by Unknown
"Yes, me." He grimaced bitterly. "I didn't feel the same way about her,” he said, regret shining from his eyes.
"So what happened?" I asked, lying down on the grass and popping my head up on my hand.
"We'd been at a party. We were all a little drunk and Abaddon had just beaten me at a game of pool. He was rubbing my nose in it, taunting me and I let my pride get the better of me. I pulled Emma to me and kissed her, in front of Abaddon.”
I gasped in shock.
"I knew the second I'd done it; it was the wrong thing to do. I knew the depth of feeling he had for her. I knew that I'd broken his heart.”
"Not to mention using the poor girl to get to your brother!" I snapped. "And you call yourself an angel?"
His shoulders drooped in shame. "I know," he said, softly.
"So what happened next?"
"Abaddon made a pact with the devil. He didn't want to be in the same realm as either of us, I suppose.” He pulled a hand through his blonde curls.
"What happened to Emma?" I asked.
"She forgave me but she asked for a rebirth."
"She wasn't an angel?"
He looked at me. Pain shone in his eyes. There it was again, that emotional stuff. I was well clear of it; it didn’t seem to make anyone happy, other than Lauren and Daniel.
"No. She was a daughter of Adam, a good soul," he said, shame clouding his face. "If she hadn't forgiven me, I would have been cast out. She saved me.”
"Do you know where she is now?" I asked, a suspicion suddenly forming in my mind. It couldn’t be, could it?
He looked up at me. "She's been reborn many times but now, you would know her as Selina," he said, his eyes clouding over.
I sat up, hyperventilating. "Does Abaddon know?" I demanded. Was this why he'd hung around? To get close to Selina? Pain tore through me and I gasped in shock. Was I ill, on top of everything else?
"Does Selina know?"
"Selina won't remember anything outside of her current life so no, she doesn't know.”
I looked at him. "But Abaddon knows, doesn't he?"
"Yes" he replied, not moving. I jumped to my feet, looking about me. Then I started to laugh. Hysterical. Here I was thinking an angel and a devil were fighting over me and all the time I was being used so that they could get closer to my friend. A friend who this lousy bastard of an angel had hurt so badly she’d had to run away from her pain.
A thought suddenly occurred to me. "How were you assigned as Matthew's mentor? That couldn't have been down to chance!" I exclaimed.
He blushed and looked down. "I asked for it," he said.
"And Abaddon? How in holy hell did he get involved in this? Was it all lies?" That burning pain in my stomach was back. Maybe I’d eaten something that hadn’t agreed with me.
Zerachiel looked at me, a puzzled expression on his face. "I have no idea but by all accounts, it wasn’t by design. At least not his. God works in mysterious ways, I guess.”
"That's it? That's all you can offer me? 'God works in mysterious ways'?"
He jumped to his feet and tried to grab me by the arm.
“Look, I asked to be assigned to Matthew to get close to Selina, yes, I admit it. But not because I love her, because I owe her. I do love her, but not like that. And then I met you! I’m not going to hide it any longer, Natalia. I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I wrenched my arm out of his hand.
I looked at the sadness in his face. Sadness for himself, not for the pain he’d caused others. No guilt for using me to hurt his brother yet again. How the fuck was this selfish bastard an angel?
"I think you'd better take me back, right now," I said.
I could feel a rage welling up inside me the likes I'd never before experienced and I fought to gain control. With all my heart I wanted to smite the bastard, sod the consequences, and there was a time I would have done just that. But something inside me had changed and now, all I wanted was to be as far away from both of them as possible.
"You need to finish your therapy," Zerachiel said, his eyes imploring me.
"Shove your redemption up your arse. Take me home now or so help me, I will rain my wrath down on you and all you hold dear.” My voice had gone suspiciously deep and for a second, I wasn't even sure if it had come from me. I looked down at myself to make sure I wasn't changing to my demon form. So far, I was holding it together but my hands looked suspiciously hairy and I wasn't sure how much longer I could hold it together. Zerachiel took one look at my face, grabbed me by the waist and took off in to the clouds.
