by C. J. Lake
Her heart twisted painfully in her chest, but she tried to keep a neutral expression as she pocketed the phone again.
“Cady. What is it?” Torie's tone was careful—gentle without being solemn. “Did something happen with you and Mick?”
So much for her acting skills.
Dropping a heavy sigh, Cady set down her mug. Might as well rip off the Band-Aid. “What happened is that I never want to see him again as long as I live,” she declared.
“Oh, my God!” Torie nearly yelped, pushing her muffin aside. Her eyes grew wide, as her tone became even more concerned. “What happened?”
Miserably, Cady recounted the whole story. Well, it wasn't a particularly long story, but it still felt harrowing. This was the first time Cady had said it out loud—that Mick had slept with another girl. It was actually as painful to say as it was to imagine.
“I can't believe Mick did that,” Torie muttered. “I mean, I know he's a guy and guys can be dogs, but still...he is so into you.”
“I guess he's not.”
“Well, what does he say about it?”
Cady shrugged and took another sip of coffee. Torie lifted her eyebrows, clearly waiting for more detail than that. “I haven't asked him about it—exactly.” She recapped her text message exchange with Mick from the night before.
“Hmm,” Torie said, appearing sympathetic. “So when are you going to tell him that you know?”
With a sigh, Cady admitted, “I don't think I will tell him.”
“Wait, huh...?” Torie said, visibly confused.
“What would be the point?” Cady argued, holding up her phone as evidence. “He's already demonstrated that he's a liar.”
“Yeah, but—”
“So why would I initiate some big dramatic conversation—no, wait, Tor,” she said when Torie started to interrupt. “Just hear me out. I've given this a lot of thought.” Cady set her mug down on the counter, losing her desire for the coffee, and continued: “What would confronting Mick about all this achieve? Honestly? He will either just deny everything—which will insult my intelligence—or he'll point out that we'd only just begun seeing each other and hadn't talked about being exclusive yet. And you know what? He'd be right.”
As Cady trudged over to the couch and plopped down, she muttered, “Well, he can be right all day long, but it doesn't mean I want to be with him now. He ruined it.” Despite trying to be strong, her voice wobbled.
As she cast her eyes sulkily toward the floor, her friend came closer. Leaning against the armrest, Torie gave a soft, commiserating sigh. “I still think you need to tell him, Cady.”
“Why?”
“Because what if it's not true?”
Rolling her eyes, Cady said, “Come on, you don't really believe that. Why would Juliana make it up? And then last night, why would Mick lie about her being at the party unless he felt there was something he needed to cover up?”
Reluctantly, Torie agreed, “I'll admit it doesn't look good, but...”
“But nothing.”
“Is it possible that Mick didn't know how deeply you felt about him?” When Cady shot her a confused look, Torie said, “I'm just saying, what if he can explain?”
Zealously, Cady shook her head. “No—I know you're trying to make me feel better, and I appreciate it and I love you—but you just don't get it. It doesn't matter what he comes up with. Even if Mick tells me that both their drinks were spiked, it won't matter. I just don't trust him anymore.”
“Okay,” Torie said softly, still appearing concerned. “But I really don't see how you can keep all that in.”
Naturally she didn't, and in that moment, Cady would love nothing more than to be a breezy-vivacious-live-out-loud type like her roommate.
She explained: “Look, maybe if it was some random guy who'd disappointed me, then fine, I could be honest with him. I could tell him the truth—that I fell way harder and faster than he did, that I was never casual about him, that I only pretended to be, that I stupidly thought he felt the same...” Blinking back tears, she went on, “But I actually have to see Mick again. He's going to be in my life for as long as our parents are married. I have to think of that fact, too.”
Scrunching her face, Torie asked, “Wait, so are you saying that you'd rather save face than just be honest with him?”
Of course Cady wasn't saying that—because saying it would sound quite immature. And very insecure.
