Memories of May

by Juliet Madison

  ‘Sure,’ she said. ‘Well, thanks again. It was definitely a book-worthy moment.’ She smiled.

  ‘Pleasure’s all mine.’ His foot met solidly with the top step and he leaned forward. His lips met with her cheek for one brief, but memorable, kiss. ‘Enjoy your afternoon,’ he added.

  ‘You too.’ She stood there and waited until he stepped off the porch, in case he changed his mind, or in case his lips came back to her face but decided to meet with her lips instead. But they wouldn’t. Because they both knew he’d be outta here in a few weeks, and that one-night stands and flings weren’t her thing, and that any kind of more-than-friends affection was bound to end in awkwardness, especially with her being in his writing class.

  She waved him off and her heart fluttered gently, at the tender cheek kiss, which was more action than she’d had in a long time, and also at the missed opportunity that although left her desire unmet, was probably for the best.

  * * *

  Joel drove off as quickly as possible before he changed his mind. He hoped he didn’t seem rude, declining her offer. But he didn’t trust himself. He was a spontaneous, impulsive person, and he didn’t want to mess her around in any way. Had she not been a single parent, perhaps he would have stayed. Even if she weren’t, she deserved better than a moment of animal attraction, be it just a passionate kiss or something more. There would be someone more suited to her and her lifestyle at some stage, someone different to him. And he just had to restrain himself until he left town.

  But he couldn’t erase the thoughts encroaching on his mind, especially after she had mentioned the possibility of a sequel to his book. To his life story.

  Underneath his good intentions to remain ‘just friends’ and avoid any drama for her or for him, there was the truth.

  He wanted her in his sequel, even if only for one chapter.

  Chapter 19

  It was best that he left. He probably had other things to do anyway, and despite his nice words about her, that feeling of closeness she felt may be one-sided anyway.

  She stood aimlessly in the middle of the kitchen for what seemed like forever, her body and mind not knowing what to do next. She went over the events of the day in her mind, each time leading back to this moment. This moment when she had wanted him to come in, wanted to bask in that feeling of closeness, expand on it, somehow. But it was probably more adrenaline than anything, messing with her sense of reality.

  Book. The book. Right. I’ll do that.

  She left the kitchen and went to her bedroom, sat at the small desk, and opened her laptop. Coffee. I need coffee.

  She went back into the kitchen.

  No, my body doesn’t need caffeine, it needs calming down. Tea. Chamomile tea.

  She made a cup, grabbed a cookie, and went back to her desk.

  She rearranged some notes and scenes, fixed some errors, then her finger hovered on her phone’s recorder. She’d listened to last Thursday’s session where her grandma had revealed what happened after that night she’d met up with William at Lookout Point. But she wanted to hear it again, wanted to enjoy the nostalgia of times gone by; times and events that eventually shaped her future, because had May ended up with William, Diana and then Olivia would have never been born. But part of her wondered what if she had ended up with William? How different would her grandma’s life have been? How many things in life would be different if people made different choices? The thought was both enticing and scary. She couldn’t imagine not having had Mia now, but if anyone had told her back then that she was going to have a New Year’s Eve one-night stand with someone she barely knew, she wouldn’t have believed it.

  She pressed on the dated recording and leaned back in her chair, hands behind her head.

  * * *

  May’s Memories, of secret meetings …

  A new letter arrived the next day, he must have dropped it in the letterbox early in the morning, risking being seen. But he did have to walk past our house, or the Chevalier’s house, on his way to and from work.

  I sat on my bed with bated breath and read …

  My Majestic May,

  May I call you My May? That is a lot of Mays! But our kiss, our first delicious kiss, tells me we are bonded like two halves of the same soul, two halves of the same heart, and now I am complete.

  I hope I will see you in the general store soon. Though how I will stop myself from gathering you up in my arms is beyond me. Or should I? Should we declare our affection for each other in public right now, even though it feels like a tornado of passion ripping through town rather than the gentle breeze of a proper courtship, as I know your family would prefer, if they were to have any kind of acceptance of me in your life.

