Memories of May

by Juliet Madison

  Olivia smiled, a gaping wide grin. ‘You bet,’ she said. ‘You bet.’

  * * *

  The next morning they forwent their usual Sunday pancakes and had a quick breakfast, then Olivia picked up the three-hundred odd pages of manuscript she had printed out before bed last night and put them in a tote bag along with her pens and highlighters. She grinned with excitement at being able to finally show her grandma, even though she most likely wouldn’t be able to read it, or be around long enough to have it read to her. She could show her a few parts of it, maybe even get her to sign the front of the manuscript. It would need lots of editing, but she could do that over the next few weeks, then hire an editor to go through it properly. She thought about texting Joel to tell him the good news, but wanted Mrs May to hear about her accomplishment first. Besides, having minimal contact with him of late was helping her focus, and get through her sadness at leaving the possibility of him behind. She’d resume their regular ‘friendship’ once things settled down a bit, and he knew she was busy dealing with everything right now.

  She got Mia in the car and her phone beeped with a text: Are you coming in? She’s not great again. Bit of a temperature, but mostly she keeps getting palpitations and high blood pressure surges.

  Olivia’s own heart palpitated. She had to get there soon. She drove carefully but efficiently, and when she arrived and went straight to her grandma’s room, Diana was standing next to the bed with her hand on her mother’s. A nurse was nearby.

  Please still be alive!

  She approached the bed and saw the subtle rise and fall of Mrs May’s chest.

  Oh thank God.

  ‘Hi there,’ the nurse said. ‘I’ve just administered another dose, that should keep her blood pressure under control for a bit longer. But she’s needing more and more, and there’s only so much we can give before the side effects cause more problems than they’re worth.’

  Olivia nodded, and the nurse left.

  Mia went to Diana’s side and joined her in holding Mrs May’s hand. Olivia stood on the other side. ‘Grandma?’ she said softly.

  Her eyes opened slightly. ‘Hello there,’ she whispered weakly.

  Olivia smiled and relief flooded her body. ‘I know you’re not feeling great, but I wanted to show you something.’ She opened her tote bag and withdrew the manuscript. ‘Memories of May. All complete.’

  Diana gasped. ‘You’ve finished?’

  Olivia nodded.

  ‘My mum’s an author,’ said Mia proudly.

  ‘Well, it needs editing, but it’s done.’ She smiled.

  Mrs May’s hand rose slightly, but Olivia patted it down. ‘You rest. Here. I’ll show you.’ She held the cover page closer to her grandma’s line of sight, then turned to the dedication page.

  To my grandmother; the miraculous, magnificent, marvellous, magical, memorable May. Your life helped give me mine. You will always be remembered, and always loved.

  Olivia read it out in case she couldn’t read it properly.

  Her grandma’s eyes glossed over and moisture welled at the edges. Olivia held her hand and a light squeeze come from her grandma’s weak muscles. ‘You don’t have to say anything, it’s okay.’ She glanced at her mother who also had tears in her eyes. Mia only smiled.

  Mrs May’s mouth opened and closed. Olivia lifted the mask off slightly. ‘I hope,’ her voice scratched, ‘you didn’t write The End at the end.’

  Olivia chuckled. ‘I did, and it was a very exciting moment.’

  ‘Take it out,’ she said slowly. ‘There are no endings …’ a wheeze sounded between her words, ‘… only beginnings.’

  No, no, not yet. She still wasn’t ready. Didn’t know if she ever would be. It sounded like she was saying the last words she wanted to say.

  ‘Wherever I’m going,’ she managed, as Olivia leaned closer to hear her words, ‘it’s not an … ending. Even if … my new beginning … is simply knowing that … you are having one.’

  Olivia bit her lip to hold back tears. ‘I don’t want to say goodbye, I don’t …’ her voice shook.

  Mrs May gave another light hand squeeze. ‘Live without fear,’ she said. ‘Make … memories.’ She turned her gaze slowly to face Diana and Mia. ‘All of you.’ She took a sharp intake of breath. ‘Make memories matter.’

