"What do you want, Sober? I thought you forgave me on the slave dock when you pronounced the blessing. You acted like you wanted to eat lunch with me when you saw me in the washroom. And then you ... you …. " tears blurred her vision.
"I did forgive you. I was surprised in the kitchen. That's all. I spoke rashly."
She knew something about speaking rashly. "You want to be friends with a whore?"
"I want to be friends with you."
She sat, scooting to one side to make room for him on the bench.
He sat and sucked in a big breath full of fog. "Ah. It reminds me of home. I come here every chance I get."
"I hate fog."
He chuckled. "I think we established that fact in the slave wagon that first day. What was it you said? You felt like you were made for sunshine?"
She shivered and tucked her hands into the front pocket of her smock. "I kind of liked the sunshine further down the mountain."
"It is beautiful. You were not mistaken on that count."
She glanced over at him. "Your farm is beautiful?"
"Very. And I like working in the soil."
"And your owner?" She winced when she said the hateful word.
"She's good to me."
"I'm glad."
"What about the king? Does he treat you well? Everyone says he's fair-minded."
She frowned. If only he would come back. "He's been away for a whole week."
He grimaced. "And that bothers you? You miss him?"
"I do."
Sober pursed his lips and nodded.
"What?"
"Can we talk about something besides your master and how much you miss him?"
If you will wait, friends will find you.
Common bonds will safely bind you.
As long as you breathe, there is hope for a day of deliverance.
~Repentance Atwater, The Fawlin Palace Poetry Collection
Chapter 21
The mist from the lake closed in around them, muffling the world, and filling Repentance with a deep longing for home. For her family. For a place where people loved her. Comfort had loved her. And her mother and father. She could see that from her new vantage point of being a lady and also a slave. On the mountain, she was more of an outcast than ever.
"I'm sorry," Sober said. "I wasn't going to bring up the king again."
Repentance shifted uncomfortably. It was always going to stand between them—the business of her being a concubine. She thought nothing of it and Sober, apparently, thought of nothing else. "Sober, can you keep a secret?"
He shrugged. "I managed to fool the village through four buttoning ceremonies. In the end, though, I wasn't half as good at keeping secrets as you turned out to be."
She searched his eyes, trying to see if he was telling the truth. "You never wanted to button those first four times?"
"I told you before. I was waiting for someone."
She blushed. "The king and I aren't ... we don't ... I'm not his concubine, really."
He looked puzzled.
"He doesn't like to look weak. But he's really sick. He coughs every night. Coughs and coughs. He can no more have button relations than a fish can walk."
A look of relief crossed his face. "I'm glad to hear that." A smile broke out and he nodded. "Yes, I'm very glad to hear that."
A moment later, he said, "The king never took a concubine before. Why now?"
She shivered, remembering how sick and afraid she'd been that day at the healing house, waiting for the prince. She'd thought she wouldn't survive. "He took me to save me from his nephew, who has a reputation of not being kind to his concubines."
"Thank Providence. He answered my prayers for your protection."
She looked up at him, startled. "I'm not sure how much Providence had to do with anything. The king said he took me because I reminded him of someone he once knew."
"That doesn't make much sense. How many lowborns could the king have known in his life?" He gazed over at her. "And there I was in the kitchen calling you a whore. I'm so sorry."
"You were right, Sober. I chose badly." There. She'd admitted it. And it felt like a weight had rolled off her shoulders. "If it weren't for chance I would be a whore."
He smiled. "It was hardly chance. Providence has been watching out for you. But about that choice …. " He nudged her with one shoulder. "Do you mean you wish you'd chosen me? You wouldn't mind being buttoned to me?"
She blushed, "Sober!" She hadn't even thought about what it would be like to be buttoned to him. And she wasn't ready to discuss it. It didn't matter what she wanted, anyway. She was concubine to the king. She could never button Sober.
"I'm sorry," he said. "I was teasing."
Still blushing, she thanked Providence for the fog that cooled her hot cheeks, and, looking at the lake, she changed the subject to a less embarrassing one. "Why doesn't the water ever freeze?"
"It's fed from an underground spring—a hot spring. By the time it gets to the surface it's ice cold, but the spring keeps it a trickle warmer than freezing."
"I don't understand how the palace is sitting on top of the water."
"Ah, it just happens, my Lady, that I can explain that to you. Calamity told me all about it the first time I drove up here with him. He's a living history book, that one." He threw one arm across the back of the bench and leaned across her to point to the spot, barely visible through the mist, where the lake disappeared underneath the palace. "The palace sits on top of six feet of ice, which sits on top of the water. Or the ice originally sat on the water, I mean. The water level dropped a trickle each year so now the lake is five feet below the ice on which the palace sits."
She could smell him and feel his warmth. "The lake froze at that end but not at this end?" That made no sense to her but she wasn't sure if that was because it really made no sense or because her senses weren't functioning normally.
"The hot spring is at this end of the lake. The water at that end cooled and froze over, and the palace was built so half of it sits over the lake."
"Why would anyone build on top of a lake?"
