by Amber Garza
The scent of laundry detergent greeted me as I snatched up a brightly colored towel. I wrapped it around my body, grateful for the warmth. Water still dripped from my hair and onto the tile, so I wiped it with my foot. That was only succeeding in making the floor more wet though.
Sighing, I grabbed out another towel, bent down and swiped it across the floor. When I stood up I heard a woman’s giggle, then a man’s voice. I stiffened. I recognized the giggle as mom’s, but the man’s voice was not my dad’s. Besides, he was outside. I just saw him.
“Kurt,” Mom said, her voice a mixture of playfulness and urgency. “What are you doing?”
“I think you know, Caroline.”
“We can’t.” The playfulness was gone from her voice now. This was her ‘I mean business’ tone. Believe me, I knew all about that one.
“C’mon. You know you want it as much as I do.”
“Kurt, this isn’t the time or place to discuss this.” She sounded desperate now. “We need to get back out there.”
Her voice seemed to be getting closer, so I dropped the towel that I’d used to wipe the floor and raced toward the back door. The last thing I needed was for her to catch me in here. Flinging open the door, I stepped outside into the sunshine, leaving Mom and her secret conversation inside.
Why had I not remembered this conversation until now? Why would that be the memory I repressed? I leaned against the wall, my knees buckling. The hallway swayed around me. I glanced at the pictures on the walls – of Dad and Mom smiling happily – and felt sick.
I had to get out of here.
Clutching my belly, I raced out into the backyard. I was grateful for the cool night air, the scent of sweet peas, the sound of crickets. Lowering myself on the first step of the porch I sat down. When I first came back home, I used to wake up in the middle of the night to find Mom sitting on the edge of my bed staring down at me. It happened so many times, I finally asked her what she was doing.
“I need to prove to myself that you’re really here,” she said.
She climbed into my bed and rested my head in her lap. Her hands fumbled in my hair, stroking and petting. Even in the dark I could see the tears shining on her cheeks. I could hear the heave of her chest and the sobs she thought she was masking.
I always thought my mom did everything in her power to protect me. But what if I was wrong? What if everything I’d ever believed was a lie?
Moisture filled my mouth, and my body went hot. I swallowed hard and stood up. Suddenly this house didn’t feel safe anymore. This place that had always been my sanctuary seemed mysterious and dark.
Stumbling down the steps, I headed for the gate. I had no idea where to go, but I knew I couldn’t stay here another minute. Maybe I’d walk and clear my head. There were plenty of roads to do that. Plenty of open fields to trek through.
I stepped into the front yard, the back gate slamming behind me. The sweet scent of roses wafted under my nose as I passed the bushes that lined the side of the house. There was a slight breeze in the air tonight and it rattled the chains on the porch swing. Light from the front porch illuminated the dark sky.
My feet crunched when I reached the gravel driveway. Both of my parent’s cars sat side by side. I’d never learned to drive. Never wanted to. But in this moment I wished I had. Then I could get in one of those cars and take off. Drive somewhere to clear my head.
When I got to the end of the driveway, I glanced over my shoulder. The pull of the house was strong. I’d never set out on my own before. Rarely did I ever get this far. And I certainly never left alone.
The sound of Mom and Kurt’s voices filled my mind, propelling me forward. I wasn’t convinced this place was a safe haven for me anymore. Perhaps there wasn’t any such thing.
EIGHTEEN
I wasn’t surprised to end up here.
At first I had thought of going to Carter’s, but then I realized I had no idea where he lived. Too bad I’d freaked out the one time he was going to take me to his house. It would have been nice to see him. To lose myself in his embrace, his touch, his kiss.
Since that wasn’t an option, I went for the next best thing – our field of flowers. When Carter took me here I thought it was a piece of heaven, and I could use heaven right now. The minute I dropped down into the flowers I knew I made the right choice. As I lay down, the plants surrounded me, cocooning me inside of them the way I’d dreamt of. It was like being in a house of flowers.
