Second Chances

by Carol Ashby

  Anthusa shook her head. “I don’t think that’s the best idea. The captain might totally misunderstand. He doesn’t think like Roman men do. He’s already upset that you didn’t tell him something important. He just wants to know the truth. Maybe it’s best to just tell him.”

  Mistress Cornelia pursed her lips. “Maybe you’re right. I’ll wait to see what happens in the next few days. It was only two days ago that he held me in his arms. Surely he could tell I never wanted him to let go. He must know what that means. He should know what to do about it. But if he doesn’t do something soon, I might try to make him jealous. I want us married before he goes back to sea in the spring, and that’s only a little over three months away.”

  Anthusa forced herself to say no more. What the mistress was suggesting was a very bad idea, but it wasn’t her place to tell her that as forcefully as it would take to convince her. Besides, maybe the captain would ask her before she did something foolish that could drive him away.

  Chapter 50: Doomed to Failure

  The next morning, Cornelia dressed with special care in the blue tunic that heightened the color of her eyes. Her hair was filled with the fragrance of roses. She’d practiced what she would say to Hector. Everything was ready for his arrival.

  She stood at her loom in the women’s room, weaving to occupy her mind until Hector came. When she heard conversation outside, she parked her shuttle and walked to the window to see who had come.

  Quintus Lepidus was talking with Nestor. Titus had mentioned that he was interested in a young mare after he bought one of the 500-denarii colts. Perhaps that was why he’d come.

  But his arrival presented an unexpected opportunity. A satisfied smile curved Cornelia’s lips. Hector would be there soon to play Mercenaries with Drusilla. Seeing Lepidus should shake him up a little to get him to propose.

  She called from the window. “Quintus. What a pleasant surprise to see you here. Do come in, and we can talk for a while.”

  The initial look of surprise on Lepidus’s face was replaced by satisfaction. He disappeared into the kitchen.

  As Cornelia descended the stairs to join him in the courtyard, she bestowed her most gracious smile upon him. A friendly conversation with Lepidus while Hector was there should be all that was needed.

  Hector walked through the kitchen into the courtyard. It was hard to make that walk. By the time he finished chopping down the tree and cutting it up for firewood, he had mostly reconciled himself to Cornelia not wanting to marry him. He expected a stab of pain when he saw her, but he’d lived through loss before. Losing Damara had almost destroyed him. Losing Cornelia...well, he couldn’t really lose what had never been his anyway. He’d just keep reminding himself of that until the pain passed.

  He froze in the kitchen doorway. The last thing he expected to see was Cornelia sitting on a bench talking with Lepidus. He was holding her hand, just like the senator had in Ephesus, and she wasn’t doing anything to discourage him. Nothing at all. She was actually smiling at him as if she enjoyed his company.

  The cold, hard truth slammed into him again. It was just as he’d thought all along. A ship’s captain wasn’t the sort of man she’d consider for a husband. It only made sense that she’d prefer Lepidus to him. The aristocrat came from a long-established wealthy family, while he was only a freedman of modest means. His life as a slave bothered her when she first learned of it. She’d told him it didn’t matter now, and he’d believed her. But maybe he shouldn’t have.

  How could he have let himself believe she truly wanted him, in spite of all she’d been born and raised to value? The sight before him made it all too clear he’d been lying to himself. As soon as the first aristocrat showed his interest, she welcomed his addresses.

  His stomach clenched. He’d only been a diversion until a more suitable man showed up. She was so good at play-acting. He’d been a fool to believe what he thought he saw because he wanted it so badly.

  If she’d ever wanted him as her husband, she would have told him right away about the danger to Drusilla that was almost here. She didn’t even trust him with that.

  The ache in his chest was almost too much to bear. He should have known better than to let her capture his heart. He knew how the world works. The gulf between their social standing was too wide.

  How could he have been so stupid as to expect more than was possible? How could he have exposed his heart to losing another woman he loved? Losing her not to death, but to another man because she didn’t think he was good enough.

