I wasn’t sure that I wanted to, but I let Tilda take my hand and place it on her stomach. At first I didn’t feel anything, then there was a sudden, soft pushing sensation on the palm of my hand.
“Did you feel that?” Tilda asked, sounding excited.
“Yeah, that’s crazy.” I let my hand linger for a moment, feeling another, stronger kick, and then I took my hand back.
“Did I tell you that I found out that it’s a boy?” she asked, smiling wider now.
“No, you didn’t. A boy?” I smiled. “That’ll be great.”
“I didn’t find out the gender until after Kasper…” Her smile remained but her eyes were misty. “I mean, we could’ve. But we were waiting until after we were married. It’s silly, but we wanted it to be like a wedding gift to ourselves.”
She shook her head. “I don’t know. It seemed like a fun idea at the time, but since we didn’t know if it would be a boy or a girl, we didn’t really talk about names yet. Not in earnest.”
“Have you been thinking about anything now?” I asked.
“Älskade Kasper Abbott,” Tilda said. “Älskade means ‘loved,’ and I want this baby to know that he’s loved more than anything.”
I smiled. “It sounds perfect.”
“Thanks.” She smiled and blinked back tears. “Anyway, I’ve probably held you up long enough. You should get going before they leave without you.”
I leaned over and hugged her tightly. The two of us had never been much for hugging, but we both lingered in this one. Eventually I pulled away and stood up. I grabbed my bag off the floor and offered her a small wave before heading out.
“Bryn,” she said, stopping me at the door. “In case I don’t see you again, I just wanted you to know that you’ve been a really great friend, and I love you.”
“I love you too,” I said, rather awkwardly, since neither of us was usually very sentimental. “And take care of yourself.”
Leaving Tilda alone in her room made me feel bad, but I knew that Linnea would be calling on her for help in the very near future. Linnea was going to be running the kingdom in her husband’s absence, and Tilda knew quite a bit about keeping things in order.
I went up the winding staircase away from the bedrooms and up to the main floor. As I walked toward the main hall, I was surprised to see Konstantin hobbling from the other direction, with his own bag over his shoulder.
He’d showered and cleaned up, looking better than he had in a while. Last night, when he’d been brought in, he’d been pale and clammy, on the verge of death, and now he appeared as he always did. Except with a slight limp in his left leg.
“What are you doing?” I asked. He’d stopped, waiting for me to join him.
“I’m going to Doldastam.”
“But you need to rest,” I reminded him. “The medic told you to, and you’ve got a limp.”
He shrugged it off. “My leg is finishing healing. The limp will be gone in a day.”
“Konstantin.” I stopped walking, so he did too, and looked back at me.
“Do you really think I’m going to let anything prevent me from missing this fight?” he asked honestly.
“Fine.” I sighed. “At least promise me you’ll take it easy.”
He shook his head and started walking again. “Nope.”
FIFTY-FIVE
terrain
With so many of us in our motley of shapes and sizes, we had to avoid main modes of travel, including the train, which was how we usually crossed the vast Canadian territory to get to Doldastam.
Fortunately, winter had come to an end for most of Manitoba, and that made it easier for us to go off-road. To get where we were going, in many places there were literally no roads. We’d be relying on Skojare maps, GPS, and four-wheel drive to get us through.
The Trylle had been kind enough to bring their transports to us, which were modified all-terrain army vehicles. The majority of us managed to fit in the backs of those, underneath the tarp covers, while the rest crammed into the Skojare’s small fleet of Jeep Wranglers.
In order for the humans not to spy us, we’d have to stay as far from their civilization and populated roads as we could. We’d brought along a few of the Skojare tower guards to help cloak us. And if humans did actually see us, like when we needed a pit stop to gas up, several of the Trylle with us could use persuasion, and make them forget that they’d seen anything at all.
Once we got close enough to Doldastam, we’d leave the convoy and march the rest of the way on foot, since all our vehicles would be loud and obvious. That way we could have an element of surprise. The tower guards’ cloaking ability worked well on humans, but it was much less effective on other trolls, especially when they were trying to hide such a large moving target.
I sat in the back of one of the transports, between Ridley and the back gate. The bench that ran on either side of the back was full of senior Skojare guards, and though they did their best to look confident, I could see their nerves showing through.
Konstantin had also chosen this transport, but instead of sitting on a bench, he lay on the floor, using his bag as a pillow. Some of the guards had complained, but Konstantin said he needed to stretch out his leg so it would heal faster, so they let it go.
Despite the bumps and jolts of the journey, Konstantin seemed to sleep through it, bouncing around undisturbed. It was a rough ride over rocky terrain, one that left me aching and sore whenever we stopped to stretch and take a bathroom break.
Through most of the ride, none of us really said anything. It was hard to hear over the sound of the vehicle, and there wasn’t much to say. Are you scared that the Omte will literally crush you? Oh, me too!
Ridley only spoke to me once, asking me if I wanted part of his lunch. Since his confession last night during the dance, we hadn’t really talked, other than discussions of war and what we needed to do. But I didn’t mind. There wasn’t time for anything else.