In fact, it was probably best not to argue her points any further, because her best friend clearly did not see the bigger picture. Mick was Cady's stepbrother now. A not-so-minor detail that Cady had allowed herself to forget during the last ten days. Call it the English major in her, but the narrative mattered; she didn't want it to go down between them that he—her stepbrother—had broken her heart.
Just then her phone started to ring. “It's Mick,” Cady mumbled, glancing at the screen.
“You can't avoid him forever.”
“I know.”
“I say just tell him the truth.” With that, Torie turned and headed toward her room, presumably to give Cady privacy to take the call.
Instead, Cady let it ring.
Sure, tell Mick the truth. That she had gone 100% possessive of him after barely a week of dating? That she had been imagining “together forever” after a handful of nights? She cringed now at the thought. So pathetic!
No, she would have to present a different reason for ending things with Mick. Nothing dramatic, just something simple to allow them both to save face. A clean break would minimize any drama and, in the long run, be the smartest way to go.
Sadly, this whole Mick debacle only confirmed to Cady that she was not a great judge of guys or relationships. Here she had been thinking that Mick was feeling the intense way that she was, but...
Whatever.
What was done was done. Now came damage control. She could be secretly torn apart inside—but it wasn't like he needed to know that.
Chapter Forty-five
That afternoon, Cady was still trying to decide when she should call Mick to break their plans when he made the choice for her by showing up at her door. “Hi, Mick...” she said, after pulling open the door to face him. As usual, her heart sped up at the sight of him; her nerves reacted, though her face was solemn.
“Hey,” Mick said, grinning warmly at her.
“W-what are you doing here?” she mumbled, backing up as he stepped inside.
“Just wanted to check on you,” he said, shutting the door behind him. “The last I heard from you last night you said you didn't feel well. I haven't been able to get a hold of you since—I was getting worried about you,” he explained.
“Oh. I...I'm fine,” Cady said, turning away from him and walking toward the breakfast bar. She probably wasn't too convincing, but it was too hard to look at him right now. Just the sight and sound of Mick triggered a violent maelstrom of conflicting emotions. On the one hand, she was hurt and furious, and on the other, she was still crazy about him. She just didn't trust herself to stay strong and stoic unless she put some distance between them.
“Okay, good,” Mick replied, sounding a bit unsure. He continued, “Listen, I wanted to run something by you for later. I had an idea. Well, actually, I stole it—from Walker. I heard him and Jen talking about it before and she was practically doing cartwheels over it, so...just thought I'd see if you were into it, too.” Her heart was thudding hard as Mick spoke. How long before she told him it was over? “There's a Christmas lights thing going on by Copley later. Would you be interested in going to that? I know you said you were thinking Christmas would suck this year, so I figured—”
“No,” she spoke up suddenly, shaking her head, fixing her eyes on the breakfast bar. Zeroing in on a small spot that was chipped—trying to concentrate on it, maybe to distract herself from how nervous she felt. “No, I don't think so, Mick.”
A beat of quiet passed, before Mick said, “Cady...can you look at me please?”
“Why?” she replied awkwardly.
“What's wrong?” he asked her point-blank.
Just get this over with.
For some reason, she looked to the ceiling for courage, and then said, “Look, Mick, since you're here, I might as well just tell you...” Rapidly, Cady's mouth ran dry, as if it was rebelling against her brain. Making it harder to verbalize what she knew she needed to—trying to stop her from doing what must be done. Determined, she wet her lips again, swallowing hard and forcing the words out. “I've been thinking about this and this just isn't...something I want to keep going.”
“What are you talking about?” Mick said, his deep voice edged with caution.
“You and me,” she stated. A lump of emotion rose in her throat and again she forced it down. A part of her was already feeling like she was making a mistake, yet she knew there was no choice. She couldn't be with a guy she didn't feel secure with; she'd always be paranoid about other girls around him and didn't want to be one of those girlfriends who wouldn't let her boyfriend out of her sight or was always checking his phone, etceteras. It all was too depressing to imagine.
