by Linda Kage
Why hadn’t I planned for this? He really had told me to stay away from her a million and one times. Why had I thought he’d change his mind if I was suddenly serious?
“Well...” I floundered a moment, with no idea what to say, because I wasn’t about to give up. I couldn’t give up. I wasn’t going to stop seeing her, end of story. “I’m sorry, man, but that wasn’t a question.” Though, okay. Yes, it had been. I’d been asking for his approval and his blessing.
Why the fuck hadn’t he just given me his goddamn blessing?
“I am going to ask her out,” I finished, my voice full of conviction.
But my best friend on earth—the fucker—merely said, “No. You’re not.”
I exploded, throwing my hands into the air. “What the fuck, Gam? You can’t just say no like that. She’s nineteen years old. She can make her own decision.”
“So then you’re just going to sneak her around behind my back?”
“No.” I growled and fisted my hands before pressing them to my temples. “That’s why I’m talking to you right now, giving you a heads up and trying to do the right goddamn thing.”
“The right goddamn thing would be to leave her alone and just stay away.”
I worked my teeth over my bottom lip and shook my head because that idea wasn’t even an option. “Why do you have such a big fucking problem with me asking her out?”
With a short laugh, Gam pointed at me. “Because I know you. And you don’t deserve to have anything to do with her.”
Okay, that stung. Noel Gamble, the one guy who’d had my back for four years, and even he didn’t think I was worthy. Ye-ouch.
“Thanks. Thanks a lot.” I took a step back to draw in a breath and recover from the sting.
Obviously assuming our little talk was over, Gamble turned away to leave.
Panicking, because this was my one and only shot to get him to comply to my wishes, I called after him. “Haven’t you noticed any change in me lately?”
Gam paused and turned back at me. He cocked his head to the side, obviously confused.
I lifted my hands, offended when he didn’t answer. “I don’t go out fucking partying and drinking every other night, I don’t flirt with every piece of ass to cross my path, I don’t...fuck! I haven’t has sex with anyone since...” I racked my brain, wondering who I’d last had before Caroline, when I remembered. “Midnight Visitor.”
But that name only made Gam snort and cross his arms over his chest. “Who you still send dirty text messages.”
I ground my teeth and started to answer, but he lifted his hand to stop me. “And don’t try to pull that abstinent bullshit on me. I’ve seen you stroll into work a lot lately, wearing your smug, just-had-sex grin. I know you’re still getting plenty of pussy.”
I blinked, stunned. “I don’t have a just-had-sex grin.”
When I glanced over to find Hart had stuck around to oversee my conversation with Gamble, he shrugged and sent me a sheepish nod. “Yeah, you kind of do.”
“Shit.” I ran my hand through my hair, feeling my handhold on the moment slip even further.
Gam lifted his brows as if he expected me to give up the fight.
A weary sigh claimed me. I glanced up at the rows of alcohol lining the wall, and then I focused on him again. “As your friend,” I said, “I’m giving you a heads-up. I’m going to date her.”
With that said, I turned away to leave, but my so-called best friend said, “If you even attempt to ask her out, I’m telling her everything.”
I snorted out a strange, confused laugh and swung back around. “I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. Everything about what?”
“Everything about you. About every single woman you ever fucked. Every woman you disrespected, mistreated and then pissed off.” His ice blue eyes were hard as he sent me an evil leer. “I mean, you did describe them all to me...in detail, didn’t you? I think I remember a decent amount of them. Starting with that pissed-off redhead who came up to the bar tonight and cussed you out.”
Panic swamped me. I wasn’t sure if I was going to upchuck or break down crying. But the thought of Caroline hearing about every sexual escapade I’d ever had sent me into a cold sweat. It would hurt her; it would really fucking hurt her. I couldn’t handle her being hurt.
“You’re a fucking asshole,” I growled.
Gamble spread his arms and gave a hard laugh. “Hey, you’re the one threatening to mess with my sister. You started this.”
I lifted my eyebrows. “Then I guess it’s on.” I turned away and strode for the exit.
