both started buckling our babies into their car seats at once, and I can't help being proud that I finished first though of course it doesn't matter. Laura's little missteps with her son, like when she got him all dressed after a diaper change only to realize she'd stuffed both his legs into one leg of his pants, don't seem to bother her. Mine bother me, a lot, and even winning such a silly little competition gives me a bit more confidence in my mothering skills, confidence I badly need. Jenna deserves the best mother on the planet.

  Once Jeremiah is secured too, Laura withdraws from her car and says, "I'm really glad we did this today. I was terrified, I've gotta admit. But it worked out fine and I'm glad."

  "Me too. All parts." When she suggested we spend a few hours at the zoo with our babies, my first thought had been, "Can my mom come too?" She probably could have, but I had definitely wanted to try taking Jenna into the world on my own.

  On my own with Laura, of course, but it was still a challenge and I'm thrilled with how well the day went. Jeremiah's a little harder to soothe than Jenna, but we did manage to get both of them to sleep a lot, and while they did Laura and I chatted non-stop and shared our fears and doubts about how we would raise our babies and helped each other relax. She didn't ask me if I've heard from Austin, no doubt well aware that if I had I'd have told her, but we did talk a lot about her and Grant. He's still not asking much about the baby, even now that Jeremiah's been born, and they had a fight last night over Skype about it. While I do miss Austin whenever I think of him, I'm glad I don't have to worry about his involvement, or lack thereof, with Jenna. My plan was to do it alone, and I like that that's how it turned out.

  Except when I wake up in the middle of the night and wish I could feel his arms around me one more time.

  "Well, I've got laundry calling my name so I'd better go."

  I chuckle. "Mine's calling too but I'm not answering."

  "It'll be me and Jeremiah naked tomorrow if I don't. We'll do this again sometime?"

  "Definitely. Soon."

  We hug, then we both pull out of the parking lot.

  As I drive home, I realize I'm grinning. Things are really working out. Though I'm not a perfect mother yet, and in all honesty never will be, I am getting the hang of things. I have a great friend in Laura and a kind and generous boss in Travis, and my family is being wonderful about helping me out. Jenna is gorgeous, and I've been lucky enough to get an easy peaceful baby, and some day she'll probably sleep through the night and then I will too. For the first time in a long time, I feel like my life is where it should be. My plans are all working out.

  My cell phone, buried in my purse, rings.

  Not wanting to pay the several-hundred-buck fine the province of Ontario charges for using a phone while driving, I leave it alone, but I giggle because it's probably Laura calling pretending to be my laundry. That would be so like her.

  When I'm parked at my apartment, I dig out the phone so I can respond to her joke, and everything seems to freeze.

  If I'd answered the phone on the road, if I'd seen that phone number on my call display, I'd have gone right off the road.

  The last three digits are 672. Though I've tried, I haven't been able to forget them, or the rest of the number.

  Austin.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Two hours after his call, after frantically tearing through my closet in search of an outfit that hides the baby weight I haven't yet lost without making me look like I'm still pregnant, I'm sitting at the coffee shop in my favorite black maternity dress. It's loose and comfortable but not a tent, and a few days ago Mom said I looked good in it. I hope Austin thinks so too.

  If he ever gets here.

  I'm so nervous and hopeful and terrified that I can barely sit still, and his being ten minutes late isn't helping. With every second I get more anxious.

  My phone receives a text.

  Traffic. I am on my way. So sorry.

  As I read, hoping he's not risking that huge fine for sending it while driving, he sends another.

  Please don't leave.

  Leaving hasn't crossed my mind. I can't imagine he would contact me to arrange this meeting and then stand me up. Doesn't seem like the Austin I know.

  Knew.

  I have to remember that I really never knew him. We had one crazy week together, but everyone's different on vacation. I don't know how he is when things get tough, but by his own admission he's usually long gone by then.

  Not wanting to think about that, I suck back the rest of my iced lemonade in one huge gulp, shudder as the sugar at the bottom hits me, then turn my thoughts to the most important question: why does he want to see me?

  When I returned his call I was too surprised he'd called and too overwhelmed by all the memories the sound of his voice brought up to ask, and he didn't offer a reason. He just said he wanted to talk to me and I'd offered to meet tonight almost before he finished the sentence.

  I'd probably have been better to hold out a bit, but I so want to see him and I didn't want him to think otherwise. He sounded cool and reserved on the phone, but at least he was on the phone. That's more than I've had from him for over six months so I hope it's a good sign.

  I don't know of what, though. Jenna has to come first. I can't do anything at all that might cause her pain down the road. How would bringing Austin into our lives, if that's even what he wants to discuss, work?

  Ten more minutes later, as I sit struggling with that question and toying with a lock of Jenna's sparse brown hair as she lies in her car seat carrier attached to her stroller, the coffee shop door opens. It's opened multiple times since my arrival, but somehow I know this time it's him.

  Of course, I thought that each of the other times too.

