by Rebel Farris
I cleared my throat, and he halted midstride. His bag was already packed and sitting on the bed. My heart plummeted. I knew he was leaving soon, but that made it more real.
“You’re gonna wear down the carpet there if you keep that up.” I offered him a wan grin, and his shoulders relaxed, but his face didn’t change from the frown he wore.
He gathered me in his arms and took a deep breath, squeezing me.
“Hey, you okay?” I asked.
He sighed and kissed my forehead before pulling away. The tension returned to his body.
“Yeah, I’m fine. We need to check on the babies soon.”
“I know,” I replied, moving to my open suitcase to pull out my clothes.
Jared stood motionless, silent, watching me as I dressed. I probably should’ve been more bothered by his mood, but knowing we were on a deadline to get him back on post, I felt the same. My heart ached with the thought of letting him go again. I knew we’d be fine. We’d survive this. Summer was almost over, and I’d be starting college soon. It would keep me busy enough that I wouldn’t sit around, dwelling on the pain of separation. We’ll be fine.
“We need to talk,” he said.
I froze in the middle of pulling my shirt over my head. When my head breached the collar, he was sitting on the edge of the bed. Elbows on his knees, he was staring at his hands as he wrung them together.
“Okay, so talk,” I said, hesitantly.
“It’s just—” He paused, taking a deep breath. “I know that once I say what I have to say, there’s no taking it back. I know it needs to be said, but I don’t—” He cut himself off and sat in silence.
“What are you trying to say, Jared? Just spit it out. You’re scaring me.”
“I’m trying, Maddie. I just—I think you shouldn’t wait for me.” He stared at the floor.
“What do you mean?” Dread flooded my body, making my fingers and toes feel numb.
“We both know where this goes from here. I’m going Special Forces, which means if I pass the selection course and go to the Q, we won’t see each other at all for the next year, and after that, I’ll probably deploy.”
“You’re breaking up with me?” I asked in disbelief.
“I just think it’s best, Maddie. You’re only sixteen. You haven’t had the chance to experience most of what the world has to offer.”
I went on the defensive. “You mean you haven’t gotten to fuck other girls?” My stomach dropped. I felt like I was going to throw up.
He rose to his feet. “This isn’t about me. I’m doing this for you. Can’t you see that?” His eyes welled with tears.
“All I see’s a coward, running away from his responsibilities,” I said, angry and hurt.
“That’s not fair. This plan was in place before I knew about the twins. I can’t get out of it. Don’t you think I would? This is killing me. I feel like I can’t breathe fully without you and the girls.”
“Then why? Why do this? Why push me away? You know I’d wait for you an entire lifetime if that’s what it took. I love you.” The tears broke free from my eyes, flowing down my face.
“I’m not going to marry you and have you end up one of those lonely, bitter military wives. Abandoned at a post, while your husband’s overseas. Giving up your life to raise the kids,” he said, his voice growing louder. “You’re better than that, Maddie. You have so much potential. So much ahead of you.”
“Don’t do this,” I pleaded, reaching for him.
He grasped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him.
“You’re so fucking smart, and beautiful, and talented. You have the world at your feet, and I won’t let you throw it away for me.” His eyes pleaded with me.
“You don’t mean this.” I shook my head from his grasp and turned away.
“You start college in a few weeks. Your scholarship. Your guitar lessons.”
“Stop talking about what I have and tell me why you’re taking away the only thing that really matters,” I yelled, turning back to him.
“I love you, Maddie. I’ll always—”
“Where?” I sobbed.
“What?”
“Where’s this love?” I threw my hands up, gesturing wildly around the room. “I can’t see it. I’m certainly not feeling it. So, show me, Jared, because actions speak louder than words, and all I’m hearing is that you don’t want me.”
“It’s right here. This. One day you’ll have everything you ever wanted out of life, and you’ll thank me for pushing you toward it instead of keeping you for myself.”