“Hey,” he called after me, his voice hard. “Don’t take this as some kind of challenge. Caroline is not some prize to be won just to piss me off. You touch her, and I will execute you.”
I didn’t even entertain him with a response. I just kept storming for the door.
“Ten!” he roared. “Are you listening to me, you little fucker? Don’t hurt my sister.”
I’d cut off my own balls before hurting his sister. But I didn’t bother to explain that to him.
I shoved my way out of the empty nightclub, pissed and scared, and just fucking worried out of my mind. Not only had my plan failed epically to gently wade him into the idea of me and Caroline together, but now I’d alerted him to my interest. We wouldn’t be able to sneak around behind his back the same way anymore. He’d always be watching and probably turn into a suspicious jackass. A strain was going to grow between Caroline and me, and everything we’d worked these last few months to build together was about to be put through the ultimate test.
Wound tight, I climbed into my truck, drove home and let myself into my quiet, dark apartment. I waited until I was in my room with the door shut before I kicked my dresser drawers and fisted my hands.
“Motherfucking piece of shit bastard asshole.”
“What’s wrong?”
I gasped and whirled around, not expecting someone to be in my bed. “Jesus Christ!” Pressing my hand to my heart, I gaped at Caroline as she sat up, the sheets sliding down to reveal she was wearing one of my T-shirts. “What the fuck are you doing here?”
“I came over to see Zoey earlier, and just...forgot to go home.”
A blinding, uncontrollable love swamped me. Feeling as if the grains of my time with her were slipping away, I hurried to the bed, freshly awed by how beautiful she was to me, inside and out. “And how is Blondie doing?” I asked, crawling onto the mattress with her to lie on top of the covers next to her.
She shrugged and slipped my hair across my forehead with a gentle touch. “She’s scared. Both she and Quinn are freaked out. They’ve gone to three different doctors, and all of them have said she’ll probably be put to bed rest at some point in the pregnancy. They’re good for now, but I think it’s going to be a stressful nine months.”
I nodded as I kicked off my shoes. “Yeah. I can only imagine how much this is going to suck ass.”
When I arched my face in to kiss her cheek, Caroline pulled back as soon as my lips touched hers. Setting her hand on my jaw, she squinted at me thoughtfully, sympathy filling her gaze. “Tell me what’s wrong.”
Shaking my head, I gazed into her eyes, scared that soon I wouldn’t be able to look into them like this ever again. I’d never be able to stretch out on a bed with her, or pull her hair while I made her come.
“I love you,” I said, meaning it more than I’d ever meant it before, feeling it work through every fiber of my being, and realizing this woman was it for me. She was my soul mate.
Her eyes filled with worry. “What’s wrong is that you love me?” she guessed, probably trying to make me crack a smile, but I nodded seriously.
“Yeah,” I said. “I love you, and that’s why I felt this irritatingly noble urge to broach the subject of us to Noel.”
“You...” Her eyes widened. “You told him? About us?”
I shook my head. “No.” I knew she didn’t want me to do that, so I that’s why I hadn’t. That
was why I’d done what I’d done instead. “But I...might’ve mentioned that I wanted to ask you out.”
She groaned and closed her eyes. “Let me guess. He said no.”
I snorted. “And then some.”
“Well...” She shrugged. “I guess we tried that way. And while it would’ve been nice to let him adjust to the idea in slow increments...maybe we should just tell him it’s too late.”
My gaze sharpened on hers. “You mean, tell him we’re already together and have been for months?”
She nodded. “Sure. Why not? It’s time, right?”
I groaned and buried my face in my hands. “Yeah, except for the fact that he threatened to reveal my complete past with other women to you if I dared to ask you out. If he learns about this, then he’ll definitely spill everything.”
Worry lit her eyes as she began to gnaw on her lip. “Is it really that bad? Your...you know, your past?”
I shrugged and glanced away. “I don’t know,” I mumbled. “It’s not good.” Turning back to her, I begged her with my eyes to forgive me. “You already know there have been plenty, and that I wasn’t the most considerate, respectful guy, but shit...do you want to hear about them all?”
