“He’s respectable enough in the industry. The morale at his factory is reasonable, and he has helped increase profits since he bought into his company.” He still sounded puzzled.
“Yes…but surely your parents had better prospects in mind.”
Walter sighed. “It’s true, there were better matches. Far better matches, in my father’s eyes…”
She ignored the squeeze of pain in her chest from her wounded pride.
“…but the fact is, too many of the girls my father approved of were just silly, vapid girls who cared more about their hair or their gowns than about intelligent conversation. While I wouldn’t call you well-educated or an intellectual, you can at least hold my interest. Those other girls bore me inside of two minutes. Usually less.”
Elinor clutched at her neckline, wishing she could pull it open and allow herself to breathe better, to chase away the ill feeling that washed over her. “Are…are you saying that you’re marrying me only because I’m…I’m less boring and stupid than you find most women?”
Once the words were out of her mouth, the appalling truth of them hit her full-force. She was going to be sick.
“I wouldn’t put it that way, Elinor. Really, let’s talk about this later. If I’d realized you were feeling this emotional, I wouldn’t have bothered you by stopping to visit. It sounds like you need a little time to collect yourself before the ceremony.”
“Perhaps that would be best,” she murmured.
“Very well. I’ll see you at the church.”
“Walter?”
“Yes?”
“Do you think you’ll ever love me? I mean, once we’ve gotten to know each other? Do you think you could fall in love with me?”
There was a long pause. “As I said, I don’t really put much stock in romantic notions popularized by fiction. It gives a girl too many unrealistic expectations of life and marriage, which makes it hard for a real man and real life to measure up to. I hope you aren’t too avid a reader of such low-minded fare. If so, we’ll have to talk about your choice in reading material once we’re married.”
An icy wave of dread swept through her. He means to tell me what I can read? My parents don’t even do that! Her legs trembled beneath her, and she didn’t know how much longer she could stand. The wedding gown weighed heavy upon her, like an anchor dragging her to the depths of the sea. “Thank you, Walter, for being honest with me.”
“You’re welcome.” His voice brightened. “I’m glad I could help. Perhaps it was beneficial, after all—my stopping by.”
“I think it was, yes. Goodbye, Walter.”
“Goodbye, Elinor. I look forward to having this day over with, so we can get on with our lives. It’s been quite stressful, all the fuss. I’m sure you feel the same way.”
“Yes…it’s…quite stressful.”
“I knew you would understand. See? We’re quite the match.” She could almost hear his prim smile. “I’ll let you finish getting ready.” His soft footsteps padded away.
She closed the door softly, then leaned against it, to keep herself from falling.
“He’ll never love me. He doesn’t even believe in love.”
“Oh, Elinor,” Addie whispered from behind. “I’m so sorry.”
Her breath came in short pants. The room spun, and her vision began to blur.
Chapter 4
“Elinor! Elinor, are you alright?” Addie reached out to place a steadying hand on Elinor’s arm. “You don’t have to marry him, you know. You can cancel the wedding.”
“Cancel the wedding?!” Elinor laughed, near hysterics. “Cancel the wedding?! The wedding that my parents spent a fortune on? That they went into debt for? The wedding that was announced in the social register? The wedding that everyone in my parents’ church and their social club are attending? Are you joking?” She paced the room, followed by the swish of satin and lace. “They would become laughingstocks! And if I jilted Walter Newell? The Newells aren’t that wealthy, but they’re well-respected. Can you imagine the scandal? My parents would be ousted from the Art Club! That place is my mother’s whole life!”
“But why should you sacrifice your life and happiness for your mother’s status in a club full of conceited women? You’ve been an obedient daughter your whole life, but you’re a woman now. You have earned at least some consideration when choosing a husband—or you should at least be able to speak up and tell them how you feel about their choice for you. Perhaps you could explain to her just how wretched you would be, if you married Walter.”
“It’s not that easy. I couldn’t even persuade her to let me invite you to the wedding.”
