Mary veered from the path a few steps, giving a wide birth to Jane and Grace, who were still out of earshot. For a lady who says she doesn’t enjoy spreading rumors about others, she certainly had no problem laying out Grace’s life for me to hear.
“Gossip traveling around about Michael’s older sister has further sparked attention to the family,” she continued with a gleam in her blue eyes. “Mother said his sister fell in love with one of their father’s slaves. Apparently, they fled Texas together and no one knows of their whereabouts, or whether they are alive or not. Can you imagine such a disgrace, and such a disrespectful mess to leave your parents to clean up? For a lady to fall in love with a slave is completely atrocious.”
Barely able to swallow the lump that formed in my throat, I fidgeted with my sleeve. Her words were more than just mindless gossip. They held not only a powerful affect, but also a profound underlying meaning. She believed just as Mama and Daddy. But, why was I shocked? Mary, Jane, Emily, and each and every daughter of my parent’s friends would believe the same, and be just as horrified by the gossip of Michael’s sister. As younger versions of their mothers, the same fate lay in their future, and they waited for it with their arms wide open. Mary, like my parents, happily lived in a world I desperately fought.
“Darling, where did you scurry off to?” Duncan asked Mary as we approached, interrupting my thoughts.
“I am sorry. I left to greet Thomas and Alexandra.”
“Hello, Alexandra,” said Duncan. “It is lovely to see you again.”
“And you as well,” I nodded.
“I trust your travels proved satisfactory?”
“How could one not have an excellent time traveling with me,” Thomas answered as he approached. His tone was more arrogant than mocking, but still annoying. Duncan laid a blanket down a few feet from where Jane and Grace sat, and seized the picnic baskets from Thomas’s hands.
“I wouldn’t have the slightest idea how one could not,” Mary laughed.
I would.
“Please excuse us for a moment. I must speak to Alexandra in private,” Thomas said, his smile faded as he grasped my elbow.
He dragged me behind him, his pace a little too fast for me. I struggled to keep up with him, until he finally stopped along the bank of the lake out of view and earshot of the crowd and took a few seconds before turning to face me.
“Alexandra, I will not tolerate another outburst from an improper spoiled brat. Do you understand me?”
My heart pounded, stirring anger deep inside. Did he really believe he could speak to me in such a manner? “Then don’t speak ill of John.”
“I will not listen to orders given when they aren’t warranted.” His tone was whispered, but fierce, scolding me like a child. “Do not embarrass me more than you already have, or so help me, you will regret it.”
“In front of whom have I embarrassed you?”
He grabbed my arm, squeezing it so tight between his fingers that my skin turned pale from the lack of blood.
“You’re hurting me,” I whispered.
“You will not leave my side for the rest of the afternoon,” he growled with hot breath. “Do you understand me?”
Looking into his eyes, I surrendered. Spending an afternoon fighting Thomas would be more painful than accepting my fate for a few more hours and doing as he said. If I desired a peaceful afternoon, it was my only choice.
We rejoined the group with my arm, unfortunately laced through his. Mary, Duncan, Samuel, and Jane stood around our blanket laughing and talking as we approached.
“Grace and Michael were unable to stay, Thomas. I’m afraid Grace is not feeling well,” Duncan said.
“That is a shame. I shall send word their attendance was greatly missed.”
Thomas’s anger quickly calmed, and within a few moments, he acted as though nothing had happened, like it’d just been an imagined bad dream. His eyes showed no anger, his body showed no tautness. He stood calmly with his arm, to my utter disgust, around my waist drawing me close.
“Do you have any wedding plans arranged, Mary?” Jane asked as she placed her hand on Samuel’s forearm. His face turned red as he stared at the ground.
Seeing them together, their connection was undeniable. Though they were total opposites, they just fit with one another. Jane’s nose was not as big as Mary had once suggested, a long time ago. Certainly, it was long, thin, and hooked at the end; however, she wore it well. She was not pretty enough to stand out, but she was not ugly, just as Samuel wasn’t handsome, but wasn’t unattractive either. Her tiny frame and features mirrored that of his, making his blond hair and her fiery red curls the only eye-grabbing difference between them.
“Gentlemen, let’s leave the women to their wedding talk, shall we?” Duncan laughed, clasping his hands together. “Who will be my first victim at a game of badminton?”
“Certainly you don’t believe you will beat me?” Thomas joked.
The three men wandered off, leaving us for a net, a ball, and rackets, obviously, more interested in beating each other in a foolish game. The sun peeked over the trees above our heads. At least a few hours of this dreadful afternoon had already passed and Thomas had left my side. Hopefully, my suffering would quickly end.
“My parents are hosting an engagement party next week,” Mary said, as she sat down next to an already seated Jane and motioned for me to sit down as well. “The invitations left with the courier this morning. I barely slept last night. I was too excited to even think of closing my eyes. Mother and I have already begun looking through Parisian dress patterns and will probably have one imported, of course, along with the veil. I told Mother I wanted the longest veil we could find, and I simply must have lilies everywhere, the bouquet, around all the candle decorations, just garlands and garlands of nothing but lilies.”