The second my feet touched the kitchen floor I wrenched myself out of his arms and ran from the room, taking the stairs three at a time and heading straight to the bathroom. I needed to cool off urgently and spun the tap on the shower, turning the temperature to freezing and throwing myself under the spray. A scream tore through me as I fought to keep control. Once I freed my demon, I couldn’t be sure what she would do. Or who she would hurt. The pain was unbearable and in all the times in my life when I'd transformed, nothing compared to this. I wondered how much of it was the muscle and tissue ripping and reforming and how much of it was the knowledge I now possessed. Emotions; humans prized them so heavily. They were more sadistic than I’d ever given them credit for.
I lifted my face to the jet and the icy water burned my face as I held on to the wall for support. Eventually, after several moments, I felt my breathing and my heart rate settle and I stepped from the spray, wrapping myself in a towel, and sitting on the bath. I tried to process my thoughts. Whose betrayal was hurting the most; Zerachiel’s or Abaddon’s?
A tap on the bathroom door pulled me out of my reverie.
"Natalia, are you ok?"
It was Selina. Typical that the one person I didn't want to see right now was right outside the door. A tear welled up in my eye and I dashed it away. None of this was her fault. She truly was a pure soul. She didn't even know that the machinations of two manipulative males had just tore the heart right out of me. I gasped in shock. Was that what the pain was? I couldn't hold the tears back any longer and, as I allowed my emotions to overwhelm me, an angry wail escaped from my lungs loud enough to crack the bathroom mirror.
With one loud bang, the door came crashing open and Selina stood there, looking like a ninja ready to do battle. She ran in to the room and wrapped her arms around me.
"Hey now, shhh," she said as she stroked my wet hair and pulled me in to her. "Whatever it is, we can sort it out." She continued to hold me tightly as Lauren came running in to the room, looking shocked. "What's happened? Are you ok?" she asked, bending down to me.
I looked at their faces. How could I tell them? More importantly, how could I hurt Selina by letting her know the truth? The answer was; I couldn't. I would have to swallow my pain and get up and get on with it. Bloody hell, it looked like this redemption thing had worked better than we thought. This would be the first time I put the needs of others before my own.
I lay in bed listening to Selina and Lauren talking downstairs in the kitchen. Demonic hearing abilities were both a blessing and a curse at times.
"Do you think it's the therapy?" Lauren asked Selina.
"No, it's more than that. I don't know what it is but the look on her face was pure pain. Someone's hurt her and God help them if I get my hands on them!" Selina cursed as something banged.
"We need Agnes," said Lauren. I heard her footsteps as she paced the floor.
"Geordie, how do we call Agnes?" she said.
"mmmmmmmm.” Shit, I'd forgotten I'd left him trapped in the web.
"Can you let him down?" I heard Lauren ask.
"No way on God's green earth am I touching that web with that big ugly thing waiting to pounce on me," Selina responded.
"What a pair of big babies!”
If I wasn’t mistaken, that was Agnes. The cavalry had arrived.
"Now what's all the fuss about?"
Agnes came in to the room and sat down on the edge
of the bed. "Want to talk about it?" she asked. I looked at her. I was empty. Completely empty. At least I'd managed to stop crying.
"Not here," I said.
She lifted her hand to stroke my head and I transported us both to the river.
Agnes looked out at the river as turbulent currents swirled patterns on the water. Even the sky was broody; dark and heavy with rain. It didn't lift my spirits. I walked over to the bench and took up my favourite seat, moving over a little to allow Agnes room to sit beside me. She wasn’t a little woman.
I looked out at the raging river as two birds flew furiously across the sky, obviously wanting to get to shelter before the storm broke.
"Tell me," she said. Two words that broke the damn and everything poured out of me. Abaddon, Zerachiel, the whole sorry mess.
Agnes sat there, listening, my hand clasped in hers. I hadn’t even realised she’d held it. When I finished the story, she stroked my cheek.
"And now tell me the rest," she said, her eyes full of compassion.
I looked at her. "What? I've told you everything," I whispered, half fear and half anger.
