“Oh. No…I hadn’t even thought of it.” She stared straight ahead of herself. “But now I’m nervous.”
He laughed. “Don’t be. I’m a patient man. There’s no rush. We can…take our time.”
He looked away from her and out over the road. Something made her suspect his mind was fully occupied with the wedding night “festivities” he had planned.
“Gideon.”
“Hm?”
“I…I wanted to know…do you…did you…marry me because you thought that I’d be an exceptional cook and teacher for your children? That is…I know that was your original motivation for bringing me out here. But when you said ‘I do’ this morning…was that all there was? Or have you…” she trailed off, unsure how to ask what she needed to know, without arousing suspicion.
“Have I what?”
She had his full attention now. “Have you…developed any feelings for me? I mean, were you marrying me for me, or for who you hope that I’ll be, based on my letters?”
“That’s an odd question.”
“I know. But I need to know the answer. And a truthful answer…it’s really important to me.”
He thought a moment. “If you’re asking if I love you yet, I think it’s too early for either of us to say that with any veracity. But as far as feelings…yes, I definitely feel that we’ve gotten to know each other unusually well in the past few days. Actually, I feel like I know you so much more now than I did from reading your letters. You’re much more…personable…in person. That sounds silly, I know, but…I feel like you’re easier to get to know by talking face to face. You’re more open than I expected. I feel like I really have an understanding of your hopes and dreams, and I’m so pleased to find out that they match mine more than I ever expected they would. So if you want to know if I married the real you, or some fantasy version of you from your letters…I’d have to say I married both…because so far, you’ve fulfilled my every expectation, and so much more.”
She smiled broadly. It wasn’t exactly the answer she was hoping for, but it was good enough. He still held on to his imagined “Adelaide”, but he also wanted her—Elinor.
He cares for me!
Chapter 12
When they arrived at the farm, she was delighted to see the little clapboard house, painted white, and surrounded by small outbuildings and an enormous barn.
“It’s huge, compared to the house!”
“It has to be, to fit the hay and the animals. But that’s only part of it—you see that huge stack just beyond the barn? Most of it will be sold before the first snow flies, along with a large part of the second cutting, in September. The hay up in the hay loft will be our own supply.”
The peak of the barn roof soared at least two stories in the air, dwarfing the diminutive farmhouse beside it.
“Can we see the animals first? Please?”
Gideon laughed. “Sure.” He hopped down and came around to help her, but she couldn’t wait. She scrambled from the wagon herself, like a little girl and not a married woman. She took his hand boldly, squeezing it with excitement.
Finally, I can pet and hold and romp with my very own animals, with Mama nowhere in sight to stop me! She truly felt like a child again.
Elinor pulled him into the barn. “Show me everything!”
He did show her everything. From his draft horses, Cody and Dash, to every cow, sheep, chicken, and chick in the place. They spent nearly two hours in the barn, with Elinor ‘oooing’ and ‘aahhing’ over each and every animal. She spent so long with the young heifer and its mother that Gideon took the time to bring in the wagon, unhitch the Penny and Pepper, and feed and water them, all while Elinor petted the friendly young Jersey.
She was particularly fond of the sheep, of course, but most of them were out in the field, grazing on the fresh grass. But the darling little baby chicks brought out her utmost adoration. She sat for a long time with the little yellow balls of fluff floundering about in her lap as she sat in the straw.
“I love them!” she gushed. “I love all of them.” She looked at him, tears filling her eyes. “Gideon, you have no idea how happy I am. You have given me everything I have ever dreamed of.”
He chuckled, then studied her as she held up a chick tenderly in her hand. “I have to say, I really didn’t think you liked animals that much. You seemed very ambivalent about them in your letters.
She glanced up at him, then looked away quickly, and continued to pet the chick. “You know, I did enjoy animals as a girl and…well…my mother didn’t allow me to play with anyone’s dogs or cats, and…uh…really, she wasn’t much of an animal person herself. I suppose I resigned myself to the idea of never living on a farm, as I’d always hoped. There aren’t too many Boston factory girls who get to marry a landowner and live on a farm.”
“So you gave up on your dreams?”
Elinor nodded. “In a manner of speaking. But after reading your letters, I guess it…sparked a renewed desire in me to live on a farm, to have animals, and all that. I may have come across in my letters as more reserved, because I didn’t want to get my hopes up too much, in case things didn’t work out.” Her belly cringed at the lies as they rolled off her tongue.
“That makes sense, I guess.” He watched her kiss the little chick, then let it rejoin its siblings, flopping around, trying to gain their footing on the uneven territory of the soft folds of her skirt. “You know, I’m beginning to think you only married me for my animals.”
She laughed, long and hard, at that. “Oh Gideon, if only you could see my heart, you would know just how untrue that is.”
He leaned forward then, brushing loose strands of hair away from her cheeks. “My beautiful bride,” he whispered, his lips close to hers. She felt the soft brush of his lips, and tasted the sweetness of them. Something inside her yearned for him, and she didn’t think any moment the rest of her life could be as precious as that one was.
The moment was broken by the mother hen pecking at Elinor’s hand.
