No Turning Back

by Casey Peeler

  The sun is starting to set. It’s time to make decisions.

  “Char, text Tessa or your mom and tell them we’re going to be out here a while.” I nod.

  Me: Just wanted to let u know were still fishin’, be home sometime 2night.

  Mom: K, have fun, be safe

  The fact that I’m out with a guy doesn’t matter when I’m talking about Cash. He has my parents’ complete trust.

  “Cash, what are we going to do?”

  “Char, I think we need to turn this into someone that can stop him.”

  “We can’t Cash! No one knows about what he did to me or what I use to do for him when we were together. I could get in trouble, too!”

  “Char, I know, but what if Dylan and his sicko friends drug or rape someone else? Your friends Char? Your friends are in danger! We gotta do something.”

  “What can we do Cash without getting others involved?”

  “Well, first off you need to let your friends know what’s going on. Then we need to decide how to keep you safe at school.”

  We call Piper, Anna, and Carrie. They freak out just a little, but say they have felt safe and will just keep their guard up when they are out. We all decide to call if we notice anyone strange around campus or get anything from Dylan.

  “I’m sorry you had to see that, Cash.”

  “What are you talking about?”

  “Joe and me. I don’t want to hurt you.”

  Cash pulls me in tighter, “Just like you to worry about me when you’re the one in trouble. Char, I’m fine. Now if you hadn’t already told me about him, it could have been a different story.”

  That gets a small smile out of me. Cash and I decide our best plan of action is to talk to each other every day. He also thinks it will be good for me to walk with someone most of the time.

  “Char, I hate to say this, but at least Joe is there. I’m not saying I want you to date him or anything, but I feel safer knowing that you have a guy there to count on. It’s obvious that he isn’t involved or he wouldn’t be in the picture.”

  “That’s true! I didn’t think of it like that! Should I tell him what’s going on?”

  “That’s up to you.” I mentally decide not to tell Joe. No one needs to know except Cash, my friends, and myself.

  Cash and I decide that we need to keep the photos and card, but we want to keep them safe. We bury them below the club. We know where they are, but no one else does. A night at the club is what we both need. I need to be in his arms, safe, and secure. Here I am again, in the club with Cash’s arms wrapped around me, and I’m safe. Safe. Cash is safe.

  Around 4:30 a.m., I wake up. I guess I should get home. I don’t want to give my parents the wrong idea.

  I wiggle my way out of Cash’s arms. I shake Cash’s shoulder to wake him.

  “Cash, wake up. I’m going home.”

  He moves but barely, he always could sleep through anything. He wiggles and repositions himself to get comfortable.

  “Cash. Wakkkkeeeeuuuupppp sleepy head.”

  “What Char? Go back to sleep.”

  “I’m going home. I figure I better before my parents wake up.”

  “Please don’t go. Just let me hold you.”

  Who can argue with that? I’m going back to school today; I better take all of Cash in that I can. I snuggle back into his arms and drift off to sleep.

  We wake up with the horizon of the sun peeking through the window opening. Gosh that will blind ya. I feel as if someone is watching me and when I roll over I notice that Cash is definitely all eyes on me.

  “Mornin’ Beautiful,” he says with a smile.

  Damn, I guess I could totally get use to waking up like this every morning. Cash kisses my cheek before moving off the futon. I help him pack up everything that we used yesterday, and we make our way down the ladder.

  He wraps me in his arms and kisses my forehead.

  “Char, it’s going to be fine. I wish you would just stay here with me, but I know you won’t. I love you, and I’m going to keep you safe. Right now, you better hurry home and get ready for church. I’ll see you there in a little while.” He hugs me tight one more time, and we go our separate directions.

  I return to the house, shower, and get ready for church. I’m straight up Southern Baptist, but I will say we sit third row from the back instead of the very back row. Church is wonderful. I have been slack in that area since I got to Southern. Church has always been important to me. Cash waves as he sits across the sanctuary, and we are dismissed right at noon.

  We eat lunch at my grandparents, and then it is time to go back to Southern. I’m ready to go, but terrified at the same time. I pack the Honda, tell Mom, Dad, Tessa, and Blue bye before going by Cash’s to tell him bye once more. I swear the goodbyes are getting old.

  I pull onto his dirt road, and see he’s waiting on the porch. Before I can put the car in park, Cash is next to my door. He opens it for me and helps me out.

  I cross my arms as we stand awkwardly around my car. The longer I stand here, the more I do not want to leave.

  “Come here, Char-coal,” Cash says in a sweet whisper.

  I walk into those arms and feel so much love and protection. I close my eyes and take all of Cash in. I can hear his heart beating, watch his chest moving up and down as he is trying to keep his breathing under control, see the strength in his arms, and smell his Lacoste Essential Cologne. I do not want to break away from him, but I know the longer I wait, the worse it will be for both of us.

