“What happened with her?”
He stared at Marie, conjuring up his best confused expression as he asked, “What happened with whom?”
His friend, wise to his bullshit, rolled her dark eyes. “Lilly.”
Dammit.
“Why would you think anything happened with Lilly?”
“Oh please.” Marie laughed. “You always smiled, big and bright, whenever you were around her. A real smile, not that fake toothy monstrosity you’ve been putting on for the past year. The sprinklers almost erupted due to the fireworks you two had during the dance class. Any time the woman’s name is even mentioned, you get all puppy dog eyes.”
He scowled. “I do not get puppy dog eyes. I don’t even know what that means.”
“It means you like her, dumbass. Maybe even more than like her.”
“Hey!” He leaned to the side to call out to Kenneth. “Your wife just called me a dumbass.”
“You are a dumbass,” his buddy replied.
Marie nodded. “Especially if you let a great woman like Lilly slip away from you.”
She wasn’t slipping away. He’d pushed her away. And didn’t that just make the entire situation even worse? Here he was, a divorcé who didn’t believe in love, but did believe in commitment, but didn’t want to commit his heart to anyone again. His logic was so screwed up he could barely follow it.
“Come on, Kenneth,” he pleaded with his friend. “I thought you were against the whole Lilly-and-me thing?”
Kenneth rubbed the back of his neck, a slight grimace on his face. “Yeah, I’ll admit I might have been thinking a little selfishly at the time. Ya know, didn’t want you and our wedding planner messing around to screw up our day, but Lilly is great, man. Like, really great. I still can’t believe the miracle she pulled off at the wedding. I thought the snow was going to ruin everything for sure. But she found a way to save everything. A woman who cares that much about other people’s happiness is a keeper.”
“You know what?” He closed his laptop. “I don’t think I want to have this conversation right now.”
He started to rise from his chair, but a hard glance and a finger point from Marie caused him to retake his seat.
“Too damn bad, Reid, because we’re having it.”
He placed his laptop in his bag, reaching for his coffee as he focused on his friend. “Okay. Say your piece, Marie.”
“Thank you. I will.” She cleared her throat, placing her hands on the table, one folded on top of the other. “Lincoln, you know how much Kenneth and I love you.”
He did. They were the three amigos. Best friends through thick and thin.
“So,” she continued, “it not only hurt you when Jessa cheated. It hurt us, too.”
His jaw clenched at the mention of his ex and her infidelity, but he let his friend go on.
“Watching the pain and doubt you went through killed us. I wanted to find that bitch and rip her hair out strand by strand for what she did, but Kenneth wouldn’t let me.”
“You would have gone to jail, honey,” Kenneth called from the counter. “Lincoln wouldn’t have let you risk yourself like that, either.”
Damn right he wouldn’t. He loved his friends’ loyalty, but he didn’t need them to fight his battles. His lawyer had taken care of that when she made sure Lincoln didn’t pay any alimony to his unfaithful ex.
“The point is, we hurt for you. And we were angry at Jessa for what she did. But when she left your life, she left ours, and eventually the anger faded. I know it’s harder for you because you were the one who was in the actual marriage.”
“I’m trying to get over it.” He shrugged.
“Are you?” Her brow furrowed. “You haven’t really dated anyone since Jessa. You haven’t even been interested in another person. Not until Lilly.”
Shit. That was true. He hadn’t wanted anyone after his divorce. Not until he’d caught the eyes of a beautiful brown-haired goddess at the hotel bar. Talked with her, laughed with her, made exciting, passionate love with her. To tell the truth, he’d been hooked on Lilly since night one. The morning he woke up to find her gone—no note, no last name, no number, no way of contacting her—he’d had a small ache in his chest. A whisper of lost opportunity, missed fate.
Then, when he saw her again in the meeting for Marie and Kenneth’s wedding and he realized he would get to spend more time with her, the ache disappeared, only to be replaced with desire, longing, a single-minded determination to not waste the second chance fate had given him.
But then he’d gone and screwed it all up. And he wasn’t sure how to fix it.
“I—” He cleared his throat when his voice cracked, emotions rising to the surface. “I don’t know if I can do this again.”
Marie tilted her head in confusion. “Do what?”
He remained silent for a moment, weighing the outcome of making his confession out loud. If he kept it in, he could go on ignoring it. Pretend it didn’t exist and go back to his status quo. His life was perfectly satisfactory before Lilly came into it. He was certain he could live a long and relatively happy life going back to the way things were.
But he couldn’t. Not really. And he knew it. You didn’t go back into a dark cave once you saw the brilliance of the warm, bright sunshine. You didn’t go back to butter on toast once you had the rich, velvety taste of cream cheese on a soft bagel. And he couldn’t go back to his pleasant, easy life now that he knew the opulent vibrancy Lilly brought to his humble existence.
Blowing out a weary sigh, he looked his friend in the eyes and admitted the truth. “I don’t know if I can take a risk on love again.”
“Oh, sweetie. We all take a risk on love. All the time.” Marie placed a hand on his. She glanced over her shoulder. “Kenneth and I know that every day we get is a gift. My cancer could come back at any moment and rip us away from each other.”