"According to Calamity, at this elevation, it was the easiest way for them to get water into the palace."
"Only six feet of ice?" She gazed up through the mist trying to see the top of the towers. "How can six feet of ice hold up such a big building?"
"Ice is strong," he looked at her. "Sometimes things ... people ... are much stronger than they seem. If you look carefully, you may even find that people you thought were not worth your time had more to them than you gave them credit for."
She nodded. "I'm sorry I didn't button you, Sober."
His smile was like sunshine. "I forgive you."
The next few days dragged by. Repentance continued hiding in the kitchen for meals with Skoch and Provocation. She spent the rest of her mornings in the washroom or the yak barn between times. Lord Malficc never went to those places. He didn't like being so close to slaves and animals.
Of course if he wanted her, he could easily send troopers to get her. She knew she wouldn't really be safe until the king returned. Still, as each day passed without incident, her worry lessened, and she found her mind often straying from her problems to settle on more pleasant things. Things like Sober. His smile. His arm around the back of the bench. His shoulder brushing up against hers.
On Friday she told Skoch she'd be late to school and she stayed in the kitchen when he left for his afternoon lectures. She didn't care if the other slaves did whisper or laugh, she meant to stay and visit with Sober.
He walked in, looking fresh and healthy from his work in the mountain air. When he caught her looking at him, his cheeks flushed and his eyes brightened. He made his way over and plopped onto the bench beside her. "Cook," he said without taking his eyes off of Repentance, "the kitchen seems uncommonly bright today. What happened? Got your suncloths rotated last night?"
Cook scooped three large potato cakes onto his plate. "I'm always glad t
o have your smiling face in my kitchen, Sober Marsh." She lowered her voice. "But you're tempting the swingman with this business. If you two are friends I'm glad to see it. I didn't never want you to be enemies. But friends don't need to get too close to one another. 'Specially not when one of said friends is the king's concubine."
Others began shuffling in and Cook moved around, greeting them before Sober had a chance to respond. "Calamity here's a 'tato cake for you. Generosity and Shamed, I hope you brought your appetites. "
Repentance scooted over on the bench so as not to be too close to Sober. She was sure Cook was exaggerating about the swingman, but she saw no need to start rumors.
People came one by one, the seats filling up around the table. No one sat on the other side of Repentance. They all gave her a second look and then looked quickly away when she met their gazes.
Generosity sat across from Repentance with a huge smile plastered on her face. "My Lady, would you be so kind as to pass the yak's milk?" she asked, as if there was nothing odd at all about Repentance being there for lunch.
Repentance shot her a grateful smile and slid the pitcher to her.
"Favor," Cook nodded to the footman as he entered. "I have saved the two biggest cakes for you." Then, "Tigen, I think you are supposed to be at your lectures, young man."
Repentance looked around Cook's ample backside and saw the young prince loitering by the kitchen door.
"One potato cake, please, Cook," he said. "I'll eat it on the way to school."
Cook tut-tutted. "Why don't you eat the food your father's cook produces, is what I'd like to know." But she was smiling when she said it, and obviously pleased that the young prince preferred her potato cakes over his own cook's.
Merit pushed by the boy, ruffling his hair as she passed. "Tigen, you'll be here tonight for a game, I take it?"
"I'll be here to give you a thrashing, Merit." He grabbed the potato cake Cook offered and backed into the hallway. "You can bet your best yak on that."
Merit laughed. "Thank you kindly, but I think I'd hold on to my yak, if I had one to hold on to. Since I don't have a yak, I might as well bet my best one, and I'll throw in my best gold necklace as well."
"That boy," Sober said to Repentance, "is the hope of the kingdom."
"How's that?" she asked.
"He has a rich heart. I'm praying that he'll sit on the throne one day." He smiled at her, his eyes lit with hope. "If that were to happen, our people would go free. And you can bet your best yak on that!"
"How can you know that?"
"He loves slaves. He often visits me in the barn when I deliver my greens. He's a good boy."
His smile filled her heart and made her feel rich. But he was dreaming. "Tigen's the third son," she said. "He won't sit on the throne unless both of his older brothers die."
Sober glanced over. "One can always hope."
"They're just boys!" Generosity said.
"Just boys now," Sober said. "Men one day. And men I'd rather not see on the throne if even a trickle of the tales I've heard of them are true. But Tigen ... now, why do you suppose Providence has given him such a fine heart? I think he has a plan for that boy."
He broke off half of a potato cake and handed it to Repentance.
"What's this for?" she asked.
"You eat it. It's a potato cake."
She jabbed a playful elbow into his ribs. "I know what it is. I mean, why are you giving it to me?"
He looked over at her, laughing. "I can't enjoy my lunch with you staring at me with that hungry expression on your face."
Heat rushed to her cheeks.
Merit jumped into the conversation. "Are you saying you want Tigen's older brothers to die?"
Sober chewed and swallowed. "I'm not saying anything about the older brothers. I'm simply saying I think Providence has plans for our young Tigen."
Repentance laid the piece of potato cake back on his plate "I'm not hungry. I ate lunch right before you got here."
