by Laura Ward
I pushed the wet hair from my face and kissed him tenderly. He stopped laughing and held me, studying my mouth as our breathing slowed. He moved one hand up to cup my cheek, and the other was splayed across my back. I kept my legs wrapped around his waist and my arms on his shoulders.
“No more talk about school, okay? I just want to focus on this summer and the time we have right now. We’re in a place where everything is… right. Let’s enjoy it.” Landon’s implore was sensitive and sweet. I couldn’t believe he was thinking about missing me.
“Sounds perfect to me. And now that we’re cooled off, I thought I saw a football in the back of your truck. Think you could teach me to throw?”
Landon grinned cockily at my question. Lowering his head, he sealed his lips against mine, and I opened my mouth teasing his tongue with my own. He finally ended the kiss, his soft lips kissing me on my cheeks and forehead before lowering me to my feet. “I’d love to show you how to handle my balls, Em.” I smacked his chest loudly at his cheesy one-liner.
“Classy, Land. Real classy. Last one’s a loser!” And with that I pushed him backwards, causing him to fall back into the water as I booked it to the lake’s edge.
“You’re going to get it, short stuff! Landon called after me, laughing loudly as he struggled to catch up.
The rest of the afternoon was spent throwing the football, resting under the sun, and laughing. It really was a place where everything was right.
As the August heat scorched the corn fields of Indiana, I began to feel melancholy once again. There were still no calls about teaching jobs and Landon would head back to college soon. Fall would bring back the loneliness I had forgotten about so quickly. The end of summer meant the return my good friends, Bitter & Boring.
I would miss Landon terribly. He had become so important to me and yet I would never ask him for a commitment. I remembered how freeing college had been for me, and he deserved the same experience without the bitch of the Midwest waiting at home for his calls and visits. He deserved the freedom.
One thing I looked forward to every day was working with Trevor. He was so close to jumping in the pool on his own. We were now in a routine, something important to people with autism, where he would let me pull him into my arms in the water. Then, he would hold my waist while his feet touched the floor of the pool. These were huge steps for him and on more than one occasion I saw a tear roll down Carol’s face.
Landon spent time each day with Trevor as well, but it was just ‘guy time,’ as Landon called it. They listened to music or sat with their feet in the deep end of the pool, watching the kids jump off the diving board. Landon would talk to Trevor about all of his observations around the pool as if Trevor would respond back. Landon just sat there, for hours, talking to Trevor like his football buddy was sitting there next to him.
Listening to Landon befriend this gentle, silent soul made my heart hurt. Not only was I watching Trevor break through his fear of the water, I saw Landon break through his myopic view of the entire world.
On one particularly hot day, as I approached Trevor and his mom for our lesson, Landon called me over. “Em. Can I try something with Trevor for a minute? I’ve got a different approach that I want to try.” He looked nervous but excited over his idea.
“Of course,” I said, wondering what was going to happen. Surprising kids with autism was normally not a good idea, but Trevor had come to trust Landon. I sat next to Carol on a bench and watched Landon head into the guard office. Trevor was sitting in his usual spot, with his feet dangling in the shallow area, unaware of what might come.
Maroon 5’s Moves Like Jagger, one of Trevor’s favorites, suddenly rang out over the grounds. We normally played soft rock to please all the pool patrons of various ages, but Landon had obviously borrowed Trevor’s iPod and was playing from his playlist. And playing it loud. Trevor’s head shot up and he looked around the pool. I burst out laughing as Landon emerged from the guard house, dancing, looking like a cross between Bill Cosby and M.C. Hammer. He was grooving to the music with everything he had, and he appeared silly and adorable at the same time.
Carol was hysterically laughing and some of the other moms began to walk over and stand behind where we were sitting. Landon danced over to Trevor, who was laughing almost uncontrollably at this point, and pulled him up. They both began to dance together while the song played.