"No, you missed out the reason this is tearing you apart." She lowered her hand. "Which one is it, Natalia?"
I felt the tears well in my eyes again. I knew what she was asking.
"Abaddon. It's always been Abaddon," my head dropped to my chest as another tear ran the length of my nose and plopped down on to my leather trousers.
Agnes sighed. I guess she'd been hoping for Zerachiel. Whatever. It didn't matter one way or the other, really did it? They had both played me. Agnes looked over my shoulder then back at me. She stood.
"I'm here when you need me," she said and disappeared. Confused, I looked over my shoulder to see Abaddon standing there, his arms at his sides.
"It’s you I want, Natalia, that's real, I swear it," he said, his brown eyes imploring me. I felt the rage start to build and I tried with all my might to control it. As much as I would love to tear him limb from limb, it didn't go with my new persona, redemption or no redemption.
"You lie. You came for Selina," I choked out.
He came round the back of the seat and sat beside me. I jumped further along the bench wanting to maintain some distance. For his safety as well as my sanity.
"I didn't even know who Selina was until yesterday. This had nothing to do with her," he replied.
I thought about it and realised he was right. He hadn't met any of the others until the pow wow.
"Then you used me to get to your brother. What was it, Abaddon, tit for tat? He took your girl so you wanted to take his?"
His eyes flared red. "You were never his girl," he snapped.
"Oh? I'm pretty sure I met him before I met you and I'm damned sure he was flirting with me."
He turned away from me and took a ragged breath. "Nats, from the moment I first tasted you and entered your head, you had me. I've never experienced anything like it in my life and you can believe that or not, it makes no difference. The spunky little demon, willing to take on a demon lord, a demon who Satan himself finds he can't handle? Throw in the sexy body and flaming violet eyes, how could I hope to resist you?"
"You prefer blondes" I snapped. A traitorous tear was making its way down my cheek and I wiped it away. Bloody fucking human emotions. His hand came up and captured my face and his eyes, now back to brown, stared in to mine, sucking me in.
"Natalia Stokes how many more ways can I say it? I want you and no one else. What can I do to prove it to you?"
"But now that you know about Selina, how do you feel?"
He pulled a hand through his curls. "Nats, I got over Emma a long time ago. About the time I stopped shagging everything that moved and treating women as playthings. Seeing her again yesterday was... " I waited with bated breath, ”..it was strange but I felt nothing. All I could think about was my bad tempered little redhead. I was wondering how long it was going to take her to realise she …" he faltered for a second then continued “…she wanted me as badly as I wanted her,” he said, his brown eyes staring in to mine.
I launched myself into his arms my lips finding his in a kiss that would have seared my very soul, if I'd had one that hadn’t already been burnt to a crisp. My hands around his neck, I pressed myself into his body, wanting to feel every muscular contour. His arms came around me and his hands lifting me off the seat and on to his knee as he kissed me as though it was the first time and the last time. The funny tingling between my legs started up with a vengeance and my demon howled inside me. My desire for him had never been in doubt.
I wrapped my legs around his waist and ground myself in to him, four hundred years of lust pouring out of me in waves and my body on fire. I felt his excitement as the bulge in his trousers pressed against my pelvis.
"We need to take this somewhere private," he said, reclaiming my lips hungrily. I clicked my fingers to transport us just as he lifted me bodily from his lap, his hands firmly clasping my backside as he continued to press his erection into my pelvis. We materialised back in my bedroom. I felt the earth tilt on its axis and realised it was because he’d flipped me down to lay me horizontally on to the bed, one hand snaking round the back of my head and grinding his lips on mine in hungry possession and his erection now digging a hole in my stomach.
“Say it,” he said, hungrily nibbling at my throat, his hand coming up to capture my breast.
“I want you inside me,” I demanded.