“No.” She shook her head immediately. “But...I just...” She blew out a breath. “You know what? Maybe you should tell me. Beat Noel to the punch.”
I glanced at her as if she was insane. “Are you completely mental, woman? I don’t want to confess all that shit to you.”
Her eyes swirled with misery. “Better you breaking it to me easily, than Noel trying to blindside me.”
With a groan, I buried my face in my hands. “I’m ashamed,” I admitted quietly. When I looked up at her, my face felt hot. “What if I disgust you so much you’ll never look at me the same again? What if—”
“Oren,” she said softly and caught my cheeks in her hands. “I know you better than anyone else on earth. I’m fully aware you’re not perfect. Now, please. Just trust me.”
I nodded and licked my dry lips. “Okay.” Gazing into her calm, soothing smile, I nodded again. “Okay.”
She took my hand and had me crawl under the sheets with her. I was still wearing my bartending gear, but neither of us cared. After I wrapped my arms around her, she nuzzled her face against my shoulder and gave a content sigh.
“So, you know about the first girl,” I started. “Libby.”
“The night your sister—”
“Right.” I was already worried and strained enough as it was; I didn’t want to start thinking about Zoey again, too. Shit. “So, yeah. There was also—”
“Tianna,” Caroline supplied readily, “who also saw your birthmark.”
“Yeah, and then...” Fuck, my mind had gone blank.
“Someone gave you scratch marks on your back last year. Remember? I poured Reese’s latte over your head because of it.”
I hadn’t forgotten that part. But I couldn’t remember the girl who’d caused all that. After searching my brain a moment, I said, “April. She was an Alpha Delta Pi girl...with Blaze.”
“Blaze?” Caroline stiffened against me. “You mean, Blaze from my film class. You slept with Blaze?”
God, I did not like this. I did not like this at all. “Mmm hmm,” I mumbled and closed my eyes tight.
After a moment, she blew out a breath. “Okay,” she finally said. “I hate her fucking guts, but okay. What about...what about Marci Bennett?”
When I groaned aloud, totally giving away my guilt, Caroline jerked away from me and sat up, putting space in the bed between us. “Marci Bennett?” she repeated. “The slut who got Aspen fired from her job, who almost got Noel kicked out of school? Her?”
I gave a small nod, and her eyes flared with horror. “Oh my God,” she whispered.
I lifted my hands. “Now...I only did that one to get some kind of dirt on her to use as blackmail to keep her quiet.”
“And did that work?” Caroline’s chest heaved as she began to breathe harder, but she nodded, still keeping herself somewhat calm. Except the more she struggled to stay calm, the shittier I felt.
I nodded. “Yeah. I got some dirt on her. She...posed for me a little...naked. I have the pictures on my phone to use against her if she ever tries to hurt Noel or Aspen.”
“You have naked picture of her? On your phone? Right now?”
When I bobbed my head once more, she dove at me and ripped my phone out of my back pocket. “Caroline...” I started, aching deep in my bones.
She came to my passcode screen, then bit her lip, looking momentarily thoughtful. A second later, she clicked a few numbers and got in.
My mouth dropped open. “How the hell did you figure out my passcode?”
She barely paid me any attention as she found my picture app and opened it. “It’s Zoey,” she said. “Wasn’t that hard to figure out.”
She started scrolling through all my snapshots, and I panicked, snagging the phone from her hand. “Don’t look at them,” I said.
Snapping me a hard glare, she set her jaw firmly. “Why not? Is she that much better looking than me?”
“No. Of course not. Jesus, don’t do this to yourself, Care. I’ll erase them all. Right now. Enough time’s passed, I’m sure she’s moved on and won’t say anything about Gamble.”
Caroline stared at me with hurt eyes as I hunted up the photos and deleted every single one of them. “There,” I murmured softly, showing her the screen. “They’re all gone.”