My legs gave out, and I collapsed to the ground as sobs took over. I gasped for breath. The walls were closing in, and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t believe it, didn’t want to believe it. Though, it felt real as Jared grabbed his bag and walked out the door, leaving me alone in that hotel room.
Now
“What the fuck did you do to her?” Evan asks in an angry whisper-yell.
“I didn’t do anything. I told her that I knew who she was. She fainted. I brought her in here,” Dex replies.
“Look at you, making chicks swoon and shit. Tell me you’re gonna hit that?”
“Shut up, Marcus!” Dex yells. “If he hits me because you’re being a douche, I’m gonna kick your ass.”
Who the fuck is Marcus?
“Mr. Langford, you need to calm down. I know your record of service for our country. I wouldn’t want to charge you with assaulting a police officer.”
Is that Detective Martinez? What police officer is Evan about to assault? Confused, I blink my eyes open.
I’m lying on the couch in my living room. The throw blanket is pulled up to my chin, leaving my feet hanging out the end, cold. The world spins around me as I sit up. I take in the four men, who’ve yet to notice I’m awake.
Evan has Dex pinned against the wall with his forearm across Dex’s chest.
Detective Martinez stands near them in a drab suit. Next to him is another man I’ve never met. Marcus, I presume, is wow. He’s a very large, very cut black man with close-cropped hair and a square jawline. A black-and-gray tattoo that looks like flames, or something, peeks out the strained left sleeve of his plain white T-shirt. He also has a word tattooed on the left side of his neck in an elaborate script. I can’t read it from across the room.
I start to shove the throw aside and rethink the move as I remember what I’m wearing. I wrap it around my shoulders as I stand and catch Dex’s eye. He’s the only one facing me. He pushes Evan’s arm away and crosses the room toward me, raising a hand as if to touch me. I hedge back, and his arm drops.
“Are you okay?” he asks. “I caught you before your head hit the concrete, but the rest of you?”
“Police officer?” Those are the words repeating in my mind and the only thing I could think to say.
“Yeah, I work undercover, the organized crime unit.” Dex lets out a breath and runs his fingers through his hair. “The tattoo artist gig is my cover, though I take other clients, like you, by referral to keep up appearances. Martinez, here, asked the chief if I could be pulled in on this case since it might help with the—well, he has some interesting theories, and I’ll let him explain, but you’ve gotta believe me, I had no idea it was you. Or, I mean, that you were Laine Dobransky. You don’t look like the cover of Rolling Stone that they have in your file.”
My stomach turns at the mention of that damn cover.
“Well, you do, but it’s not immediately obvious,” Dex continues. “Your hair is shorter, the red a bit brighter and you have on less clothes and makeup—I’m going to shut up now.” He swallows thickly.
Marcus bursts out laughing. “Smooth, real smooth, playa.”
My gaze lands on him. “Who’re you?”
He clears his throat and stands up a little straighter. “Marcus Lions. I’m his partner.” He offers his hand to shake. His hand swallows mine with one of those limp shakes from a guy trying to show he can
be gentle with a lady. I’m not impressed.
“And you knew about this?” I direct my question to Evan.
“Yeah. They pulled me in at the school today. Detective Martinez figured I’d be watching the girls. But I know about as much as you.”
“How long?” I look back to Dex, trying to keep the anger out of my voice. “How long’ve you known?”
“Chief pulled me in on Monday. I didn’t know before that. The fact that we met before this has more to do with Holly, but I can’t discuss the details of that case.”
I sigh internally. Fucking great. I look to Detective Martinez. His eyes are darting back and forth between Dex and me.
“You care to explain how he—” I gesture to Dex. “—is going to help with my case? Why it’s become such high priority that you’d pull in two undercover cops to cover it?”
“I’ve been thinking this for a while now,” Martinez replies. “But I couldn’t do anything about it because your stalker went silent. I think your stalking case and my murder case are related.”