  But this time I'm right.

  He stands in the doorway, scanning the coffee shop crowd, but he's started at the other side so I get to look at him before he spots me.

  I thought he was gorgeous on the cruise.

  I didn't know the half of it.

  He's wearing a black suit with a pale purple dress shirt and a deep purple tie, he looks flustered and worried, and the sight of him seems to take all the oxygen from the room.

  As I'm staring at him, trying to calm myself so I'll be able to speak to him, he turns and our eyes lock.

  For a brief amazing instant, he looks as stunned as I feel. Then he raises his chin and comes over to my table looking handsome and nervous in equal measure.

  "I'm so sorry," he says when he's standing beside me. "I left work earlier than I thought I needed to but even that wasn't enough. Thanks for not leaving."

  I shake my head. "It's okay. I knew you'd show up."

  He blinks, almost like it's a twitch, and takes the chair next to mine. "Oh. Okay. Well, I am sorry." He looks away, toward my empty cup. "Can I get you another drink?"

  I was finding it hard enough to sit still before he arrived. Now, I simply can't do it for another second. Fear and hope are completely overwhelming me. "No, I'll get it, and one for you too. What would you like?"

  "I'd like to buy you a drink."

  He still sounds nervous, and I try to lighten the mood. "You bought me more than enough stuff on the cruise. My turn."

  I wouldn't fit into his dress at this point, sadly, but I had considered wearing the n
ecklace and earrings he gave me. I'm not sure, though, what he wants from me, and I didn't want to look desperate.

  He glances at my neck as if wondering whether I wore his gift, then says, "If you insist." The corner of his mouth pulls into a smile that's a shadow of the way he always smiled at me. "I know better than to argue with you. Just a black coffee would be great."

  I nod, trying not to show how much that tiny smile and the hint of his usual tone are affecting me, and say, "You... can you watch Jenna for me? I won't be far, and she should be fine in her carrier."

  "Jenna," he says softly, looking directly at her for the first time. His eyes meet mine again. "I will."

  He's gone serious again, and I don't know what it means, but I won't find out until after I get us our drinks so I head up to the counter and join the line.

  As the customer before me moves on, one cashier nudges the other, jerks her head in the general direction of my table, and says, "My God, will you look at that?"

  The second says, "Oh, so cute!" and I follow their gazes feeling sure they're checking out Austin.

  And they are. But not just him.

  Jenna has her tiny hand wrapped around Austin's index finger. He's turned so I'm only seeing his profile, but he's leaning forward studying her like she's the most interesting and precious thing on the planet.

  My chest squeezes so hard I feel like my heart might explode, and I turn away because it's so beautiful and sweet I don't want to be watching when it ends.

  The cashiers sigh in unison then get back to work, but I see both of them continuing to sneak peeks at my daughter and... whatever Austin is to me. I want to look too, but I'm also afraid he'll catch me staring so I stay focused on buying our drinks.

  Once I've put cardboard sleeves around our cups so they won't be too hot and added the right amount of sugar and milk to my tea after letting it steep to perfection, I pick up both drinks and take a deep breath before turning toward the table again.

  Jenna's still got Austin's finger, but he's not looking at her now. He's looking at me, and the emotion in his eyes nearly makes me drop the cups.

  I pull myself together and return to him, and he gently but quickly withdraws his hand from Jenna's and takes both drinks so I can sit down. "Sorry, I touched her hand and she grabbed me. I didn't think, but I shouldn't have— is it okay I was touching her?"

  "Of course," I say as I settle into my chair, surprised he's concerned. "You look pretty clean to me. And besides, I think she liked it."

  Jenna flails around with her now-empty hand, her face beginning to crumple in the way that I know means tears are coming, and I give her the little bright purple teddy bear Laura bought her at the zoo so she can cling to it instead. She calms, and I say, "See, she likes hanging on to stuff."

  Austin nods, then clears his throat. "Thank you. So much."

  I glance at the cups I brought. "No big deal, but you're welcome."

  He shakes his head. "Not just for the coffee. Thank you for coming here, for not ignoring my call."

  I frown. "Why would I do that?"

  He shoots a look at Jenna. "Because I..." He shakes his head. "Because of how I was on the cruise, and how I've been since." He rubs his hand over his forehead. "I wouldn't blame you if you'd refused to talk to me."

  He sounds so sad, and I can't take it. "I didn't call you either," I remind him. "Not all your fault."

  He grimaces. "Most of it is. I think all, actually." He clears his throat. "Have you..."

  "Have I what?" I say when he doesn't continue.

  "Melissa thinks you're not... dating anyone," he says slowly. "Is she right?"

  My heart leaps but I try to calm myself. "She is."

  He takes and releases a slow deep breath and I see his shoulders settle a little lower. "Okay. Then... can I tell you some things?"

  "Of course." I have to know what he's thinking.

  "I'm... I'm not father material, let's say."

