by John Kess
I went inside, started a load of laundry, and unloaded my muddy backpack in the garage. I hung up the tent and both sleeping bags to dry. I took a long hot shower, which felt great.
Thanks to Molly, the invisible metal band around my head was losing its effect. My thoughts spun and tangled. I was confused by the attachment I was forming with her and the growing emptiness inside me because Hannah was still missing.
I threw my clothes in the dryer and considered reading Molly’s note. I thought about calling Wiz to see if he was having any luck with Molly’s computer, but then I decided to take a nap first.
* * *
“Dylan!”
I woke as Dad shouted my name from the stairwell.
“What?” I shouted back.
He came down the steps in his police uniform and stood in my doorway. It was 2:00 p.m., and I’d been asleep for two hours.
“Why is your phone off?” he demanded.
“I shut it off. It’s charging.”
I saw Dad’s face was not happy. “Where is Molly?” he asked.
“She went home. She has a doctor appointment. Why?”
“Tony posted bail four hours ago.”
I quickly sat up. “What?”
“I just found out.”
A voice came from his radio. “Dispatch to 5280.”
Dad grabbed his microphone. “This is 5280.”
“We have a possible house fire,” the dispatcher said, “about a mile west of your location.”
Dad turned and walked to the sliding-glass door.
I jumped out of bed and joined him at the window. A plume of thick black smoke stretched high into the air in the direction of Molly’s house. “Oh, no!”
“Copy that. I’m on my way.” Dad let go of the microphone. “Get dressed. Let’s go.”
I grabbed a shirt and put my shoes on in the squad car. He ran the lights and the siren as we raced toward the rising plume of smoke. We said nothing to each other as he sped down the gravel road toward Molly’s house.
“Oh, God,” I said as we turned into Tony’s empty driveway. Black smoke poured out from under the eaves and flames shot out of every window.
Dad came to a stop far from the house and got on the radio. I quickly got out of the patrol car.
“Dylan!” Dad shouted as he followed me.
I ran toward the house. “MOLLY!” The roof was sagging worse than it had before, and flames were pouring out of Molly’s bedroom window. “MOLLY!”
“Dylan, stop!” Dad shouted as he ran after me.
A sudden roar made me stop. I heard what sounded like a hissing rocket engine coming from the huge propane tank next to Molly’s room. A red-tipped flame shot up twenty feet like an oil rig fire, and black smoke billowed out of it, stretching into the sky.
Dad grabbed me and shouted, “Get down!” He dragged me to the back of the squad car and pulled me to the ground.
The roar continued for a few more seconds and then the propane tank exploded with a massive boom. The bright flash was followed by a wave of heat. My ears were ringing as bits of the roof rained down around us. I stood up and gazed at the huge black mushroom cloud stretching into the sky. The smell of burning rubber attacked my nose. Through the smoke, I could see the side of the house, the side with Molly’s room, had collapsed. I felt like my insides had just been ripped out.
“MOLLY!” I shouted. Dad restrained me as I attempted to pull away. “MOLLY!”
“Dylan, stop. Stop!”
“Tell me she’s not in there!” I shouted. “They were watching the house, right? Tell me she wasn’t in there.”
“I don’t know. Calm down.”
I couldn’t calm down. I frantically looked around, trying to find her. I could hear approaching sirens and then a fire truck rolled in. Soon firemen were pulling out hoses.
I was having trouble breathing and felt myself shutting down as I watched the house burn. It was the same suffocating feeling I experienced the night Hannah was taken.
I barely noticed as officers and firemen arrived and moved me farther from the house. Half of the propane tank sat in the middle of the house. The other half had disappeared into the woods.
I froze as I spotted Molly’s bike lying on the ground near where the propane tank had been. The twisted frame looked like a pretzel and both tires were on fire. I thought about Molly telling me she’d bike to her doctor appointment.
