She gasped as he swooped in for a quick kiss. He tugged her closer, deepening the kiss and only pulling back when the calls of children playing neared. He panted as he watched her with a triumphant light in his eyes and nodded. He patted her hand and looped her arm through his, tugging her away from the park and toward her house.
She kissed him again in the shadow of her porch before he walked off with a victorious spring to his step. As night fell, she sat on the porch rail and battled tears as she thought of announcing her decision to the family.
* * *
Clarissa opened the back door to Savannah’s house and let herself into her kitchen. She grunted as Little Colin squirmed and set him down. “Sav?” she called out and then sighed as Little Colin raced toward the hall.
Savannah walked into the kitchen and picked up an exploring Little Colin. “How’s my darling?” she whispered as she kissed his cheek. “He’s so big,” Savannah said as he rested his head on her shoulder a moment.
“Enjoy the cuddle. Soon he’ll fidget and roam around like a wild man.” She watched her cousin and son with fondness. “I can’t believe he’s already two.”
Savannah kissed his head and nodded to the door. “Why don’t we go outside and sit? We can watch him play in the yard, and you can enjoy a few moments without worrying he’s getting into something.”
“Oh, he’ll find a worm to eat,” Clarissa said with a sardonic smile. “Gabriel and I could not have given him a more fitting name. He’s fast becoming just like his namesake. He does something outrageous and then smiles, as though he knows, if he is charming enough, he’ll be forgiven everything.”
Savannah smiled and followed Clarissa to the backyard. A portion of it had recently been fenced, and two chairs were set in the shade. She held Little Colin by his fingers as he got his balance, and then he ran away to explore the limits of his play area.
Clarissa sat with a sigh, setting a small bag beside her. “I brought toys for when he is bored wandering around the limits of his little kingdom.” She took a few moments to enjoy the mild air, the gentle breeze and the soft birdsong. “Are you all right, Sav?”
“You know I’m not. Why would you ask me such a question?” Savannah held a hand over her middle, her gaze on her young cousin.
“Why would Jeremy need to visit Gabriel after we were all abed? Was he having more nightmares about the Philippines?”
Savannah turned startled eyes to Clarissa. “He hasn’t dreamed of the Philippines in years. Why would you ask about that now?”
Her cousin frowned as she stared at the genuine confusion in Savannah’s gaze. “How do you not know what he’s been suffering?” Clarissa whispered. “He’s been a wreck since he saw Nicholas the night before Nicholas left to go to the War.”
Savannah paled, raising a hand to her head. She rubbed at her forehead, loosening a few strands of her blond hair from the knot tying her hair back. “I said last night how much I needed his comfort, and he wasn’t there for me.” She sniffled. “I wasn’t there for him, was I?”
Clarissa shook her head with confusion. “Is there anything I can do to help you?”
Savannah blinked, but tears leaked out, forming a silent river down her cheeks. “I’m pregnant, Rissa.” She nodded as her cousin failed to exult at the news. “The doctors say I will probably die with the baby’s birth.”
Clarissa’s gaze sharpened as it roved over Savannah, focusing on her palms over her midriff. “How far along?”
“I’m due in October.” She sniffled. “I never thought I’d hide it as long as I did.”
Clarissa flushed. “I assumed you couldn’t have a child. I thought … I thought you were merely gaining weight.” She clasped one of Savannah’s hands. “Did you speak with Jeremy last night?”
Savannah closed her eyes. “Yes. He’s angry with me. For hiding my condition. For wanting to force a separation between us.” She opened her eyes to battle the instinctive censure in her cousin’s gaze. “If we were at odds, I had hoped he would not mourn me as much.”
Clarissa snorted. “That’s ludicrous. He’d mourn the time he lost with you.” She glanced around the fenced-in area, smiling to see Little Colin sitting down as he played with a dandelion. “You hurt him.”
