by Amber Garza
“Aspen?”
It was like she was waiting for me. I took a deep breath, knowing it was time to face the music.
Mom approached, appearing wary. “I made some lunch. Want to join me?” There was desperation in her eyes, and it cut to my heart.
“Sure.” I sighed, deciding to call Carter afterward.
There was a large salad on the counter. Greens sprinkled with red tomatoes, orange carrots, green cucumbers, feta cheese. My stomach growled. I hadn’t even realized I was hungry until now. Mom spooned salad onto two plates and carried them to the little table in the breakfast nook. I sat down, my chair scraping against the floor. A cow smiled at me from the center of the table. Mom set the plate in front of me, and I reached for a fork.
Taking the seat across from me, Mom smiled.
“Where did Dad go?” I asked.
“Golfing.” She speared lettuce on the end of her fork.
I nodded, taking a large bite of my salad. A carrot snapped in my teeth.
“I wanted to talk to you about the other day,” Mom said, her tone tentative.
“It’s okay. We don’t have to.”
“No, I want to. I hate this distance between us.”
My heart squeezed, and I shook my head. “It’s not necessary. I believe you, and I’m not mad.”
“You’re not?” Her eyebrows shot clear up to the roots of her perfectly styled hair.
“No. Not at you. Just at the situation, I guess.” I forced a light smile. “The whole thing sucks.”
“You’ve got that right.”
“But it wasn’t your fault, Mom.” I reached across the table and placed my hand over hers. “You couldn’t have known.”
She cleared her throat, blinking rapidly. “Thank you.”
“I still wish you’d never met him though.”
“Oh, honey. I wish that every single day.”
“I know you do.”
If only there would come a time when he wasn’t in our thoughts every day. When shame, guilt and regret didn’t color our lives or shape our choices.
After lunch I snagged a cordless phone and headed into the backyard. Sinking down into one of the Adirondack chairs, I dialed Carter’s number. I didn’t need to look it up anymore. I knew it by heart. It was the first number since Katie’s that I’d memorized. For some reason that felt significant to me.
“Hello,” Carter answered on the second ring.
“Hey.”
“Aspen,” he breathed my name in a way that made me wonder if he’d been holding his breath since we last spoke. “You called.”
“Yeah. I-I’m sorry I didn’t sooner.”
“What happened? Was I coming on too strong at my house?” He paused. “Was it my cooking?”
I giggled. “No, it was none of those things.”
“Then what?”
“Um…” I summoned all the courage I could muster. “Carter, what happened to your sister?”
Silence filled the line.
After a minute I worried that he hung up. “Carter?”
“Yeah, I’m here.” He paused. “I figured one day you’d ask me about this.”
My pulse quickened.
“She was kidnapped. Like you.”
I stopped breathing.
“Only she didn’t escape. She died.”
Blood. There was so much blood. In Eve’s hair, splattering her body, pooling on the floor. Her eyes were hollow, vacant. Those eyes that held so much life, so much promise minutes before.
“Carter, was your sister-”
“Oh. Aspen, I’m sorry. Can you hold on a minute?”
“Yeah.” I shook my leg in anticipation, waiting for him to return. Adrenaline pumped through me.
“Aspen?”
“Uh-huh?”
“It’s my dad. I have to go.”
Disappointment filled me, but I shoved it down. Of course he had to go if his dad needed him. “Okay.”
“Are we still on for prom? It’s tomorrow night, remember?”
“Oh. Right. Yeah.”
“Great. See you then.” He clicked off.
Dropping the phone beside me, I stuck my fingers down into the pocket of my shorts and yanked out Eve’s picture. I stared at her features trying to find Carter in them.
“I think I’ve found your brother,” I whispered, remembering how badly she wanted her family back when we were locked in that room. My chest tightened. “If only I’d been able to find him for you then.”
TWENTY-FIVE
On the evenings when Kurt would let me out of the locked room, we would watch television. Sometimes movies, other times sitcoms or family dramas. Every once in awhile a teen sitcom would be on. It used to hurt my stomach to watch shows about normal high school girls, going to school, hanging with friends, and fighting with their parents. It served as a glaring reminder of what I was missing out on. The life that should have been mine.
Anger would surface as the characters lamented about their problems. Anything from a zit on their face to not being asked out by the boy they liked. I would’ve given anything to have those problems. I would have gladly chopped off my arm or gouged out my eyes in order to trade my life for theirs.
When I cried myself to sleep it wasn’t because I was afraid of waking up with a pimple on picture day or because my best friend shunned me at school. No, I cried because I was locked away from the world, held hostage in a psychotic man’s home.
I never thought I’d experience the things the girls on the shows did. Never in a million years did I think I’d get dressed up and go to prom. But that was exactly what I was doing.
Mom took me into town in the morning to get my nails done. I’d never had them done before, and it felt funny to have them so clean, devoid of the dirt and grass stains, no longer smelling of flowers and earth. When we got home Mom helped me fix my hair and makeup. Once I put on the dress, I felt like a princess. My long hair cascaded down my shoulders in big waves, my eyes sparkled, my lips shone.