They tickled my nose, and a sneeze escaped. I wiped my nose with the back of my hand and then rested my arm under my head. Staring up at the stars, I wished I could stay here forever. Far from memories, pointing fingers, and expectations. I could lay in this field, become one with the plants and flowers. I wouldn’t need anything to sustain me but water and sunlight.
“Aspen?”
I froze.
“Aspen? Are you here?”
“Carter?” I sat up, flower petals raking across my face and neck.
“Oh, thank god.” Carter heaved a sigh of relief and dropped onto his knees beside me.
“What are you doing here?” I asked, baffled. Did I have a GPS tracker hidden on me or something?
“Your parents noticed you were gone. Your dad called, thinking you were with me. I told him you weren’t, but that I’d look for you. Once I thought about it, I assumed you might be here.”
Weird how well he knew me in such a short period of time.
“What happened?” He touched my face.
“What makes you think something happened? Maybe I just wanted to go for a walk.”
Carter narrowed his eyes. “In the dark? C’mon, give me some credit here, Aspen.”
“Fine.” I sighed, wondering how much I wanted to share. Finally I said, “Mom and I got into an argument.”
“About me?” He gave me a knowing look, running his knuckles across my chin.
“Yeah. About the prom, actually. Mom wanted to know if there would be any chaperones.” I laughed bitterly. “Like I really am still a teenager. God, it’s so annoying.”
“She worries about you. Cut her some slack.”
His words took me aback. It’s what I’d always thought. That she worried about me. That the reason she was so overprotective was because she was scared of losing me again. And I had cut her slack. A lot of it. For years. But now I wasn’t sure about any of it. Tonight’s revelation had changed everything.
Now I was seeing the last ten years in a completely different light.
What if my kidnapping was planned? What if it wasn’t random at all?
Daughter. He always called me daughter. Not Eve. Me.
I never believed it. Not for a minute.
“There’s more to it, isn’t there?” Carter asked, his fingers still touching my face.
I bit my lip.
“Talk to me.” He tipped my chin, forcing me to look at him. “Please.”
“I can’t. Not right now.” I shook my head. “I’m just confused.”
“About us?” He dropped his hand. His eyes twinkled under the starlight.
“No,” I said firmly. “Not about us at all.”
A relieved smile swept over his face.
“Can you please hold me?” I’d never initiated contact with anyone else, but right now I needed it. More than ever.
“Of course.” He opened his arms, and I fell against him. As my face pressed into his chest, his arms enveloped me. Surprisingly it felt even more peaceful than lying in the flowers had. He held me tightly, and I felt my body relax. It wasn’t the first time his presence had a calming effect on me. There was something about Carter. I felt a connection to him that I didn’t even think was possible. Almost like I’d always known him. Like he’d been a part of my life all along.
He held me for several minutes before whispering in my ear, “I better get you back home.”
“I don’t want to. Not yet.” Maybe not ever.
“Your dad is worried sick. I have to take you back.”
&
nbsp; I gripped the fabric of his shirt, holding it tightly between my fingers. “Please don’t.” A thought struck me. “Maybe I could go home with you. Stay with you tonight.”
Carter groaned. “Oh, Aspen. Don’t do this to me.”
“What?” I peered up at him, my nose rubbing against his chin.
He stole a kiss on my forehead. “I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“And what’s that?”
“Taking you home to your parents.” He smoothed back my hair with his hand.
Anger sparked. “Right for who? I don’t want to go home. I want to stay with you.”
He smiled. “And I want you to stay with me. Believe me.”
“Then we’re in agreement.”
An amused look passed over Carter’s face. “Yes. I suppose we are. And what do you think your parents would think of our decision?”
“Who cares what they think?”
“Aspen.” The amused look was replaced by concern. “What’s going on? What happened tonight?” He drew back, his eyes searching mine as if the answer was written inside of them.
“Have you ever thought you knew someone and you suddenly realize that you didn’t at all?”