  I take a breath to dispute this, since I've just seen him being so good with Jenna, but he shakes his head. "I'm not. My own mom says I'm not, for God's sake. And she's probably right. I watch Nicky with Nolan and he gets it all on a level I just don't. He's so good with Mel, and amazing with Nolan. But..."

  He takes a sip of his coffee, while I mentally scream at him to spit the words out already, then says, "When Mel was pregnant, and now that she's got Nolan, I couldn't stop thinking about you and how you were doing. Arabella told her how you were doing and she told me, so that kept you in my head, but even if Mel hadn't mentioned you once I'd still have been thinking about you. Everything she went through, I imagined you going through, and I hated that I'd removed myself like I did. I..." He swallows hard. "I wondered if I could have been anywhere near as good as Nicky is. And I missed you. A lot."

  My throat locks up, and I have to drink some tea before I can respond to his words and the emotion in them. "I missed you too. I tried not to, because it wasn't part of my plan. But I still did."

  "Yeah, I tried, and failed, too." He gives me a wry smile. "You're awfully hard to forget, Miss Corinne."

  The nickname makes me giggle, and so does my happiness at what he's saying. But I can't let the happiness take over, not yet. "Then why didn't you call me before now?"

  He sobers, and I say, "Sorry. I know, I could have called you."

  "No, I should have done it. I was the one who walked away, after all." His eyes fix on mine. "You deserve someone who wouldn't walk away when you said you were pregnant, who could handle all that. I didn't think that was me. I don't have any idea how to be... well, not a father, of course, but any sort of father figure. I thought you'd find someone else, someone better, who could be like that, and I didn't want to get in the way. But I admitted that to Mel a few days ago, and she..."

  He shakes his head, smiling, while I wait with increasing hope. "She's got such a way with words. She said, 'If you're still thinking about her given how you are then maybe she's still thinking about you.' I chewed on that for a few days and then I realized I'd wasted those few days because of course she was right. I had to find out." He clears his throat. "So. Are you still thinking about me? You said great stuff in your letter on the cruise, but do you still feel that way? I don't know if I can be the kind of guy you need, you and Jenna. We'd have to go slow, and see how it all works out, but if you're willing I want to try. I'm not the kind of person who looks six months ahead, or even a month for that matter, and I know I'd need to learn how to be with you. And I want to. Would you let me see if I am capable of it? Do you want that at all? It's not a great offer, I admit, but it's all I've got."

  Not a great offer? I can't think of one I'd like better. A little part of me says I should say no, because Austin isn't a part of my plan and I don't know how things will end up if I let him back into my life, but the rest of me... I hadn't realized until right now how much I've missed him. Other than a few weak moments I'd thought I'd left him in the past. Not even close. He's been with me every day and every night, and having him here for real feels better than I could ever have imagined. "Yeah," I say softly. "I'd like to try."

  Relief and joy fill his face, and he leans in and kisses me, gentle and sweet.

  If this were a movie they'd roll the closing credits right now. I can almost hear the dramatic music they'd use. The story would be over.

  But ours is just starting. The story of the man who's never been committed to anything and the woman whose total commitment to her goal meant she had nothing left in her life when she failed.

  I have no idea how our story will play out, whether we will be able to make things work between us, but as his kiss sends heat and delight through me I'm longing for us to find a way.

  He draws back, the desire and happiness in his eyes making him even more gorgeous, then winks. "So. One more question. Now what?"

  Chapter Twenty-Two

  Mom pushes her brunch buffet plate away. "I couldn't eat another bite. Delicious, though. This was a great idea, if I do say so my
self." She smiles at Austin, friendly but a little guarded. "Nice way to get to know you."

  Austin returns her smile, with pure friendliness, and agrees, "Everything's better with good food."

  We proved that Thursday night, Austin and I. We had no food at the coffee shop, and I'd have loved a cookie to toy with as we had an awkward but necessary conversation about how we would work our relationship.

  He wanted to help me with Jenna, which was sweet, but he admitted he didn't want to be fully responsible for her at any time now and wasn't sure if he ever would. I understood, although it stung though I knew it shouldn't, and repaid his honesty by admitting I didn't want to give up control. We eventually agreed that he would help out with Jenna wherever he felt up to it but didn't have to do anything he wasn't comfortable doing, and that I wouldn't leave them alone together until and unless he felt ready, and once we got all that sorted out he insisted on taking me out for dinner.

  At the restaurant, over our food, we talked freely and happily about everything from Jenna's birth to the great stock purchase Austin had made for a client earlier that day. He took a ton of pictures of Jenna alone, and of me and her together, and though I don't usually like having my picture taken it felt different when he did it. We relaxed more and more with each other as we talked, and by the time our meal was over I felt like we'd never been apart.

  I made myself resist that feeling, though, since I couldn't let myself fall too hard for him when we were just trying things out. I had to protect myself and Jenna. I had to at least somewhat stick to my plan.