“Elinor,” Addie took a step forward, clasping her hands together. “I don’t mean to add to your troubles, but let’s be honest—it’s your wedding. If you really wanted me to be there, you could have found a way for me to be there.”
“How can you say that? Of course I wanted you there!” She was furious that her friend would question her loyalty. The neck of her gown threatened to choke her, and it was all she could do to keep from ripping the gown off and bolting from the room.
“I know you did,” Addie murmured, “just not enough to face having an honest conversation with your mother. Why do you find it so hard to stand up to her? Why can’t you just tell her how you feel?”
“I…I…I can’t do this. I can’t do this. I need to get out. I can’t breathe. I need out of this dress, I need out of this room!” Elinor tried to pull in a breath, but her chest was being squeezed tighter and tighter with the rising hysteria. She was suffocating. “Get me out….get me out of this!” She reached behind her neck and pulled at the tiny buttons that trapped her inside the jacket bodice.
“Stop, just stop,” Addie said, rushing over to help. “Let me do it, you’ll ruin it.”
She felt Addie’s fingers work swiftly over the buttons, releasing her neck an inch at a time. She gasped, still unable to take in a full breath.
“I have to get out of here…I have to go…”
“I know, just stop squirming and let me—”
“No, you don’t understand,” Elinor gasped. “I really need to get out! I need to leave here. That’s the only way I’ll be free. If I stay, my parents will make my life a nightmare if I don’t go through with the wedding. And I can’t. I can’t. I just can’t—” she panted.
“Alright, it’s alright, shhhh,” Addie soothed. “I’m almost done, then I’ll get the stays—”
“I’m not fooling, Addie. I have to leave. I have to get out. Out of town, out of Massachusetts, far away, I have to go—”
Addie’s fingers were pulling hard on the laces of her corset, unthreading the knots, and then Elinor was free.
She was free.
She fell forward, grasping a chair to break her fall as the corset loosened. She pulled her arms out of the basque and let it fall, leaving her loosened corset around her chemise. At last she could breathe.
Free!
“That’s it!” she panted. “I need to be free! I need to leave here and never come back. I’ll come with you! You’re leaving for Montana in a few days, and I’ll just come along! I have a little pin money put back, and I know mother keeps some money put away. I’ll just borrow it, and I’ll pay her back once I get there. I can get a job, or if I find a handsome bachelor right away, I’m sure he’ll pay her back for me. If men out there will pay a matchmaker, why not reimburse me my travel expenses? We can live nearby each other, just like we always planned, and our children can grow up and be best friends, just like we did—”
“Elinor—”
“I know you’ll be on a farm, so we won’t actually be right next door—even if I bought a farm next to yours, I’d be a mile away, but we can be close by—”
“Elinor—”
“And we won’t have to miss each other and we can—”
“Elinor!”
She stopped finally, taking in a deep breath, realizing that she’d been running on and on without letting Add
ie get a word in edgewise. “I’m sorry. I’m just…I’m excited. Isn’t it a great idea?” She saw Addie’s guilty expression, and her heart fell. “Don’t you want me to go?”
Suddenly Elinor felt very exposed, standing fully dressed from the waist down, but in only her chemise and corset, loosened from the waist up.
And her emotions laid bare.
“Oh, honey, it’s not that.” Addie took her hands. “Of course, I want you with me forever.”
“It’s alright. I understand. You’re starting a new life—”
“It’s not that. Truly. It’s just that…I’m not going to Montana. I know, I should have told you sooner, but I…” She trailed off, fidgeting with the folds of her skirt.
Elinor gaped. “You’re…what? Why not? What happened?”
“Nothing happened. I just…I…I can’t go through with it, that’s all.”
“Why not? He’s perfect! Why wouldn’t you want to—?”