  And I know you live with Jacques. He is by all means a better suitor for you, which is why I am so incredibly astounded that you chose to see me, to talk with me, to kiss me. I thought it would just be a fantasy, being with you. But you have made my fantasy my reality, and I couldn’t be happier.

  I hope you can meet me tonight, again, same place, same time, or even a bit later if that is easier. I will just wait there a while, watch the ocean ebbing and flowing and dreaming of the adventures I will have. We will have. If you still want them.

  Each day will now be more magical, May, more majestic. Because of you.

  W xo

  I held the letter to my heart and sighed. The book I was reading held no interest for me now, my own life was becoming more fascinating. And he was right, about Jacques, I had overheard his mother talking with his father about his need to be married off and start providing for himself and a family of his own. But his father had said that his son had no passion for the tailor’s shop and didn’t know if it could be sustained once he retired.

  I had become good at eavesdropping. I was good at looking busy, and pretending to not hear anything. And my guess was that the Chevaliers were not used to having to keep quiet in their own house and so they did not often notice that I was around, busying myself or helping out with housework where I could, dusting and dusting, listening and listening … It was a surprise that William didn’t call me Cheeky May, but then again, that didn’t begin with M. I wondered if he would run out of adjectives, or if he would re-use the same ones. And I wondered how many more letters he would write, or if they would reduce in number if I was able to see him regularly at night. I wondered a lot of things. And my heart longed to stop wondering and start doing, start experiencing, and it was that urge that helped me out the window that night and up to Lookout Point yet again.

  ‘You’re here!’ he exclaimed as I walked up to meet him, the wind whipping his hair about his face, and mine doing the same.

  ‘I am!’

  He took my face in his hands and kissed me immediately. ‘Did you trip over this time on your way out?’

  I laughed. ‘I did not. I looked where I was going this time.’

  ‘I am glad. Because soon you will start looking like you’ve had even more adventures, and people may get suspicious.’

  ‘But I am having an adventure. And I want more.’

  ‘Oh, yes, that is music to my ears.’ He held me close and tight to his chest. ‘I would love to go up north, discover new parts of this amazing land. I want to watch sunsets from a hundred different beaches, and sleep under a thousand million stars, and … jump from trains.’

  ‘Jump from trains?’

  He chuckled. ‘I don’t know if I will, it just seems like a lot of fun.’ He grinned.

  ‘It sounds so wonderful,’ I said, listening to the comforting thump of his heart beneath his warm chest.

  We sat on the grass near the lookout for a while, his arms around me from behind, as we discussed all manner of things. We discussed whether to indeed let people know we were together, but there was something about our secret meetings that made things more exciting, and we decided to keep it secret for now. It was part of the adventure, our adventure. And I wanted to prolong it for as long as possible.

  ‘Oh!’ he
said. ‘Tomorrow night, if you can meet me again, I will have a surprise for you.’

  I straightened up and turned to face him. ‘A surprise? Whatever could it be?’

  He shook his head and trailed his thumb across my bottom lip. ‘You will have to wait and see.’

  I smiled and leaned close to him, and my lips softened into his. And as the stars sparkled and the ocean hummed, our lips danced and my heart beat to its new rhythm.

  Olivia closed her eyes, and could practically hear the ocean humming and see the stars sparkling. Even though this story was about her grandmother, it wasn’t awkward, she still felt its magic; she knew what it was like to be a young woman in love. Her own first love at age eighteen had swept her off her feet for a good while, before dumping her back on the ground a few months later. But oh, that rush of young love, there was nothing like it.

  By the time she’d worked for a couple of hours on her book, she was yawning. The adrenaline had worn off and she was tired, and would need to start getting things organised for school tomorrow, and for the week ahead.

  A car sounded outside. She stood and stretched, then went into the living room. The door opened and Mia burst in, a piece of paper in her hand. ‘Hi Mum! I had the most funnest day. And I wrote you a letter, here.’ She shoved it into her hands.