“Yes. And I regret it,” Savannah whispered. “But you don’t know what it’s like to love and hate the baby growing in you. To welcome and resent it at the same time.” She swallowed a sob. “Why should I die? Why should I be separated from Melly and Jeremy? I love my life with them.” She swiped at her cheeks. “It’s so ironic. For years, all I wanted was another baby. Now that I am finally content with my life, I’m pregnant and desperately unhappy.”
“You have to believe it will be different this time. You’ve already carried this pregnancy longer than the previous ones.” Clarissa gripped her hand.
Savannah nodded. “Jeremy wants us to go to Boston. To see the doctors there.” She pulled out a handkerchief and swiped at her face. “He wants to ensure we are safe. That everything that can be done for us will be done.”
Clarissa nodded. “Good.” Her eyes filled. “I’ll miss you, Sav. But I will eagerly await meeting your new baby as she is held in your arms.”
* * *
Colin’s gaze stalked Araminta’s loping movement through his living room. She paused to speak with Clarissa’s children, laughed at one of Melly’s jokes and then continued her somehow graceful movement into his kitchen. They had decided to meet at his house because Savannah and Jeremy claimed their house was in disarray with their packing for the trip east. Colin rose—bypassing Gabriel’s attempt to sideline him and Ronan jutting his wheelchair out to impede Colin’s movement—and followed Araminta into the kitchen.
He stood for a moment, watching as she hummed the tune “If He Can Fight Like He Can Love (Good Night, Germany)” while she cut bread and set out trays of food to bring to the table. He grinned at her song choice. “Do you ever tire of caring for us?” he asked.
“It’s my job,” she said, her humming ceasing at his words. “I care for those I choose.”
“You are most diligent at it,” he said, strolling forward to steal a piece of bread. He yowled as she slapped away his hand. “Ouch, Ari,” he hissed, shaking his hand in pain.
“Don’t call me that.” She ignored him as he leaned against the counter next to her. He began to whistle the same song she’d been humming, and her expression soured.
“Why are you so angry with me?” he whispered.
She set down the knife with a thud, exhaling deeply. “Believe it or not, the world does not rotate around you. My every waking thought is not about you.”
He laughed, nudging her with his shoulder. “I would hope not. Even I’m not that conceited.” When she failed to comment at his attempt at a self-deprecating joke, he frowned. He watched as she prepared the food to be carried out to the dining room. He stood to his full height. “Let me help you take out the food.” He gave her a look, suggesting that she had better not complain, and hefted two of the heavy platters she had just prepared.
He opened the swinging kitchen door with a kick of his foot and yelled “Dinner!” After plopping the trays onto the table, he returned to the kitchen to help with the rest of the food. “You may think we are done, but we have to talk.”
“There’s nothing to talk about. There hasn’t been for years.” She sailed past him with the bread and salad, smiling at his family as she sat between Melly and Geraldine.
Colin frowned as he watched her tactical evasion and vowed he’d find another way to speak with her.
He joined his family at the crowded dining room table and raised a glass. “To Jeremy, Sav and Melly. May you have a safe journey, and may you all continue with good health,” Colin said, battling deep emotions. He reached a hand out to Savannah but refrained from saying anything more serious as Melinda had not been informed of the grave reason behind their trip to visit Aidan and Delia.
“Give our love to Richard, Florence and t
heir boys,” Gabriel said as he fed Little Colin so Clarissa could eat. Gabriel had his son perched on a modified high chair between himself and Clarissa, and Little Colin smiled, laughed and talked to himself while the adults visited. “Kiss baby Agnes for us.”
“We will,” Jeremy said. “It will be strange to return to Boston after so many years.”
“I remember returning for my father’s funeral,” Clarissa said. “It was as though nothing and yet everything had changed, and a ghost seemed to be around every corner.”
“It’s hard to believe it’s already been seven years since Aunt Betsy died. And over two years since my mother died,” Savannah said, gripping Jeremy’s hand.
Melinda bounced in her chair, making everyone laugh. “I hope Zee’s there and not in Washington. She’s so much fun, and I want to see her.”