“Oh, Aspen.” Mom ran her hands down my arms, dropping her head on my shoulder as I stood in front of the full length mirror. Our reflection stared back at us, and I was struck with how alike we looked in this moment. Sometimes I felt so different than her, but in this moment there was no doubt we were mother and daughter. “You are so beautiful.”
“Thanks, Mom.”
A knock on the door startled me.
Mom sprang into action. “He’s here.”
I nodded, my stomach knotting. Downstairs I heard Dad’s footsteps as he neared the front door. Then I heard the door open, and Dad’s voice as he greeted Carter.
“Ready?” Mom rubbed her palms together the way she did when anxious.
“Yeah.” I breathed in deeply, inhaling through my nose and exhaling through my mouth in an effort to quell my nerves.
When I started down the stairs I felt like I was in one of those teen sitcoms I used to watch. The whole thing felt surreal. Carter’s head bobbed up when my heels clicked on the steps. The minute his eyes met mine, it all seemed worth it. Not just all the preparation for tonight, but everything. My whole life leading up to this moment. Missing out on so much and being alone for so long. If it led me to him, I couldn’t regret a thing.
I was sure no one else ever would’ve looked at me the way he was at this moment. My whole body trembled by the time I hit the last step. Carter’s lips were parted slightly, his eyes wide.
“You look…” his voice trailed off, and he shook his head. “I literally have no words that will do you justice.” He reached out, his fingers brushing mine. “You outshine every picture I’ve ever taken, every location I’ve ever been to.” Folding his hand over mine, he drew me close. “You’re breathtaking.”
I smiled. “For having no words, you did pretty good.”
He pressed his lips to my cheek, and I inhaled his fresh, clean scent.
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I told him, taking in his styled hair and black and white tuxedo.
“Picture time!” Mom clapped.
When I turned to my parents, Dad grinned at me, moisture in his eyes. It appeared I was going to have the full prom experience. I was grateful to Carter for humoring my parents. We took what felt like a million pictures before finally breaking free from my family.
“Sorry about all that,” I said, as we drove away from my house.
“Hey, I get it. They never got to experience this before. I’m glad I was able to give it to them.”
His words pierced my heart. He never ceased to amaze me. I touched his arm. “Thank you. You’ve given me and my family so much.”
“Don’t give me too much credit. I really did it all to get you alone.” He glanced over at me. “In that dress. And trust me, it was all worth it. You look amazing.”
I bit back a smile. My gaze flickered to the window, and I caught my reflection in it. The picture of Eve called to me, whispering from its hiding spot in my purse. As I unzipped the purse, I remembered my last conversation with Carter. “Hey, how is your dad?”
“He’s okay. He was having trouble breathing, so Mom took him to the hospital last night. But he’s home now. A little shaky, but stable.”
“Good. I’m glad.” My fingers caught on the edge of the picture, and nerves attacked my insides. It was now or never. “Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”
“Of course. You can ask me anything.”
As I yanked the picture out, it snagged on the zipper. “The reason I asked you about your sister last night on the phone was because I found this picture in your house.” With quivering fingers, I held the photo up.
Carter’s gaze slid to it, and he frowned.
“Eve’s your sister, isn’t she?”
He said nothing, just looked between me and the picture. “You found that in my office? And took it?”
“I’m sorry. I should have told you. It caught me by surprise when I saw it. I never expected you to have a picture of her. I mean, we never spoke of her. And I guess I thought you didn’t know anything about me before we met. But clearly if Eve was your sister, then you did.” I brought the picture down, held it in my lap. “I was confused. I still don’t understand why you didn’t tell me. Eve was my best friend. More like a sister to me while I was in that house. I wouldn’t have survived without her.” My head bobbed up. “But I’m right, huh? She’s your sister?”
“I want to show you something.” He turned at the next street, going the opposite direction of the town.
Alarm bells went off in my head. I sat up straighter. “Where are we going?”
“Don’t worry.” His hand found my thigh, squeezed gently. “We’ll go to the dance hall afterward. I just have to show you something at my house.”
“Something about Eve?”
Carter nodded. “Yeah. About Eve.” His voice was laced with sadness, confirming my suspicions. He was her brother. I was sure of it.
I nodded. “Okay.”
The sky was dark outside the window. The moon was full tonight, and it followed the car as Carter drove. When we reached his house, the car bumped along the rocky driveway. After cutting the engine, he drew his hand away from my leg and got out of the car. I watched as he came around to my side and helped me out. Threading our fingers together, we walked toward his house. With each step, my hesitation grew. What was he going to show me?
“Come inside. I have a play room. You like toys, don’t you?” Kurt asked.
Before stepping inside his house, I paused. Maybe this was a bad idea. I never should have brought up Eve. I wanted to be at the dance hall, enjoying our prom. Why was I bringing all this up now?
“Aspen?” Carter’s hands framed my face. “It’s okay. I’m going to explain everything, and then we’ll leave.”
In Carter’s eyes I found the strength to move forward. I thought of all the ways he’d helped me heal; about all the things I’d done since I’d met him. Maybe this was one more way to find closure.