The next song, Love Somebody, came on and Trevor clapped his hands with excitement. Landon whispered in Trevor’s ear and Trevor’s face became serious. Landon then cannon balled into the water. He emerged, still dancing, and gave Trevor a thumbs up. Trevor gave him the same sign back, backed up slowly, and cannon balled into the water almost landing on top of Landon. He jumped up and danced as Landon played it cool and kept grooving in the water, same as before.
Time stopped. Did my heart stop too?
We just witnessed a breakthrough. This was a life-changing moment for Trevor. Carol and I looked at each other with wide eyes, screamed, and both jumped in the water with them. The other moms behind us were crying, laughing, and clapping, all at the same time. A few Dads had just come off the golf course and they watched the scene with quiet emotion.
We all hugged Trevor, and Carol grabbed Landon and squeezed him tightly. Landon looked at me with such elation and pride that I had to turn away. I wasn’t sure I could keep it together anymore.
Well, hell, I now knew it with every ounce of me. I was completely falling in love with Mr. Cool. I should have never underestimated the ability of my heart to grow and change. In a matter of months, my jaded, doubting, angry organ had been revitalized. All because of a boy of all things. A backwards baseball cap wearing, sexy truck driving, deliriously delicious boy.
That night, after Evie had gone to bed, I told Landon how amazed and proud I was of his work with Trevor. We cuddled on my faded blue corduroy couch, as I stared into his eyes. I felt so much about Landon. I wanted to tell him I was falling in love with him, but I didn’t think I should unload those feelings on him when he would be headed back to IU in a matter of weeks. I could never be a burden to him. I cared about his happiness too much, and I had nothing to offer but baggage and a completely uncertain future.
“Seeing you work with Trevor and getting to know Evie…. I don’t know Em. It just makes me think about what really matters.” We lay side by side, touching and kissing. It was my absolute favorite part of the day.
“You matter, Land. You matter a lot. I’m going to miss you so much when you head back to school.” I pressed against him, feeling his arousal. I wanted to say more… it was hard to hold back. But I didn’t want to ruin what we had this summer.
Landon looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something too. I pushed him back and unbuttoned his jeans. Tonight, I was taking control.
“What are you doing, Em?” His husky drawl, the feel of him in my hands—so hard and warm, made me shudder. I wanted more tonight. I had never taken him in my mouth, and now I wanted to taste him. I wasn’t ready to have sex, but I needed to show him how my feelings were growing. It was time for the next step.
Slowly and tentatively, I licked him, gathering my nerve and finding my rhythm, before taking him all the way into my mouth. I didn’t have much experience at this, but whatever I was doing was working. His body trembled beneath me. It was powerful, knowing I was bringing this kind of satisfaction to a guy like Landon. Night after night he made sure I reached depths of pleasure I had never known existed. Bringing him to that point was thrilling.
“Sonofabitch. Shit. Holy. Mother Fuuu…..Oh Emm…..” Landon, all six foot plus, big time football player, crumbled beneath me. He watched me suck him and I watched him call my name. I wasn’t sure how either of us would ever recover from the sight.
Landon caught his breath and then lightly kissed me on the lips before he crawled in front of me, lifted my dress, and removed my panties. He brought his lips down to me and fluttered his tongue on my most sensitive spot. I grabbed his head and
my world spun around me. “God, yes! Don’t stop, Land. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.” I chanted to him, my voice low and full of need. I held his head to me unabashedly. This felt way too good to be embarrassed. I couldn’t stop, couldn’t control myself. At that moment, he was all I ever needed and all I ever wanted.
“Oooohhhhh Landon! Please, please… Yes!” I grabbed his head and wrapped my legs around his neck and his shoulders so hard I thought I might have hurt him in my vice grip. But I couldn’t help it—it felt too amazing. I just prayed that I hadn’t gone and killed him in my lust. Instead, I heard his chuckle as he kissed his way back up my body.
“Dammit, Emma Harris. You are the best fuckin’ thing that has ever happened to me. I had no idea it could be like this.” Landon wrapped me in his arms and I closed my eyes.