“It’s not him. I’m sure he’s wonderful. At least, he seems wonderful. But I don’t really know, do I? I don’t know if he’s who he says he is, or if he’s as kind as he seems to be in his letters, or if he has a suitable temperament. And what about books? I’d have to leave almost all my books behind. He says there is a library there, but what kind of library can exist in a frontier town? I’ll miss the new library they’re building, and the thousands of new books they’ll be adding. And I’d be leaving my entire family behind, and you, and…” Now it was Addie’s turn to panic. She paced away, her own chest heaving with fret.
“It’s alright, Addie. I understand. Oh my, do I understand. That is—I think you’re mad, because he seems like such a marvelous man—but I understand the fear of the unknown. Although in my case, I don’t think it’s the unknown as much as the known—I fear that I will wither away and die from boredom, from the dull sameness of a life with a dull, boring man who not only doesn’t love me, but doesn’t appear to believe in love, whatsoever.”
Elinor sighed and sat on the edge of her bed, and Addie walked over to sit beside her.
“We’re quite a pair,” teased Addie, “aren’t we?”
Elinor nodded. “We both have fiancés that most women would give their right arm for, and neither of us is happy. I’d say we should switch places, but I wouldn’t foist Walter Newell on my worst enemy. He’s not a bad person, but I think he’ll make a terrible husband, for anyone but the dullest and mousiest of women.”
Addie turned to her with a mischievous smile. “Maybe switching isn’t such a bad idea.”
“Addie! Are you touched? Why would you want to marry Walter?”
“I don’t! Not after what I heard today. But I meant you should marry Gideon.”
Elinor’s mouth fell open, and her heart seized. Though she knew it was wrong, her mind clutched at the idea with desperate glee. Please don’t let this be a joke…
“I’m serious,” her friend continued, as if reading her mind. “You’ve been green with envy every time I receive one of Gideon’s letters. You said it yourself—life with him would be everything you’ve ever dreamed of.”
“Well…yes…but…” Elinor couldn’t seem to collect her jumbled thoughts. “He’s…yours!”
Addie shook her head. “He barely knows me. Sure, he’s told me I’m pretty, and how much he’s looking forward to meeting me, but he’s just excited to be getting a new wife. He doesn’t know me well enough to care for me, and you’d make a far better match for him. He’d just meet me and be disappointed, as boys always are with me. Ma says they’re intimidated by my intellect, but I think they just find me to be too…schoolmarm-ish.”
She averted her eyes, and Elinor knew they were filling with tears.
“If you truly feel at so much of a disadvantage when it comes to boys, then you should go to Montana and marry Gideon. He wants to marry you.”
“He wants to marry any nice young girl who can keep up with the farm chores. And though I know you’ve gotten soft since your mother hired a whole staff of servants—” Addie poked Elinor’s belly “—I know you were a hard worker before that. You were always eager to help out me and Ma when we worked in the garden. You can keep up with the cleaning, and you’ll enjoy taking care of the animals.”
“I do so miss animals. Mama never has let me have a pet, but when we lived on Tremont Street, everyone had dogs and cats. In this neighborhood, no one has pets, except for the occasional lapdog, which the ladies carry around like babies.”
“See? You’re a perfect match!”
“But he’s expecting you. He’ll be dreadfully disappointed when I step off the train. He paid for you to come out, not some strange girl. He’ll hate me for tricking him!”
“No he won’t. Just explain the situation. If he is opposed to the idea of giving you a chance, you can just promise to pay him back—and not out of your mother’s pin money. That would be wrong to take it, even if you paid it back.”
“I suppose you’re right. But how is using your train ticket any different?”
“That money is already spent. I can’t give it back. Besides, if Gideon throws you over, I’ll bet you could find yourself a new husband, lickety-split, and he’d be happy as a lark to pay Gideon back. At least this way, Gideon has a chance at having a new bride right away, like he hoped. If I just turn him down, he’ll have to go through the whole process again, with new girls, and he’d still be out the ticket money. I’m not sure, but I don’t think they’re refundable.”