  They all nodded, stood around her bed, and stroked her hands as she fell into a sleep, until later that afternoon, when her chest rose and fell for the last time.

  Chapter 30

  Were it not for the scarves and coats people were wearing, and the crisp winter breeze floating across from the ocean, it would look like a summer’s day. Blue skies with only a few wisps of clouds spanned the horizon, and as Olivia looked out from the cemetery to the ocean opposite, she hoped her grandma could see what a beautiful day it was. She hoped that wherever she did go, or was going, that somehow it was a new beginning for her.

  There were so many people, so many who had known her or simply visited the store throughout their lives, who came to pay their respects. Olivia had never felt so proud.

  She held Mia’s hand tight and led her over to the coffin, which had been lowered into the ground. Mia picked up one of the lilies and so did Olivia and Diana. ‘Let’s do all three together,’ said Diana.

  On the count of three, they each tossed the flowers on top of the coffin. A huge weight released from Olivia’s chest, and a surge of emotion spilled up and out. Tears fell, and she held her daughter close on one side, her mother on the other, as they embraced and shared tears and comfort. Friends came over to hug them, but that only made more tears flow, and by the time most people had started leaving the cemetery, Olivia wiped at her eyes, which seemed to be an endless reservoir of tears.

  ‘C’mon,’ she said, ‘let’s go to the high tea in honour of Mrs May, now, hey?’ she said to Mia, kissing her forehead.

  Her grandmother had wanted them to do something different to remember her, and so they had invited a smaller number of people to a fancy high tea just outside of town at a heritage-listed art gallery that had a small restaurant, where they could sit around tables of delicious food, surrounded by art, and share memories of an amazing woman.

  They were walking across the cemetery and towards their car when Olivia noticed a man standing by a familiar-looking car. When she neared, she recognised him.

  Her breath paused. Their gazes locked, and he offered a small wave, but made no attempt at walking over.

  ‘Mum, I’m just going to thank Joel for coming, do you mind?’

  Diana glanced in Joel’s direction. ‘Of course not.’

  They separated from each other’s hold and Olivia walked across the grass, her heels digging in slightly with each step.

  Seeing his face was a welcome surprise, but also brought a sense of longing that ached to be fulfilled, especially as Mrs May’s departure had created such a feeling of loss and emptiness inside.

  ‘Joel,’ she said. ‘I didn’t know you were coming. Thank you.’

  ‘Olivia,’ he said, holding out his arms. She didn’t accept them at first, knowing what would happen if she did. But he stepped closer. ‘Come here.’

  She allowed his arms to wrap around her, and she slowly slid hers around him. And then the tears fell down her cheeks and against his suit jacket.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ he said. ‘It’s so hard. I know there’s nothing I can do, except say that time will make it easier.’

  ‘It’s okay,’ she sobbed. ‘You being here is enough. Thank you.’ She waited until her tears lessened then pulled away.

  He wiped her cheeks with his thumb.

  ‘You drove all this way just for today?’ she asked.

  He nodded.

  ‘You must be in the middle of your course by now.’

  He nodded again.

  She wanted him to stay, but also wanted him to go; she didn’t know which would help her more.

  Let him go, a voice said inside.

  So before she asked him to wrap his
arms around her again she stepped back. ‘Thanks for coming, I really appreciate it. Good luck with the rest of your course, and your next trip.’

  ‘Thanks,’ he said.

  She offered a tired smile then turned away. Then turned back. ‘Joel?’ He raised his eyebrows. ‘I finished writing the book.’

  His solemn expression morphed into a genuine, satisfied smile. ‘Congratulations. I knew you’d do it.’

  She smiled back. ‘I had some fantastic support and encouragement.’

  She waved again and turned away, glad she had seen him one last time. She approached her mother’s car with a sigh. Time to get through the high tea, then go home where no doubt more tears would fall and she could go through more of her grandmother’s things, including her large book collection, which Olivia knew, had given her grandma company and support throughout her whole life. Just as running the bookstore was doing, and would continue to do, for Olivia.