He stilled for a second and then groaned into my mouth as I pushed into him, burning up with desire. His hand cupped my sex and squeezed and I felt like the top of my head would explode. I quickly imagined myself naked and tore at his shirt, wanting to feel him skin to skin on my chest. His fingers, now unfettered, found my entrance and slid inside me. My whole body lifted off the bed as pleasure exploded at his touch. He found a rhythm with his movements and his head came down to claim my nipple, suckling me, his tongue twirling a merry dance around the hardened peak. I didn’t just fall over the edge into my orgasm, I was pushed, forcefully, jettisoned through the air as it ripped through me, a cry of pleasure escaping my lips as my body tightening around his thrusting fingers. Wave after wave of bliss washed over me until eventually I came floating slowly back to earth.
My breathing coming in shallow gasps, I looked at him in wonder. I’d had orgasms before, even given myself one or two when the need arose, but nothing compared to the sheer pleasure I’d experienced at his hands. His eyes met mine and he grinned then kissed me gently on the lips.
Passion started to rise within me again and I deepened the kiss, pushing my hips upwards, wanting to feel the solid girth of him inside me. He pressed me gently back down and rolled away, trying to control his own emotions.
I sat up and looked at him, not understanding why he’d stopped. “What about you?” I asked.
“I won’t take you yet, Natalia. There are still some things you need to discover about yourself. When I think you’re ready, then I swear to you I will fuck you within an inch of your life,” he said, his hands knitted together over his forehead and hiding his eyes. Only the firm line of his mouth told me he was fighting for control.
“I’ve told Zerachiel to shove his redemption where the sun doesn’t shine,” I said, confused. “I’m done.”
He turned and looked at me, his brown eyes burning with lust and anger. “Your redemption is for you, remember? Not me and certainly not Zerachiel. Don’t let our circumstances spoil that for you.” He lay back down and exhaled loudly.
I was stunned into silence. He wanted me to continue? Why? Did he want the pleasure of seducing a newly converted angel? Was that his angle? Or was I revenge against Zerachiel after all?
He turned on me, anger dancing in his eyes. Shit. I’d forgotten about the whole mind reading thing. “I’ll accept your suspicion, given that I haven’t been entirely truthful with you in the past but never doubt my respect for or my intentions towards you Natalia Stokes. There will be no more secrets bet
ween us, I promise you.” I knew then how mad he was. I only got my full name when he was good and pissed.
“Then tell me why you won’t take me now?” I whispered, still not understanding.
He sighed and flopped back down on to his back. “Except that one.”
I leaned over him, furious. “Not good enough, buster. A demon offers herself to you on a plate and you reject her? You aren’t going anywhere until you explain yourself!” I demanded.
He looked at me, his eyes and lips drawing me in; he was so beautiful. Didn’t be find me attractive? I was pretty sure he’d been sporting an erection so there had to be something there.
He traced my face with his finger, a warm glow in his eyes. “Listen carefully because I will only say this once. I love you, Nats. I won’t take you until I can make love to you. When you finally realise you’re in love with me too.”
I couldn’t help it. I laughed. “Abaddon, we’re demons. We don’t do love. We bang, remember?” I looked at him like he was nuts.
His lips pressed into a firm line as he stared back at me. “I don’t know where you get your ideas from, demon! What’s between us is much stronger than lust and I hate to tell you this but you won’t ever be fully sated until you acknowledge your own feelings.” His hand came up to brush an errant hair from my face.
“So what, until then no nookie? Isn’t that a little bit like blackmail?” I demanded, getting cross. I threw my head back down on to the pillows in a huff.
He grinned and sat up, one hand resting his head as he stared down in to my face. What, he found this funny now? This man had an evil sense of humour.
“All right, then, how about I promise to pleasure you as much and as often as you want, but nothing else until you realise you can’t live without me,” he said, his eyes dancing.
Well, I suppose, when you put it like that….I grinned and ground into him again.
“Oh, you want it now, do you baby?” he whispered, his eyes clouding over as his head lowered to capture my lips once more.
Fully dressed, I made my way to the kitchen, stomping around like a petulant child who couldn’t have her favourite toy. Abaddon came down quietly behind me. It seemed he was right. No sooner had I reached my peak but the lust would return; only more powerful than it had been before. This was a torture worthy of the big man himself. I was not amused.