Memories of May

by Juliet Madison

  Dear Wandering, Wild, Wonderful William,

  I know you won’t read this, but I need to write it. You gave me the gift of so many beautiful letters, and I want to return the favour, if only with one.

  It’s been a few weeks since that day I was supposed to meet you at Lookout Point. Every day I have missed you, every day I think of you. I find you in the rush of a sudden breeze as it lifts my hair from my shoulders, and in the moonlight filtering through trees, and in the sun as it warms my face.

  Even in your absence you’re present.

  I sometimes wonder what would have become of us. But fate dealt a different journey for me that day, and therefore, for you too. So I can only hope that you are well, safe, and enjoying a grand adventure.

  I found out that your aunt and uncle are selling the general store and moving north. I was sad when I heard that, because I like them, and because I guess you won’t be back in town in order to visit them one day. But again, perhaps that is meant to be. I want you to live the best life you can, do all those things you talked about and dreamt of. I plan to devote my life to books, and the magic they bring to people’s lives. And every time I start reading a new one, I will remember you, and the magic you brought to my life.

  You were like a sunset, bursting into my life in full colour then fading into the darkness … a transient, bittersweet piece of heaven.

  You were my shooting star. And like the one we saw in the sky that night you asked me to go away with you, I’ll never forget you. And I hope you’ll never forget me. I hope our time together will always be as magic and memorable for you as it is for me.

  Love,

  Memorable May.

  I kissed the letter and held it up to the sky at Lookout Point one night, moonlight shining through the thin parchment. Then I tossed it over the edge and it floated in the breeze, danced about, and fell slowly, lightly, reverently, into the ocean below. I had symbolically closed our book. Like William, the letter would wander, float, let the tide take it wherever was right. And in that moment I let go of all sadness, all longing, all ‘what-ifs’, and said goodbye. I dreamt of him that night, but on waking the memories were hard to grasp. So I remembered him the way I wanted to remember him … his chaotic mop of hair falling over his eyes, and that glimmer of excitement in his diamond eyes that told me he would make the most of his life, no matter what happened. I knew, even though he may have missed me for a while, that he would be happy. And he may even find himself a new love. And I was okay with that. I just wanted him to be happy and follow his dreams.

  When I returned home I put a wide smile on my face, walked through the door of the Chevalier’s house, straight into Jacques’ room, and kissed him right on the lips.

  ‘What was that for?’ he asked.

  ‘It’s time we moved things along,’ I said.

  And we did. From that night on, we developed our relationship into a beautiful, close friendship-based love that brought with it many happy memories, and eventually a daughter, granddaughter, and great granddaughter. Four generations of strong Chevalier women, and a lifetime of living my dream of running a bookstore. I was blessed. I am blessed. And I don’t regret a single thing.

  Olivia leaned over the bed and hugged her frail grandmother. ‘I am blessed too. To hear your story, and to have you in my life.’ A tear stained her grandma’s gown. ‘I’m so proud of what you built, both your family and your business. Your legacy will never be forgotten.’ She cherished the sensation of her grandma’s rising and falling chest, knowing that one day soon, it would stop. She cherished the warmth of her skin, knowing one day soon, it would cool. And she cherished her voice, knowing one day soon, that she would speak no more.

  ‘Did you ever stop wondering what happened to William?’

  ‘I loved your grandfather dearly. But I also loved William at one stage, and part of me always wondered what could have happened, what may have been possible. But I think books became my William. My escape into an intense version of reality, based on fantasy. Anything that resembled what we had shared, or that held exciting adventures and possibilities, I read. I devoured them. I wanted to be surrounded by books, and that was what helped me for so many years to create and sustain Mrs May’s Bookstore. It was my haven, my world, but in a way it was also a tribute to William and what he did for me.’ Olivia leaned back to hand Mrs May a drink of water. She took a sip and handed the cup back. ‘I may not have ended up with him, but by being with him, he brought something out in me, helped carve the sculpture of myself into something deeper and more intricate, helped me become more of … myself. And this helped me not only in my career, but my marriage. I stopped being afraid to be fully myself, and I even ended up giving Jacques quite a few gaping wide grins too!’ Olivia smiled as her grandma did. ‘What it all comes down to is without William, I don’t know if my life would be what it is today. He was only a small chapter of my story, but he helped create the whole book.’