  ‘Wow, thank you!’ Olivia bent down to kiss her daughter. Diana and Peter entered the house. ‘Thanks, Mum,’ she said. ‘And you too, Peter.’

  ‘She was a delight,’ Peter said.

  ‘And what was that surprise this intriguing young writer-slash-adventurer had for you?’ her mother asked.

  Olivia grinned. ‘I went in a plane. Like, a small one. On a joy flight.’

  ‘Great stuff,’ said Peter. ‘I did that once.’

  ‘You. In a plane?’ said Diana. ‘I don’t believe it. Really?’

  ‘Uh-huh.’ She got out her phone and showed some photos that Joel had taken and texted to her.

  ‘Can I do it too, Mum?’ asked Mia.

  Ha, she knew it. ‘Maybe one day, sweetie. It’s a little scary.’

  ‘But I don’t mind, I think I could do it.’

  ‘I’m sure you could. Anyway, shall I read this letter of yours?’

  ‘Yes. But maybe in private. Shouldn’t special letters be read in private? Like Mrs May says?’

  ‘Just what have you and my mother been discussing in your little book research meetings, dear?’ Diana asked.

  She had only told her mother the basics, but as more information came to light about William, she didn’t want her to feel awkward about hearing her own mother’s young love story when it had nothing to do with her father. ‘You’ll just have to read the book when it’s done, Mum,’ she said.

  ‘Guess so. At least she seems happier, more settled lately.’

  Mrs May had stopped complaining about the differences between her new room and her old semi-independent living space. So she was either more used to the arrangements, or simply resigned to the fact that this was where she would live out her final days and didn’t want to waste time or energy opposing it. ‘She was good today?’ Olivia asked.

  ‘Yes,’ said Diana. ‘Eating a bit more too. That mild temperature she had before seems to have gone, so that’s good. But they said that sometimes at that age an infection can creep in quickly before their body has a chance to mount a response and a fever. So we have to make sure we’re extra hygienic each time we visit.’

  Olivia nodded. She already went overboard on the hand sanitiser at the nursing home entrance. And she made sure Mia washed her hands thoroughly after school each day.

  ‘Anyway, we are off for a pre-dinner jog, so we’ll see you later.’ Diana raised her eyebrows.

  ‘Okay. Thanks, Mum.’ She pecked her on the cheek and Diana bent down to hug and kiss Mia. Peter did the same.

  ‘Quick, go,’ Mia said, pushing them towards the door. ‘Mum needs to read her letter!’

  ‘Mia! That’s a bit rude,’ Olivia scolded. ‘Say thanks, please. For looking after you today.’ Mia was getting so assertive lately, she didn’t know where that had come from all of a sudden.

  ‘Thanks for looking after me.’

  ‘It’s my pleasure, honey bunny.’ Diana kissed her three times on the cheek, and Mia giggled.

  When they had left, Mia pushed Olivia towards her bedroom. ‘You can read it in private, and then come out when you’re finished. I’ll wait on the couch.’

  ‘Yes, Mum.’

  ‘Mum? Ha-ha, you’re silly.’

  Olivia poked out her tongue at her daughter as she entered her room, and Mia poked hers back. ‘Okay, I will read the letter in private and be back out soon.’

  She flopped on the bed, glad to finally relax. She unfolded the paper and smiled at Mia’s handwriting, which was improving week by week, despite some spelling mistakes.

  Dear Mum,

  Here is your letter. I hope you like it. I like it, even though I haven’t written it yet! But you’re my mum, so I know it will be a good letter.

  I’ve known you a very long time. All my life. It’s been so long. I like being with you every day, especially when we do fun things like make pancakes and go to the park and to the movies and shopping.

  I like that we have our very own bookstore, it is like living in a magic world.

  I don’t even mind that I don’t have a father living with us. Maybe you are my mum and my dad all at once! But I hope you don’t grow a beard.

