by Lorri Dudley
He stopped.
She searched his face for any hint of what he was thinking, but the dim light shadowed his face.
His hand cupped her cheek.
She leaned into its warmth. Even in the darkness, she could feel the weight of his gaze upon her.
“Lottie, I…”
Something crawled over her foot.
She screeched and jumped forward into Nathan’s arms. Her feet danced a lively jig until they rested on top of his. Her fingers dug into his arms. “There’s something in the sand.”
Chapter 20
My wishes I beg you to gratify, for the pang of your absence is too great for me to bear. I simply must see you, tonight.
~ Note secretly delivered to Franny
Lottie clung to Nathan as he gripped her elbows and steadied her, then inspected the ground. A large white-toothed smile flashed at her before Nathan chuckled. “They’re sea turtles—newly hatched.” He crouched down, pulling her with him, for a closer look.
Little flippers flicked up sand as the tiny turtles strove to drag their round bodies to the ocean. There must have been ten or fifteen of them scrambling about the beach.
One waved its flippers in the air and pushed its head against the sand.
“Oh my. I overturned it.” She moved to flip it over, but Nathan stilled her hand.
“He’s got it. Watch.”
Sure enough, the little guy craned its neck, pushing its nose into the sand, and righted itself. It sat dazed for a moment before working those flippers once again.
“It’s such a far trek to the ocean. Should we help them?”
“The struggle is what gives them the strength to face even greater dangers later.”
She squeezed his arm to keep her balance in her squat position. “They’re cute little things aren’t they?”
Nathan nodded, but his gaze remained on her and not on the adorable little creatures.
“How amazing to see nature making a way. How do they know what to do? Which way to go?”
Two more flicked past their ankles.
Nathan picked up one with his index finger and thumb and held it up for them to examine. Its little fins rowed the air. He set it back down facing the other way, but the turtle steered back towards the ocean. “The hand of God must guide them.”
The ocean washed over those in the lead. Several of them rolled over with the tide. The ones that landed on their backs righted themselves and kept moving.
Watching these vulnerable, tiny babies doggedly fight their way to the place they belonged was truly special. Something she’d be lucky to ever witness again in her life. And she’d gotten to see it with Nathan.
One turtle toppled down a ridge in the sand and lost the ground it had worked so hard to gain. She couldn’t resist aiding it along. It moved towards the water, eager to catch up with its brothers and sisters. Lottie dusted the sand off her fingers and straightened, then turned to glance at her husband.
Nathan’s gaze stole her breath.
He watched her with such intense longing her breath caught. He grabbed both of her hands, and lowered his head until their foreheads almost touched. “I’m sorry for not being around more, and I apologize for sorely misjudging you. You’re kindhearted, and you hold a zeal for life that I and many others envy. You’re stronger than I first believed.”
Her heart melted at the sweetness of his words, and she swayed toward him. Her eyes lowered to his strong chin and chiseled mouth. His arm snaked around her back, drawing her close until there was only a breath between them.
Was he going to kiss her? Was this the moment for which she’d prayed?
Laughter sounded from the guests, breaking the spell.
Nathan pulled away. “The hour is growing late. We need to return.” Nathan slid his hand down the length of her arm to grasp her fingers. Her chest tightened for it meant an end to a spectacular evening, but she allowed herself to be led back over the dunes and seagrass towards the party. She yearned for his kiss, and not merely a peck on the forehead, but a true measure of the passion he restrained. For the moment, she'd settle for her hand wrapped in his. A few guests had dispersed, but many were merely getting started as more glasses of rum circulated to cool their thirst and overheated bodies.
His protective arm drew her closer to his side. The reflection of the torch flame writhed in the dark pools of his eyes.
He nodded to the captain, but the captain waved him off. “Julia and I are reluctant to leave. You two run along. Lord Carlton offered to have his coachman return us.”