End it now before you sink in any deeper, she reminded herself. She just wished that telling Mick goodbye didn't make her make her feel so physically sick. “Obviously this was never built to last,” Cady pressed on, hoping she was portraying a composed maturity. Of course, she still wasn't facing him. Twisting her hands a little, she explained, “I think we just need to pull the plug before this goes any farther.”
“Why?” Mick said, sounding genuinely confused, even incredulous. “Why the hell would—oh wait. Is this because our parents are back now? Is that why you're being like this?” With that speculation, he sighed and came closer. She could feel him approaching and wondered if he would try to touch her. “Look, Cady, you know I don't have a problem with telling people about you and me,” Mick said, his gruff voice intimate. God, she could get so lost in him—if she let herself. “I'm fine with that,” Mick went on. “I'd be cool with telling everyone that you're my girl, including our parents. But if you don't want to, then we don't have to, all right? Our families don't have to know—”
“Stop, please.”
Oh, why had she turned? Now she saw the concern on Mick's face, like a shadow darkening his expression. Guilt tugged at her, and then she thought, God, what's wrong with me? Why the hell should I feel guilty when he was the one who slept with someone else? Abruptly, her mind called up an image of Mick with Juliana. Running his mouth on her, their naked bodies sliding together, those savage sounds Mick made when...
Cady's blood began to boil with jealousy just thinking about it—which fortified her resolve.
“Look, I'm sorry if this seems sudden,” she commented, crossing her arms over her chest as her posture stiffened, “but it's just better to have a clean break right now. To, you know, put a period on our whole hook-up situation.”
She could feel Mick's eyes burning into her. “Really,” he said flatly. In that one word there was a quiet sort of anger. She heard it, felt it. Still, she managed to nod, while her gaze dropped. It was easier to focus on his shoes. “You don't mean it.”
“Of course I do. Why would I lie?”
“But—”
She held up her palm. “Let's just end this cordially so we can—”
“Cordially?” Mick echoed, before making a growling sound of exasperation. “Uch, this is such bullshit,” he muttered angrily.
“What is?” she asked.
He shook his head, frustrated. “I know that you like me,” he told her bluntly. “So why the hell are you dumping me?”
Flustered by his directness, Cady struggled with her reply at first.
“Well...I wouldn't call it 'dumping' you,” she reasoned. Then felt compelled to make things better, or should she say, horrendously worse, as she added, “But listen, it was fun. It was, you know...great experience.”
At that, Mick gave a short, harsh laugh. His tone was unmistakably snide as he said, “Thanks, yeah, well I was happy to help. Glad to give you experience. Now you'll be all primed and ready for the next person you want to fuck around with.”
Cady's temper bubbled over at that. “Oh you're really one to talk,” she shot back.
“What does that mean?” Mick said sharply.
“Never mind. Just forget it,” Cady snapped.
She had to remember: she was trying to minimize the drama of their split, not make this any messier. Getting into a heated argument about another woman would be the height of drama. Wouldn't a dignified out for both of them be better in the long run?
The scowl on Mick's face said otherwise.
Just then there was a rattling of keys and the front door opened. Both Cady and Mick looked over and saw Torie entering. She looked just as caught as they did, obviously uncomfortable for having interrupted.
“Oh, sorry,” she began.
“No, it's fine,” Cady reassured her. “We were done talking.”
“Oh, we're done, okay,” Mick muttered sarcastically. Annoyed, he focused only on Cady. “All right—so that's it?”
His voice was flat, almost devoid of emotion, and his eyes were cold. But she could practically feel tension vibrating from his body.
Wordlessly, she answered him by averting her gaze, silently inviting him to go. Finally, Mick turned and walked away. Once he left, closing the door hard behind him, Cady held up her hand to stop Torie from asking any questions, or mustering up one comforting word.