“No.” He shook his head. “You’re fine. You’ve been in remission for over a year. It’s gone now.”
She smiled. A soft, sad tilt of her lips. “You’re very sweet, but we both know that’s not how it works.”
“Life’s a bitch, man.”
He glanced up at Kenneth’s words. The other man had come out from behind the counter at some point in the conversation Lincoln was having with his wife and made his way over to the table. Now he stood behind Marie, a supportive hand on her shoulder, but his attention was focused on Lincoln, expression serious.
“Don’t think Marie and I haven’t talked about what we would do if her cancer came back. We have. It’s a possibility, but it’s not a reality—at least not right now. And you have to live in the now. If you live in the land of possibility, always worrying about what might happen, who could get hurt, then you aren’t really living at all.”
“Thanks, Dr. Phil.”
“Hey.” Kenneth held his hands up. “I admitted I was wary of you and Lilly hooking up at first. And it wasn’t just the wedding stuff. You two really don’t seem to have a lot in common, and I didn’t want you to get hurt again, but then I saw the way you look at her. The way she looks at you. I know what that look means, Lincoln. I’m living it.”
He leaned down to kiss his wife on the forehead. “Also, my very intelligent wife explained to me that it’s your life and if you don’t start facing your fears and living it, you’re going to regret what you could have had.”
Marie reached up to squeeze her husband’s hand. “Believe me, I know. I almost made the same mistake.”
He wanted to be flippant. Ignore the harsh truths his best friends were dishing out and push everything way down deep like he’d been doing for the past two years. But they had a point. Ever since he and Jessa split up, he hadn’t been living in the now. Sure, he’d moved on, moved out of their house into an apartment, eventually moved states and jobs, even convinced himself he could start dating again.
But all of it had been surface-level stuff. All things to show he’d moved on when he really hadn’t.
He didn’t love his ex anymore. She’d destroyed their love with her betrayal. Maybe he had been too boring or whatever, but she could have come to him. Told him what she was feeling—hell, even asked for a divorce before stepping out on him. But she hadn’t. She hadn’t shared any of what she’d been feeling.
Lilly shared. She was the most honest person he’d ever met. The woman was fascinating, a dichotomy of buttoned-up civility and uninhibited passion. She commanded a room with a single look but held a world of compassion with nothing but a touch. She didn’t take any shit, but she cared, deeply, for those around her. Honestly, she intimidated him a little. And he loved it. He loved her.
“Say that again?” Ken asked, letting Lincoln know he’d spoken his last thought out loud.
“I love her. Lilly.” He shook his head. Finally saying it out loud astounded him even as it warmed the dark part of his heart he thought long dead. “I love Lilly.”
“Hell, man. We know that. Anyone within five feet of you two knows that.”
Marie laughed softly. “Yup. Even her friends want you two back together.”
His eyes widened with shock, a small smile ticking up the corner of his mouth. “They do?”
“Yeah.” Marie smiled. “Mo called me yesterday asking if she could bring some brownies over to the shop for you sometime this week.”
His smile dropped, remembering Mo’s earlier threat. “Do not eat those brownies!”
Marie reeled back at his fervent demand. “She hasn’t brought them by yet. Why? Is she a bad cook?”
He had no idea, but knowing how close Lilly was to her friends—something they had in common—he was sure she’d told them all about his jackassery over the wedding weekend. He’d bet all the terabytes in the world Mo was making him the kind of brownies that would have him staking out in his bathroom for an entire week.
Oh boy, he had some serious groveling to do.
A thought occurred to him, and a smile curved his lips. “Hey, can you two help me with something?”
Marie crossed her arms. “Depends on what it is.”
“Is it a plan to win back Lilly for whatever asinine thing you did to piss her off?” Kenneth asked, absently massaging his wife’s shoulders.
He stared at his friends, at the love they shared. They’d faced one of the absolute worst things life could throw at a relationship. Marie stared death in the face and told it to fuck off. Okay, she didn’t, because his sweet friend would never use that kind of language, but she did kick cancer’s ass. She also opened her heart to Kenneth, allowed him to take some of her load. Trusted him to be by her side no matter what the future brought. She placed her faith in the person she loved, and Lincoln wanted to do the same with Lilly.
If she’d still have him.
Good thing he had a kick-ass plan to help with that.
“Yes,” he answered. “I have a plan.”
“It better involve a lot of groveling,” Kenneth leaned over to not-so-silently whisper. “Women like it when you grovel.”
Marie elbowed her husband in the stomach. “We like it when you boneheads admit you’re wrong. The groveling is simply a perk.”
Kenneth leaned down to kiss his wife’s cheek.
“There will be groveling,” he assured them. “And a present.”
“Everybody likes presents,” Marie pointed out while Kenneth nodded. “How can we help?”
He had the best friends in the whole wide world. They were there for him when he needed support or a swift kick in the ass. How the hell did he get so lucky?
Maybe life would smile a bit more on him and allow him to win back the heart of the woman he knew owned his.
“Okay, here’s what I need.”