  I open my eyes and look up at him. He kisses my forehead and tells me that everything is going to be okay. I have to have more of him. I whisper, “Okay, Cash kiss me, please.” He smiles a half grin and brings his lips to meet mine. He places his hand behind my neck and in my hair. I get goosebumps from head to toe. I wrap my arms around his neck, and he lifts me off the ground.

  We act as if we aren’t going to see each other again, and that we can’t get enough of each other’s touch. Cash finally slows down his lips and pulls them away from mine. Damn.

  “Char, you better get going. I don’t want it to be late when you get back.”

  “I’m gonna miss you, Cash Money,” I say as I kiss him once more.

  “I doubt that. Just keep your guard up and text me every day. I think you should tell Joe about the photo. It’s only fair.”

  I shake my head no. “Not yet. I don’t want anyone else freaked out.”

  “Alright, I’ll leave that up to you. If you need me for anything, I’ll be there in record time.” Cash helps me in the car, closes the door, and kisses me through the window.

  “I love you, Charley; see you at fall break.”

  “Love you too, Cash Money.” He steals one more peck before he pats the door and backs away.

  Chapter 9: Homecoming

  The ride back is filled with a few tears, fear, anxiety, and happiness. I am beyond terrified that Dylan is keeping tabs on me, but I’m not going to let him get to me. That is what he wants. I rub my fingers around the anchor of my necklace. I’ve got Cash, my family, the Kluft girls and Joe. I will be fine.

  I arrive on campus to find everyone has gone out to eat. I unpack and take a few minutes to relax.

  Joe: Squirrel, u back yet?

  Me: Yeah

  Joe: Wanna go grab a bite to eat? I’ve missed u!

  Me: Sure c u in 5

  I grab my purse, keys, take a quick look in the mirror and out the door I go.

  “Hey Squirrel! How was home?”

  “It was great! I forget how much I love it there.”

  Joe doesn’t say much about that comment. We walk to his Jeep, hop in, and go eat a little Chinese.

  As we are sitting at the table, we talk about the weekend. Undoubtedly I missed a hell of a party in Foot, and Hank’s was rockin’ as usual.

  “Yeah, Hank’s was crazy this week, but I have to say those girls can’t dance like you, Char.”

  “Whatever.”

  He smiles, “It j
ust wasn’t the same.”

  We finish and head back to campus. We both have practice early in the morning along with class.

  The next month goes by in a hurry. It’s like I’m on repeat: practice, class, text Cash, meet with Joe, party on Friday, Hank’s on Saturday, and recoup on Sunday only to do it all over every week. It remains the same until the middle of October. Homecoming is this weekend. It’s a weekend of games, parties, alumni, Homecoming Dance, and of course, Hank’s Tavern.

  I am absolutely beat from practice Wednesday night when I get a knock at my door. When I open it, no one is there. Really? I notice a box with an envelope on the floor. I literally start to hyperventilate. Georgia is coming from the shower and stops when she sees my reaction.

  “Char, you okay?” I nod my head.

  “That’s crap and you know it. What’s got you freaked out? It’s just a box.”

  “Um, I don’t want to talk about it.”

  “You gonna see what it is?” I nod again.

  As I turn toward my room, I see Joe peeking around the corner. Oh, thank the lord! I can feel all the tension leave my body. It wasn’t something else from Dylan.

  “Squirrel, you gonna open it or just stare at it all day?”

  “Oh, sorry. I just, um, nevermind.”

  I unwrap the box to find a little squirrel charm with a tag attached to it that reads, “Dance with me?”

  I look up at him and smile.

  “Dance with you? Like at Hank’s?”

  He puts his hands in his pockets like he’s nervous, and shakes his head no.

  “No Squirrel, dance with me at Homecoming. Go with me, please?!”

  I take a minute to act like I’m going to have to think about it. I love to watch him sweat. It’s sexy as hell.

  “You think you can handle this for two nights of dancin?” as I get all Vanna White on him.

  “Oh, I believe I can handle it all right.”

  “Well, if you’re up for it, then I am too.”

  I had totally forgotten that Georgia was still nearby, but I realize real quick when I hear her hooting and hollering in the background.

  “Shopping trip to the Mills!” Georgia shouts down the hall.

  “Joe, you wanna come in a minute?”

  He enters my room and takes a seat on my bed. The only other option is that wooden chair at my desk. I sit beside him and decide I better see what he knows about Homecoming.

  “So, I heard this weekend is pretty crazy around here. What have all the lacrosse guys been saying?”

  “They pretty much say that the party starts on Thursday night when everyone goes into the big city.”

  I look a little confused at him. “You mean Charlotte?”

  “Yeah. They said everyone goes to Bar. You pretty much pile up in everyone’s car and make sure there’s a DD.”

  “Sounds interesting.”

  “You’ve never been to a real club before?”