  Drusilla popped out of the sitting room and hurried over to take his hand.

  “I’m so glad you’ve come, Captain. I have everything set up for us.” She led him into the courtyard.

  Lepidus turned cool eyes on him.

  Cornelia smiled at him. It looked genuine, but she was so good at faking he doubted it was. “It’s good to see you, Hector. We missed you yesterday.”

  His throat constricted, and he couldn’t answer. He nodded and walked past them. He wished with all his heart he hadn’t come.

  Sitting at the small table with Drusilla was torture. Hector could hear the low murmur of their voices, punctuated by her laughter. With his mind on the two in the courtyard, he played mechanically, and Drusilla was slaughtering him.

  After what seemed an eternity, Lepidus left. Hector had thought it was hard listening to them, but then Cornelia wandered into the room and stood next to him. It was like being chained too close to a fire.

  He caged the pain and said nothing.

  Drusilla beamed up at her mother. “I can’t believe it. I’ve beaten Captain every game this morning. I’ve never even come close to that before.”

  “That is amazing, dear. The captain is usually so good at everything. How is that possible, Hector?”

  He kept his eyes on the game board. How could she act as if nothing had just happened in the courtyard? The dagger of her indifference twisted in his heart.

  “Captain?”

  “Some days are just bad days, Cornelia, and this is one of them.”

  “What’s wrong?” She stepped closer, and the scent of roses accosted him.

  He opened his mouth to speak, then closed it. It was better to say nothing.

  “You can tell me, Captain. I’m counting on you being an honest man and telling me.”

  That was more than he could take. He stood so suddenly the chair fell backward. “You want honesty? I’ll give you honesty. I couldn’t help hearing you with Lepidus. I see your interest in him. He’s much more suitable than I am for a woman like you.”

  The pain and anger consumed him even as he spoke calm words. “I remember the weight of your treasure chests. I know you plan to start over here with a villa on a large estate. I may only be a Greek from the provinces, but even I know an Aemilius Lepidus is a suitable husband for a Cornelius Scipio. Quintus Lepidus is a decent man, and he should be a good husband for you. He’ll be good to Drusilla, too.”

  He dragged in a breath and spoke the words that tore open the wound in his heart. “I wish you happiness together.”

  He turned away. “Be careful not to tell him about your new faith. He won’t allow it.”

  Her hand gripped his arm, turning him back to face her. When he raised his eyes to hers, he saw naked fear.

  “No! You don’t understand. I’m not interested in him at all. It’s you I want to marry. I was afraid you weren’t going to ask me before you leave in the spring, and I thought you might say something sooner if you thought another man wanted me, too. It’s only you I love. Only you I want.”

  Hector’s jaw clamped. Red fringed his vision as he clenched his fists at his side before spreading his fingers to relax them.

  “That’s even worse. Leading another man on just to get me to do something proves you’re a liar. If you’re willing to fool a good man like Lepidus, how can I be sure anything you tell me is true? Don’t you realize what it does to a man to think a woman care
s for him when she doesn’t? You say you love me, but how can I trust anything you say when I’ve seen you pretend with men you say mean nothing to you?”

  He turned and stormed from the room.

  Drusilla ran to the doorway and stared at the captain as he disappeared through the kitchen door. She spun at the choking sound behind her.

  Mother had collapsed to her knees, and tears cascaded down her cheeks as she stared at the ceiling.

  Drusilla froze and stared at her. Mother was crying. She had never even once seen Mother cry. She spun and ran for the stairs.

  “Anthusa! Help!”

  Anthusa ran from the bedchamber. “What’s wrong?”

  Drusilla was crying as she pointed to the sitting room. “Mother!”

  Anthusa’s feet flew along the balcony and down the stairs. When she saw Mistress Cornelia collapsed on the floor, sobbing, she first went to Drusilla.

  “Your mother will be fine. I’ll help her. You go find Nestor and ask him for something to do.” She pushed Drusilla’s hair behind her ears and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Drusilla’s lip still quivered. “Go. Your mother will be more upset if she sees you crying. Everything will work out. You’ll see.”