He guided me into his office where photographs were spread out all over his desk. With his hand on my back, he gently ushered me forward. I gasped. They were all of Eve. Every single one of them. I touched them, my hands sweeping over her eyes, her mouth, her cheeks, her hair.
“You have so many pictures of her.” My throat was thick. “You must have really loved her.”
“Yeah,” he whispered. “Hard not to.”
“I know what you mean. Eve was the strongest person I’d ever met.” I turned to him, excited to finally have someone to talk to about this. Someone to commiserate with. “You know, she saved my life. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her bravery.”
Carter’s hand caressed my shoulder. “Tell me what happened the day you escaped.”
We had it planned for months.
Ever since the night I found Eve curled up by the window. The night I’d learned what he’d been doing to her. It took more effort on Eve’s part than mine. It required her to be nice. To curb her biting remarks, to hold back her scathing one liners. Instead she had to give in to him, to smile, to play the game.
Basically, she had to act like me.
I thought it would make me happy, but it didn’t. It made me sick. I could literally see Eve slipping away with each fake smile and innocent word. She was losing herself. He was stealing her soul, the same way he’d stolen mine.
But it was necessary. It had to be done.
Hopefully when we escaped it would all be worth it.
Finally we had our chance. It was the night he let Eve out of the room for the first time.
“I’m trusting you,” he spoke firmly, holding tightly to her hand. He didn’t bother holding mine this time. I’d proved my loyalty. He assumed I was too scared, too brainwashed to ever try anything. It had been five years after all. “But one wrong move and it won’t happen again.”
Eve nodded, smiled, her face the picture of innocence. My heart skipped a beat. She was doing great. Hope unfurled in my chest. This might work.
The three of us made our way downstairs. We ate dinner at the table this time. Most of the time we ate in front of the television. It threw me for a minute, but I knew we could still make it work. If we both stuck to the plan, we couldn’t fail.
Besides, we’d made a pact. If worst came to worst, we’d die trying. We’d fight to the death. We weren’t going back in that room.
I hoped it wouldn’t come to that.
For awhile the dinner was uneventful. We ate in silence. The only sound was Kurt when he started talking, regaling us with boring stories we didn’t give a shit about. He’d been drinking. Beers littered the garbage can. He sipped one during dinner. It made me even more hopeful about our success.
Then the moment came. The one I’d been waiting anxiously for. Eve made her move. She got up from the table, saying she needed more water. Before Kurt could stop her, she made her way to the counter and grabbed a knife out of a nearby drawer. It all happened so fast. He was on top of her, grabbing the knife. She sliced his arm, blood spurted.
“Get outta here!” she screamed to me. “Get help!”
I froze, conflicted. On the one hand I wanted to help her, to come to her aid. But I knew I couldn’t. It wouldn’t help if we were both stuck here. I had to get help.
Springing into action, I unlocked the door and raced outside all the while screaming for help. Neighbors came out of their homes and I told them to call 911. Sirens sounded in the distance, and I was relieved that help was on the way.
I didn’t realize then that it was too late.
By the time they arrived, Kurt had escaped and Eve had died. She’d been stabbed to death in the middle of his kitchen.
Carter’s grip on my shoulder tightened, his expression dark. And that’s when I knew. He wasn’t attracted to me. He wasn’t trying to help me. This had all been planned. Just like Kurt had planned the kidnapping. It was my fault Carter’s sister was dead, and now he was exacting his revenge.
Panic blossomed inside of me. Wrenching h
is fingers from my shoulder, I spun around and blindly raced down the hall. Tears were blurring my vision, but I could see the door, and I ran toward it with singular focus.
“Aspen!” Carter called after me. “Come back!”
No way.
I knew what it was like to be trapped and I wouldn’t do it again. For years I regretted not running away from Kurt. Not escaping out the front door when I still had the chance. I won’t repeat the same mistake again.
My parents were right to keep me from people. To keep me sheltered, hidden inside a home where they could protect me. If only I’d never done this article. Never exposed my story. Deep down I’d been terrified since the article published. Worried that Kurt would be able to find me now. But I never thought about the dangers others posed. I never thought about Eve’s family.
Probably because I loved Eve so much. I never meant her harm. But I could see how others might not feel the same way about it. After all, I survived.
She didn’t.
I’d never worn high heels before, let alone ran in them. It was clear as I struggled my way down Carter’s driveway that I wouldn’t get far in them. So I flung them off and kept running. I heard Carter’s footsteps behind me, his desperate pleas to return. But I blocked it out, and kept going.
I ran until blood covered my heels, my feet ached, my thighs trembled and my lungs burned. I ran until I could no longer hear Carter following me. Until I was far from his home. Gulping in air, my throat felt like it was on fire. Like flames licked across my tonsils, lighting up my tongue and filling my lungs with smoke. Coughing and sputtering, I walked along the road in my bare, blood crusted feet. The pain was nothing though. I could deal with it as long as I still had my freedom. As long as the air was still mine. Reaching my arms up, I scooped it up, embracing it and holding it tight.
A light flared from behind me, glinting on the ground and on the fence beside me. The rumble of tires reverberated through my body, causing terror to snake around my heart. Why hadn’t I thought about Carter’s car? Before I could hop the fence, the vehicle was beside me.