“She’s a married woman now,” Savannah said. “Besides, she’s very dedicated to the cause.”
“I could be dedicated,” Melinda protested.
Clarissa laughed and shared a fond look with Melinda. “Yes, but her dedication means that she spends a lot of her time in Washington, DC. I’m uncertain she’ll be at home while you are there.” Clarissa pushed away her plate and held her hand out for the spoon to help Little Colin. He insisted he try to feed himself at most meals and had little pieces of food in front of him, but he preferred to play with his food rather than eat it.
Gabriel accepted a plate filled with a helping of everything and ate while everyone else sat around and chatted.
“Before we are separated, I have an announcement,” Araminta said at the lull in the conversation. All eyes turned to her, and she flushed at their scrutiny. “I consider you my family, and I wanted to share my good news with you.”
Colin tensed beside Gabriel, who set down his fork and lowered his arm to his side. Colin watched Araminta with a fierce intensity, as though willing her to stop talking.
“I’ve accepted a proposal of marriage,” she said in a voice barely above a whisper. “To Mr. Bartholomew Bouchard.”
As the rest of his family belatedly exclaimed their joy for her, Colin growled, “Like hell you have. You can’t marry him!”
Araminta turned her disdainful gaze in Colin’s direction. “I know some will say I am acting precipitously. However, this is what I desire, and I know I will be very happy.”
“Like hell you will,” Colin muttered again, his voice emerging as though he had been wounded.
Gabriel had a hard grip on Colin’s leg underneath the table, preventing any movements and any actions Colin might later regret. “I’m happy for you Minta, although I can’t say I envy you his aunts,” Gabriel said in a jovial tone.
“Mrs. Bouchard,” Savannah said as they shared a collective groan as they envisioned the busybody who was blessed with as passionate an opinion as her clothes were gaudy.
“Although I believe Mrs. Vaughan is worse,” Clarissa said with a chuckle as she thought about the two sisters.
“Either are a nightmare, and I can’t imagine wanting to align myself with such a family,” Colin said.
“May you find the contentment you have always desired, Minta,” Ronan said as he raised a glass. He sent a quelling glare in Colin’s direction, and Colin knew he would have been kicked had Ronan had the ability.
Araminta sat straighter, pointedly ignoring Colin. She focused on Savannah, Jeremy and Melinda. “I hope you will be home in time for the wedding. We plan to wed in October.”
Jeremy shared a long look with Savannah. “We will keep that in mind as we make travel plans.”
“To Araminta!” Gabriel said as he raised his glass. “May she know as much happiness and joy as she has brought to us.” He smiled at her as she fought tears.
Colin half raised a glass, his elbow propped on the table. He watched Araminta blossom under his family’s praise and failed to drink the toast before he set his glass down with a thunk.
When his family was distracted telling stories in his living room, he snuck into the kitchen where Araminta washed the dishes. “Ari,” he whispered. He stilled his move toward her when she froze at his voice. “What are you thinking?”
She shook her head and continued her work, her back to him. “I’m thinking it will be nice to be married. To be with a man who wants me. Who isn’t afraid to admit what he feels.”
“Ari, you know I—”
“Don’t,” she rasped in a low, intense voice. “Not now. Not when all of a sudden you feel as though you must act because your life might change, and you are terrified of it. You have no right to make me doubt my decisions.” She spun and watched him with contempt. “He has only ever treated me with respect. He has only ever wanted what was best for me. He has seen me as more than …”
Colin stood stock-still, and the silence between them lengthened, only interrupted by soft laughs coming from the living room and a gentle drip from the faucet. “He sees you as more than what, Ari?”
She shook her head. “It doesn’t matter. What does matter is that he admitted he loved me last night. I have agreed to marry him.”
Colin swallowed. “A man will say whatever he needs to say in order to achieve what he wants.”
She threw the dishtowel at him as her eyes filled with anger before they filled with tears. “How dare you? How dare you cheapen and demean the one good thing to happen to me in years?” She shook her head as she watched him in disappointed wonder. “How can you call me your friend and act this way?”