  Anthusa walked into the sitting room and knelt by her mistress. “Mistress, what happened?”

  Mistress rose to her knees and threw her arms around Anthusa. “You were right, and I was such a stupid fool.” Another sob convulsed her, but she swallowed hard and forced a calm voice. “Lepidus came to see the mare, and I thought it would be good for Hector to see me with him. I was so wrong. First, he told me he understood that I only wanted a nobleman, not a man like him.”

  Her chest jumped again. “He even wished me happiness. I could see how much I’d hurt him. When I tried to explain I didn’t care at all for Lepidus, that it was only him I loved, he got so angry. He told me if I could play with another man’s heart, he couldn’t trust anything I said. He couldn’t believe I really loved him.” A sob broke free. “I’ve lost him. I know I’ve lost him.”

  Anthusa wrapped her arms around her mistress and rocked her as fresh sobs racked her body.

  “Shhh, all isn’t lost. He’s angry now, but he’ll calm down. Then you can talk it through. I’m sure he loves you. Surely God brought you together, just like He did Philip and Claudia, just like Miriam and Titus. If it’s God’s will for you, nothing can keep you apart.”

  Cornelia drew a deep breath. She released a shuddering sigh, and her sobs ceased. Then she rose and offered her hand to Anthusa to help her up.

  She wiped the tears from her cheeks and straightened her shoulders. “You’re right. Claudia told me I needed to pray about the best way to get Hector to love me. I was a fool to use deceitful Roman ways on an honest Christian man. But God can fix anything, can’t He? I know He can, but will He? Maybe it was only me and not God who wanted us together. Oh, Anthusa! What if it isn’t God’s will at all?”

  Teardrops trickled down her cheeks once more.

  Anthusa tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “We can’t know yet, but we do know God loves you. Master Philip read to us how God wants only what’s best for everyone who loves Him. You and the captain both love Him now, so we need to be patient and pray for whatever’s best.”

  She took Cornelia’s hand and led her toward the stairs. “Time for you to rest awhile. Things always look darkest when they first happen. Let’s see what tomorrow brings.”

  Chapter 51: An Honest Woman

  Drusilla woke late on Wednesday. She’d watched her mother all Tuesday afternoon and into the evening. Anthusa had been right that she could help, but Mother was still close to tears, even though she tried to hide it.

  She always said her prayers after Mother kissed her good night. Usually they were short, but last night she’d prayed and prayed for Mother and Captain. She prayed so long she fell asleep before she finished.

  Captain had said during the fellowship meal that he was planning on a driving lesson that morning, but he didn’t come. When Mother started crying again, it was time to do something.

  Drusilla slipped out the gate and ran up the hill to Aunt Claudia’s house. A servant took her upstairs to the women’s room.

  Aunt Claudia parked the shuttle on her loom when Drusilla was escorted into the room.

  “Well, this is a nice surprise. Is your mother with you?”

  Drusilla bit her lip. “No. I came for help. Something is horribly wrong between Mother and Captain. They fought yesterday, and he didn’t come today like he promised. Please fix it if you can. I want Captain to marry Mother. I was sure they were falling in love, and Captain would be my father soon. And now...I’m afraid he never will.”

  Tears began trickling down her cheeks. Claudia brushed them away. “What was the fight about?”

  “It was over her talking with Captain’s Roman neighbor. Captain told Mother he couldn’t trust anything she said, and he left so angry. And now Mother is crying all the time. She never cried before. Ever.”

  Cornelia wrapped her arm around Drusilla’s shoulder. “I think I know what might have happened. I’ll talk with Hector and see what I can do to fix it. Let’s go get one of the servants to walk you back home. Just leave it all to me.”

  As soon as she sent Drusilla off with the servant, Claudia found Malleolus.

  “Cornelia and Hector have a problem, and we need to help them solve it.”