“Yeah.” Carter nodded, the clouds I’d seen before returning to his eyes. “Is that what happened to you?”
I nodded. “And now I don’t know what to do.”
“C’mere.” He curled his hand around my neck and drew my face toward his. “Let’s not worry about it right now, okay?” His top lip feathered mine, faintly, delicately, as if I were fragile and he was afraid of breaking me. I didn’t want to be treated like that. Not tonight. Reaching up, I grabbed onto his neck, yanking him forward. His eyes widened as I crashed my lips into his. I needed to lose myself in his touch, his kiss, his desire. There was nothing gentle about my need for him, nothing tender about my desperation to erase tonight’s revelation from my mind. My hands weren’t afraid to slip under his shirt this time. They danced over his skin, my hands kneading his flesh, my fingertips exploring his hard muscles. I kissed him until my mouth was raw, my lips were swollen, and my mind was blank. When we stumbled out of the field, I imagined leaving all my fear, betrayal and anger behind, laying it to rest among the flowers.
The next morning I awoke to find her sitting on the edge of my bed the same way she used to years ago. I gasped, clutching my chest. Her gaze shot to my mouth, and I licked my lips. They were cracked and dry, still a little swollen. Could she tell? Did she know?
It didn’t matter. My relationship with Carter wasn’t a secret.
Not like the one she carried.
“What are you doing here?” I pulled my covers up to my chest, if for no other reason than to have something to hold on to.
“I wanted to apologize for last night.”
Had she figured out that I overheard her conversation with Dad?
“I shouldn’t have said what I did at dinner.”
Ah, that’s what the apology was for.
“What happened wasn’t your fault. None of it was.” I waited for her to finish, to give me a full confession. Surely that’s what she was here for. “And I also shouldn’t have said anything bad about Carter. He seems like a nice young man, and clearly he cares about you a lot.”
That’s it? I raised my eyebrows, a silent plea for her to continue.
“Your dad talked with him after he brought you home last night, and we’re fine with the whole prom thing.”
“As if I needed your permission,” I muttered under my breath.
“Excuse me?” Mom raised her brow.
“I’m an adult, Mom. I don’t need your permission to go out with Carter.” I crossed my arms over my chest defiantly. I had no intention of telling her what I overheard, but I also wasn’t going to play along with her little game anymore. Flinging the covers off my body, I slid out of bed. “You said what you needed to. You can go now.”
“Aspen?” Mom stood up, looking stricken. “What’s gotten into you? Is this Carter’s influence?”
“Oh, yes, that’s exactly what it is.” My voice dripped with sarcasm. Carter was right. I was turning into a sarcastic little thing, and I sort of liked it. “It has to be, right? I have no other reason to be upset with you.” I stared into her eyes. “It’s not like you’ve ever done anything to hurt me.”
Something flashed in her eyes – anger, regret maybe. Then she composed herself, running her palms down the length of her khaki capri pants. “Aspen, I said I was sorry about last night. I know I hurt your feelings, and it was wrong. Can we please move on now?”
I shrugged.
“The National View emailed over the article for you to look over.”
I groaned. There was no way I could read it. “Can you please look over it for me?”
“Aspen, I think you need to do it,” she said. “But they need to know if you approve it by tomorrow in order to get it out on time.”
“Please, Mom, you read it. I don’t think I can.”
Mom sighed. “Fine.” She hesitated for a moment and then forced a smile. “Okay, then. I was thinking maybe you and I could do some shopping today. Maybe go into town, grab some lunch.”
Talk about a weird conversation shift. I stared at her dumbfounded.
“Well, you’re going to need a dress for the prom, aren’t you? I mean, unless you plan on wearing your gardening clothes.” She let out a stilted laugh.
I shook my head. Sarcasm did not look good on her. But the truth was that I did need a dress. If Mom didn’t take me, who would? So I agreed to go. As she left the guesthouse I wondered how I’d make it through an entire day with her after what I’d learned last night.