  * * *

  A week later, while on the phone with a sales rep at the store, Olivia smiled at the florist who entered with a huge bunch of colourful flowers. She waved her over and gestured to the counter to leave the arrangement there, and mouthed a ‘thank you’. She ended the call with the rep and read the card attached.

  I thought you’d be inundated with flowers, so I decide to wait a week. Thinking of you. Joel.

  Olivia placed a hand over her heart. A lot of flowers had come in for Mrs May, but most had died or were on their way by now, and most she had taken home or to her mother’s. It was nice to have a fresh bunch.

  Thank you for the flowers, she texted him.

  My pleasure. How are you holding up?

  Getting there.

  And that night, after Mia was in bed, she returned to her computer to start editing the book. It was time. She needed to move onto the next step, and after a week of crying and trying to survive daily life when everything felt so different, so strange, without Mrs May around, she needed something else to occupy her mind.

  She had read some blogs on editing and taken on board the advice. She had learned about structure through Joel’s course, so felt that she had all of that right, and that everything was in the right place, so now it came down to making the words shine and the story as compelling as possible. She sipped tea, ate chocolate, and edited. The repetition was soothing. But after an hour, she yawned and stood for a stretch. She glanced at the box of some of her grandma’s old books in the corner of her room. She had to decide which ones to keep, and which ones to donate, or to perhaps even put in a charity sale at the store.

  She sat on the floor next to the box and sifted through. She flipped through pages, unsure which ones she should keep. A book of poetry caught her eyes; she didn’t recognise the author’s name, but it was in hardcover. The book had a jacket cover, and when she opened the first page, a piece of paper fell out from between the hardcover and the jacket. Olivia gently opened the thin, yellowed paper, and gasped.

  It was her. A drawing of her grandmother, but as a young woman. The charcoal was smudged and faded, but not too much that she couldn’t recognise her radiant eyes and rounded cheeks, her flowing hair, and good posture.

  Olivia’s breathing came faster as her eyes scanned the artwork. ‘William,’ she said. ‘William’s drawing.’

  She laid the drawing on her desk and smoothed it out, then took a photo. She wanted to show Mia but didn’t want to wake her, so she texted it to her mum, hoping she wasn’t asleep too.

  OMG, was her reply. That William fellow drew her?

  Yes, Olivia replied. She hadn’t yet told her mother the full story, as she’d had enough to deal with knowing her mother was dying, but she’d told her the basics—that Mrs May had fallen for a man called William and had considered going away with him, but ended up staying with Jacques. Soon, if Diana wanted, Olivia would let her listen to the recordings to hear the full story.

  It’s beautiful, her mother texted back.

  Olivia had been trying to keep her distance from Joel so she could get on with editing and grieving, but he’d sent occasional messages to check how she was. Something compelled her to text him the photo, and he replied right away: You may have just found your book cover image.

  Olivia smiled widely and her fingers traced the shapes of the drawing. Yes. Yes, it would be perfect. Though her grandmother had loved Jacques and built a life with him that had been written about in detail in the book, May and William would have a symbolic chance at being together too, if only by their connection being immortalised on the cover of the story of her life. After all, as she had said, ‘He was only a small chapter of my story, but he helped create the whole book.’

  And as Olivia replied to Joel’s text to thank him for the idea, she realised that she could say the exact same thing about him.

  Chapter 31

  Olivia didn’t know what had helped her focus so well over the past two weeks, and three weeks since the funeral, but she liked to believe her grandma was with her, helping her edit the book.

  ‘No, that goes there,’ she’d say, or, ‘what about emphasising this bit, it was such a memorable day,’ or, ‘I remember what I was wearing that day, put that in too!’

  Though Olivia’s name would be on the cover as the author, to her it was a joint project.

  And as she came to the last page on the final read-through, her heart beat faster in anticipation. She reread the last line, and smiled, knowing it fit perfectly. Then as her grandma had asked, she deleted the words ‘The End’. In their place, she typed: The Beginning of a New Adventure.