  Tears blurred Olivia’s vision. ‘Grandma, do you want me to see if I can find out what happened to him? With the internet, I’m sure there’s a way.’

  She shook her head. ‘No, no, dear. I do not want to know. And if there’s a heaven somewhere in this world then I’m sure I’ll find out soon enough. I want the story to end the way it ended. I’m okay with how everything turned out.’

  ‘If you’re sure.’

  She nodded. ‘Just like in books, there is an ending, but also the promise of a new beginning. We don’t need to know all the details of what happens after that final page, but can be content knowing that the characters, the people, are on the right path and living the life they are supposed to.’

  ‘You’re absolutely right.’ Olivia was glad her phone was still recording; she wanted to include those words in the book.

  ‘Now go and make some memories on that camping trip of yours, young lady.’

  Olivia smiled. ‘I’ll do my best.’ She kissed her grandma’s forehead and stood. ‘Bye, Grandma.’

  ‘Bye, sweetheart.’

  And once again, she walked out, trying to prepare herself for the possibility of that being their last moment together.

  Chapter 26

  ‘Tent?’

  ‘Check.’

  ‘Sleeping bag?’

  ‘Check.’

  ‘Blanket?’

  ‘I thought you were bringing that,’ Joel said, even though he had a woollen one in his car.

  ‘I don’t have outdoorsy ones, I thought you were packing that,’ she replied, her face taut and her body tense.

  He smiled. ‘Relax, I have it.’

  ‘Oh. Good. Right … okay, I have my esky with food supplies, and my phone with cordless charger backup, and, oh! Hang on, forgot to pack reading material.’

  He chuckled as she scurried back into her bedroom and came out holding three books.

  ‘Three? You’re only going for one night.’

  ‘I know, but I don’t know which one I’ll feel like reading when I get there, and I’ll also have plenty of time on my hands, I may even get through two books, or three if I’m really bored.’

  ‘Don’t forget it’s good to sometimes just be. To stare out at nature and contemplate life, or to walk and get into a nice rhythm. You don’t have to keep busy like you always are.’

  ‘I know, I just like to be prepared.’

  Fair enough. He was always prepared for anything. His car was always stocked with supplies and equipment and whatever he may need if he decided to spontaneously live off the land for a week or so.

  ‘Got a spare pair of socks? In case one gets wet?’

  ‘Yep.’ She nodded. ‘But how would one get wet, I’m not planning on taking off my shoes until I’m just about in my sleeping bag.’

  ‘You never know. You could feel a bug or slimy creature of some kind squirming inside your shoe and be compelled to yank it off and then step in some mud. It happens.’ He shrugged.

  ‘Oh, you! Stop!’ She whacked him on the arm. ‘Don’t even put
that thought in my head.’

  ‘Just being an arse again.’

  ‘Yep.’ She flung her bag over her shoulder and picked up the esky. ‘Right, good to go. I think.’

  ‘Okay, time for your last book-worthy adventure, Olivia Rediscovered.’ He held open the door for her. ‘At least, last for now. I hope to hear of many more adventures down the track. Keep me posted.’

  ‘Sure thing. But let’s get through this one first, shall we?’

  ‘Shall you,’ he corrected. ‘You’re the one that wanted to do this on your own.’

  ‘I didn’t exactly have a flurry of volunteers to join me,’ she said. ‘Camping, in June. Great time of year.’

  ‘You’ve got some extra-warm clothing, and the cold weather is good for the metabolism.’

  ‘Are you saying I need to boost my metabolism?’ She narrowed her eyes.

  ‘Not at all. Just sayin’. It’s an interesting fact.’ He shrugged. ‘In fact, did you know that immersing yourself in really cold water is actually good for the immune system? There’s a spring where we’re going, and even a small waterfall. Fancy an outdoor shower or bath?’

