“I need to find out if something has happened. I haven't heard from him since August. He's with the army, in France. But after they got to Paris, I heard nothing. I was wondering if, somehow …. someone you know …maybe they can call someone and find out if anyone knows …” Anne understood and nodded.
“I'll ask my father.”
The two women stood looking at each other then. It was an odd moment between two women who had never been friends, and yet she had just done everything possible for Hiroko, more than anyone else would have.
Hiroko left a few minutes later to get her things from the hotel, and then she came back in a cab again with Toyo. It was a handsome house, a large, imposing brick edifice, and one of the largest on Broadway. And as soon as she got back, she went to her room with Toyo. She changed into her uniform, and holding Toyo's hand, she appeared in the kitchen. Everyone there was very pleasant to her, and they showed her what her responsibilities were, and two of the maids promised to help her with Toyo. The cook fell instantly in love with him, and gave him a big bowl of soup for lunch, and a chocolate eclair, which he thought was very exciting. For a child who had started out so big, he had grown quite thin from the inadequate food they had all had at the camp, and Hiroko was relieved to see him eating.
Anne came back downstairs and introduced Hiroko to her mother that afternoon. Mrs. Spencer was very beautiful, and very distinguished. She was wearing a beautiful gray wool suit, with a necklace of enormous pearls, and matching earrings. She was a woman of about fifty. Anne was the youngest of three daughters and a son. Mrs. Spencer wasn't warm, but she was extremely polite to Hiroko. She knew what her circumstances were, Anne had even told her about Toyo, and Margaret Spencer was as sorry for her as Anne was. She had told the entire staff to be kind to her, and feed them well. And the salary she offered her, Hiroko thought, was nothing less than staggering. She offered her three hundred dollars a month, which was more charity than wage, but she didn't mind it a bit. In ways no one could ever have measured, she had earned it, and she was going to need every penny if she was going to save enough money to return to Japan when the war finally ended. There was still no sign of Peter, and she had Toyo to support. She was deeply grateful for the high wages.
For Hiroko, once Anne had left, it was a little bit like being Cinderella being there. Everyone was very kind, but they also knew that Hiroko had gone to school with Anne at St. Andrew's, and why she had left, and where she had been for the past three years. But no one ever asked her any questions. They showed her how to do her work, and let her be, and kept an eye on Toyo for her when she was busy. And Hiroko was always polite to everyone, and helpful; she worked hard and kept to herself. And on her days off, she took Toyo to the park, and she went to the Japanese tea garden she remembered visiting in Golden Gate Park with the Tanakas when she'd first arrived. It was run by a Chinese family now, and called the Oriental Tea Garden. There were lots of things to do with him, and she was reminded more than once of visits she had made to the city with her cousins.
Within a short time she heard from them. They were happy and well. Reiko was working at the hospital, both girls were in school, and on Valentine's Day, Sally and Tadashi got married. It was the day after she got their telegram, when Mr. Spencer finally had news for her from a friend in Washington. It had taken more than a month to get any information. And the news wasn't good. Hiroko trembled as she listened.
After Paris, they had moved on to Germany. And Peter had been missing in action since a skirmish near Antwerp. No one had seen him killed, and they had never recovered his body after the snipers moved on. But he hadn't turned up again either. It was impossible to say what had happened. Perhaps after the war they would find records of him, or find that he had been held prisoner by the Germans. But for now, all she knew was what she had known before, that he had vanished. His silence had been as ominous as she'd feared, possibly even more so.
She thanked Anne's father for getting the information for her, and silently went back to the kitchen to take care of Toyo.
“I feel sorry for her,” Charles Spencer admitted to his wife after he'd told her. “Is she married to the boy's father?” he asked curiously.
“I'm not sure,” his wife said cautiously. “I don't think so. Anne says she was awfully bright in school, one of the most outstanding students.” In spite of herself, Anne's mother had come to genuinely like her, and could see why Anne cared about her.
“I don't suppose she'll want to go back,” Charles said thoughtfully. One of their gardeners had gone to the camps as well, and Charles had had to move heaven and earth to get him out and sent to relatives in Wisconsin.