Lincoln laid out his idea while his friends listened avidly, nodding here and there, assuring him they could help secure the item he needed. When a customer came in, Kenneth moved behind the counter to take their order while Marie headed to the back to catch up on some paperwork. Knowing he needed to finish up his workday, Lincoln pulled out his computer again, but while his fingers worked code, his mind whirled with all the possibilities before him.
Lilly could say no to anything further happening between them. She could think he wasn’t worth the trouble or find his apology lacking. Or she could say yes, and they could start something amazing, which would either last a lifetime or burn out, leaving them both scarred. All the possibilities terrified him, but if he didn’t at least try, then he’d just be stuck where he was. Going through life without really living, without passion, without aiming for true happiness.
He had to try. And if he failed…at least he wouldn’t be left wondering.
Chapter Twenty-One
“Whose brilliant idea was it to walk to lunch?” Lilly complained as her sensible black leather pumps with two-inch heels slipped on yet another patch of icy sidewalk. “My toes are frozen. It can’t be over twenty-eight out here.”
“Hey.” Mo shrugged, sliding an arm through hers to help keep Lilly steady on the slippery walkway. “You’re the one who decided to wear heels today.”
“It’s a workday, Mo. I always wear heels.”
“Ooooh, I miss heels,” Pru lamented, taking Lilly’s other arm. “I haven’t worn heels since my fourth month of pregnancy. Even my wedding shoes were ballet flats. I swear I lost all ability to move in those things since the twins.”
As her friends walked beside her in their sensible—but completely not work appropriate—snow boots, Lilly huddled deeper into her warm down coat, resisting the urge to hide her frozen nose in the thick scarf wound around her neck. If she did, the exhalation of her breath would only fog up her glasses and make the trek back to the office all the more difficult.
Why had she let Mo and Pru talk her into having lunch three blocks away at Cherry’s Café? They should have just ordered something into the office. But her friends had been complaining lately that she’d been working too much. So what? Their busy season was coming up in a few months, and she wanted to be prepared.
Plus, she’d started to make arrangements for her mother and the latest fiancé to fly out to visit venues. She was actually looking forward to it. She knew she wouldn’t really get the quality mother-daughter time she craved, but she’d learned something recently.
You couldn’t change people. You could only change yourself.
Her mother was who she was, and Lilly could either accept and love her for it or carry on longing for a relationship that would never happen. Vanessa Walsh loved her daughter in her own way. It wasn’t the way Lilly wanted, but you didn’t get to control how people loved you or even if they did. You could only control your own emotions and actions. So Lilly was going to love her mother as always, help her with this wedding and most likely another one after, and focus on the relationships in her life that gave her as much love as she gave them.
Like her friends.
She’d thought, for a moment, that Lincoln might be included in that list, but sadly, a full week and a half after their talk at 1up, that didn’t seem to be the case. As much as it hurt to know the man couldn’t get over his past to be with her in the now, she had to thank him. Before Lincoln, she thought relationships were black and white. Passion or compatibility. One or the other. She assumed if you fell head over heels for someone, that fire would burn so bright it would eventually be snuffed out, leaving a trail of devastation in its path. She’d thought she needed to match up with a prospective partner on paper, check off boxes on a list.
Her time with Lincoln taught her you could have both, a wild driving need for each other and the calm comfort of just being together. As much as she wished they could continue exploring all that potential, she knew—just like with her mother—she couldn’t push Lincoln to love her the way she wanted. The way she d
eserved. He either did or he didn’t, and there was no use pining over him. All she could do was take what lessons from their time together she could and move on.
Any day now.
Someday soon.
Hopefully.
The wind picked up, blowing snow from a nearby parked car into her face. She sputtered, the cold flakes freezing her lips, the frozen bits of moisture hitting her glasses, starting to melt from the warmth radiating off her skin.
Fantastic! She was freezing her butt off, could barely walk on these icy death marches, and now she couldn’t even see.
“Remind me why we went out to lunch again?” she grumbled, clutching her friends’ arms, letting them navigate her toward their destination.
“Because you’ve been working nonstop for the past week and a half and you needed a midday mimosa to loosen you up.”
“I’m fine, thank you very much. And there was hardly enough champagne in that orange juice to call it a mimosa,” she replied to Mo. Or to her general direction. The snow had turned to slush, and now her glasses were making her vision all blurry. She lifted a shoulder, trying to clean a lens on the soft faux fur lining of her coat, but it just made everything worse. Now she was trying to see through blur and cheap imitation animal hairs.
“Let me help,” Pru offered.
Her friend took her glasses, rendering Lilly almost blind. Everything turned into one large, blurred, shapeless object with various colors. Thankfully, Mo still had a good hold on one of her arms. One friend led her down the sidewalk safely while the other cleaned her glasses before popping them back on her face. The world came into sharp focus once again, as did other things.
“Okay, you two are right. I have been a bit…focused lately.”
“It’s okay, sweetie.” Pru slid an arm through Lilly’s once again as they turned the corner, their building in sight. “We understand.”
“I know you do.”
Lilly stopped, forcing her friends to stop as well. She dropped their arms, clutching her hands in front of her as she prepared to do something that would make her extremely uncomfortable but that had to be done.
The Best Man Problem (Mile High Happiness) Page 19