NINETEEN
Mom took me to the Red Blossom Boutique. The fancy dresses on circular racks and scent of cheap floral perfume made me itch all over. I’d rather roll around in grass. Much more my style. But I knew Mom loved this place. She’d taken me here one other time. It was about a year after we moved here, and Mom insisted I own some decent clothes, maybe even a dress or two. I think Mom had hoped it would be a fun bonding day.
It wasn’t.
The day was a complete disaster. A man was shopping with his wife and he sort of reminded me of Kurt. I don’t know why. I think it was something about his smell or the way he wore his hair. Anyway, I flipped out and we had to end the trip early.
I was hoping today would go better, if for no other reason than I wanted to have a beautiful dress to wear for Carter. I was actually getting excited about our fake prom. A month ago I wouldn’t have believed it. I never thought I’d be the kind of girl who would want to dress up and go to a dance. But that was before I met Carter. He had aroused the woman inside who I thought was dormant. He awoke a part of me that I never even knew existed.
“Hi, Polly,” Mom greeted the woman standing behind the counter.
“Hi, Caroline.” Polly’s head bobbed up, her glossy lips curved into a large smile. Her hair was down, loose around her shoulders, and she wore a simple sundress, a strand of pearls around her neck. She had an elegance that I was sure I’d never possess.
“This is my daughter Aspen.” Mom placed her hand on the small of my back, and I involuntarily flinched causing Mom to shoot me a sharp look.
“Kurt, what are you doing?”
As the words popped into my mind, I sidestepped Mom, grateful when her hand slipped from my back. “Hi, Polly. It’s nice to meet you,” I said in my most polite voice. No need to upset Mom further. She was buying me a dress after all.
“Aspen is shopping for a dress. She has a-” she paused, and I could tell she didn’t want to say prom. Not that I blamed her. How would you explain to someone that your twenty-three-year old daughter was attending prom for the first time? A fake prom at that.
“Date,” I finished.
“Yes, a very special date.” Mom flashed me a grateful smile. For one minute it felt like we were conspiring together like old times. Then I remembered her secret conversation with Kurt,
and my stomach soured.
“How exciting.” Polly rubbed her palms together as she came around the counter, making her way over to us. “Anyone I know?”
“Carter Johnston,” Mom replied, a hint of pride in her voice. For being so suspicious about him, she certainly didn’t mind name-dropping out in public.
“Carter Johnston, huh?” Polly looked at me as if seeing me for the first time. Her gaze traveled up and down my body as if assessing me. “He’s quite the catch.” There was a sourness to her voice that wasn’t there before. Could she be jealous? Of me? This was new. I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
“Yeah.” I rubbed my upper arms with my hands. Couldn’t we just get a dress and get the hell out of here? Why were we standing around having small talk?
“Are you a size six?”
I nodded, impressed with her ability to size me up like that.
“I’ll grab some things you might like.” Polly smiled and then turned away from us.
“Polly’s the best. She picks out all of my clothes. I know she’ll find the perfect dress for you, honey.” She reached for me, placing a hand on my shoulder. I fought the urge to push her hand off again. Instead I bit the inside of my mouth, the same way I used to do when Kurt sat me in his lap. The pain made me focus on something other than what was happening. By the time Mom dropped her arm, my mouth was filled with blood. I swallowed it down, pretending it never happened.
“This should get you started.” Polly held at least a dozen dresses in her arm.
Holy crap, she’d grabbed a lot of dresses fast. Polly guided me into a dressing room, hung the dresses on the hook and closed the curtain behind her.
“Let me know if you need anything else.”
“Okay.” I suddenly felt very overwhelmed.
Taking a deep breath, I reached for the first dress. It was red. Like fire engine red. I held it up to my body and cringed. Red was supposed to look good on blonds, but it had always seemed to wash me out. Not bothering to try it on, I snagged down the next one. This was a soft pink. It wasn’t bad.