They extended farewells and gratitude to their hosts, then hiked up the path to the house and waited for the groomsmen to bring around their carriage. Without the dancing to keep her blood pumping, Lottie’s skin quickly cooled. Although the air temperature was still tepid, the night breeze lifted the hairs on her arms and sent a shiver along her skin.
“Are you chilled?” He shrugged out of his jacket and placed it around her shoulders.
Its warmth enveloped her, and she snuggled into the lingering scent of him.
His carriage arrived, and he aided Lottie up into her seat. Instead of taking the seat across from her as was customary when riding as lone male and female, he settled into the cushion next to her. The fabric of her gown shifted tingling her skin like a caress.
“Are you still chilled?” he asked.
She shook her head the barest amount, but he must not have seen, for he slid his arm around her shoulder and drew her up against his side.
Other than the one time on the ship and the lesson in shooting, he’d never held her this close. She fit comfortably against the firmness of his side, and she even dared to lean her head a bit against his chest. Was that his heart beating so profoundly, or was it her own?
“Did you enjoy yourself this evening?”
“It was lovely.” A sigh slid from her lips. “I don’t want it to end.”
“I figured you’d be dead on your feet after all that dancing.”
“I’m certain I’ll pay dearly in the morning.”
“You wanted to linger longer to socialize?”
“Oh, no. I do believe I spoke with everyone.”
“If it wasn’t the dancing or the socializing, what didn’t you want to end?”
She closed her eyes and breathed in the salty air and the clean scent of his soap. “This.” Her voice barely registered above a whisper. “I don’t want this to end.”
He stiffened beside her, and remained so for what seemed an age. When he finally moved, he shifted away from Lottie.
Why had she laid her heart open for the slaughter once again? Hadn’t she learned her lesson the last time?
Without his heat, her body ached to reach out and draw him back toward her, but if he needed more time—more space—perhaps she should respect his wishes.
“Lottie.” Her name rolled off his lips like a caress. “Look at me.”
She opened her eyes to discover his face within inches of hers. Even in the shadowy light of the moon, she could make out his firm chin and finely molded lips.
His hand rose, and his strong fingers slid around the soft skin at the nape of her neck. She could feel the light scraping of his callouses, but she didn’t mind. They were a testimony to his resilience.
“You deserve the moon and the stars, but I don’t have the moon nor the stars to give. All I can offer is problems.”
“You said problems are the soil in which miracles grow,” her voice trailed into a whisper.
Moonlight glinted off the white of his slow smile. “My mother used to say that phrase. I wish I had its optimism.” His thumb caressed the sensitive skin of her neck. “I haven’t witnessed many miracles.”
Although the light was scarce, she sensed the intensity of his gaze boring into her soul.
His thumb stilled. “Unless I count you.”
Lottie’s lips parted as she inhaled a wispy gasp.
“At first, I wanted to protect myself from you, but now…” He s
wallowed. In the glint of slivery moonlight, his profile shifted and a muscle twitched in his jaw. “I find the need to protect you from me.”
The rawness of his words tore at her heart, and a delicious shiver swept over her. His lips brushed hers, teasing like the summer breeze. She tilted her head back and offered her mouth to him. Her heart thundered, surprised by her own daring.
He swooped down and captured her lips in a strong but gentle kiss. She tasted the salt on his skin. He gathered her closer, and she clung to the front of his shirt. His drugging kiss deepened. Her fingers slid up the hard surface of his chest and wound around his neck. She’d waited for this moment for so long—it seemed her whole life. She reveled in the feeling of his warm velvet lips, the strength of his arms enfolded around her, and the thoroughness of his kiss as if he was memorizing the moment—savoring it.
The change in the sound of the horses’ hooves as they moved from packed earth to the cobblestones of the dock area awoke Nathan from his passionate haze. Lottie’s soft curves fit all too well against him, and broke loose a tumult of emotions he’d struggled daily to suppress. How many nights since their first dance had he awoken aboard his ship or in the small chamber of his room dreaming of holding her, kissing her soundly? The intoxicating effect of drinking in her sweetness left him craving more, much more than he’d ever anticipated in his dreams.