When we got back into the transport together after one of our stops, he put his hand on my leg, gently squeezing when we hit a large bump, and there was something more comforting in that than anything he could’ve said.
By nightfall, we’d made it about two-thirds of the way through our journey, and we stopped to camp out. Driving off-road during the day was difficult enough as it was, and we all needed a chance to rest before we arrived at Doldastam. We’d known that we’d have to camp out, so we’d packed well for it.
It was in the low twenties, which made for a very chilly campout, so we hurried to set up our tents. A girl from the Trylle had asked to share a tent with me, and I’d obliged. Other soldiers had gotten fires going, but we set up our tent near the outskirt of the campsite, since I’d rather get sleep than stay up all night talking around a fire.
While she finished setting up the tent—a small white one, made of thick canvas that helped to keep the cold out and the heat in—I went back to the trucks to get thick animals hides to keep out the iciness of the ground.
When I went over to the truck, Ridley was already there, working beside Finn, helping to pass out hides and sleeping bags. Five others were already in line, waiting for their sleeping gear, and as I joined them, Ridley looked up at me, the dim lights from a nearby fire playing off the darkness in his eyes.
“We already have sleeping bags,” I said as I reached the front.
“Hey, Finn, can you handle this?” Ridley asked, glancing back at the two people waiting behind me. “I wanted to talk to Bryn for a minute.”
“Yeah, sure.” Finn shrugged. “I think most everyone has got their stuff already.”
“Great. Thanks.” Ridley smiled briefly at him, then turned his attention to me.
“What did you want to talk about?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Not here.” He turned, walking back between the covered trucks, so I followed him.
The majority of the vehicles were parked together at the edge of the campsite, creating an area that felt private and quiet, with lar
ge trucks blocking out the sound and most of the firelight.
“What’s going on?” I asked Ridley when I felt like we’d gone far enough. I stopped first, and he turned back to face me. The moon above us illuminated his face, and he looked around me, as if expecting a spy to be following at my heels.
“Ridley, what is it?” I demanded, starting to feel nervous, since he wasn’t saying anything.
He chewed his lip for a moment, staring down at me, and then, without warning, he rushed at me. His mouth pressed roughly against mine, cold and exhilarating against my warm flesh.
He pushed me back, and I began to stumble over my feet, but his arms were there, holding me up, carrying me until I felt my back pressing against the icy metal of the truck. His kisses were fierce and hungry, his teeth just barely scraping against my skin, sending delicious heat surging through my body.
But I matched his ferocity, wrapping my legs around him, burying my fingers in the tangles of his hair.
Almost instinctually, I began pulling off his jacket, desperate to get to the hot, hard contours of his body. Ridley moved his hands underneath my butt and thighs, gripping them firmly, as he carried me around the corner to the back of the truck.
Once he’d set me down, I started to scoot back, and he climbed up on top of me, his eager lips on mine. With quick desperation, his hands found their way under my layers of shirts, cold against my bare skin.
Ridley sat up, pulling away from me so he could hurriedly tear off his shirt. I don’t think I’d ever undressed so quickly, and when my sweatshirt got stuck going up over my head, Ridley was more than happy to help.
He pushed it back over my head, but in his haste to kiss me again, he’d left my arms tangled in it, trapped behind my back. His mouth traveled lower, trailing down my neck. His lips and the gentle scrape of his beard sent tingles all through me.
With one arm, he supported himself, and with the other, he unhooked the front clasp of my bra. My arms were still trapped behind me, but I’d stopped wiggling and trying to get free. I didn’t want to stop Ridley from touching me.
He wrapped an arm around me, lifting me up so my back arched slightly, and then his mouth was cold on my breast. I moaned desperately, wanting more of him.
With that, he released me, so he could pull off his jeans. I finally got my arms free from the sweatshirt and tossed aside my bra. Ridley had turned his attention to my pants, pulling them off in one rough, fast move.
He crawled over me, his body above mine, and I stared up into his eyes. I put my hand on his cheek, and he tilted his head, gently kissing my wrist. He lips moved down my arm, until they found their way to my mouth again, kissing me deeply.
Despite the cold, his body felt like fire against me. He felt strong and sure, holding me, completing me.
And then I pulled him to me, unable to wait any longer. I raised my pelvis up, pushing against him, and with a shaky breath, he finally slid inside me. I moaned again, unable to help it, and he silenced me with his mouth on mine.
Soon I was breathing into his shoulder, digging my fingers into his back to keep from screaming, and he moved deeper inside me until he exhaled deeply and relaxed on top of me.
FIFTY-SIX
covet
We stayed that way for a moment, neither of us wanting to untangle ourselves from each other. But eventually we had to deal with the cold.
The covered canvas kept some of the frigid air at bay, but not enough for us to lie comfortably naked for long. Ridley sat up and lay his jacket over me as a temporary blanket as he searched around for something to cover up with.
Underneath one of the benches, he found a silver Mylar blanket from an opened emergency kit, and he spread it over us. He lay down beside me and pulled me into his arms.
“Well, that was a nice talk,” I murmured, resting my head against his chest and pressing myself closer to him.