Summer was winding down, but maybe summer love could be the real thing? Real love. What did I know about the subject? Maybe there was a chance for us. Under what circumstances was I entitled to happiness? To hope for more? I was afraid to think it, let alone say the words to him. My lot in life was to plow through, caring for those that needed me. It wasn’t to find happiness and run off with the cute pool boy. I would just have to wait and see what the next few weeks brought to us. Only time would tell what that would ultimately be.
Too bad for me that I was about as good at patience as I was at optimism and fun.
***
“YOU KNOW, SHORT stuff, that I won’t see you for a while after today.” Landon kissed me gently and then pulled me against him in a tight hug.
“Tell me again, the purpose of this football camp thing?” I ran my hands up and down his back, feeling his muscles tighten at my touch. We each had a thin layer of sweat covering us. The only possible place we could find a minute’s privacy during work was in the pump room and it was hotter than hell. But, sometimes I needed to steal a kiss. Especially when I wouldn’t be seeing my guy for more than a week.
“The whole football team heads to this remote mountain camp in West Virginia. One of the assistant coaches owns it. We hunker down in bunks, eat shitty food, workout for over eight hours a day and bond as a team. It’s like preparing for war or something.” Landon kissed my shoulder and then my neck, dragging his nose up to my ear and whispering softly, “I’m going to miss you so much.”
I smiled, thrilled to hear he would miss me like I’d miss him. “Okay, I get the whole rigorous training, which you will rock, by the way, and male bonding business. But why aren’t you allowed to bring your cell phone? What if an emergency happens?”
Landon’s chuckle made his lungs vibrate against me, which in turn caused a warm sensation to spread through me. “Thanks for the vote of confidence, Em. The camp has a landline and all the parents have the number. The coach and our parents can get in touch with each other if there is an emergency. The biggest rule of all, though, is no outside calls. No girlfriends, no buddies, no distractions. It’s football—twenty-four/seven.”
“Hmph. That doesn’t sound like much fun. And then what? You head right to IU?” I stuck out my lower lip in a pout. Like a five year old. I pouted. What the hell?
Landon laughed loudly. “You are so cute.” He kissed me, coaxing my lips open and darting his sweet tongue into my mouth. My body went slack at the taste of him, the feel of him, the drugging effect his kisses had on my body. “I will check into housing and then drive back home to see you. I’ll need it. I’ll need my short stuff fix.” He kissed me again, moving my back against the wall and running his hand down the front of my body. Even in the ninety degree room, I shivered.
“You don’t have to, you know, come back. I mean, if you’re having fun and you don’t want to. I understand, Land.” I kept my eyes closed, shielding myself from his probing gaze. It seemed he could read my eyes like a book, after one short summer.
“I don’t have to what? See my girl? Yeah, I have to. And I want to. I’m crazy about you.” He kissed my cheek, then the tip of my nose, my other cheek, and finally my lips as I smiled shyly.
“Okay. If you’re sure.”
“Never been surer of anything.” Landon clutched my hand and we headed back out to the pool to finish our last day guarding together before the dreaded reality of life set in.
The next day, I drove to the pool gloomier than I had felt in months. Last night we had finished working and then made out in his truck, on my couch, and against my front door until the last possible minute. He had to leave for Bloomington or he’d miss the team bus. I’d never let him miss out on his dreams, not for me. He promised to call as soon as camp was over. He told me he wanted to visit every chance he could. As crazy as I was for him, I had my doubts.
I remembered how easy it was to fall into the college routine. He would head back to IU to party and play football and I would, hopefully, join the working world. He’d be busy every day with practices, classes, and hanging out with his friends. It would become easier and easier to forget to call or text me. I knew this and he would too soon enough. Not that my understanding made it hurt any less. My heart was heavy, but I had always lived my life without blinders on. I knew what was on the horizon.