I stood, watching in agony. The heat was so intense, I knew if Molly was inside, she was dead. I had to know she wasn’t in there. I had to know she was okay. “Dylan,” Dad walked to me, looking around to making sure no one else could hear him. He put his arm around me. “We don’t know if Molly was in there or not. They weren’t watching the house. They found out Tony had been released the same time I did. I’m taking you home. It’ll be awhile before they know if anyone was in the house. I’ll let you know as soon as I get any word.”
I wanted to scream. I wanted to run into the burning debris and search for her myself. The invisible metal band tightened around my skull and I was nauseous.
Flames continued burning on the half of the house still standing. The rest was steaming.
Dad escorted me to his squad car. We said nothing as we drove back to our house.
“I’ll call you as soon as I know,” he said, dropping me off.
The next few hours were the longest of my life. I lay on my bed feeling sick. Images of Molly swirled in my brain. I wanted her to call me and tell me she was just leaving the doctor’s office and that she was fine.
Dad returned home from work and I met him at the front door. “Molly wasn’t in the house. The inspectors say there was no sign of any remains. No one was home.”
A wave of relief poured over me. “Where is she?”
“We don’t know. Tony’s car is gone. They think it was arson, and he’s a suspect. If he’s got Molly with him, he’ll be in violation of the restraining order, and they’ll issue a warrant for his arrest. I’ll let you know if I hear anything.”
I wanted Molly to call me as she’d promised. I paced around my room. Where was she? Had Tony taken her? Was she okay? Would I ever see her again?
As night arrived, there was still no word and my mind was buzzing. I tried to think of any place Molly had mentioned where Tony might have taken her. Nothing came to me. I couldn’t sleep. I sat on my floor and stared at the map on my wall. I retraced in my mind all the places Molly and I had been. I wanted to be back out there with her. I closed my eyes, remembering the way she looked when I told her I had asked her out on our first date.
I got up and packed for another week of searching, just as Molly and I planned, listening intently for the phone to ring. I wanted her to call and tell me she’d be ready to leave tomorrow morning. When I finished gathering food and my gear, I walked into my room and lay on the floor with my eyes closed. The invisible band around my head was squeezing my brain, and my lungs seemed to struggle, like they were filled with sand.
I climbed into bed and lay there knowing it would be awhile before I’d fall asleep. Then I sat up as I remembered the note Molly had given me. I found it on my desk and opened it.
Dylan,
I wanted you to wait until you were going to bed to read this since we can’t talk like we normally do before we go to sleep. Hannah is lucky to have a brother like you. You will make her proud when she hears what you’ve done and how you never gave up. I still believe you will find her.
Thank you for being such a great friend to me. Since my dad died I haven’t had anyone in my life treat me with the kindness you’ve shown me. You have no idea how hard it can be to move to a new place where you don’t know anyone. Meeting you is the best thing that has happened to me in years. Do you remember when we sat in the river and you asked me if I have a best friend? I thought you should know I do. It’s you!
Good night, Dylan. I’ll see you tomorrow.
—Molly
There was a chill inside me that refused to leave as
I climbed into bed. I remembered the bruises on Molly’s back and prayed Tony wasn’t giving her any more, or worse. I pictured him holding up his knife and staring at me the way he had the last time I’d seen him. I hated myself for letting Molly go home alone. I vowed if I ever had the chance, I wouldn’t leave her alone again until Tony was behind bars for good.
* * *
I only managed a few hours of restless sleep before morning arrived. There had been no word from Molly. Dad told me at breakfast a warrant had been issued for Tony’s arrest. The inspectors confirmed the cause of the fire was arson. He also told me Molly never made it to her doctor appointment.
“Isn’t this a kidnapping?” I asked. “What about an Amber alert?”
Dad shook his head. “Molly may be with her mom.”
“Or with Tony. We don’t know,” I said.
“We don’t know,” he said. “You’re right. We can’t just assume she’s been kidnapped by Tony. I’m sorry Dylan. It doesn’t work that way.”