  “Not really, Hank’s is about it unless you talk about the pool hall back home ‘cause some nights it turns into a makeshift club or more like a redneck bar with a dance floor.”

  “Back home we use to go to this teen club, and our hall went to a different bar in Charlotte a few weeks ago.”

  “Well, I’m sure the Kluft girls will not miss it!”

  “I sure hope not,” he says as he nudges my shoulder with his. “They also said that it’s pretty much a throw down the rest of the week on campus from that point on. I mean, there’s class, but they’re a little lax this week.”

  “Oh, I bet I still have to do to Dr. Deal’s Bio at 8 ‘cause of that damn memory of his.”

  “Well, Squirrel I’m gonna head out. I got practice in the morning, and we got a busy weekend. I’m sure you wanna get that shopping trip planned.”

  “Alright, well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow in Charlotte? Or is there like a pre-party somewhere?”

  “I’m sure there will be a party somewhere. I’ll let you know. Night.” He kisses me on the lips as I walk him to the door.

  “Bye, Joe.” I give him a light wave as he turns back to look at me.

  “Bye. See ya tomorrow.”

  As soon as he is out of the building, I make a beeline to Georgia’s room. She is sitting on her couch with Caroline and Tori while Anna is on the floor.

  “Dang, been waiting on me long?”

  Anna says, “Well, we know who’s getting the action this weekend!”

  “Uh, I don’t think so. I’m so not like that.”

  “Oh okay, whatever you say Charley.” Anna winks.

  Caroline pipes in, “So, Mills tomorrow? What time? I think we should just skip class. What y’all think?”

  Most of my life I’ve been a rule follower. So skipping is a big deal, but hey, ya only live once right?

  “I’m game. Just got practice in the morning. After that let’s shop till ya drop.”

  Caroline starts to clap her hands she’s so excited. “Oh, have y’all heard about Bar tomorrow?” I ask.

  They all look at me like I’ve lost my mind. Finally, I know something they don’t. Sometimes I always feel like I find out what is going on last.

  “Joe said that everyone from Southern goes out tomorrow. Basically, you find a DD, pile up and go dance your ass off. I thought it sounded great to me except for the 8 a.m. Bio class I have Friday.”

  They all sit there quietly before Tori comments first. “Guess we’re all going shopping for two outfits... clubbin’ and Homecoming Dance.”

  We all call it a night because practice is going to come way too early in the morning. At 5:45 that god awful sound of an alarm clock goes off. I roll outta bed, grab my bag, and slide on my flip flops. We don’t even bother changing out of our pajamas anymore. We just roll outta bed and go.

  We take the Honda to the gym this morning and head straight to the locker room. Coach is waiting on us this morning, and the board looks like a killer. I dip my cap into the water, put it on, and follow with my goggles. I’m ready to jump in.

  We finish our warm up, then Coach gives us five killer sets. What is she thinking? I mean we have practice the rest of the week! After being in the water about an hour and a half, we finally get to cool down. I am whooped! As we get out of the pool, Coach asks us to come to a team meeting. Really?

  “So girls, you all know as much as I do I’m about having a good time. I know I have worked you hard this morning, heck like for the past month, but I want to make sure you’re ready for the upcoming season. Also, I know as well as you do what kinda weekend we have coming up. We aren’t going to have practice until Sunday afternoon. Don’t come in here hung over either. Now get outta here and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

  “Hey Coach, you know what that means?” Brittany says.

  “Yes, Brittany I know exactly what that means. Just make sure you have a DD and call me if you need me, and I mean it! Now I think y’all have some shopping to do ‘cause word is someone got asked to the Homecoming Dance by a very H-O-T lacrosse player.”

  Everyone’s eyes turn to me, and I’m as red as a Hot Tamale.

  “Now girls, get outta here. I’ll see you around Saturday.”

  In the locker room, we make plans. We know that Anna and Caroline are still snoozing. We head to the café to eat breakfast, and there is fine ass Joe eating a waffle with his team. I just smile and walk on to our table. A few minutes later, Anna and Caroline join us.

  “So girls, I’m thinking a trip to Group USA is in order. We gotta look hot for this dance, but yet classy.” I am totally with her on this.

  “So, does anyone know how dressed up people get for this dance?” I ask. “I mean I know it’s more formal than Hank’s or a club. I don’t think it’s church attire, or is it like a mini prom?”

  Anna gives us the details she has researched, “Okay, it’s like a mini prom, but you gotta be careful. You don’t want to look like you tried too hard or spent too much money. Oh, and for tonight... I got us a ride.”


  We all stop and look at her like what do you mean you got us a ride?

  “What?! I’m doing my job here. I know none of us want to DD, so I found us one with a minivan!”

  “Shut up, no you didn’t!” Tori laughs.

  “Oh yeah, the Love Machine, it has a name.”