  She clicked save and stood, then did her victory jiggle again as she’d done when she’d first finished the book. It was late, and Mia was asleep. She’d talk to her mother abut the book tomorrow, when she was planning on giving her the recordings and a copy of the manuscript to read before sending it to the editor Joel had recommended. She was going out with April for lunch tomorrow and could tell her then, and then she would start planning publication and a launch for May the following year.

  But first …

  She pressed Joel’s number on her phone.

  ‘Hey there, night owl,’ he answered.

  ‘Hey. Guess what?’

  ‘You went abseiling? Parachuting? Bungy jumping?’

  ‘Funny. No, I finished the editing, so I’m ready now to go to the editor and to get the ball rolling for publication!’

  ‘Woohoo, fantastic!’ he said.

  ‘And of course you’re going in the acknowledgements,’ she added.

  ‘Not necessary, but thank you.’

  ‘It is necessary. You helped me so much,’ she replied. ‘In more ways than one.’ She noticed the date on her wall calendar. ‘Oh, you’re probably just about ready to leave on your next adventure?’

  ‘Yep,’ he replied. ‘Just about ready.’

  This was it. She couldn’t be sad, had to be grateful for what they’d had, however brief. ‘And where to this time?’

  ‘I’ll let you know when I arrive. Maybe I’ll send a postcard or something.’

  ‘Do people still do that these days?’

  ‘Don’t know, but I can if you want.’

  ‘I want.’

  ‘Done.’

  She smiled. It was nice to have something to look forward to, even if it was just a simple postcard. ‘Thanks again, Joel. And enjoy your next adventure.’

  ‘I will, for sure.’

  Chapter 32

  Olivia hugged April after lunch at Café Lagoon on Friday and they both returned to their respective stores.

  ‘Yes, you can go now, Marcus,’ she said when she entered, as her employee paced anxiously behind the counter. ‘Enjoy your date, and be good.’ She smiled.

  ‘Always.’ He winked.

  After he left, she sat on the chair behind the counter and opened a new book to start reading. It was a new release, and she needed to stay on top of what was selling well so she could advise customers. Plus it had a damn cute guy on the cover.

 
A slow stream of customers filtered in throughout the afternoon, and she yawned when five o’clock neared.

  She stood, deciding to close up a few minutes early.

  She went into the back room to get her bag and the keys, when she heard footsteps in the store. Oh, typical. Last minute customer who wants some obscure book that’s been out of print for decades.

  She walked out prepared to say ‘how can I help you’ but stopped still. ‘Joel.’

  He scratched his head and smiled, his raised eyebrows accentuating his cute forehead furrows.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Her stomach fluttered.

  He held something up. ‘I thought I’d bring the postcard to you directly.’

  Oh. He was coming to say a formal goodbye. Just when she’d gotten used to the fact he would be leaving for good.

  She approached him and took the card. It had a photo of Lookout Point. ‘It’s Tarrin’s Bay. Huh?’

  He smiled. ‘Exactly.’

  ‘I thought you were going on a new adventure.’

  ‘I am.’ He stepped closer. ‘You’re my new adventure.’ His smile widened, and he put the postcard down and took her hands in his.

  Her skin tingled and confusion swept through her. ‘But … we talked about this. What are you doing?’

  ‘I want my next adventure to be with you. Here.’

  She tried to remove her hands but he gripped them firmly. ‘But Joel, you’re a wanderer. An arrow. We’re good friends who have a nice memory. Why rock the boat and risk that?’

  He stared deeply into her eyes. ‘I don’t want to be an arrow anymore. I want to be a boomerang. Your boomerang. Yes, I’ll still travel, and explore, but never for long, and maybe sometimes with you, and most importantly … I’ll always come back.’

  Oh wow. Olivia’s head was spinning, conflicting thoughts and feelings clamouring for space. She let go and closed the doors to the store, and pulled down the blinds. ‘I … I don’t know if I can do this. I’m scared. I don’t want to have you then lose you.’ Her eyes sought the depths of his, trying to figure out what to believe.