  Do you think I will have a father living with us one day? That could be weird. But if you wanted him to I don’t mind. And he is allowed to have a beard. But I hope he doesn’t snore.

  Or maybe I will have two mothers, like Maddy at school does. I wouldn’t mind if that’s what you wanted instead.

  I like seeing you happy. You’ve been very happy. Except when we’re both sad about Mrs May dying.

  I’m happy too.

  I like that you are my mum.

  Thanks for being my mum.

  I love you Mum.

  Lots of love, Mia. xoxoxoxo

  Olivia’s bottom lip quivered and warm tears welled in her eyes. A cross between a giggle and a cry emerged. This made everything worthwhile. Yes she was branching out of her comfort zone and trying new things for herself as of late, but she would not let anything get in the way of the good relationship she’d established with her daughter. She only had one shot at this, at motherhood, and so far, she knew she was doing a damn good job.

  ‘Mia?’ she called out. ‘Come in here, sweetie.’

  The door opened.

  Olivia gestured for her daughter to join her on the bed. ‘That was the most beautiful, bestest letter I’ve ever read,’ she said, as Mia snuggled into her side.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes, really.’ She kissed her forehead. ‘And one day, there might be a father, or there might not be. I’m not sure. But only if he is an amazing person who loves us both and is ready to be part of our lives. Either way, you and I will always have our own special bond.’

  ‘Okay.’

  ‘And guess what?’

  ‘What?’

  She gave her a squeeze. ‘I like that I’m your mum too.’

  Chapter 20

  This was it; a new week, new beginning, new chapter, and a new instalment of Mrs May’s love story. Olivia kept busy all day at the store, picked Mia up and shared a dinner at Café Lagoon, then drove to the nursing home. Mia was going to draw a picture of Olivia in a plane flying over Tarrin’s Bay, and Olivia was anxious to hear what happened next, if her grandma was up to telling her more.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ she asked.

  ‘Old,’ she replied with a dry chuckle.

  ‘Ah, you’re only as old as you think, grandma.’ Olivia kissed her cheek.

  ‘Exactly. And I think I’m old,’ she said. ‘But nothing can be done about that now, age just creeps up on you like one of those pesky villains in films. You think you’re safe, and then all of a sudden—you’re wondering what
happened and wishing you had more time.’

  ‘Oh, grandma, you’ve had such a long life. I hope I get to live as long as you.’

  ‘With these fantastic genes, you probably will. Or even longer.’ She smiled and winked.

  They spoke briefly about how Mia was doing at school, and how Olivia had gone on a plane flight with Joel, to which her grandma clasped her hands together as well as she could, with one being weaker than the other, saying, ‘oh dear girl I am so proud of you.’

  She helped her drink some water then pressed the recorder button, as she seemed to be in a much better mental state today than last time. Hopefully she would get much more of the story this time. ‘Tell me more about your love affair with William. Did you keep meeting him each night at the lookout? What was that surprise he said he had for you?’

  Mrs May’s mouth opened in a delighted gasp. ‘Oh! I had forgotten about his surprise. I thought I knew most things about him, but the next night he showed me something new and it only made me fall in love with him more.’

  Olivia adjusted the cushion behind her in the chair, and like turning the first page of a new book, she welcomed the bubbly sensation of curiosity that fizzed up inside at the promise of new discoveries …

  * * *

  May’s Memories, of secret talents …

  I noticed at dinner times that I was often seated next to Jacques. Mrs Chevalier would usher me to my chair as though it had my name on it, and it was always beside him. It was nice. I liked his company. But since things had started with William, I had eyes for no other.

  ‘You seem especially rosy today, May,’ said my mother, who was now able to sit with us instead of eating her dinner from her bed or the sofa.

  ‘I do?’ I touched my cheeks. ‘The weather is warming up a little, I suppose.’

  ‘Must be all that sleep you’ve been getting, going to bed early. Or perhaps having more company these days.’ I noticed how she glanced towards Jacques at that moment.