She took it from my hand and began to look through all the pictures. “So, Marci, and Blaze, and Kelly whose place I took, plus at least two of her friends. Who else is there?”
I shook my head. “Maybe we should just stop there. This was a bad idea.”
But Caroline seared me with a hard glare. “Just keep talking. Now I have to know.”
I wiped trembling hands over my face, feeling the shit rise up around me. “Okay,” I whispered. “Let’s see. There was...” Fuck, I couldn’t believe I was going to admit this one. “Cora.”
“Zoey’s sister?” Caroline’s eye widened with horror. “Quinn’s ex? Oh, Oren. Is that why Quinn gave you a black eye last semester, because you stabbed him in the back with her?”
“I didn’t cheat,” I insisted. Then I ran my hand frantically through my hair. “I mean, not knowingly. I didn’t know they were together yet, not until later and then...shit. You know I wouldn’t do that to Ham on purpose.”
When she just stared at me, pain building behind her eyes, I breathed out an aching breath.
“I did that to Pick too, though, I guess.”
“No.” Tears filled her eyes as she set her hand over her mouth. “You slept with Eva?”
“What? No! God, no!” When I reached for her arm, she recoiled away from me. “His first wife,” I said. “The one who overdosed and died. Julian’s real mother. She came into the bar one night and I had no idea who she was. But Pick assured me it was okay, he and she never had that kind of relationship.”
“But he was still technically married to her?”
I couldn’t get my hands to stop shaking or my breathing to settle down. I hated seeing her like this. “Yes,” I rasped. “He was still technically married to her...in name only.”
She squeezed her eyes closed. “What about the rest of our friends? You’ve never slept with any of the women in our group, have you? Reese?”
“No,” I whispered. “I have never slept with Buttercup or any of our friends.”
Caroline sniffed and wiped at her damn cheeks. I went to move toward her, but she held up a hand. “I just...need a second here.”
I dropped my hand and blew out a breath, but my ribs felt as if they wanted to cave in on me.
“What’s...” She sopped more tears off her cheeks with her fingers. “What’s something Noel would think to tell me? Something he’d think is...bad?”
“I don’t know.” I groaned and scrubbed my face, just wanting this to be over. “Our freshman year, I guess. W
e’d go to parties, get wasted and bring a girl back to our dorm room.”
“A girl,” Caroline repeated slowly. “A—singular—girl?”
I nodded. “Yeah. Just...some girl, a different one each time.”
“And then...” She shook her head, confused. “What?” But a split second later, she caught on. Her eyes flared. “Oh my fucking God. You had threesomes...with my brother?”
“No! I mean, not...really. We just...took turns.”
“Eww.” She gagged and slapped her hand over her mouth. The tears fell harder, and I cursed a little louder.
“Then there was Faith McCrown.”
“You know what? No.” Caroline lifted her hands in surrender and flew off my bed. “I don’t...I don’t think I want to hear anymore.”
“Caroline.” I scrambled after her, but she warded me off.
“No. Please. Don’t touch me right now.”
“Damn it.” I fisted my hands, wanting to hit something or grab on to her and hold on for dear life. “I knew this was a bad idea.”
“No, it wasn’t. I just...I need some time.” She snatched her jeans off the floor and jerked them on under my too-big-for-her T-shirt. “I gotta go.”
I watched helplessly as she slammed her feet into her shoes. “You don’t have to leave.”
She blurted out a miserable laugh and sent me a dark look. “No, I really do.” When she stood, I opened my mouth to say...fuck, I had nothing to say to defend myself. I’d been a slutty man-whore, and that’s all there was to it.
After pushing her fingers across her damp face one more time, she hugged her arms over her chest and cast me a broken glance. “Bye.”
She hurried from the room, and like the complete screw-up idiot I was, I just let her go. Then I slumped onto my bed and whispered, “Bye,” as I cradled my head in my hands and tried not to lose my fucking mind.
Six days passed. I gave Caroline her space...and she fucking took it. She didn’t call, she didn’t Facebook message, she didn’t come over.
I died a little inside every hour she stayed away.