I stormed off, not wanting to hear any more. I thought about how helpless I’d felt the night Hannah was taken, and now I felt twice as helpless. I wanted to cry; I wanted to explode. I wanted them both back. I paced around the basement. I wanted Molly to knock on the door and say, “Let’s go.”
As the morning wore on, there was still no word. I stripped my backpack down and repacked it. My mind felt like it was splitting in two. It was as if the left and right halves of my brain were screaming at each other. One wanted to keep searching for Hannah, and the other wanted to stay until there was word from Molly. The argument raged as I played with the GPS unit and updated the map on the wall in my room with where we’d been.
By midafternoon, I made my decision. I couldn’t stand the idea of sitting and waiting any longer. If there was no word from Molly by tomorrow morning, I would leave to search for Hannah without her.
I jumped on my bike and rode to Tony’s gutted house. The ground was covered in soot and ash. The brown lawn was now black, and all that was left of the propane tank were the two concrete posts that had once supported it. I carefully walked to the edge of the house where Molly’s room had once been. Everything was black and covered with soot. I spotted her half melted bed frame. Nothing else was recognizable. The sight made me want to cry. I walked around the perimeter of the house. There was nothing to salvage.
“Where are you?” I whispered to myself.
I biked home and remembered the water filter was in Molly’s backpack, which she’d left at my house. I opened her bag and pulled out most of her gear before finding the filter next to her journal.
I sat on the couch and held her journal in my hands, wondering if I should put it back. I flipped through it and realized there were pages and pages of letters, certainly more than the letters she’d written while in the woods with me. I flipped to the first letter, which was dated two years earlier.
Dad,
My counselor said I should write you. I feel stupid. He said it’s good to write you even though you’re gone. The seven months since you died have been the worst of my life. I miss you so much.
This place is awful. It’s like living in a nightmare. No one should ever be put in a place like this. Juvenile detention centers are what I imagine Hell to be like. I can’t stop crying. Mom won’t talk to me. I don’t even know if she’s still in Boston. I don’t know what’s going to happen to me. I’ve never felt more alone. I hate myself for what I’ve done. I’m so scared.
I’m so sorry,
—Molly
A lump formed in my throat, thinking about Molly and what she had gone through. I couldn’t bring myself to read the next letter. I flipped ahead and found the letter she’d written the day we first met. It was the one she’d shared with me in the tent before we went to sleep. I flipped to the next letter. I could hear Molly’s voice in my head reading out loud.
Dad,
Today is our second day of searching. I’m teaching Dylan how to swim. Tonight we did a stakeout at this house and the man’s dog (named Pepper) chased Dylan and me off. We then found a group of Hannah’s classmates sitting around the fire and listened to them talk about Hannah. It was hard for Dylan to hear what they said. I hope they’re wrong about what she’s going through.
Dylan seems tired in a way no one was meant to be, but he is determined to find Hannah. He wakes up often while he sleeps and twists and turns all night. I think he’s struggling to make sense of what happened. I really admire him for not giving up. It was so sad to see the number of volunteers drop over the past few weeks and then have the search called off. That must have been awful for Dylan. I’m glad he’s letting me help. When I’m with Dylan, I’m filled with a peace I haven’t felt since you were alive. I instantly trusted him, and I don’t know why. I’ve never slept in a tent with a boy before, but here I am in his camouflage tent in the middle of the woods of New Hampshire, miles from home, and I feel perfectly safe. I certainly feel safer than being in Tony’s house. I’ve told Dylan things about you I’ve never told anyone before. I wish I could introduce him to you. I think Dylan and I are going to be friends for a long time.
Always yours,
—Molly
I swore under my breath as I snapped the journal shut. I thought about how I’d failed Hannah by sleeping through her kidnapping, and now I’d failed Molly by letting her go home alone. The invisible band around my head tightened. I wanted them both back so bad my whole body ached. The hopelessness I’d felt the night Hannah had been taken returned and again attempted to choke the life out of me.