My whole body tenses at the mention of his murder case. My finger itches to snap the rubber band on my wrist, but there are too many eyes on me right now to show any weakness. I take a deep breath and force myself to meet his eyes.
“I’ve been waiting for the stalker to reappear. And listen, Maddie, we’ve known each other for a long time. You made my career. They promoted me to detective to handle this case and assigned me to the murder case because of you. These are the only cases I haven’t solved. I trust McClellan and Lions to keep you safe. I want to catch this guy and see if he matches my evidence.”
“You didn’t find anything on the letter left on Saturday?” I ask.
“No, it was clean. This guy’s very methodical. It’s why we haven’t caught him in the eight years I’ve been on this case. I’m willing to bet this guy has some military background, likely intelligence related. He knows his way around computers and security systems. He’s never left even a hint of evidence. So, he’s smart. It’s not an unlikely assumption either, with your connection to the military.” He says the last part while casting a glance in Evan’s direction.
“So, you want to have Dex go undercover as my private security?”
“Not exactly,” he says, now looking nervous.
I tilt my head, curious, and wait for the explanation.
“The chief only signed off on this plan if we keep his current cover intact. Which means, he’d go undercover as your new boyfriend. And Marcus can work with Miss Holmes.”
I cock my head. “Holly? Why does Holly need to be involved?”
“Since Miss Holmes lives on your property and her level of access to you, it’s possible that she may encounter the suspect.”
“I just don’t see why he can’t be my security guard. I can’t go around pretending he’s my boyfriend. It’ll complicate things,” I protest.
“It would put his cover at risk to pose as your security. Not a lot of tattoo artists moonlight as hired muscle. On the other hand, you’ve been to his place of employment and gotten a tattoo from him. It’s entirely believable that you two met and took an interest in each other. Unless… is there a conflict of interest I should know about?”
“No.”
“Yes,” I say at the same time as Dex. “His daughter and my daughters are friends.”
“Yes, I’m aware.” Martinez nods. A little grin tugs at the corner of his lips.
Why does it seem that every male in my life enjoys seeing me in discomfort?
“All the more reason for me to work this case,” Dex defends. “If he were to attack the girls while Audra is around, she could get hurt, too.”
“Well, then how about the fact that the last time I saw you we ended up trading insults?” I throw back. “I’d say we don’t work well together.”
“Maddie—” Dex sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose. “I apologize for what was said Friday night. We can move past that. I’m a professional. All I need to do is shadow you for a few days. You introduce me to people you know as your boyfriend, and after we catch the perp, you can tell everyone we broke up.”
“Won’t we have to make it believable, though?”
“You don’t think people will believe that I’m dating you?” he asks, his lopsided smirk revealing that damn dimple.
“Not what I meant,” I say as I fight an eye roll. “What about Marcus? Why can’t he be my new boyfriend?”
“Maddie, Holly most definitely has a type,” Evan says. “And Marcus fits perfectly for Holly because of Hope. People might assume he’s the father.” He runs a hand over his shorn hair. “Just drop it. It’s happening. It’s for the best.”
I glare at Evan, the traitor. Your best friend is supposed to have your back in an argument, not take the opposing side, right?
“I’ve also made contact with your girl before,” Marcus adds. “You know, at her place of business?” He has the grace to look sheepish about that admission.
“So, it’s settled?” Dex smiles. “I’m gonna need a copy of your schedule for the coming week.”
“You two are welcome to stay for dinner,” I announce, looking to Marcus and Detective Martinez.
“I’m down.” Marcus grins.
“I’ve got to get home to the wife and kids, but thank you for the offer. I’ll see myself out.” The detective nods and turns to leave the room.
“Chloe’ll be here in twenty minutes. You can go over my schedule with her,” I say to Dex. “I’ll be in the kitchen until then.”