Male voices rose above the sound of the surf. Nathan pulled back from the luscious redheaded titian so soft and tempting in his arms. Her slight moan of disappointment drew his smile. He leaned his forehead against hers, reluctant to let her go. He fought to even out his breathing. She appeared to be as affected as he, for the white expanse of her skin rose and fell in rapid succession, straining against the bodice of her gown.
He gently pulled down on her arms still entwined around his neck. “There is passion hidden behind that compliant façade.”
Lottie lowered her gaze and rolled her lips. Even in the dark moonlight, he knew a becoming blush stained her cheeks.
He trailed a knuckle down the side of her face. “You’re a most pleasant surprise.” It took everything in him to pull back completely and settle in his seat. “We’re almost to the Cockleshell.”
He chuckled as her hand flew to her hair, trying to right the damage done by his fingers.
The space between them returned some of his sanity. How many more mishaps do you need to prove you truly are cursed? How can you provide for her when your shipments continue to be looted by pirates? What would it take for you to accept your life is destined for ruin—the loss of the plantation? A ship sinking?
Lottie’s death?
Nathan shook off the wretched thoughts. He draped an arm over Lottie’s shoulders and drew her closer to his side as if her sweet nature could chase away his demons.
“Nathan?”
His pride swelled at her use of his given name.
“I don’t want to be your wife in name only.”
His heart leapt, but quickly recoiled. She didn’t know what she was asking. She didn’t know the truth of it all.
“I want to be your wife fully. I want to bear your children and be by your side. It doesn’t matter if the house isn’t suitable. I’ll make do. If it means sailing the seas, then I will stay above deck until my stomach adjusts. Or, if it means digging together in the dirt, I will happily do so. I merely want to be with you.”
The tenderness of her words pierced his defenses. No matter how he tried to shield his heart, her light illuminated the dark places. He ran a hand over the lower half of his face. “My only intention has been to protect you.”
A cloud shadowed the moon, and other than the faint glow of the oil lamp posts along the road, they were shrouded in darkness.
“Protect me? From whom? From what? How can you protect me when you’re not around? Wouldn’t it be simpler if I were near you?”
“I’m protecting you from me.”
He felt her stiffen. “I don’t understand.”
“No, you don’t. I haven’t been forthright with you.” He felt for her hands and scooped them into his own. “I desire you, more than you know, but…” His stubborn side resisted, but she deserved to know the full truth. “I’m cursed.”
Anger at the injustice of it coursed through his veins. It was difficult to hear the words spoken. “And if you’re close, I fear harm could come to you.”
The breeze pushed the cloud along, and the moonlight spilled on her upturned face and reflected off her glossy curls. Her eyes were liquid pools, and her full lips tempted him to lean in for another kiss.
She shook her head. “That’s ridiculous. Why would you believe such a thing?”
Most women would pull away from him, but Lottie stayed put.
“I didn’t at first, but then the tragedies started.”
She squeezed his hands. “You’re not the cause of your mother’s and siblings’ deaths. They died of the fever, as many others have.”
“There have been countless other events, but their deaths were the most tragic. I did everything I could to save them.” His voice cracked, and he swallowed the familiar gnawing ache of their loss. “But they died anyway.”
Lottie’s tears splattered like the first drops of rain upon the lapel of his jacket.
He closed his eyes and summoned the strength to regain control over his emotions. “And that was only the beginning. My father died in a carriage accident, the land stopped producing, our sugar profits dropped by half. I worked the fields alongside the laborers. I had promised my brother, Amory, I’d turn the land around. We had one good crop, but the next year, we were hit with a blight. I could no longer count on the land to provide. I was still in denial. I hadn’t put two and two together, and I lashed out at God. How could he take so much away from me?