  ‘No way in hell.’

  He laughed. ‘The shower water in the facilities building may not be the hottest either, but it’ll do. And hopefully you don’t catch one of those fungal foot infections.’ He chuckled.

  Olivia scrunched up her nose, then sighed. ‘It’s only one night, and I won’t be working up much of a sweat. I probably won’t need a shower till I get home.’

  ‘Let’s go.’ He let her in the car and drove south onto the highway, Olivia’s fingers twisting together on her lap the whole way.

  They arrived at the camping grounds and checked in through the gates, and he drove to the parking area near the facilities building. He showed her inside to give her peace of mind that yes, there was a toilet, and yes, there was a shower, and though it wasn’t five-star luxury, it would suffice for the duration of her stay.

  They carried the supplies and equipment up a walking track, through a clearing where a few tents were set up with some younger kids running around with their parents, beanies on their heads, and then up another track and to a semi-cleared area that had smaller spots for tents that enabled privacy among the trees. ‘What a great view you have here.’ He gestured to the side of the spring where water trickled down gently over the rocks. ‘You may even get this area to yourself. But look, you can still see the family area down below if you look through these trees.’ He showed her.

  ‘Okay, this isn’t so bad. Nice spot. Secluded, but not isolated. Fresh water, so I won’t dehydrate if I run out of my bottled water. Okay, I can do this.’

  ‘Of course you can. And I’m only a phone call away.’

  ‘Phone. I must check.’ She got it out and nodded. ‘Good, reception.’

  ‘Told you. We’re not that far into the sticks out here.’ Joel placed the stuff on the dirt. ‘I’ll help you set up.’

  But he did most of it, while she watched and did a few things he asked. ‘Pitching a tent is a good skill to learn,’ he said.

  ‘It’s not a skill I’ve needed yet in my life.’

  ‘Still, a good thing to know. So pay attention.’

  ‘Yes sir.’

  After a while the tent was up, and Olivia crawled inside to check it out and put the sleeping bag, foam mat, and blankets inside. She arranged all her belongings then exited the tent and stood, hands on hips. ‘Now what?’

  ‘Now you enjoy.’

  ‘Hmm.’ She glanced around.

  ‘Bored yet?’

  ‘A bit. You can go now, if you like.’

  ‘Fine.’ He pretended to act offended.

  ‘Sorry, that sounded a bit harsh. I mean, you’ve probably got other plans and stuff, so I’ll be okay. Thanks for helping me set up. I’ll see you tomorrow when you pick me up as planned.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ He checked his watch. ‘Lunchtime. You’ve got enough food?’

  ‘Heaps. Enough for a week, I think.’ She chuckled.

  He double-checked the tension on the tent and that the tent stakes were deep enough into the ground.

  ‘You hungry?’ she asked.

  ‘Me? Always.’

  ‘Stay a while if you like. I have sandwiches.’

  He smiled. ‘I could be coerced into staying for sandwiches.’

  ‘Now I’m being the arse, coercing you.’

  ‘A huge arse.’

  ‘I have a huge arse?’

  He grinned. ‘Knew you’d say that. But no, of course you don’t. And even if you did, what does it matter?’

  She shook her head. ‘How do we get onto these bizarre topics?’

  ‘We just do. It’s our thing.’

  ‘Let’s sit our huge arses down over here, eat some sandwiches and admire the view.’ She gestured to a large rock overlooking the view to the spring and waterfall, and opened the esky.

  He accepted her offering of a cheese and ham and lettuce sandwich and munched happily as they sat, mostly in silence. It was peaceful, comfortable, relaxing.

  He had no desire to leave.

  * * *

  She didn’t want him to leave. So she kept offering him food until she could figure out what to do with those feelings. She made a quick trip to the bathroom, returning to find him lying on his back, hands clasped behind his head, smiling up at the sky.

  ‘Having fun?’ she asked.

  ‘Sure am.’