I’d only been at work for an hour when my mom called me frantic. I had a job interview—in two hours. I sped home, changed into my one and only interview suit, grabbed my portfolio, and was on my way.
As I drove to Zionsville Academy, the nerves really kicked in. This was a high school position, which I really didn’t want because of my age, but I needed a job and school started in one week. It was this or nothing.
I entered the dark, cool foyer of the school and took a steadying breath. There was something about the smell of a school—particularly a high school. It was the smell of reams of paper, mixed with smelly gym socks from the gymnasium, and the grease from the school’s cafeteria. Oh, and B.O.—always the smell of teenage body odor.
I could do this. I needed to do this for my family. I entered the office, where the way too super friendly secretary greeted me. She introduced herself as Linda Smith and offered to help me with any questions I had. I learned from student teaching that one of the most important allies in a school was the school secretary. There was a lot of power there in that person, power that could be wielded in your favor or against. If I got this job, Linda Smith and I would be fast friends.
After being escorted to the principal’s office, I met the social studies department chair, Julie Baynes, first. Julie was in her late forties, with a slightly plump figure. She wore khakis, a red polo shirt, and had short, graying hair. Pretty much exactly what you would think a middle-aged social studies teacher would look like. She introduced me to the school principal, Ernest Mahoney, a thin, bald man with wire rimmed glasses and a huge smile.
“Emma, thank you so much for coming in to meet with us on such short notice. We just had a teacher quit for medical reasons, and we really need to fill the position. Can you tell us about yourself?” Julie settled back in her chair with a welcoming grin.
I cleared my throat and adjusted my skirt. “Well, I attended UVA, graduating early with a secondary education degree. I’m obsessed with history. I love every history class I have ever taken and would love to share that passion with my students.” It was something of a stock response, but I needed this job, and I needed to stick with safe, “I live for teaching,” kind of answers.
Principal Mahoney asked next, “Why did you want to graduate early, Ms. Harris?”
“Sir, my mom needed help with my sister, who has intellectual disabilities, and some expenses. I came home to support my family.”
Julie and Principal Mahoney nodded and smiled at one another.
“Emma, we see that you are only twenty-one. Are you comfortable teaching students who are just a few years younger than yourself?” Julie looked concerned as she waited for my answer.
“To be completely frank, Principal Mahoney and Ms. Baynes, I was hoping for a middle school position because of my age. But, no matter what grade I teach, I’m ready to get
in the classroom and get started. I’m looking forward to starting my career, and I think Zionsville Academy would be a fantastic place to do so.”
Jeez, I was making myself nauseous with my own positivity. My student teaching supervisor would be beside herself with that closer. She had suggested it in our mock interviews and, at the time, I never thought I could pull it off without choking. Look who’s all grown up, now.
Of course, at that time I hadn’t been facing unemployment, or, at best, minimum wage employment involving greasy burgers. Now, it was imperative that I erased all pride during my one and only potential job interview. I had to lay it on thick. It was mandatory that I forget every fear I ever had about becoming “one of those people.” I needed to become that person. I could cringe later.
Julie began paging through my portfolio and asked me questions from my student teaching experience. She enjoyed reading the evaluations I made for my students to critique my teaching, and she especially loved the interdisciplinary unit I created in my middle school internship. I included it because teachers loved to see that you were willing to work with other subject area professionals to create cohesive, thematic learning. Basically, I was kissing ass.
Principal Mahoney was examining my transcript. “Your grades are excellent and your recommendations from professors and master teachers are exemplary. Ms. Baynes?”
I looked back and forth between them and Julie reached out her hand. “We would like to offer you a position at Zionsville Academy, Ms. Harris. Faculty training starts tomorrow.”
I wasn’t sure whether I should run out the back door screaming or kiss her right on the mouth. I went with a more conservative approach and shook her hand. “Thank you so much! Oh, my…I don’t even know what to say!” I wanted to do both a happy dance and throw up. A strange but true combination.