“Anne says she wants to go back to Japan to see her parents.”
“Well, do what you can for her while she's here. To be honest with you, from what they said about her …er …friend … I think he's done for.” They hadn't been able to prove he was dead beyond any doubt, but it sounded as though they were almost sure of it. It was one of those mysteries that wouldn't be solved until after the war, when they had all the information. But whatever actually happened, it didn't matter now. The man was gone. And the boy was without a father. It made Charles sorry for her all over again. But Hiroko was very happy there with the Spencers. She thought of Peter all the time, and despite what Anne's father had told her, she refused to be convinced that he was dead. Somehow, she just couldn't believe it.
And the war moved on without him. In February, the Allies destroyed Dresden, and in March, Manila fell to the Americans. Tokyo was being bombed relentlessly, along with other cities in Japan, killing eighty thousand and leaving more than. a million people homeless. And Hiroko worried endlessly about her parents. She spoke to the Tanakas about it on the phone, and they were sympathetic about her concerns, but Hiroko's life seemed far from them now. She was constantly listening for news of the war, hoping to hear something about Peter or her parents. It was her only concern now.
In April, Roosevelt died, and Hitler committed suicide. And the following month the concentration camps were opened, much to everyone's horror. It made Tule Lake look like paradise in comparison, and she was embarrassed to have ever complained about whatever minor miseries they had suffered. Compared to the people who had suffered at the Nazis' hands, the Japanese had been extremely lucky in Tule Lake, and elsewhere.
And then at last, Germany surrendered in May. But Japan still fought on. And in June, they fought the bloody battle of Okinawa. It seemed as though the war in Japan would never end, and she would never be able to go home. But all she could do was wait, and a month after the war in Europe was over, she still had no news of Peter.
Charles Spencer kindly inquired again, but his status was still the same. Missing in action. But still, she refused to believe that she and Toyo had lost him forever.
And at the end of June, the Spencers moved to Lake Tahoe for the summer. At first they planned to leave her in town, and then they asked her to join them at their house on the lake, and as she thought of it, she realized it would be wonderful for Toyo.
Anne graduated from St. Andrew's just before they went, and Hiroko thought about her with a smile that morning. She had hardly seen her in months. She had rarely come home from school on weekends. Most of the time she either went away, or stayed for dances. And during holidays, she went to Santa Barbara or Palm Springs, or to New York to see her sister, who had had another baby. But whenever Hiroko did see Anne, though it was rare, she was always pleasant. They had an odd relationship, it was not friendship, and yet they both recognized that there was a bond between them.
And in Lake Tahoe, she was always surrounded by friends who came up to visit, especially for the weekend. They stayed with them, water-skied, played tennis, rode one of several speedboats. The others had had to be put away, as they needed their gas ration coupons for the drive back and forth to Tahoe.
It reminded Hiroko of when she had come to the lake with the Tanakas when she had first come from Japan. It had been four years,
four years of war and agony throughout the world. And yet, here people were still playing tennis and driving speedboats. It was an odd feeling, watching them, and yet their giving up tennis or boats or having fun wouldn't have ended the war either.
Toyo particularly loved being there, and just as they were in town, the servants were extremely kind to him. And in Tahoe, Hiroko frequently served dinner, particularly when they had guests or dinner parties. And one night, one of the Spencers' guests asked how they had managed to keep her, indicating Hiroko.
“All ours went to Topaz, you know. Damn shame. Best servants we've ever had. What did you do, Charles?” He joked with him, but Charles did not look amused. “Did you hide her?”
“I believe she was in Tule Lake,” Charles Spencer said stiffly. “She only came to us in January of this year. As I understand it, she went through a lot there.” His words and his expression silenced the other man completely. But there were others who stared at her, who watched her, and who didn't hesitate to make comments.