He moved, reaching out to hold her in his arms. “Ari, you have to know I—”
She hit him on his chest, pushing him away. “No! No! You will not speak your falsehoods to me simply because you’re afraid I won’t be here to act as cook and maid when you want to entertain your family. I want more, Colin. And I’ll have it.”
He stood, holding the damp dishtowel, bewildered and heartsore as she pushed past him and into the living room. When he heard her join in the conversation with his family, the discussion turning to her wedding plans, he sank to his haunches and shook with despair.
* * *
That evening Savannah rocked in her chair as she waited for Jeremy to come upstairs. She fell asleep, her dreams filled with tantalizing images of holding a baby in her arms, nestled in Jeremy’s embrace. She woke with a start to realize that part of her dream was true, since she was no longer in the chair but on the bed, with Jeremy’s strong arms around her.
“Shh, love. Go to sleep.” He traced his fingers over her shoulder to her elbow and then back up again. “You were smart to change into your nightgown before falling asleep in your chair.”
“Jeremy,” she breathed before stretching and forcing herself awake. “Forgive me. I’m so tired all the time.”
He caressed her cheeks as she had moved so she now faced him. “I understand. Our child is wearing you out.” A pleased smile flitted over his mouth, and joy lit his eyes for a moment.
She kissed his palm and then held it to her belly. “She moves a lot. Can you feel her?”
He gazed into Savannah’s eyes as he focused on his hand. After a moment, he gasped. “Was that her?”
“Yes,” she whispered around tears as she watched the shock and wonder in his expression.
He leaned forward, kissing her softly. “Find joy in our baby, Savannah. I know you are scared. I’m terrified. But I’m also elated. I want to share the excitement and fear with you.”
She nodded. “I hate having this hope,” she whispered. “We’ve never made it this far before in a pregnancy. I wonder …” Her voice broke off, and she resumed speaking after he gave her a gentle nod. “I wonder if it means this time all will be different for us.”
“God, I hope so. I pray for it every day.” He kissed her forehead and then backed away enough so that she could see his troubled gaze. “Do you believe I was happy with our life? That I never hoped, never planned for this to happen?”
“Oh, Jeremy,” she said through a tear-thickened voice as she stroked her finger
s through his ebony hair. “I never doubted, never, your dedication to me. To Melly. To the life we have. I know how much you love me.” She swallowed. “I hope you can forgive me and try to understand that I acted as I did because I love you so much.”
She leaned into him, allowing him to hold her tight. After a few minutes, she eased away. “I need you to forgive me for something else, darling.” She traced a finger over the furrow in his brows as he watched her with guarded eyes. “I wasn’t there to support you when you needed me.”
He jerked back and shook his head. “It was nothing, Sav.”
She held onto his shoulders and refused to allow him to roll away from her. “If you were dreaming of the Philippines again, I know it wasn’t nothing.” She fought tears. “I wish I had been there for you. To hold you. To make you understand how proud I am of you.”
He let out a huff of air, as though in disgust or disbelief. “How? There are days I can barely look at myself in the mirror.” He closed his eyes, as though in defeat, hiding the torment he concealed well in his green eyes.
“I know you find it difficult to face what you were ordered to do in the Philippines, my love. And I know you wish you had never done what you did.” Her eyes filled as she remembered his agonizing account of his time as an interrogator while in the army and his use of water torture on the men he questioned. “But it does not diminish my love for you. The fact you feel such remorse only makes me love you more.”
“Oh, love,” he said, pulling her close. “I feared …” He shuddered as he clung to her. “I feared that you were reading about the atrocities in the War and imagining what I had done, and that you couldn’t stand the sight of me.” He buried his face in her shoulder.
“Never.” She held him to her, cradling him in her arms. “Never.” She sighed as his sobs quieted and then gave a small moan of pleasure as he kissed her neck.
“I got your nightgown all wet,” he whispered.
Abiding Love: Banished Saga, Book Eight Page 13