Chapter 12
I woke up early and hit the trail before anyone else was up. I’d chosen to go south, to the area adjacent to the one Molly and I had just searched. I left a note on the kitchen table telling my parents what I was doing and to please call me the moment they heard from Molly. I still had the phone and the GPS unit. I knew I was breaking their rule about having someone with me.
I headed down the highway as the sun rose, skipping the trail altogether. Before I realized it, I was standing in the park where I’d first met Molly. I paused at the picnic table where I’d been sitting the day she rode up and surprised me. The words “I will find you!” were still scratched in it.
It took four hours to reach the new campsite. I set up the tent as Molly and I had done so many times before and left with a day pack. I took my rain gear and was glad I did because by midafternoon, a slow and lazy drizzle started to fall. After searching all day, I filled my water bottle, returned to the tent, and ate a supper of trail mix, water, and graham crackers. When I finished eating, I pulled out my picture of Hannah and me and stared at it. I put it away and looked at the empty space next to me, hoping Molly was okay.
“It’s going to keep raining for another two days,” Dad told me over the phone the next morning. He told me Mom wasn’t happy I was out searching alone, but he’d convinced her not to make me come back home. He said there was no word from Molly or any news on Tony, other than he didn’t show up for his court date, which meant he was in a lot of trouble. This made me feel even worse. If he was desperate, how safe was Molly if she was with him?
I slipped in the mud on countless hills. Streams were forming where none existed before and, on more than one occasion, I had to grab onto trees to keep from being washed down a hill. When the rain finally stopped I had to hang most of my clothes on tree limbs so they could dry.
It was the middle of July and the heat reappeared, baking the wet ground and making everything sticky hot. I had entered the southeast portion of the White Mountain National Forest, which meant trees spread endlessly in all directions. The brush was thicker and, thanks to the recent rain, so were the bugs.
I hiked to the bottom of ravines and to the top of hills, searching everywhere. I searched from sunup to sundown, trying to maximize my time. By the third day, I was extremely sore, but I thought about how little time I had left and pushed on.
It had been five days since I’d last seen Molly. I lay
awake thinking of her and wishing Dad would call me to tell me she was okay. I thought about Hannah and the invisible band around my head again tightened.
I pulled out a notebook and a pen and wrote a letter.
Dear Hannah,
I want to tell you how much I miss you. I want to tell you how sorry I am I wasn’t able to help you the night you were taken. I know you didn’t scream when he came into your room because you didn’t want anything to happen to Amy or me. You were always thinking of others before yourself. I want you to be found. I don’t care how, but I want you to be home again. We’re all struggling with this in some way, especially Amy. Happiness has been hard to find, and I want everyone to be happy again.
I want to tell you about Molly. She’s helped me so much in my search for you. I want to tell you some of the things that have happened to us while we were looking for you. I’ve never met anyone like Molly. I’ve told her things about you that I’ve never told anyone else. I wish I could introduce her to you. I think Molly and I are going to be friends for a long time.
I miss you!
—Dylan
* * *
Seven long days had come and gone since Molly disappeared, with no word from her and no sign of Tony.
“I’ll let you know if anything changes,” Dad said over the satellite phone.
The streams Molly and I had easily waded through were now flowing so fast that many looked impassable. The rain had returned a few days ago and ranged from a light mist to a steady downpour that refused to end. I spent most of my days walking the edge of overflowing streams, looking for any sign of Hannah.
I hiked deep into the woods. Occasionally, I came across a road or spotted another group of hikers. I spent hours hiking up and down hills, and when I returned to my tent, though I was exhausted, I struggled to fall asleep. Fueled by thoughts of Tony and what he’d done to Molly, I felt anger like I’d never felt before. I lay awake thinking of the man who’d taken Hannah. I tried to push the anger out, but I couldn’t stop. Both men had taken someone special from me, and I wanted them to feel the misery I was experiencing.