“I don't know how you can keep her here, and eat dinner with her standing behind you,” one of Margaret's friends said one day at lunch in Lake Tahoe. “When you think of what those people are doing to our boys over there, it ruins my appetite. Margaret, you must have a very strong stomach.” Margaret Spencer did not respond, but as she glanced in Hiroko's direction, their eyes met, and then Hiroko quickly lowered hers. She had heard it all, and she understood. She had done penance to please people like her. In some ways, the Spencers were different from their friends. They had been appalled by the camps, and saddened when their employees had been sent away for internment. But there had been absolutely no way to stop it.
And at a dinner party, a friend of Charles had left their dinner table, because he had lost a son at Okinawa and he refused to be served by Hiroko. Hiroko had gone to her room quietly after that, and the Spencers let her go for her own sake. She had her own losses to think of too, Yuji, Ken, Peter, Tak. So many had been lost, there was so much sorrow and pain that needed to be healed now.
But in August, while the Allies divided up the Reich, the Americans finally got even at Hiroshima. It made everyone who had ever hated the Japanese, even for a single moment, feel vindicated, and yet again after the bombing at Nagasaki. At last, the war was over. And exactly four weeks later, the Japanese surrendered over Labor Day weekend. It was the Spencers' last weekend at Lake Tahoe before moving back to the city.
“What are you going to do now?” Anne asked her quietly. They were alone in the dining room the next morning.
“I'd like to go home when I can.”
“I don't suppose things will settle down there for a while.” Anne nodded at her, and Hiroko looked tired. She had been following the news for weeks. She was desperately worried about her parents. It seemed hard to believe anyone could have survived the endless bombings. And yet obviously some people had. She only prayed her parents were among them. And still there was no news from Peter. But she couldn't go in both directions. And she would have had no idea of how to find him in Europe.
“Your family has been very good to me,” Hiroko said before she left the room again, not wanting to intrude on Anne's breakfast.
“You've been good to us too.” She smiled at her. “How's Toyo?”
“Getting big and fat in the kitchen,” Hiroko laughed. He was making up for lost time and a lot of bad food at Tule Lake. He was two and a half years old, and the darling of everyone in the Spencers' household.
Anne didn't ask if there had been news of his father. She knew there hadn't. And her father had said again that it was obvious Hiroko's friend was dead. It was a damn shame and he was sorry.
Hiroko waited another month, and went back to the city with them, and then she gave them her notice. Anne was moving to New York for a year, to be near her sister, and go to parties and meet people there. And Hiroko had learned that she could get passage on the U.S.S. General W. P. Richardson to Kobe in mid-October.
Even she had no illusions by then. She hadn't heard from Peter in fourteen months. And the war in Europe had been over for five of them. There simply wasn't any way they wouldn't have found him, if he were alive. And she admitted as much to Reiko when she called and told her she was leaving for Japan to see her parents.
“It's hard to believe we lost all three of them, isn't it? Ken, Tak …and Peter.” And she had lost her brother too. It was so unfair. They had lost so much, and others had lost so little. She couldn't help thinking of the Spencers, even though they had been so kind to her. But they had scarcely noticed the war, except for the fact that it had improved some of their investments. Their son had been 4-F and had stayed home, their son-in-law had been kept in Washington during the entire war, and none of their daughters had lost husbands or even boyfriends. Anne had made her debut during the war, and she had graduated in June, right after Germany surrendered. All nice and neat and clean and simple. Maybe that was just the way life worked sometimes. There were those who paid, and those who didn't. And yet, in spite of that, Hiroko had to admit she liked them. The Spencers were good people, and they'd been wonderful to her and Toyo.
But Reiko was very worried about her going to Japan, especially alone with Toyo, but there was no one to go with her, or provide her escort.
“I'll be all right, Aunt Rei. The Americans are over there. Things will be fairly well controlled before I get there.”
“Maybe less so than you think. Why don't you come here instead, and wait until you hear from your parents.” But she had already tried to reach them, by telegram. It was impossible. Everyone had told her there was no way to contact anyone there. And she owed it to them to go to see them. It was time for her to go home now. They had their losses too, and despite the shock it might give them, she wanted them to see Toyo. He was their grandson and he might comfort them a little after losing her brother.