“I am excited for the wedding,” Jane gushed. “I simply love weddings.”
Jane and Mary’s chatter, from dresses and veils to flowers and decorations, was quite boring, and a small part of me envied the boys and their earlier escape. Mary’s hands waved through the air animatedly as she described the perfect dress and size of bouquet, and the more she spoke, the more I envisioned the same wedding as any other I had ever attended—dull and lacking any uniqueness.
Every bride wore similar Parisian gowns with long veils. Helen Vanderlend had the longest so far, ten feet if remembered correctly. Each woman held similar bouquets too, full of lilies—so many one would think Alabama was known for lilies instead of cotton. Receptions were hosted with the same bad food, same boring orchestra, and same mind-numbing traditions. Certainly, the exact wedding in Mary’s mind was the identical one Mama envisioned for me, such a dark tragedy when I imagined the scene.
The final afternoon hours passed as the sun arched over the trees. After several games of badminton, hours of boring conversation with Mary and Jane, and a lunch of sandwiches and chicken salad, the leftovers, equipment, and blankets were tightly packed away in the carriages. The horse harnessed to Thomas’s carriage chewed on its bit and threw its head, anxiously awaiting for the cue to leave while all the other horses and carriages left, leaving Thomas and I the last to leave. Everyone waved good bye, although no one did so more wildly than Mary, whose excitement still overflowed her every movement.
“You embarrassed me this afternoon, Alexandra. Angry does not even begin to explain my emotional state at this moment,” Thomas said as we wound down the long road behind everyone else and beyond earshot.
“What, exactly, are you implying?”
“You acted rather cold to everyone, and you behaved completely disrespectful.”
“I’m not your daughter in need of a lecture, Thomas.” My anger flared.
“Do not try to twist your way out of the argument. I heard rumors of your impropriety, but
I did not expect what I bore witness to this afternoon. You are Elizabeth Monroe’s daughter and she would have never done what you did. You ought to be ashamed.”
“Thomas, I understand perhaps I displayed a lack of judgment, but you shouldn’t have attacked John. For no reason, whatsoever, you began—”
“I am in complete shock at your indecorous behavior this afternoon and now,” he shouted at the top of his lungs.
“And I’m in shock of yours.”
He laughed in irritation. “You claim you are not a child then perhaps you should stop behaving as one. Never again will you behave as badly as you did in my presence. You are not an easy person to tolerate, and your deplorable behavior is appalling. I will not permit it to continue any further.”
“Permit it? You aren’t my husband or my father.”
“I am your suitor,” he shouted. The horse lunged forward, jerking the carriage, and throwing its head into the air. I grabbed onto the side of the seat as Thomas yanked the reins and stopped the horses’ fearful bolt.
“A suitor does not make a husband,” I snapped, bracing myself as he brought the carriage to a halt.
“I will be your husband soon enough.”
The thought of marrying Thomas, or having to accept his proposal and wear his engagement ring, sent me over the edge. Lost, and with no concern of the ramifications, I held my tongue no longer.
“How unfortunate for you to be forced to marry a lady who not only does nothing except embarrass you, but to whom you don’t even love. I’m quite certain Emily wouldn’t have disappointed you in such a manner this afternoon, as I so apparently did.”
“What did you say?” he growled.
“A part of me always believed my parents had a reason, other than simple friendship with your parents, to force us together, but I wasn’t certain until now. I don’t know why I’m shocked to know the truth. Tell me, how much money am I worth?”
He lunged for me with a force I’ve never known, his fists clenched and flying. Pain spread through my body. I screamed, but no one was around to hear me.
Chapter 18
My arms wrapped around my knees as I crouched on the floor of Sarah’s slave cabin. Sarah knelt beside me, wiping my raw, bleeding wounds clean, before laying cold towels on the black and blue welts covering my arms, neck, and shoulders. Her eyes filled with tears as she soaked the cloth and rang the blood stained water back into the bowl.
“Why don’t ya lie down an’ get some rest?” She cupped my arm, tugging gently, as if to help me to the bed.
I flinched, jerking my arm from her grasp. “I never want to close my eyes again. Each time I do, I see Thomas.”
Sarah nodded, and scooted away several inches. “Where’s William, Miss Alexandra?”
“He’s up state for another day. I’ll see him tomorrow night.”
I longed for William’s safe warm arms, my safe place in the world that allowed me to escape the fear that around every corner lurked a monster waiting to hurt me. Just when I’d believed Thomas had stolen everything away from me, he stole even more. He stole my innocence, the feeling that no man would ever damage and bruise me by beating me with a force so harsh that I feared I wouldn’t survive.
I lost my safety with William gone, a cursed burden I desperately desired to flee. The hollow lonely girl I was before him reflected in Sarah’s mirror. Looking back at me with her red cheeks and puffy eyes, the purple finger marks around her neck and across her collar bone, the cuts from the stick she was beaten with, all executed by Thomas’s hands.
I loathed her.
Loathed the way her strength had weakened. Forced to become the whipping boy and servant for Thomas and the chattel for my parents’ greed, she had allowed her pain and misery to spread through her veins until she began to die inside. Never again did I want to see her in the mirror. Never again did I desire to feel as she did. Never again would I face what she had endured, crawling through the grass, begging for his mercy.