Through a glassy haze of fresh tears, she said, “I don't want to talk about it. I'm fine—I appreciate that you're here for me, but I don't want to spend more second talking about Mick Croft, okay? I just want to put this whole thing behind me. I should have known it was a mistake to get so involved with him, and now it's over.”
With that, she made her exit—retreating to the safety, quiet, and utter aloneness of her bedroom.
~
When Mick got home he was still in denial. Except for how he wanted to punch every wall he passed.
What the hell had happened! One minute things were great with Cady—actually beyond great, more like incredible—and the next, she's pulling the plug on the whole thing. Dismissing him as though he were her gardener or something and he'd finished his job of planting her rose bushes. “It was great experience.” He was still chewing on that line! Was she fucking serious? So what, Mick had been her sex tutor and she was ready to graduate from his program...?
This could not even be real. Christ! He'd never met such an exasperating, logic-defying girl in his life.
When he'd entered his apartment, Walker had tried to have a conversation with him about something, but Mick was too pissed off to talk. He was angry, hurt, and confused. Profoundly disappointed. What he needed most right now—besides Cady calling him to take everything she'd said back and then beg his forgiveness—was to be alone.
Once he was in his room with the door shut, Mick sank down on his bed with a sigh and tried to think this through more calmly, more rationally. Forget emotion; this was a logic problem and there had to be a solution.
Must be about our parents, Mick thought, focusing on the fact that Linda and Brandall arrived home from their honeymoon today. The timing was too coincidental for it to be anything else. Even though Cady hadn't said that, what else could have triggered her like this?
Unless...
Maybe he was grasping here. Maybe it actually was as simple as it looked. She'd lost interest and dumped him. Period, end. It happened to people everyday, right?
Fuck, the more Mick thought along these lines, the more he realized that he should have seen this coming. He should have known he was on borrowed time with her—that Cadence Killoren would chew him up and spit him out.
Now he was in full-on self-pity mode, but what the fuck, right?
He saw it all more clearly. Details he'd brushed out of his way because he'd wanted her—details that now explained everything. Like: how easy it was for her to keep turnin
g him down. The way she kept freezing him out after that first night. How aloof Cady was with him, even after their talk outside Polar.
Come to think of it, she'd been pretty standoffish right up until the moment that she finally gave in—at their parents' wedding. All of that should have told Mick that he was way more into this girl than she was into him.
Today when she'd said that they should end their “hook-up situation,” Mick had just looked at her for a second, stunned. So that was what she was calling their relationship? A hook-up situation? Damn, was she really that cold-hearted?
Except, he knew that she wasn't. She was warm and soft...there was a part of her that was just for him.
What could have triggered her? he thought again. The last time they'd seen each other was Monday night, while they'd been watching a movie for her French film class. Had Mick put the movie on pause too many times to check the football game? Or maybe he shouldn't have told her that story later when they were in bed, the one about talking his way out of a speeding ticket when a female cop had pulled him over. What was he thinking even telling her that story? Cady didn't like speeding and didn't like bullshitters. Could that have turned her off?
Jesus. He was grasping again now. Trying to comprehend a girl who made no fucking sense.
Good riddance then, right? Better to know now where they stood, rather than later after Mick had really started to fall hard for her. Before he made a bigger ass out of himself slobbering over this girl who was done with him.
Who needed the aggravation? The utter, maddening bullshit?
So they'd had some fun together, big deal, he consoled himself. There were plenty of girls out there—girls who would be a helluva lot easier to read. More fun and less complicated. And not just girls at school; imagine all the beautiful Italian women he would meet next year when he studied abroad. Come to think of it, probably Cady had done him a favor tonight!
Done wasting time, Mick vowed, flopping backward on his bed with a heavy sigh, rubbing his forehead, which was starting to pound. As he stared up at the ceiling, his next thought was: Now how do I get her back?