Then
I pushed the sleeves of my flannel shirt up my arms as I climbed onto the bed, then hung the last poster on the wall. The trinity was complete. I took a step back to look at my handiwork. Stevie Ray Vaughn, Jimi Hendrix, and BB King were the sum of my displayed hero worship.
“It looks great,” Diana said as she stepped up beside me.
“Thanks,” I replied with a half-hearted grin.
It was a bittersweet moment. I’d been commuting daily my first two years of college. Diana had offered to help with the babies. I hadn’t expected any help, and I was infinitely thankful for it, but it was expensive and time-consuming to commute like that. Diana and John insisted that, with my busy schedule heading into my final two years of college and being eighteen, I should move into a dorm and enjoy my college years before they were gone.
The girls were staying with them. I was going to be all alone. It was only a two-hour drive from school, but it felt like I was abandoning the girls and I hated that feeling.
I felt a tug on my shirt and looked down into gorgeous clear-blue eyes framed with black curls. My dad had blue eyes in the pictures I saw of him, but I was still shocked when their eyes lightened from baby gray to Jared’s blue. I had my mother’s brown eyes. She held her arms open, signaling that she wanted to be picked up.
“Hey, Kitty Cat.”
“Dis your new woom, Mommy?”
I nodded, unable to speak without breaking down in tears.
“Is that me an’ Coowa’s bed?” She pointed to the vacant bed on the other side of the room.
I stifled a sob as I shook my head. I turned to find the General standing behind me holding a sleepy Cora.
“This one’s down for the count, and we have a good drive ahead of us. You’re all unpacked?”
“Yup,” I answered with a watery smile.
“Well, I guess that’s our cue. I’m sure you have things to do,” Diana said. She looked over at me with watery eyes and continued, “You’re going to be fine. The girls are going to be fine. It’s only temporary, and they’re young enough that they won’t remember this. You can come home anytime, but you need to make school your priority.”
“I know,” I choked out. “Thank you, Diana, John. For everything. I don’t think I’d’ve gotten this far without you.”
“Yes, you would. You’re a very smart and capable young woman. We love you.” She smoothed down my ha
ir and cradled my face in her hands with a smile. She gave me a kiss on the cheek and held her arms out for Cat.
I squeezed my baby tight. “You be good for Nana and Pop Pop, okay? I love you.” I gave her sweet cherub cheek a kiss and let her go.
“Lub you, too, Mommy,” Cat said, snuggling into Diana’s arms.
I crossed over to Cora, who was fully asleep, and kissed her cheek. “I love you, sweet Lily Pad.”
“Make us proud, Maddie. And don’t forget dinner Saturday.”
“I will. And I won’t,” I said with a grin.
I walked with them outside. Too soon, they were pulling out of the parking lot, and I made my way back upstairs to my dorm. Tears streaked down my face as I shut the door behind me. I sniffled and wiped at the tears, the sound echoing around the room. It was too quiet. I sat on the bare, empty bed reserved for my future roommate and studied the meager assembly of things that were all I had.
Looking to distract myself, I pulled out my guitar, mini amp, and headphones. I sat on my bed and got lost in my music. Ignoring the tears streaking my face, I closed my eyes and let the music carry me away from my depressing thoughts.
I was in my own head space, not realizing that I wasn’t alone until a finger tapped my shoulder. I nearly jumped out of my skin as I yelped and yanked off my headphones, looking up into laughing hazel eyes shadowed by a short bob of perfect, dark brown waves.
“I win—I got a music major this year,” she said over her shoulder.
I looked behind her to the tall blond guy placing a box on the other side of the room. I blinked, and she was looking back at me.
“I’m Sloane, your new roommate. That’s my boyfriend, Max. And you?”
“I’m…” I thought about it for a second. “I’m Laine.”
No one had ever called me that, but I’d been going to this college for two years and had made zero friends. I was always referred to as that girl. This year was going to be different. I was going to be different. I’d make friends and start a new chapter of my life.