My only solace was imagining William smiling at me with his amazing smile, whispering my name, and telling me he loved me. Everything I dreamed of and hoped for was given to me when we met, and I missed him deeply.
“Alexandra?” John asked through the closed door, knocking gently against the wood. “Are you in there? Please let me in, I need to speak to you.”
Sarah opened the door, letting him in.
“What happened?” John asked. His eyes wide with disgusted shock and sympathy.
“John, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Thomas attacked you, didn’t he? I overheard him speaking to father. Thomas claimed you’d fallen from the carriage in an unfortunate accident. Those aren’t the injuries from a fall.” John shook his head and wiped his hands across his face. “Of course father believed him, but something told me I shouldn’t. I never thought Thomas would be capable of such audacity. Why, I don’t know. I was so foolish.”
“I learned weeks ago what Thomas was capable of, just as I learned the same from Mama and Daddy,” I replied, peeling off the last of the wet towels and covering myself with a blanket.
John stopped pacing around the small cabin and sat in an old, rickety chair next to me, burying his face in his hands. “I’m sorry I never protected you. I should’ve done more, and I never should’ve questioned Father’s loyalty to him over you. I should’ve protected you every moment you had to spend with him.” He paused and slammed his fists against the armrest of the chair. “I should’ve gone to that picnic today.”
I heaved myself to my knees, kneeling in front of him, wincing with pain, and drew his hands away from his face. The blame wasn’t his to bear. John owed me nothing, he never did, not even an apology.
“John, listen to me. Our whole lives you have kept me from succumbing to the insanity of living in this house. Don’t ever think you could have done more. Do you hear me?”
He nodded, but held doubt in his expression. “I’m still sorry such horrible things have been inflicted upon you. I promise you, I won’t let anything else happen, ever again.”
“I know you won’t.”
John sat up in the chair and let out a deep sigh. “Alexandra, I need you to be honest with me. Can you do that for me?”
Reluctantly, I nodded.
“Do you smuggle slaves out of Alabama.”
I moved away from him, sitting my rump back onto the floor. “Why do you ask me such a question?” I glanced at Sarah. Her eyes grew wide, and I dropped my gaze. “I mean, where did you hear such a thing that you would think to even ask me?”
“Alexandra, people talk around here. Gossip doesn’t just spread with Mother and her friends. Jonah, the Ludlow’s slave, I believe that’s his name, he told Rhetta something about a plan a few weeks back with you and Peter, and then Rhetta told Maggie.”
Dang fool, Jonah.
“When could Rhetta have seen him?”
“Jonah delivered Thomas’s invitation yesterday for the picnic.”
Of course. How could I have missed that?
I looked back and forth from Sarah to John, knowing I couldn’t keep the truth from either of them any longer. My secret finally reached the point where keeping it hidden would be impossible. “Yes, John. I do.”
Sarah gasped, covered her mouth, shook her head, and started pacing the cabin floor.
“I need to get Maggie away from Father. I’ll have to wait until the start of my semester at school to leave, but she can’t wait that long, she has maybe weeks, not months as I do, and the sooner I can get her away from here the better. Will you help me, please?”
“Of course I will. But, may I ask what is going on?” I asked, confused by his urgent panic.
“I love her,” he said, shrugging his shoulders and burying his face into his hands again. “I want to marry her, raise
the child, my child, she carries, and I want a life lived with her at my side. But, as soon as Mother finds out about the child, she will sell them both, and she will make sure I won’t know to whom. I know she will. Nothing would tarnish her precious reputation more than the bastard grandchild of a slave, and she would, at any cost, dispose of anything that stood in her way of perfection. She despises Maggie, always has, and I refuse to give her the satisfaction.” After he finished his rant, he glanced at me and smiled.
“It’s about time you admitted your feelings,” I laughed.
“I only denied them for a little over a year, give or take a few months.”
“John Monroe, in love with a slave girl,” I mocked, laughing. “Such is practically as big of a scandal as my courtship with William Graysden.”
“What did you say?” He stopped laughing and gawked at me.
“Oh I’m sorry, but did you believe you were the only one who had a secret relationship with someone Mama would never accept?”
“I suppose I shouldn’t have. You’ve never been one to obey her heart-set notions, have you?”
“Apparently, neither have you. And who would have thought you would wind up happy, despite knowing that Mary did not fancy you? At least you are starting to see the truth.”
John sighed. “I was whipped into sense by a stubborn, persistent, beautiful, young woman.”
“And now you are going to be a daddy.”
“I am.” Through John’s smile came his fear. “And I need to protect them.”
Chapter 19
“I missed you so much,” William whispered into my ear and his arms wrapped around me in a tight hug. His lips traced the curves of my neck and shoulders. I missed him so much it hurt. “I hated leaving you.”
“I missed you too,” I said. Safe in his arms and snuggled up against his soft chest, his touch extinguished all the misery that tortured me while he was away. “Are you finally going to tell me about the meeting?”
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