“Ouch!”
“I think you came a little too close to squishing her babies, for her comfort, when you leaned over toward me.”
“Oh.” She rubbed her hand, then gently scooped each chick off her lap, and next to the mother hen. “I suppose I earned that peck, then.”
“I’m sure she thinks so.”
Elinor giggled.
“It’s getting late.” Gideon stood up, brushing away the straw, then held out a hand to help Elinor up. “I don’t know about you, but I’m starving.”
“Oh! I should be making your dinner, shouldn’t I?” As they walked out of the barn, hand in hand, she looked at the sun in the sky. “Actually, it’s closer to supper than dinner. I’m so sorry.”
“Don’t be. It’s been a busy day. But the refreshments at that short reception in the church hall didn’t do much to satisfy my appetite.”
“I didn’t eat much either. I was too…um…wound up, I guess.”
“Well, let’s fix that. I made extra barley soup last night, in case we got back late, and I bought some bread when I was in town visiting you on Saturday. It should still be reasonably fresh. If it’s hard, we can soak it in the soup.”
“Crusty bread goes better with soup anyway,” she agreed.
There was no porch, only two wide wooden steps up to the front door. He opened the door, holding it for her to walk through. It was clean, sparsely furnished, and fairly neat. A framed photograph of Gideon and his three siblings hung over a short bookcase filled with old books. She stepped closer, peering at the photograph, and realized it must have been taken a few years before—probably just before the older sister got married. The two girls sat in chairs, while the boys stood behind. None of them smiled, of course—Elinor knew first-hand how long it took for a photograph to be taken, and couldn’t imagine holding a smile that long. Still, she felt that she could tell a lot about each one of them. The younger brother looked to be a bit of a rapscallion, and the two girls looked to be the am
iable sort. Gideon was as handsome as ever, and a few years younger, with the same twinkle in his eye.
Elinor’s heart swelled, imagining what he must have been like at that age, and how difficult it must have been for a young man to take on the responsibility of his family like that. The weight of the expectations of her own parents seemed small when compared to the weight that must have been borne by Gideon, taking on the role of parent and provider of a family of four, at only eighteen years old. Postponing his own plans and dreams must have been difficult for him.
“I thought surely you’d head straight for the books—not the photograph that hung over them.”
Gideon’s voice startled her back to reality. She froze, then looked at the books. “I can see you have quite a few. But most of these are school books, history books, and agriculture books.” She turned and forced a smile. “Not usually my first choice, but I’m sure spending so many days out here on the farm, I’ll eventually be turning to them.”
“I’d be happy to take you to the library when I can. Right now is an agreeable time of year to make more trips into town, while alfalfa is still growing before the second cutting, and I’ve got the fences mended, to keep all the ranging cattle out. But earlier or later in the season, we won’t get into town much.”
“That’s alright. I may have to cut back on my reading a bit. But I’ll survive.” She grinned.
He frowned. “I know how voracious a reader you are. We can take out the allowed limit of books, but I fear that during harvest time they won’t last until the next library trip. I don’t want you to be bored. Even with all the housework to do, until we have children, you’ll have free time during the day. I don’t want you to be bored…or regret coming here.”
“I won’t! I promise, Gideon, I won’t. I’m thrilled to be here.”
“That may be true, but I wanted to make sure you could keep up with all your favorite hobbies…so…” He walked over to the corner, where a piece of furniture stood, covered in a cotton sheet. He grasped the sheet and whisked it away.
No! Oh no, this is terrible, she thought.
Before her stood a brand new sewing machine. It was beautiful. The sleek, honey-toned wood table was supported by a sturdy iron frame, with the words ELDREDGE MFG CO worked into the iron treadle. She reached out and touched the carved wood apron across the front, realizing that it was a hidden drawer. Pulling on it, the drawer swung out, hinged on one side. To the left, two narrow drawers were mounted to the underside of the table, and laying alongside the drawers was a swing-up table extension. Atop the sewing table was a carved box, and upon lifting it, she saw the machine head below.
It was an amazing, generous, thoughtful gift. One that had surely cost a great deal.
And she couldn’t use it.
Addie was the one who excelled at sewing. Elinor never minded it—in fact, she was proud of the few small items she learned to sew, as she watched Mrs. McGilvray teach Addie. But that was done by hand—the McGilvrays hadn’t owned a sewing machine until after Elinor had moved, and she had never seen one used, except when she had visited her father’s factory, and walked past the rows of busy seamstresses on the way to his office. She hadn’t paused long to take notice of how they worked, and those industrial machines were of an entirely different sort.
As she stared at the black sewing machine head with its shiny, complex attachments, it was abundantly clear that the exquisite, expensive machine was about as useful as a hunk of junk, in Elinor’s hands.
Gideon beamed, waiting her reaction. When she merely looked at him, speechless, his face began to fall. “Don’t you like it? I thought you’d be pleased.”
“Oh, Gideon…I…it’s beautiful. But…it must have cost a fortune!”
“It wasn’t cheap, I admit, but they let you make payments.”
“But I thought you don’t like being in debt?”