Elinor didn’t really need any convincing. Her heart thudded with joy at the idea of taking Addie’s place. If she was honest with herself, it was what she had secretly wished to do all along. She was just looking for affirmation that her friend wasn’t in love with Gideon Cartwright, and that it would all work out in the end. “Do you think he’ll like me? Truly?”
Addie put her arm around Elinor’s shoulder. “How could he not love you? I do! You’re my sister-friend. And in case you haven’t noticed, I’m very particular about my friends.”
“No you’re not. You’re just too busy sticking your nose in books to make any others,” Elinor teased.
Grabbing a pillow, Addie popped her in the face with it, and they both laughed.
“Elinor?” A shrill voice rang out from the bottom of the stairs. “That’s enough fooling around, get down here or you’ll be late for your own wedding! Send Adelaide home right now.”
Elinor turned to Addie, her eyes wide with horror. “I forgot about Mama! Get rid of her somehow, I need time to change. I can’t sneak out of here in a wedding dress.”
“You’re not going to tell her?”
“I’ll leave a note. Or write a letter. If I try to tell her, she won’t let me leave. Now put her off for me.”
“How?”
“Tell her I need to make a ‘visit’ before I go. It’s true—I drank a whole pot of tea this morning, out of nervousness. But I don’t have time to actually make a visit. We need to get out of here!”
Elinor grabbed the traveling bag that sat at the end of her bed and ducked behind her changing screen, doffing the wedding skirt and two of the crinolines, pulling the traveling dress from the valise she had packed, and slipping it over the remaining crinoline.
She could hear Addie call down to her mother, then after a brief exchange, return quickly and lock the door behind her. “She’s going back out to wait in the carriage, and she is not a happy woman. What do we do now?”
“My most important belongings are already packed in bags and trunks. The trunks with my heavier gowns have already been taken to the Newells’ home, but the bags with my private things are still here.”
“How will we get them out? I’ve seen how you pack. We can’t carry them all and make it out unnoticed.”
“I’ll have to bring just two, along with the valise. Help me with my stays.”
Addie came behind the screen and pulled her laces tight, tying them off quickly, since there was no time to make sure they were tight all the way up. Then s
he buttoned the back of the traveling dress, up to the neck.
Elinor shrugged into the matching jacket for the lightweight cream-colored ensemble and buttoned it up with trembling fingers. “Pull the top two bags from the closet. We only have a few moments, if Mama decides to be impatient and come up to make sure I didn’t wrinkle my dress.”
“Alright, but remember, you’re packing for a farm, not a banquet.”
“Very funny.” But Addie was right—she was worried that most of her clothing wasn’t informal enough for farm work.
When Elinor was done, Addie had both bags laying on the bed. Elinor opened the first, pulled out a few unnecessary articles of clothing, then fetched two framed miniatures by her bed and slipped them inside the folds of a crinoline inside the open bag, followed by a small box of mementos from her dresser drawer, and a few items from the top of her vanity. Betsy was supposed to have packed those items after Elinor had left for the church. She took her two favorite romance novels from the bookshelf, along with a short book on animal husbandry, and tucked them in a bag. After making exchanges of a few items from the second bag with some items from another bag in the closet, Elinor thought she had a more sensible wardrobe for the trip.
With one final perusal of the room, she added her favorite satin bedroom slippers, and closed up the bag.
“Let’s go,” Addie hissed as she looked out the window. “I can see your mother out in the carriage—she’s getting restless.”
“But my shoes—they’re utterly inappropriate for anything but a wedding gown—”
“Never mind! You have shoes in the first bag. We should go. I’m not much better at confrontations than you are.”
They each took a bag, and Addie took the valise, while Elinor pulled the hat that matched her suit from the hatbox in the closet. She plopped it on her head, stuck a pin through it in an awkward, one-handed fashion, and the girls hurried out the hall and down the back stairs.
As they reached the bottom, they nearly ran headlong into Betsy, who stared at Elinor’s traveling dress.
Mail Order Runaway Page 3