“Thankfully, I had saved the profits from the previous season, so I purchased a ship. Things seemed to improve. My earlier schooling paid off, and we made enough of a profit to purchase a second ship. But then, one night, a storm came and tossed the boat around like a toy. The waves crashed over the bow. We’d have sunk if it hadn’t been for Captain Fielding being at the helm. It was then I realized I truly had been cursed.”
“Bad things happen because the earth is cursed, not you.”
“You don’t understand. A curse was cast upon me.” His throat constricted as if the witch herself gripped his neck, but he needed to get the words out. Lottie must understand that he was the danger. “I saw her and heard it with my own ears.”
“Who would do such a thing?” Her voice shook with either fear or outrage.
“The slaves call them obeah women. They practice black magic.”
“How did you run into a woman like that?”
He released her hands and massaged the tight knot in his shoulder. “I’m not proud of my actions. I was naive, hotheaded, and barely a man. It all started when I visited a neighboring plantation to see how they prospered. The owner had purchased a group of slaves fresh from the auction. He was breaking them in when two tried to run. The overseer yelled to catch them. I sprinted after them and was led on a vexing chase, but the woman stumbled. I tackled her to the ground. She struggled, and I got an elbow to the nose. Blood gushed everywhere. She continued to fight, and I had no choice except to pin her, but then she spit in my face.”
He closed his eyes. He hated himself for what he had done. “I hauled her up and handed her to the overseer.” He swallowed back his shame. “She didn’t even flinch, but her eyes hardened, and she muttered strange words under her breath.”
His palms grew slick, and he wiped them down the length of his thighs. The events of that day still churned his stomach. “The overseer yanked her to a post by her hair. He said he’d show me how they treated rebellious slaves. He tied her hands to a stump and ripped the shirt off her back. I don’t remember him pulling out the whip or even how many floggings she received. All I see is her dark eyes staring straight into me as she screamed. The overseer held nothing back. I co
uldn’t stand there and watch a human be brutally tortured, so I seized the overseer’s arm. The woman raised her head and cackled with delirious laughter. She yelled in plain English, ‘I curse you.’ I don’t know how she even knew English or those words, but she said them clear as day while she peered over her shoulder directly at me. Later, she died from her wounds. The other slave escaped into the mountains.”
The night air suddenly left him chilled. Lottie held completely still. Was she in shock? Did she hate him as much as he hated himself? Was she wishing she’d never married an unmerciful, cursed man? If only he could go back and undo all the horrible events of that day.
He tried to keep the tremor out of his voice. “I had blocked the entire incident from my mind. Even after the fever took my mother and sister. It wasn’t until the night of the storm. Something someone said triggered the memory. The captain reacted the same way you did. He laughed and asked if I believed in black magic. I said no, but my mind started a running log of suspicious events. As they continued to add up, I had a harder time believing it was nonsense.”
“Maybe my mind is slipping.” He sighed. “Maybe I should be locked up in Bedlam, but since then, two of my ships have been plundered by pirates, and one was boarded by a British press gang. Part of its crew was impressed into His Majesty’s Navy, and two of my men were killed. Then I was caught in an assignation upon your character, which destroyed my chances of establishing an agreement with the British Navy to sail with us as escort. It’s impossible to have all these situations pile up and not start to question whether the slave woman’s hex was real.”
“You tried to intervene.”
“I didn’t try to early enough.”
Lottie shifted in her seat to face him and placed her hands on his upper arms. “You are not cursed, Nathaniel Winthrop. I don’t believe it, and I won’t believe it. Indeed, you had a string of awful and unfortunate events, but life this side of heaven isn’t going to be easy. Jesus said we will have trouble, but to take heart because He has overcome the world. Living in fear isn’t living. I should know. I lived in fear of displeasing my mother all of my life. You may have considered it bad luck to have been caught together in that room, but I now see it as an answer to my prayers.”