“I don’t, normally—the only debt I carry is the mortgage on the farm. But I made an exception for you.”
The truth of his generosity hit her. He had gone into debt for her…well, for Addie, really. He’d ordered it before Addie had decided not to marry him.
“Oh my…but what if I hadn’t come? What if I had gotten scared, and decided not to come to Montana?”
“Well…I thought about that. But I decided to take the risk anyway. After all, who heard of a farm wife who couldn’t sew? I felt sure I’d marry eventually, and I figured whoever I married would appreciate the convenience of having a machine instead of trying to hand-stitch everything. But it was truly meant for you. You do like it, don’t you?” He held his hat in his hand, anxiously awaiting her answer.
She swallowed back the acrid taste in her mouth. “Of course I do. What a generous gift! I…I can’t imagine how many articles of clothing I’ll be able to make with it.”
“You like it, then?” He raised his eyebrows, his forehead furrowed in concern.
“How could I not?”
“It’s just that…I thought you’d be more excited. You told me how much you love to sew, and that even though you didn’t care for your job at the shirtwaist factory, you enjoyed sewing very much. I—I thought that having your own sewing machine, and sewing what you like, would make you happy. But I see now that it was a thoughtless gift. I should have gotten you something more sentimental. Something that didn’t represent work around the house…”
“It was a very thoughtful gift. If I feel anything at all, other than gratitude, it’s only guilt, because you spent so much on me.”
He took her by the shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. “Let me make this clear. It’s not my money. Not anymore. It’s our money. You’ll be working at home as I’m working in the field. I dare say once we have a few children, you may even be working just as hard. And even if you weren’t, and it was only my money, then it would be mine to do what I want with it, and if I want to make you happy, then I don’t want to hear a word of complaint from you. Unless you hate the gift, that is. Otherwise, don’t you fret a minute on a single penny spent. I wouldn’t spend it if we couldn’t afford it. Understand?” He kissed the tip of her nose, then pulled her close.
Elinor melted into his arms. What did I ever do to deserve such a wonderful man?
Nothing, a cruel voice piped up inside. You did nothing. You took a man that wasn’t yours, without giving him the choice of choosing you. You took someone else’s husband, just because she didn’t want him anymore, and you’re lying to him. You don’t deserve him at all.
She bit her lip to keep the sobs from coming, but a lone tear escaped, slipping down her cheek. “Thank you, Gideon. It was a very generous gift.”
She hoped she could someday look at the magnificent contraption without thinking about the awful person she had become.
***
When they’d eaten the barley soup and bread, and cleaned up afterward, they sat together on the front steps, watching the sheep milling about the front pasture. Gideon reached over and took Elinor’s hand in his.
It should feel awkward shouldn’t it? I’ve known this woman—in person—for less than a week. In that time, I’ve been in her presence for maybe a dozen hours. But I feel as if I’ve known her much, much longer.
Her hand felt so comfortable in his. The warmth of her body beside him was comfortable too. Not just because he ached to get her alone in their bedroom—and oh boy, did his whole body ever ache for that—but because it just felt….right.
He had hoped for a woman to be his helpmeet, his companion, and his lover. But he didn’t dare to hope that she would feel so very much like a dear friend, as well. He had worried, after reading her letters, that they wouldn’t have enough in common. She was a book smart city girl who enjoyed indoor activities, like sewing, knitting, and reading. He was very much an outdoorsman, and he savored every moment he spent working on his farm. She had all the skills he needed in a farm wife—she could sew, bake, teach their future children, and even play an instrument for entertainment on those long, lone
ly winter nights.
On paper she had been ideal—except that he hadn’t been sure her temperament would suit him, or that she’d be truly happy living on his—their—farm. But now, he felt sure she would. Though she was, indeed, very citified, and had the air of an educated woman, she had an affection for animals that he was very surprised and pleased to see. She’d seemed ambivalent about animals and agriculture in her letters, but it appeared that she’d read up quite a bit on it, and it had awakened—or reawakened—a desire to be around animals.
She sighed and laid her head on his shoulder, and a shiver swept through his body. He bit his lip in impatience, but held himself back. It was all he could do not to sweep her off her feet and bring her inside. But that wouldn’t be very gentlemanly, and he wanted to start things off right with his new bride. He’d waited so many years to find his wife…he could wait a few hours more for the time to be right.
“It’s beautiful here, Gideon. It’s truly like a dream. I’ve wanted this life since I was a little girl.”
Again, her words confused him. “I thought you wanted always wanted to go to college?”
He felt her tense beside him. “I…I did. But for a woman from a working class family…I knew that wasn’t likely. So…for a long time, I wanted to live on a farm, with my very own animals. But I knew my mother wouldn’t approve. It wasn’t ladylike, and she wanted me to…she wanted more for me.”
“A farm wasn’t ladylike, but a shirtwaist factory was?”
“Well…what Mama wanted for me and what was likely to happen…those things didn’t always match up.”
She laid her head on his shoulder this time, and closed her eyes, but her expression was no longer one of relaxed contentment. Her eyes crinkled at the corner from tension.
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