"Hmm," he shrugged. "My mistake. I thought you looked hungry." He popped the whole piece in his mouth and washed it down with yak's milk.
She looked away. Was she that transparent? She was hungry ... for so many things. She was hungry for the freedom to come and go as she pleased. She was hungry for her mother's hug, for her father's laugh, and for Comfort's whispered confessions in the middle of a night. But she wasn't hungry for the swamp. She'd never fit there. What she was really hungry for—she glanced sideways at Sober—was for a place to fit.
Saturday was her rest time every week. Repentance spent the day snuggled in the stuffed chair by the kitchen fire. After deciding to attack the library in alphabetical order, she'd started Adoration, the biography of Adoration Hogswallow, an overlord woman who had left the mountain to serve as a doctor in a village called Lumberline. The villagers had given her the front name of Adoration when she'd arrived, and she'd gotten her back name when she'd buttoned with a lowborn widower, Urgent Hogswallow.
Late Saturday afternoon, Repentance closed the book, thinking about what Adoration had given up in order to button a lowborn man. She'd lost everything. She'd given up her right to ever go home again. She was like Repentance, running away, only Adoration had been born free and she'd buttoned into slavery. But how silly! Or maybe they really were alike, she and Repentance. Both living in a society that told them what to do and never asked their preference.
Still! Adoration must have really loved her lowborn button mate to have given up the mountain for him.
Repentance sighed, wondering what it would be like know a man worthy of such love.
After dinner with Provocation and Skoch, she made to go back to her room, as usual, but since she had finished Adoration's story, she stopped off in the library for another book. It was by the grace of Providence she took that detour. She was returning to her room when she saw Lord Malficc in the hallway ahead of her, several dresses draped over one arm. She drew back into the nearest doorway. He threw open her door without knocking and went right in. She raced back to the kitchen, looking for safety.
The kitchen was full when she arrived. Generosity jumped up as she entered. "Do you need me, my Lady?"
"I thought I'd read here for a while and help Cook clean up later." She sat in her usual chair in front of the fire while the others ate.
After dinner, Repentance jumped up to help several of the maids wash the dishes while the men stretched out on the benches and tamped smoke-weed into their pipes. While they worked, several of the buttoned slaves came in—mothers with children hanging on their skirts and fathers settling in at the table and lighting pipes. When the dishes were done, the women joined the men at the table. Repentance, having never been in the kitchen this late before, sauntered over to investigate.
Several men and women started a game with eight-sided dice.
Repentance watched for a moment before moving on to see what Favor and Merit were doing. They sat across from one another with a large piece of soft suede spread across the table between them. The suede had been painted to show rolling hills covered with meadows and woods and with a rushing stream traveling from one side to the other. Standing at various spots on the surface were small statues of animals, wild and domestic. There were dragons, sheep, pigs, and assorted others.
Repentance watched for a few moments then continued on to see what everyone else was doing.
Tigen, had slipped in at some point. He squatted in the corner with several slave boys, playing some game with shiny stones laid out on a sheet with a grid marked on it. Repentance stood over him trying to understand how the game was played.
The young prince looked up. "My Lady, why weren't you at lectures on Friday?"
"I took the afternoon off," she said.
"I know that, my Lady. I wanted to know why you took it off."
She smiled. "Did you miss me?"
His cheeks took on a slight pink tinge. "I did."
"Do you come here every night?"
"Almost."<
br />
"Your father doesn't mind you being here?"
Tigen moved a stone from one square to another. "My father doesn't know where I am most nights."
She spent the evening reading by the fire while the others played their games. When they left for the night, she went with them, and then she sneaked back and lay down on the rug in front of the hearth.
The following day was Sunday. Repentance went wearily back to washing the same suncloths that had been washed fifty times already. By noontime she was thoroughly sick of suncloths and thrilled to join Provocation and Skoch for lunch, silent though the two of them always were.
Skoch surprised her by greeting her with a broad smile. "You look like you need cheering up, my Lady. I have just the thing that will make you feel better. Today we will have lectures as usual, but tomorrow ... a big surprise."
"Tell me."
"Tomorrow morning there will be no washing of suncloths for you. Tomorrow, we trade laundry baskets and schoolbooks for the real world."
"Meaning?"
"We go into the city to see some of the oldest buildings. We will tour the original palace in the Old Village Circle, and when we are done, we will dine at the Fin and Feather."
"Fin and Feather?" Provocation said. "Who's paying for that nonsense?"
"The M-M-Ministry of Education." Skoch looked defensive. "It's an important part of the social education."
"A waste of beads, you mean." Provocation said. "Why spend such money on a slave girl and four little boys."
Without regard to Provocation's objections, the carriage dropped them early Monday morning in the old section of the city, where two-storied buildings, gray with age, squatted around a circle.
"That's the Hall of Justice," Skoch said, pointing to one of the buildings. A small gathering of overlords milled around in front of the building, waving signs at folks in passing skim carriages.
"Who are they?" Repentance asked.
The Button Girl Page 17