“I actually did want to talk to you,” he said, his words muffled in my hair.
“Yeah?” I pulled back a little and titled my head so I could look up at him. “What about?”
“I don’t know when we’ll be able to talk again,” he said finally. “And I just wanted to be sure that you knew everything and understood how I really feel.”
My heart skipped a beat. “Everything about what?”
“About why I’ve been so cold and distant.” He stared at the canvas above us. “I never wanted to hurt you or push you away. It’s just … when I was in Doldastam, while we were apart, and Mina had me locked up in the dungeon, she never asked me anything about you. Not once. The entire time I was there.”
“You mentioned that,” I said softly.
“I know.” He nodded. “But I didn’t say that she never talked about you. Because she talked about you a lot. Constantly, actually.”
“What do you mean? What did she say?” I asked, tensing up.
“She talked about how strong and capable you were, and how you’d never had any trouble until you started getting involved with me.” He looked down at me. “I don’t know how she knew that we’d kissed or slept together, but she’d found out somehow.”
I shivered, and not from the cold. I’d never told anybody about the night that Ridley and I had spent together. And all of the ways I could imagine she’d discovered that secret were creepy and disturbing.
He lowered his eyes, his voice growing thicker as he spoke. “Then she started telling me how I’d brought you down and destroyed your chances of being on the Högdragen, how all I did was ruin everything I touch.”
“Ridley, that’s not true.” I shook my head. “You didn’t do anything to me. I made choices on my own, and most of the ones that have gotten me in trouble have had nothing to do with you.”
“I know. I mean, part of me knew that.” He sighed. “But after you hear it, over and over … Eventually, her words just took hold somewhere inside me, and she had me convinced that I would be the death of you.”
I put my hand on his face, forcing him to look at me. “It’s not true. Nothing Mina said was true.”
He swallowed hard. “When I was there, all I could think about was how I could get back to you, and how I was terrified of what would happen to you if I did. I couldn’t live with myself if I hurt you.”
“I know you’d never hurt me,” I whispered.
He kissed me again, softer this time and less insistent. “I love you, Bryn,” he breathed deeply. “And I want to spend all night with you like this, but we should get back and get some sleep.”
“Tomorrow we’ll arrive in Doldastam,” I said with a heavy sigh. His arm tightened around me. “Are you scared?”
“Yes,” he admitted. “But I’m mostly afraid that I’ll lose you again.” He rolled onto his side, so he could face me fully. He reached out and touched my face. “You have to promise that you won’t do anything too risky, Bryn. I know that you’ll fight, and that you won’t shy away from trouble. But I can’t lose you again.”
“I promise,” I said, but even then, I wasn’t sure if it was a promise I could keep.
FIFTY-SEVEN
home
At the top of the hill, I lay down on my stomach. The ground beneath me was a cold mixture of snow and mud, and it soaked through my clothes, but I barely noticed. The sun had just begun to set, casting everything in a beautiful bluish glow as the sky darkened from pink to purple along the horizon.
From the hill, we could see beyond the thick pine trees that rolled down the valley going toward the Hudson Bay. And there, on the flat land, was Doldastam in a way that I rarely saw it.
I could see the four stone walls that surrounded it. Over twenty feet tall, the stones kept out most of the invaders of the past two centuries. The palace loomed along the south side of town, with its back to us. The sheer size made it appear like a castle, and the outside adornments and stained-glass windows definitely added to the effect.
The west side of town held the large brick mansions of the Markis and Marksinna, but most of the town co
nsisted of smaller cottages, looking like a quaint village from another time.
Not too far from the palace was the stable, where my loft apartment had been. The huge Tralla horses were out in the yard beside it, and though I was too far away to see for sure, I imagined that I saw Bloom running out with them, with his silver fur and lush white mane flowing behind him.
In the town square, the clock tower soared above everything, and it began to toll for the last time of the night. Between ten p.m. and six a.m., the clock went silent.
My parents lived right off the town square, and I tried to pick out their place. But the houses were packed in tightly, like town homes, and they all had matching roofs. There was no way to know for sure, but I strained my eyes, as if I would somehow be able to see my parents through the walls.
On the far east side of town along the wall was the house Ember shared with her parents. It was easier to pick out, because the houses were a bit more spread out in that area to make room for “farming.” Ember’s mother raised angora goats and Gotland rabbits, but I couldn’t really see them.
I could see people walking around town, and though I wanted desperately to see a familiar face, they were all too far away to discern. Occasionally, I caught a flash of light from the epaulets of the Högdragen uniform, so I knew there were many guards out patrolling Doldastam.
Mixed in with them, I saw much larger figures bundled up in brown coats. The Omte were inside, working with the guards.
Just outside the walls, a huge campsite had been set up in the valley. Personal tents were set up, along with larger rectangular marquee tents, where meetings could be held or meals could be served. Several fires were burning, casting plumes of smoke over the site.
Flying above the camp, bearded vultures circled. The Omte had brought along their birds. Legend had it that the Omte had chosen the vultures because of how much the Omte liked killing others. Since the vultures subsided mostly on bones, they would clean up the mess the Omte left behind.
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