  Malleolus tilted his head as his eyebrows dipped. “What problem is that? They seemed to be doing fine Sunday.”

  “They were, until Cornelia did something foolish.”

  “What did she do?

  “She tried to make him jealous with Quintus Lepidus so he’d propose sooner.”

  Malleolus sucked air through his teeth. “And Hector decided she only wanted a rich, noble Roman instead of him.”

  Claudia smiled at his perception. “Worse than that. He got angry and told her he couldn’t trust anything she said. He hasn’t been back since. He just doesn’t understand the romantic games people play all the time.”

  Malleolus’s mouth curved down. “No, he doesn’t. He would never play them.” He slapped his thighs. “Well, it’s time for you and me to explain the ways of women to him. Cornelia has been a mystery since he met her.” A chuckle rumbled up. “The dear, honest captain will never fully understand women, but we can get him past this so he’ll marry the right woman to teach him.”

  Claudia waved over one of the maids who was cleaning the mosaic floor. “Run to the stable and get Timothy to send a messenger to Hector at his farm. Tell him I need him here as soon as possible.”

  As the girl scurried away, Claudia smiled at Malleolus. “Now let’s pray for the right words to help the two of them get out of their own way and let God give them what He wants for both of them.”

  Cornelia sat by the window in her bedchamber and wiped away a tear. Hector, the man who always kept his word, had not come for the driving lesson he’d promised them. She swallowed to tame the lump that rose in her throat. Her stupid game-playing had driven him away. If he wouldn’t come back, she could never try to explain, never get him to believe how much she loved him, how much she longed to be his wife. If he wouldn’t come, she’d made Drusilla lose the only father she’d ever known.

  A deep sigh raised and lowered her chest. It was all she could do to keep the tears from breaking through the dam and flooding her face again. She stared down the road, praying for him to come, willing him to come.

  Her pulse raced when she glimpsed his brawny form cantering up the hill. She rose and grabbed the attar of roses from the dressing table. She was dabbing it into her hair as she watched him draw closer. Her heart beat in time with his horse’s hoofs.

  He was at the gate...and then he was past it. He was going to Philip’s house, and he hadn’t even glanced at Titus’s as he rode by. Her heart plummeted.

  She placed the perfume back on the dressing table and picked up the shea
thed dagger she’d taken from the trunk containing Titus’s old armor and weapons. She pulled the blade from the sheath and felt the edge. Razor sharp. Ready to draw blood. Then she slid it back into the sheath and strapped the attached belt to her waist.

  The men coming for Drusilla shouldn’t be there for another three days, but she’d started wearing the dagger yesterday. She’d dreamed of having a strong man to share life’s burdens. That was not to be. Once again, she had only herself to depend on.

  No one was going to hurt Drusilla. If anyone tried, she would stop them. If they succeeded, it would only be over her own dead body.

  As Hector thundered past Cornelia’s house, he kept his eyes locked on the road. It hurt too much to think about what he almost had but lost within those walls. He’d given her his heart. He’d never thought that would happen again after Damara, but it had. Cornelia had brought back his laughter. She’d made him look forward instead of back. She’d made him see possibilities where he’d thought there were none.

  But she wasn’t what he’d thought, what he’d hoped for, what he’d dreamed of.

  He’d been a fool.

  The gatekeeper saw him coming and swung the gate open before he even reached it. Whatever had caused Claudia to send the urgent message, he prayed he could help. She was the sister he’d never had, and his stomach clenched as he dismounted and threw the reins to the stable boy. He trotted around to the garden entrance and into the courtyard.

  He found Claudia and Malleolus sitting at a table, snacking on fruit and cheese. His pulse slowed. There was no emergency. He strode to the table and seated himself where Claudia waved her hand. It was the same palm-up gesture Cornelia used, and the memory pricked his heart.

  Malleolus pushed the fruit tray toward him. “Have some, Captain.”

  Hector leaned back in the chair. “I thought it was urgent. I’m glad to see it isn’t.”