And when Sally got on the phone, she told Hiroko the news. She and Tad were expecting a baby.
“You didn't waste a minute,” Hiroko said, and Sally laughed shyly, sounding very young and very happy.
“Neither did you,” she dared from three thousand miles away, sounding like the old Sally that Hiroko knew and alternately loved and hated, but this time she laughed good-humoredly.
“I guess you're right.”
But Sally's mother had already warned her not to ask Hiroko about Peter. The situation was hopeless.
She spoke to Tad and congratulated him too. The baby was due in April.
And the day before she left for Japan, she called them again, and this time she had a long, serious talk with Reiko. She was worried about what would happen to Hiroko in Japan, if things went wrong and there was no one there to help her.
“I'll go to the Americans and ask for help, I promise, Aunt Rei. Don't worry.”
“And what if they won't help you? You're Japanese, you're not American.” She was always on the wrong side somehow. To Hiroko it seemed ironic, but it terrified Reiko.
“I'll figure something out,” she promised. “I'll be fine.”
“You're too young to be going there alone,” Reiko insisted.
“Aunt Rei, it's my home. I've got to go back now. I have to see my parents.” Reiko didn't dare suggest to her that they might be gone too, but Hiroko was well aware of it. She needed to know what had happened, just as she did with Peter. But in his case she had to accept what she couldn't discover on her own. In their case, it was different. They had relatives and friends. She had had a fife there and someone would know where her parents were.
“I want you to contact me as soon as you can,” Reiko made Hiroko promise.
“I will. It must be a real mess over there though.”
“I'm sure it is.” The stories about Hiroshima were unbelievable, beyond awful. But Hiroko was going nowhere near there, or Reiko would have objected even harder.
And then, regretfully, she and her cousins said good-bye, and that night Hiroko packed their things in her small room, feeling sad as
she did it. She really hated to leave the Spencers.
And in the morning, Anne's father surprised her. He handed her a thousand dollars in cash, as a bonus, in addition to her salary. To Hiroko, it was a fortune.
“You'll need it for the boy,” he said kindly, and she accepted it, knowing he was right, and deeply grateful to him.
“You've done so much for us,” she said, thanking him and his wife, and Anne insisted on taking her to the boat, with the driver.
“I can take a cab, Anne,” Hiroko said, smiling at her. “You don't have to do that.”
“I want to. Somehow, we missed the boat,” she said, laughing at the pun. “Maybe if I'd been a little smarter then, or a little more worldly and grown-up, we'd have been friends. But I wasn't.”
“You've done so much for me,” Hiroko said, unable to imagine how much more it might have been if she'd added friendship. But she hadn't minded working for them. The job had been menial, but it had served a purpose, given her a home, and fed her and Toyo. That all made it worth doing, and the Spencers had always been extremely kind and pleasant, as had their servants.
She tried objecting again, but Anne insisted on taking her to the ship with the chauffeur. The others all came out to say good-bye, and her parents waved from an upstairs window. And Toyo watched them all sadly as they drove away, with his belongings in the trunk of the Lincoln. He had no idea where they were going, and he was too young to understand it.
“We're going to Japan to find your grandparents,” she had said to him, but he didn't know what that was yet.
And Anne looked at her with concern as they headed toward the Embarcadero. “Will you be all right there?”
“No worse than anywhere else I've been in the last four years.” Her life had been an adventure for several years now.
“What will you do if you don't find them?” It was a cruel thing to ask, but she felt she had to.
“I'm not sure.” Hiroko couldn't even imagine it. She still couldn't accept the idea that Peter was gone. She said she did to those who asked, mostly so they wouldn't argue with her, like Charles Spencer or Tadashi, but the truth was, she still didn't believe it. “I can't imagine that they're not there,” she said to Anne. “When I think of Japan, I think of my parents. I see them,” she said, closing her eyes, as though to demonstrate to her. And as she did, they reached the pier, and the car stopped slowly. “I'll find them,” she said, reassuring herself as much as Anne. “I have to.” She had no one else now, except Toyo.
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