  ‘And don’t you have plans today?’

  He shook his head.

  Damn. Now what?

  ‘So, if I was to go for a walk, and not get lost, where would I go?’

  He stood. ‘I’ll show you. Or I can give you the general directions and leave you to it, you’re probably sick of me by now.’

  ‘No, you show me. I don’t want to get lost. You can stay a bit longer.’

  Just how long would a bit longer be?

  ‘Okay,’ he said. ‘I wouldn’t want you to get lost. And we do have to work off those sandwiches.’

  ‘True. Okay, let’s go.’ She zipped up the tent and grabbed her backpack with water, snacks, a spare jumper, and her phone.

  She followed his steps up a trail and over the rocky ground, until they reached a higher point where the bushes became denser. He held branches out of the way as they walked through, then stopped. ‘You know, it’s taking all my willpower not to let these branches snap back and grab them just before they whack you in the face, like my friends and I used to do with each other on bushwalks.’ He chuckled.

  ‘Gee thanks, nice to know.’

  ‘Of course, I wouldn’t do that, I’m just being a sarcastic arse.’

  ‘I know you are. And it’s taking all my willpower not to grab a stray branch and whack you in the arse with it.’

  ‘Who needs willpower? Go for it.’

  ‘I might. When you least expect it.’

  ‘While hiking, I’m always prepared for anything,’ Joel said.

  ‘Even spontaneous arse-whackings?’

  ‘Even spontaneous arse-whackings.’

  She grinned as she looked around, watched his broad back swivel side to side slightly as he moved through the trees, muscled shoulders rising to move the branches out of the way. How did she even get here? She barely recognised the person she had become, or was it that before she had become diluted in the sameness of her life, and now the real her was surfacing, crystallising?

  They walked on, and got into a comfortable rhythm. She could see why he liked it, the repetition and being surrounded by nature was starting to put her at ease, and her legs had more stamina than she knew.

  They stopped at a clearing, which looked over the expanse of bushland in the valley below, as they sipped water. ‘Wow,’ she said. ‘To think I’ve never even seen all this before. There is so much … world out there, and this is only a small part.’

  ‘So true. I’ve seen a lot, but there is still so much more I’d love to see.’

  ‘I fee
l like I’ve been living under a rock.’

  He looked at her. ‘Not at all. You’ve just had a different life journey. One could say that when it comes to responsibility and being the sole carer of a child for over nine years, I’ve been living under a rock. I wouldn’t know how to do that. How did you do that?’

  ‘You just do. You have to. My circumstances changed and I changed with them.’

  ‘I may have survived a lot physically, but you’ve survived a lot emotionally.’

  ‘So have you. Your past. And the mental challenge you needed to get through your physical challenge.’

  ‘Life is an adventure in itself, isn’t it.’

  ‘Sure is. And my grandma has taught me a lot recently about that. It’s been so great to learn more about her past and her perspective on things.’

  ‘How’s she doing?’

  Olivia shrugged. ‘Good, but they only keep saying that because … why beat the drum of the reality of the situation? We all know she doesn’t have long.’

  He touched her arm.

  ‘People die, people leave, and life goes on. Nothing more to it.’ She shrugged in resignation, though her heart quivered.

  ‘But in between all of that, some people live, some people stay, and life is lived.’

  ‘Sometimes,’ she said.

  They resumed walking, but back the way they came, in silence for a while.

  ‘Do you think you’ll ever settle somewhere?’ she asked him, then regretted it. It sounded like she was asking ‘do you think you would ever settle down and be with someone like me?’ What did settle down mean anyway? She’d been settled for years, she didn’t know if she wanted ‘settled’ anymore, she wanted stability and consistency for Mia, yes, but if she was taken out of the equation, what did she really want for herself?

  Excitement. Passion. To feel alive and to feel loved and to feel important.

  The answers came to her instantly though she tried to ignore them.

  Joel shrugged. ‘I don’t know. I don’t know if I’ve ever had a reason to settle, or to stay put for a long time.’